You're browsing the archives of Achewood.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Achewood - February 16, 2007 [[Roast Beef, holding a bottle, is listening to Philippe. Philippe is looking very worried.]] / Philippe: My ear hurts, Roast Beef! Since yesterday! / [[Roast Beef now looks worried]] / Roast Beef: Oh uh dogg you got to get that checked out or you gonna go deaf for certain / Roast Beef: Eardrums all explodin' like popcorn / [[Close-up of Roast Beef]] / Roast Beef: Cochlea all ricocheting off a weather vane and making it spin around / [[Close-up of Philippe]] / Philippe: (Thinks) Oh my gosh! I could go deaf? Oh noooooo! / [[Lyle, and an older-looking Philippe with moustache and balding head. Panel caption: IMAGINES...]] / Lyle: I wish someone would run over a turtle with a car! Today SUCKS! / Philippe: YEAH! HA HA HA! VERY GOOD! / [[Lyle looks surprised]] / Lyle: Seriously? You're into this? I know a guy, we can make it happen. / Philippe: MY FATHER ONCE KNEW A MAN! / {{Alt text: Roast Beef is totally somewhere else in panel three}} / {{Archive title: Philippe goes deaf}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162007
Achewood - February 16, 2007 [[Roast Beef, holding a bottle, is listening to Philippe. Philippe is looking very worried.]] / Philippe: My ear hurts, Roast Beef! Since yesterday! / [[Roast Beef now looks worried]] / Roast Beef: Oh uh dogg you got to get that checked out or you gonna go deaf for certain / Roast Beef: Eardrums all explodin' like popcorn / [[Close-up of Roast Beef]] / Roast Beef: Cochlea all ricocheting off a weather vane and making it spin around / [[Close-up of Philippe]] / Philippe: (Thinks) Oh my gosh! I could go deaf? Oh noooooo! / [[Lyle, and an older-looking Philippe with moustache and balding head. Panel caption: IMAGINES...]] / Lyle: I wish someone would run over a turtle with a car! Today SUCKS! / Philippe: YEAH! HA HA HA! VERY GOOD! / [[Lyle looks surprised]] / Lyle: Seriously? You're into this? I know a guy, we can make it happen. / Philippe: MY FATHER ONCE KNEW A MAN! / {{Alt text: Roast Beef is totally somewhere else in panel three}} / {{Archive title: Philippe goes deaf}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162007
Achewood § February 16, 2009 [[Lyle drops a bottle of Jack Daniels]] / Lyle: Aw, nuts! / <> / Phillipe: Heh! Oh, Lyle. You big hot tranny mess. / [[Lyle is startled and drunken]] / [[Lyle turns to stare blankly at Phillipe]] / [[Closeup on Lyle, with an amazed smile on his face]] / Narrator: AND. / [[Roast Beef has hella depression, his eyes are closed, and he holds one paw to his face]] / [[Phillipe pats Roast Beef on the back]] / Phillipe: Heh! Oh, Beef. You big hot tranny mess. / [[Roast Beef is speechless]] / [[He turns his head to look at Phillipe with an uncertain expression on his face]] / [[His expression softens]] / [[Smiling, he pats Phillipe on the head]] / <> / Narrator: THEN. / [[Ray has just teed off. Phillipe is standing behind him]] / Phillipe: Oh, Ray. That tee shot was just a big hot tranny mess. / [[Closeup on Ray]] / Ray: You damn right it was. I rolled my wrists over way too-- / [[Ray's expression is suddenly blank]] / [[Ray turns his head back to Phillipe, smiling]] / [[Ray is handing Phillipe a check, smiling. Phillipe is astonished]] / Check: RAYMOND QUENTIN SMUCKLES / 11 VIA VERDE / ACHEWOOD, CA 94526 / PAY TO THE ORDER OF PHILLIPE / $6--- / MEMO A CUTE AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR A CUTE LITTLE GUY / RAY / {{Alt-text: By unanimous vote, the beautiful people in the subscriber-only archive agreed that all canon-relevant strips even if they were only originally released to subscribers--like this one--be released to the public archive. I don't get misty easily, but damn if I didn't have to leave the room for a minute. Readers, you got yo' backs.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162009
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162010 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 17, 2003 [[Roast Beef talking on the telephone, looking at DVD]] / Beef: Oh uh hey Todd check it out / I just got Death Limo on DVD dogg / You should come over / Beef: Yeah bonus features and everything / Beef: It says they even show how they did that scene where the limo chews that dude up using its hood like a mouth / Beef: Yeah I know man that scene is INSANE / Beef: Oh and check it out I didn't even notice this / Beef: It also has the original ending / Beef: Yeah with that hand all slowly slidin' down the inside of the bloody limo window... / ... and then just the middle finger rises back up!
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172003
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of Rocky? / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is that the old guy who boxes from a wheelchair? / RAY: What?! Rockey don't box in no wheelchair! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Yeah! Yeah! We had to watch it in History class! Rocky! / RAY: Thay don't show Rocky in History class! / LITTLE NEPHEW: How would you know! You haven't been in school since before people know that they could eat eggs! / {{Alt-text: Rocky does not box from a wheelchair.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172004
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of Rocky? / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is that the old guy who boxes from a wheelchair? / RAY: What?! Rockey don't box in no wheelchair! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Yeah! Yeah! We had to watch it in History class! Rocky! / RAY: Thay don't show Rocky in History class! / LITTLE NEPHEW: How would you know! You haven't been in school since before people know that they could eat eggs! / {{Alt-text: Rocky does not box from a wheelchair.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172004
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of Rocky? / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is that the old guy who boxes from a wheelchair? / RAY: What?! Rockey don't box in no wheelchair! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Yeah! Yeah! We had to watch it in History class! Rocky! / RAY: Thay don't show Rocky in History class! / LITTLE NEPHEW: How would you know! You haven't been in school since before people know that they could eat eggs! / {{Alt-text: Rocky does not box from a wheelchair.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172004
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of Rocky? / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is that the old guy who boxes from a wheelchair? / RAY: What?! Rocky don't box in no wheelchair! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Yeah! Yeah! We had to watch it in History class! Rocky! / RAY: Thay don't show Rocky in History class! / LITTLE NEPHEW: How would you know! You haven't been in school since before people know that they could eat eggs! / {{Alt-text: Rocky does not box from a wheelchair.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172004
 
Achewood - February 17, 2005 Ray: (on phone) hey Teodor, man, it's Ray / Ray: Yeah, so I guess we got seperated last night. I was pretty turned around. / Ray:No, just wanted to make sure you all got home okay. / Ray:My place? No, not too bad. Not too much CDs got stolen. / Ray:Heh. Yeah. Lyle's sleepin' it off on the patio. / Ray:At least, I think he's asleep. / Ray: I was gonna go put a 7-Up bottle full of bloody mary by him in case he's alive. / Ray:No--what technique? / Ray: Yeah, I know how to make one of those. / Ray: Okay then, T. Bloody Mary bong it is! Thanks! / Ray: LYYYYLE! New day! New DAAAY! / Ray: Ah friends. / Lyle: hrgh. / Ray: We gotta hold this pose, man. Norman Rockwell's gettin' his easel outta the car.
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172005
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry: This is Ted's first go at the American Fight, / Ted: And the organisers let Barry in 'cause his blog's so bleedin' hilarious! / Ray: Well, you're both gonna be bloggin' this Fight through a tube in your face if you don't get me Sound and Motion. / Step to it! / Barry: An honor, sir! Li'l gormy chap, yeah? / Ted: Easy peasy, mate! I know this one! / Ray: Beef, why do I get a feelin' that our army's made up of ex-kids who were always picked last for kickball? / Roast Beef: Can you think of anyone who has a more gigantic and deep-seated fury at the world / Ray: Huh. Good point. / {{Alt. Text: Barry King's blog, Gasps and Giggles, is very good.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172006
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry: This is Ted's first go at the American Fight, / Ted: And the organisers let Barry in 'cause his blog's so bleedin' hilarious! / Ray: Well, you're both gonna be bloggin' this Fight through a tube in your face if you don't get me Sound and Motion. / Step to it! / Barry: An honor, sir! Li'l gormy chap, yeah? / Ted: Easy peasy, mate! I know this one! / Ray: Beef, why do I get a feelin' that our army's made up of ex-kids who were always picked last for kickball? / Roast Beef: Can you think of anyone who has a more gigantic and deep-seated fury at the world / Ray: Huh. Good point. / {{Alt. Text: Barry King's blog, Gasps and Giggles, is very good.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172006
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry: This is Ted's first go at the American Fight, / Ted: And the organisers let Barry in 'cause his blog's so bleedin' hilarious! / Ray: Well, you're both gonna be bloggin' this Fight through a tube in your face if you don't get me Sound and Motion. / Step to it! / Barry: An honor, sir! Li'l gormy chap, yeah? / Ted: Easy peasy, mate! I know this one! / Ray: Beef, why do I get a feelin' that our army's made up of ex-kids who were always picked last for kickball? / Roast Beef: Can you think of anyone who has a more gigantic and deep-seated fury at the world / Ray: Huh. Good point. / {{Alt. Text: Barry King's blog, Gasps and Giggles, is very good.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172006
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry: This is Ted's first go at the American Fight, / Ted: And the organisers let Barry in 'cause his blog's so bleedin' hilarious! / Ray: Well, you're both gonna be bloggin' this Fight through a tube in your face if you don't get me Sound and Motion. / Step to it! / Barry: An honor, sir! Li'l gormy chap, yeah? / Ted: Easy peasy, mate! I know this one! / Ray: Beef, why do I get a feelin' that our army's made up of ex-kids who were always picked last for kickball? / Roast Beef: Can you think of anyone who has a more gigantic and deep-seated fury at the world / Ray: Huh. Good point. / {{Alt. Text: Barry King's blog, Gasps and Giggles, is very good.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02172006
Achewood - February 18, 2003 [[Ray is at his window]] / Ray: [[Thinking]] What a damn lovely morning it is. / Teodor: Hey Ray! You wanna help me fix up a BOAT? / Ray: You got a boat, Teodor?! / Teodor: My dad just gave it to me! He got one of those fancy bass boats and handed me down his old one. / Ray: [[thinking]]Daaamn...a BOAT! / [[Ray imagines himself fishing, water-skiing with a martini in his hand, and playing a saxophone with a captain's hat and cowboy boots on.]] / {{Alt Text: did I make it as far as the cowboy boots}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182003
Achewood - February 18, 2004 [[Roast Beef is holding a gift message letter from Calvin Klein Online. It reads: "Dear Roast Beef, I thought you would look handsome in this nice black shirt! XOXO Molly"]] / ROAST BEEF: Oh incredible she tracked me down ! / {{SOON}} / ROAST BEEF: Well look at me all in my shirt my lady bought me ! / ROAST BEEF: Oh man I don't know about this What are people gonna say / [[Roast beef imagines Ray, Mr. Bear, Teodor, and Phillipe behind him, angered at him because of his new shirt.]] / RAY: Look at you in that new shirt! How could you BE so cocky?! / CORNELIUS BEAR: Who do you think you are, putting on such airs! / TEODOR: You really blew it this time! / PHILLIPE: You are so ARROGANT! / [[Roast beef is frantically digging a hole in the ground next to the shirt.]]
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182004
Achewood - February 18, 2004 [[Roast Beef is holding a gift message letter from Calvin Klein Online. It reads: "Dear Roast Beef, I thought you would look handsome in this nice black shirt! XOXO Molly"]] / ROAST BEEF: Oh incredible she tracked me down ! / {{SOON}} / ROAST BEEF: Well look at me all in my shirt my lady bought me ! / ROAST BEEF: Oh man I don't know about this What are people gonna say / [[Roast beef imagines Ray, Mr. Bear, Teodor, and Phillipe behind him, angered at him because of his new shirt.]] / RAY: Look at you in that new shirt! How could you BE so cocky?! / CORNELIUS BEAR: Who do you think you are, putting on such airs! / TEODOR: You really blew it this time! / PHILIPPE: You are so ARROGANT! / [[Roast beef is frantically digging a hole in the ground next to the shirt.]]
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182004
Achewood - February 18, 2004 [[Roast Beef is holding a gift message letter from Calvin Klein Online. It reads: "Dear Roast Beef, I thought you would look handsome in this nice black shirt! XOXO Molly"]] / ROAST BEEF: Oh incredible she tracked me down ! / {{SOON}} / ROAST BEEF: Well look at me all in my shirt my lady bought me ! / ROAST BEEF: Oh man I don't know about this What are people gonna say / [[Roast beef imagines Ray, Mr. Bear, Teodor, and Phillipe behind him, angered at him because of his new shirt.]] / RAY: Look at you in that new shirt! How could you BE so cocky?! / CORNELIUS BEAR: Who do you think you are, putting on such airs! / TEODOR: You really blew it this time! / PHILLIPE: You are so ARROGANT! / [[Roast beef is frantically digging a hole in the ground next to the shirt.]] / {{title text: The cat buries his new shirt in the back yard.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182004
Achewood - February 18, 2005 [[Phillippe and Lyle are talking to eachother]] / Phillippe: Lile, what is the story of the birds and the bees? / Lyle: Huh? Why ya ask? / Phillippe: I think I heard on a TV show that it explains where babies come from! / Lyle: Well, uh, there's this bird, see, and there's this bee, see-- / Lyle: And they want a baby pretty bad, see! / Phillippe: Oh, I see! Thanks, Lyle! / [[Phillippe skips down the hall]] / Phillippe: How obvious! / [[Phillippe and Lyle talking to eachother again]] / Phillippe: Wait a minute! Where do they get the baby? / Lyle: They pour a bunch of magic gravy on a turkey and say spells. / Phillippe: What are the spells? / [[Lyle turns to walk away with some sort of dismissive hand gesture]] / Lyle: Ask Cornelius, I forget. / [[Phillippe and Cornelius talking to eachother]] / Phillippe: Mr. Bear, what spell do you say to turn a turkey into a new baby boy or girl? / Cornelius: Phillippe! That's not how a baby is made! / Cornelius: Has no one told you of vaginal intercourse? / Philippe: Fajinal...vandig...gul...what? / Cornelius: Vaginal intercourse is how the man deposits sperm into the woman / Phillippe: Sperm! Oh, you mean Magic Gravy! / Cornelius: What an absolutely awful bit of slang! You are in Trouble yet again, Phillippe! / Phillippe: W-Why? / Cornelius: For assuming the insolence and braggadocio of a Rap person! / Cornelius: I fie upon that baseless bluster and celebration of conspicuous consumption! Fie!
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182005
Achewood - February 18, 2005 [[Philippe and Lyle are talking to each other]] / Philippe: Lyle, what is the story of the birds and the bees? / Lyle: Huh? Why ya ask? / Phillippe: I think I heard on a TV show that it explains where babies come from! / Lyle: Well, uh, there's this bird, see, and there's this bee, see-- / Lyle: And they want a baby pretty bad, see! / Philippe: Oh, I see! Thanks, Lyle! / [[Philippe skips down the hall]] / Philippe: How obvious! / [[Philippe and Lyle talking to eachother again]] / Philippe: Wait a minute! Where do they get the baby? / Lyle: They pour a bunch of magic gravy on a turkey and say spells. / Phillippe: What are the spells? / [[Lyle turns to walk away, waving his hand dismissivelly]] / Lyle: Ask Cornelius. I forget. / [[Philippe and Cornelius talking to each other]] / Philippe: Mr. Bear, what spell do you say to turn a turkey into a new baby boy or girl? / Cornelius: Phillippe! That's not how a baby is made! / Cornelius: Has no one told you of vaginal intercourse? / Philippe: Fajinal...vandig...gul...what? / Cornelius: Vaginal intercourse is how the man deposits sperm into the woman. / Philippe: Sperm! Oh, you mean Magic Gravy! / Cornelius: What an absolutely awful bit of slang! You are in Trouble yet again, Philippe! / Philippe: W-Why? / [[Cornelius walking away]] / Cornelius: For assuming the insolence and braggadocio of a Rap person! / Cornelius: I fie upon that baseless bluster and celebration of conspicuous consumption! Fie! / {{Alt text: Man, Philippe really fucked up this time. Cornelius completely hates rap.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182005
Achewood - February 18, 2005 [[Phillippe and Lyle are talking to each other]] / Phillippe: Lile, what is the story of the birds and the bees? / Lyle: Huh? Why ya ask? / Phillippe: I think I heard on a TV show that it explains where babies come from! / Lyle: Well, uh, there's this bird, see, and there's this bee, see-- / Lyle: And they want a baby pretty bad, see! / Phillippe: Oh, I see! Thanks, Lyle! / [[Phillippe skips down the hall]] / Phillippe: How obvious! / [[Phillippe and Lyle talking to eachother again]] / Phillippe: Wait a minute! Where do they get the baby? / Lyle: They pour a bunch of magic gravy on a turkey and say spells. / Phillippe: What are the spells? / [[Lyle turns to walk away with some sort of dismissive hand gesture]] / Lyle: Ask Cornelius, I forget. / [[Phillippe and Cornelius talking to each other]] / Phillippe: Mr. Bear, what spell do you say to turn a turkey into a new baby boy or girl? / Cornelius: Phillippe! That's not how a baby is made! / Cornelius: Has no one told you of vaginal intercourse? / Philippe: Fajinal...vandig...gul...what? / Cornelius: Vaginal intercourse is how the man deposits sperm into the woman / Phillippe: Sperm! Oh, you mean Magic Gravy! / Cornelius: What an absolutely awful bit of slang! You are in Trouble yet again, Phillippe! / Phillippe: W-Why? / Cornelius: For assuming the insolence and braggadocio of a Rap person! / Cornelius: I fie upon that baseless bluster and celebration of conspicuous consumption! Fie! / {{Man, Philippe really fucked up this time. Cornelius completely hates rap. }}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182005
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182008 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 19, 2002 Philippe: Excuse me, Lie Bot. I have to use the bathroom. / Lie Bot: Oh! Here's a quarter, then. / Philippe: What? / Lie Bot: A quarter! Take it. / [[Philippe stares at Lie Bot]] / Lie Bot: Haven't you heard? If you flush a quarter down the toilet each time you use it, the city collects it and puts it in your retirement fund! / Philippe: Oh, I see!
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02192002
Achewood - February 19, 2003 [[Teodor and Ray are walking.]] / Teodor: So are you and Tina still separated? / Ray: Tina? Dang, man! I ain't even thought about her in like six months! / Teodor: Really? I thought you guys always got back together. / [[They look at eachother]] / Ray: Not this time. I finally realized that we just disagree about too many fundamental things. / Teodor: Like what? / Ray: Oh...like when I should be allowed to wear socks in the bed and when I shouldn't. / Teodor: You like to wear socks in bed? / Ray: They let athletes wear leg warmers! / {{Alt Text: sort of a footwear thing going on this week}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02192003
Achewood - February 19, 2004 [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in armchairs next to each other. Ray is fidgeting with a remote control.]] / Roast Beef: Come on Ray can't you even figure out the parental controls for your own damn TV. Sex Limo starts in like six minutes. / Ray: It's got like half a million settings, Beef! Hold on! / Roast Beef: Half a million huh. More like ON or OFF. / Ray: Here then, smart guy! YOU figure it out! / Roast Beef: How about I just go watch it at my place since you such a dummy. / Ray: Fine, then! I already SEEN Sex Limo! I was just doin' you a favor! / [[Roast Beef has left.]] / Ray: [[Yelling to Beef]] It ain't even a real LLLLLIMO! / Ray: [[Yelling to Beef]] It's just a Lincoln TOOOOOWNCAR! / [[Ray is sitting alone in the dark.]] / [[LATER.]] / <> / Ray: That is Spongebob's house / {{alt-text: stop emailing me}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02192004
Achewood - February 19, 2008 Caption: ACHEWOOD HISTORY THEATRE PRESENTS / Caption: THE PLANNING OF THE TRANSATLANTIC CABLE STARRING / Caption: CYRUS WEST FIELD / ISAMBARD KINGDOM BRUNEL / RAY SMUCKLES / AND / SHANTY THE YORKSHIRE TERRIER / Caption: LONDON, 1856 / Field: I propose that the transatlantic telegraph cable be suspended from a plenitude of kites, which are to be held aloft at all times by wind! / [[Ray Smuckles wears a top hat and has large, Victorian sideburns.]] / Smuckles: Hell of impractical, Mr. Field. The cable must go underwater on the ocean floor, or birds are gonna sit on it and take like a zillion craps. / Field: Do not listen to this man! Should the cable descend below the surface of the sea, it shall surely be devoured by the many fishes! / Smuckles: A problem easily solved. We will wipe the cable with dogs, so it becomes offensive to all creatures. / Field: Hm. Mr. Smuckles' reasoning has given me pause. Yes, let us use dogs. / Brunel: I have built a steam ship which can house ten thousand mongrels! Your endeavor shall not want for the horrors of the canine body. / Smuckles: Gentlemen, let us begin at once. I shall gather the buckets of vomit with which to attract thousands of free dogs. / {{Brunel's diagram shows strong, shirtless men swabbing the cable with great double-handfuls of dogs.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02192008
 
Sideburn Generator. (Achewood ? February 19, 2009) Ray: Daaamn, T! Whatchu lookin' at there? / T?odor: There's this online sideburn generator . . . I was just seeing how I'd look in some different styles. / Ray: Huh! How's it work? / T?odor: You upload a photo and their software superimposes stock sets of sideburns on you. / Ray: Check it, they got a "random" button! Fortune favors the brave, dogg! / T?odor: Alright. / Computer: MODE: RANDOM / Computer: INITIALIZING . . . / Computer: STYLE 2281: / Computer: HIS MATHS COMPLETED, HE LATHERS BEFORE STROPPING FATHER'S OWN STRAIGHTEDGE / Computer: STYLE 1178: / Computer: THE RICTUS OF SAVOY / Computer: STYLE 23159 / Computer: ALL MY BONHOMIE BELONGS TO SUSAN / Computer: [[picture of a Pilgrim-style hat]] ALSO CONSIDER / Ray: Damn, man. Can you stop this? It's, like, startin' to make me had bad impressions of you. / T?odor: I know, this is ugly. / <> <> / Computer: STYLE 232337 / Computer: A SMILE FOR MELANIE / <> <> / Ray: Dude, come on! Close it! / T?odor: I . . . it's frozen. / <> <> <> <> <> / Computer: STYLE 46: / Computer: THE OUROBOROS / <> <> <> <> / <> <> <> <> <> <> <> / Computer: STYLE 232338 / Computer: A SMILE FOR *_ROBERT!_* / Computer: [[picture of a police-style hat]] STRONGLY CONSIDER / <> <> <> <> <> / [[T?odor, in desperation, pushes the power button. The Tumbolian ghosts of a half-dozen and more possible T?odors all wink out of existence, but the ghosts of their digital lives carry on in Ray and T?odor's psyches.]] / [[IN A FEW DAYS' TIME.]] / Ray: T?odor? No, ain't seen him lately. We kinda need a little distance right now. / Ray: Hard to explain. You . . . you ever snoop around in your parents' room and find, like, soft-focus boudoir pics of your mom wearin' red silk gloves and hella Aqua Net? / Ray: Exactly. I saw somethin' my brain didn't have a spot for and it was like gettin' bit on the stomach by a horse. / {{Everyone got burned on this deal.}} / <>
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02192009
Achewood - February 20, 2002 [[Lyle is wearing a pear of boxers that read "LET'S SLAM"]] / Lyle: Look what I found on eBay! / Téodor: Nice!
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202002
Achewood - February 20, 2003 [[Vlad is at his computer, thinking to himself]] / Vlad: So Pat thinks he can block me from messageboard! Is ridiculous assumption. / Vlad: In fact, why don't we make things interestink for dear friend Pat. / [[Pat has hacked the website for Pat's Subway, and it is now displayed]] / Website text: Welcome to Pat's Subway! / [[Photo of Pat, two American flag animated gifs to its left and right]] / Website text: Where Klansman get a FREE 12" upgrade EVERY day. / Website text: Click here for photos of Pat at Sturgis 2002. / Website text: Do you like big ole titties? Click.. [text cuts off on comic's edge] / {{now pat is all trashy}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202003
Achewood - February 20, 2006 [[Ray and Roast Beef are talking]] / Ray: Recumbent Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / [[Ray whispers into Beef's ear]] / <> / Beef: uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering his chakra. Has his eyes closed and takes about six minutes. / Ray: Do it when his eyes are closed? Where's the honour in that? / Beef: There ain't no honour in any category where this guy is concerned trust me. Just have fun with it / [[Sound & Motion is lying on the floor meditating]] / Sound and Motion: <> / [[Ray is talking to Leander]] / Ray: Alright, Leander! You're tall! Come help me out. / {{Panel title: SOON.}} / [[Ray is standing on Leander's shoulders with his arms crossed]] / [[Ray puts his arms out like wings]] / [[Ray starts to fall forwards off Leander's shoulders]] / [[Ray is falling towards the floor, his upper body is not visible, we just see his legs as he falls]] / [[Ray is falling onto Sound and Motion with his elbow ready to dig into Sound and Motions chest. Sound and Motion is still meditating but has opened his eyes]] / Ray: I... AM... RUUUDE! / [[Ray lands, elbow-first, on Sound and Motion's upper body]] / [[A crane bucket has scooped up Sound and Motion and is now lifting him out of the acres]] / << BEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEP>> / {{Slide title: Later that evening around the acres.}} / [[A wide view of the acres at night with various groups of fighters huddled around fires]] / Voice 1: Some have said he was weaned on chicken milk and cocaine / Voice 2: Son of Rodney? / Voice 3: He wakes up with Hennessy and oysters I know that much / Voice 4: I heard he doesn't like music / Voice 5: I don't care what you ask me the boy's rude / {{Alt text: At least he went out recumbently}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202006
Achewood - February 20, 2006 Ray:Recumbant Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / Ray:Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper... Whisper! Heh! / Beef:uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering his chakra / Has his eyes closed and takes about six minutes / Ray:Do it when his eyes are closed? / Where's the honor in that? / Beef:There ain't no honor in any category where this guy is concerned trust me / Just have fun with it / Sound and Motion:NIMMM NAMMM NOMMMMM / OHM MNA HAAAAPI OHM HNO / Ray:Alright! Leander! You're tall! Come help me out. / [[SOON: Ray is standing on Leander's shoulders. He leaps off!]] / Ray:I...AM...RUUUDE! / [[Ray lands on Sound and Motion, elbow first into Sound and Motion's gut]] / [[Giant scoops comes and picks up Sound and Motion from the field]]<> / [[LATER THAT EVEN AROUND THE ACRES.]] / Some have said he was weaned on chicken milk and cocaine / Son of Rodney? / He wakes up with Hennessey and oysters I know that much / I heard he doesn't like music / I don't care what you ask me the boy's rude
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202006
Achewood - February 20, 2006 [[Ray and Roast Beef are talking. Ray wears a bowler and Beef wears goggles.]] / Ray: Recumbent Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / [[Ray whispers into Beef's ear]] / <> / Beef: uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering his chakra / Has his eyes closed and takes about six minutes / Ray: Do it when his eyes are closed? Where's the honour in that? / Beef: There ain't no honour in any category where this guy is concerned trust me / Just have fun with it / [[Sound & Motion is lying on the floor meditating, his arms and legs are twisted around and twitching.]] / Sound and Motion: <> / [[Ray is talking to Leander. Leander is wearing an aviator's cap.]] / Ray: Alright, Leander! You're tall! Come help me out. / {{Panel title: SOON.}} / [[Ray is standing on Leander's shoulders with his arms crossed]] / [[Ray puts his arms out like wings]] / [[Ray starts to fall forwards off Leander's shoulders]] / [[Ray is falling towards the floor, his upper body out of frame.]] / [[Ray is falling onto Sound and Motion with his elbow ready to dig into Sound and Motion's chest. Sound and Motion is still meditating but has opened his eyes]] / Ray: I... AM... RUUUDE! / [[Ray lands, elbow-first, on Sound and Motion's upper body]] / [[A crane bucket has scooped up Sound and Motion and is now lifting him out of the acres]] / << BEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEP>> / {{Slide title: LATER THAT EVENING AROUND THE ACRES.}} / [[A wide view of the acres at night with three loose groups of fighters huddled around fires in barrels.]] / Voice 1: Some have said he was weaned on chicken milk and cocaine / Voice 2: Son of Rodney? / Voice 3: He wakes up with Hennessy and oysters I know that much / Voice 4: I heard he doesn't like music / Voice 5: I don't care what you ask me the boy's rude / {{Alt text: At least he went out recumbently}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202006
Achewood - February 20, 2006 [[Ray and Roast Beef are talking]] / Ray: Recumbent Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / [[Ray whispers into Beef's ear]] / <> / Roast Beef: uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering his chakra. / Roast Beef: Has his eyes closed and takes about six minutes. / Ray: Do it when his eyes are closed? Where's the honor in that? / Roast Beef: There ain't no honour in any category where this guy is concerned trust me. / Roast Beef: Just have fun with it / [[Sound & Motion is lying on the floor meditating with his eyes closed, clasping his hands together and twisting his legs]] / Sound and Motion: <> / [[Ray is talking to Leander]] / Ray: Alright, Leander! You're tall! Come help me out. / [[Ray is standing on Leander's shoulders with his arms crossed. Panel caption: SOON]] / [[Ray puts his arms out like wings]] / [[Ray starts to fall forwards off Leander's shoulders]] / [[Ray is falling towards the ground, his upper body is not visible, we just see his legs as he falls]] / [[Ray is falling onto Sound and Motion with his elbow ready to dig into Sound and Motions chest. Sound and Motion is still meditating but has opened his eyes]] / Ray: I... AM... RUUUDE! / [[Ray lands, elbow-first, on Sound and Motion's upper body]] / [[A crane bucket has scooped up Sound and Motion and is now lifting him out of the acres]] / << BEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEP>> / [[A wide view of the acres at night with various groups of fighters huddled around fires. Panel caption: LATER THAT EVENING AROUND THE ACRES.]] / Voice 1: Some have said he was weaned on chicken milk and cocaine / Voice 2: Son of Rodney? / Voice 3: He wakes up with Hennessy and oysters I know that much / Voice 4: I heard he doesn't like music / Voice 5: I don't care what you ask me the boy's rude / {{Alt text: At least he went out recumbently}} / {{Archive title: Sound and Motion}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202006
Achewood - February 20, 2007 [[Ray is in a room with the lights off. His eyes are closed.]] / [[The lights turn on]] / <> / [[Roast Beef is standing at the door to the room, paw on light switch, staring ahead (at Ray, offpanel).]] / [[Ray looks up at Roast Beef, surprised.]] / {{Panel title: SOON}} / [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in chairs}} / RAY: Beef, tell me what comes to mind when you think of me. First thing. Be honest. Go. Say it. Now. / ROAST BEEF: Well uh dogg I mean uh you a straight-up ass man 'til end of days. / [[Close-up of a license plate. The cover panel says "CADDY DRIVERS PULL / UP TO THE BUMPER". The license plate is "SO TRUE"]] / [[Ray hanging out the driver's side window of a Cadillac Escalade, flashing victory hand signs]] / [[Back to Ray and Roast Beef in chairs]] / RAY: Right! Exactly! But lately I been... I don't know anymore, man! I...it's like somethin's changed with me! / ROAST BEEF: Oh dogg are you serious are you swingin' the other way / RAY: Bubble-butt Dominicas, jiggly Cuban mamacitas in painted-on tights...it's like I seen it all before, man! I get no radish! / ROAST BEEF: Maybe we ain't meant to draw from the same well our whole lives you know / ROAST BEEF: Maybe it's the divine plan that you finally graduatin' on up / RAY: Dude...you a breast man, Beef?
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202007
Achewood - February 20, 2007 [[Ray is in a room with the lights off. His eyes are closed.]] / [[The lights turn on]] / <> / [[Roast Beef is standing at the door to the room, paw on light switch, staring ahead (at Ray, offpanel).]] / [[Ray looks up at Roast Beef, surprised.]] / {{Panel title: SOON}} / [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in chairs]] / RAY: Beef, tell me what comes to mind when you think of me. First thing. Be honest. Go. Say it. Now. / ROAST BEEF: Well uh dogg I mean uh you a straight-up ass man 'til end of days. / [[Close-up of a license plate. The cover panel says "CADDY DRIVERS PULL / UP TO THE BUMPER". The license plate is "SO TRUE"]] / [[Ray hanging out the driver's side window of a Cadillac Escalade, flashing victory hand signs]] / [[Back to Ray and Roast Beef in chairs]] / RAY: Right! Exactly! But lately I been... I don't know anymore, man! I...it's like somethin's changed with me! / ROAST BEEF: Oh dogg are you serious are you swingin' the other way / RAY: Bubble-butt Dominicas, jiggly Cuban mamacitas in painted-on tights...it's like I seen it all before, man! I get no radish! / ROAST BEEF: Maybe we ain't meant to draw from the same well our whole lives you know / ROAST BEEF: Maybe it's the divine plan that you finally graduatin' on up / RAY: Dude...you a breast man, Beef?
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202007
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202011#bXpulseX">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202011#bXpulseX [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202012">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202012 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 21, 2002 Todd: Say Blister, who's the neatest person you met in Heaven? / Blister: I MET THE GUY WHO INVENTED SALAMI / Todd: No! / Blister: YES / Todd: No you didn't! / Blister: YES I DID / Todd: But you don't speak Italian! / Blister: THAT WOULD BE A GOOD POINT EXCEPT THAT WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN YOU IMMEDIATELY KNOW ALL LANGUAGES / Todd: Huh! Do you even understand Chinese? / Blister: NO WAY THAT SHIT IS INSANE / Blister: IT'S ALL, CHING CHONG WING WONG
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212002
Achewood - February 21, 2003 [[Pat and Téodor are taking a walk]] / Téodor: You were a show cat, Ray? / Ray: Heh heh! Yeah, yeah, my breeder used to show me in my early days. / [[Ray makes a gesture indicating braggadocio.]] / "Colonel Ephraim's Jay- Jay Boy, Grand Champion American Curl!" / Téodor: Wow, Grand Champion! Who was Colonel Ephraim? / Ray: Ah, old Colonel Ephraim. / Ray: He used to stick a match up my hiney when I had trouble makin' doodie! / Ray: It would make me doodie every time! / [[Ray has grabbed Téodor's left shoulder with both hands, begins to shake him]] / Ray: It always caused me to make doodie come out of me, onto the ground! / {{i guess everybody's got a weird past}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212003
Achewood - February 21, 2003 [[Pat and Téodor are taking a walk]] / Téodor: You were a show cat, Ray? / Ray: Heh heh! Yeah, yeah, my breeder used to show me in my early days. / [[Ray makes a gesture indicating braggadocio.]] / "Colonel Ephraim's Jay- Jay Boy, Grand Champion American Curl!" / Téodor: Wow, Grand Champion! Who was Colonel Ephraim? / Ray: Ah, old Colonel Ephraim. / Ray: He used to stick a match up my hiney when I had trouble makin' doodie! / Ray: It would make me doodie every time! / [[Ray has grabbed Téodor's left shoulder with both hands, begins to shake him]] / Ray: It always caused me to make doodie come out of me, onto the ground! / {{i guess everybody's got a weird past}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212003
Achewood - February 21, 2005 [[Roast Beef, Téodor, and Ray are drinking in Ray's kitchen]] / Ray: Let's have a contest to see who hates Paris Hilton the most! / Roast Beef: Oh uh I already win that based on how I feel / Ray: No, man. You can't pre-win a contest. There got to be an event. / Roast Beef: Hm what sort of event can prove how much one hates Paris Hilton / Roast Beef: Maybe like a three page essay / Ray: Dude, shut the hell up! That ain't no fun! A contst got to be fun! / Roast Beef: Maybe whoever can pedal an exercise bike the longest and hardest while facing a picture of her has the most hate / Ray: Huh. Closer, but I don't want to do that either. / Ray: Scientific, though. / Roast Beef: Oh I got it we hook each dude up to a blood pressure meter and show two movie clips / Roast Beef: First like show a clip of a man just ruthlessly shooting a rifle into a group of children / Roast Beef: And then cut to Paris Hilton talking on her cell phone at a Knicks game / Roast Beef: Since my blood pressure will be higher during the second clip I will win
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212005
Achewood - February 21, 2005 [[Roast Beef, Téodor, and Ray are drinking in Ray's kitchen]] / Ray: Let's have a contest to see who hates Paris Hilton the most! / Roast Beef: Oh uh I already win that based on how I feel / Ray: No, man. You can't pre-win a contest. There got to be an event. / Roast Beef: Hm what sort of event can prove how much one hates Paris Hilton / Roast Beef: Maybe like a three page essay / Ray: Dude, shut the hell up! That ain't no fun! A contest got to be fun! / Roast Beef: Maybe whoever can pedal an exercise bike the longest and hardest while facing a picture of her has the most hate / Ray: Huh. Closer, but I don't want to do that either. / Ray: Scientific, though. / Roast Beef: Oh I got it we hook each dude up to a blood pressure meter and show two movie clips / Roast Beef: First like show a clip of a man just ruthlessly shooting a rifle into a group of children / Roast Beef: And then cut to Paris Hilton talking on her cell phone at a Knicks game / Roast Beef: Since my blood pressure will be higher during the second clip I will win
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212005
 
Achewood - February 21, 2006 Téodor: Oh no way! This guy's using his Blackberry to blog the Fight from inside the Acres! That's gotta be a first. / Téodor: Let's see if there's anything about Ray / (Computer Screen/Blog): GASPS AND GIGGLES by Barry King (XML) (RSS) / Good news, Barryheads! I've made it through the first eight hours of Day One and have come under the wing of Son of Rodney, who by all accounts is the direct descendant of legendary champ Rodney Leonard Stubbs. A spitting image of the great RLS, he impressed us straightaway by taking down Perfect Ron Sipes with a single well-placed rabbit punch to the left shoulder mass. / Téodor: He took Sipes?! Oh my god! GO RAY! / (Computer Screen/Blog): Things slowed considerably after that, as So-Rod and his best mate spent most of the rest of the afternoon strategising. At one point he gave us all a giggle by falling on hippie chap, but then it was back to the X's and O's for him. / And what of England's own Feckless Ted Cobb? He's found a few blokes who'll gripe about Arsenal with him, and consequently So-Rod's ranks have swelled by about a dozen wankers! / (Computer Screen/Blog): Speaking of rank-swelling, Team Rodney's own Leander, a piscine local lad bent on the three-chord stuff, hooked up with a gaggle of mosh pit yobs and brought another twenty-odd souls into our mix. / Téodor: Ray wouldn't roll with guys like that! What's goin' on? And what's with this "best mate" stuff? / {{Alt text: Is Téodor about to find a bunch of pillows artfully arranged beneath Beef's bedspread?}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212006
Achewood - February 21, 2007 [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting together, talking]] / Roast Beef: Yeah uh I'm a breast man of course Never brought it up 'cause you always been such a dyed-in-the-wool take-no-prisoners ass man / Ray: All this time, you felt like you couldn't even say anything! I'm sorry, man. I...I ain't even know which end is up anymore. This whole thing...damn. / [[Exterior of Smoke club]] / Roast Beef: Look man let's go down to the Smoke and make a time of it / [[SOON.: Roast Beef and Ray are in the club]] / Roast beef: Alright check that out what's that do for you / [[Roast Beef and Ray check out a blonde with half her plump ass hanging out the bottom of her shorts. Ray ponders]] / Ray: That's nice, but I feel kind of... like I'm lookin' at a perfectly acceptable car that I sold to a stranger. / Roast Beef: Understood man now take a look over there what do you see / [[Roast Beef and Ray check out a bra-less, big tittied brunette in a short tank top. Ray is impressed.]] / Ray: (pointing at self) THIS IS A HOMEBOY! / Roast Beef: Yeah man you done gone changed teams / Ray: It's like, every lady got a rump! No two ways about it! But...fat titties, man! They like the truffles of the lady-body community! / {{title text: After much deliberation, Achewood has come out in favor of fat titties.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212007
Achewood - February 21, 2008 [[Philippe stands against the wall with his arms thrown out. A table with a typewriter on it sits in the foreground. There is also a chair at the table. / In large typewriter font: The KID who ended the MAFIA! / In small typewriter font: A crime-adventure lesson by Philippe!]] / Philippe: SSSH! / [[Philippe is not sitting at the table, typing furiously with his tongue sticking out in concentration. / In medium typewriter font: "Yo, Boss?" said the Mafia man. "It's Johnny Phone Calls. Yeah, we got ridda' the body." / <> / [[Philippe still sits at the table, but his tongue is no longer sticking out. / In medium typewriter font: "Right, boss," he said. "Mikey Car Rides took 'im out to Jersey and Freddy Guns did the rest."] / <> / [The panel is divided into three parts, with text above and text below. In the middle is Philippe, bravely jumping over a wall in a white sailor suit, a determined look on his face. / In medium typewriter font above: All of a sudden, a kid in a white outfit jumped over the wall and kicked the phone out of the crook's hand! / In medium typewriter font below: "AH-GHEEB!" yelled Johnny, holding his phone hand. "I tink ya broke'd it!"]] / [[Philippe stands bravely, eyebrows furrowed, before a dark background. / In medium typewriter font: "I am sorry I did that, Johnny," said the kid, "but today I am ending the Mafia."]] / Philippe: but today I am ending the Mafia. / [[We are back to Philippe sitting in front of the typewriter. He looks distressed. / In medium typewriter font: "Aww jeez!" said Johnny. "You mean I'm outta a job?" / "You can be a repair man." / "Look out!" yelled Johnny. / The kid turned around: too late. A hidden crook was only one second from kicking him.]] / Philippe: Oh no! / <> / [[The same scene, only Philippe looks quite relieved. / In medium typewriter font: Fortunately, the kid grabbed the guy's foot just in time and convinced him to quit the Mafia.]] / Philippe: Phew! / [[Philippe stands sternly, pointing his finger, in front of the shadowy profile of the President of the Mafia, who is smoking a cigar and has a combover. / In medium typewriter font: Later that night, sitting down with the President of the Mafia, the kid said how things would be from now on. / "No more red wine. It makes you act out."]] / [[Philippe is ferociously pouring a glass of water from a pitcher, face stern as hell. / In medium typewriter font: The President slapped his forehead. "No wonner we been-a so grouchy!" / The kid poured him a glass of cold water. "I drink this stuff every day, and I am as nice as I have ever been," he said.]] / Philippe: I get VERY nice on this stuff. / {{Hover title: You want to see someone act really nice at a party? Slip them some water.}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212008
Achewood § February 21, 2009 [[Roast Beef is washing dishes in his kitchen]] / <> / [[Close-up of Roast Beef washing dishes]] / [[Roast Beef looks at his stomach]] / Stomach: Daaamn, motherfucker, it be some FRIDAY up in this drag! / Roast Beef: Oh man what do you want / Stomach: I been dealin' with yo' nonsense all week, skunk! It's MY turn to party! / Roast Beef: Okay fine how does a stomach like to party / [[Roast Beef's head jerks forward and his cheeks puff out as he prepares to vomit]] / [[Roast Beef vomits violently into his sink]] / Roast Beef: ULLURGH! BLUUURGH! / [[Roast Beef wipes his mouth with a cloth]] / Stomach: Aww yeah, homeboy! FLEXIN'! We FLEXIN'! Front row at my A-game, anyone? / Roast Beef: Oh man don't do that it ain't cool / Stomach: Don't get in my way, boy. Here's one I call "Nose AND Mouth". Chef's specialty. / Roast Beef: NO no wait okay uh what can I do to make you not do that / [[Close-up on Beef's stomach]] / Stomach: Attaboy. You kick down some milk toast- NO cinnamon, NO sugar- I am talkin' STRAIGHT milk toast... none 'a that Hollywood stuff... maybe I don't flex. / [[Focus back on Beef's head]] / Roast Beef: Alright cool I mean tit for tat right anything else I can send on down / Stomach: Yeah, man. Scare up some cranberry juice? / Roast Beef: Man I hate cranberry juice that stuff just curdles on the tongue / Stomach: Cranberry's a favor for my boys down in renal. Politics, holmes. Hup hup. Play the game. / Roast Beef: Alright cool I'll drink cranberry juice but maybe this weekend can you let a burger and some poppers slide / Stomach: Tell you what. You eat lunch and when your lady hits the head we go out and lose that news real fast in the begonias. / Roast Beef: Oh man just like spelling bee day / Stomach: Old times, old crimes. Miss you, brother. / {{Alt text: I flatter myself in thinking that this is what it would be like if Aaron Sorkin wrote vomiting stomachs}}
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212009
Achewood - February 22, 2002 Todd: Can you smoke weed in Heaven, Blister? / Blister: SURE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE IN TO / Todd: God don't mind? / Blister: HE TOKES BUT THAT'S NOT LIKE HIS THING OR ANYTHING / Todd: He does?! / Blister: THINK ABOUT IT TODD WHO'S GOING TO YELL AT HIM / Todd: Huh! I never thought of it that way! / Blister: ONE TIME HE ORDERED ALL THESE SIX FOOT SANDWICHES BUT CRASHED BEFORE THE GUY SHOWED UP / Blister: IT WAS CLASSIC
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02222002
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 >>