You're browsing the archives of Achewood.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Achewood - February 29, 2008 | Lyle: Rent's due, low-life! Dude says he wants it by four 'cause he's goin' to the bank, you no-name jerk!
/ Téodor: Rent?! It's the first of the month already? Oh Christ, I haven't got a dime! / Téodor (thinking): I'll...sell..sandwiches! I'll throw some stuff from the fridge in a cooler and make them... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02292008 |
| Achewood - March 1, 2002 | [[Pat, Roast Beef, and Ray are standing around smoking.]]
/ Ray: You fellows know where I can get a case of white zinfandel? / Pat: Why would you want that much zin, man?
/ Ray: It's Tina's birthday tomorrow. I owe her big after last year. / Pat: How come?
/ Ray: Let's just say I didn't have a whole... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03012002 |
| Achewood - March 1, 2004 | {{This strip originally ran November 4, 2002.}} / Ray: What? No, I don't want to buy no damn piano! Do you know what time it is?! Don't call here-- / Lucifer: Excuse me sir, but are you a single gentleman ? / Ray: So what if I am?
/ Lucifer: Sir, Ladies like Men who can play the Piano.
/ Ray: Hmmm.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03012004 |
| Achewood - March 1, 2005 | [[Ray on the phone]]
/ Ray: Teodor! You gotta come over and help me write a follow up hit to Friendship Lane!
/ Teodor (on phone): Okay. / [[Teodor holding a banjo]]
/ Ray: There now, just pluck away at the banjo.
/ Teodor: Cool. / Ray: I'm gonna clear my head and wait for the lyrics to come. / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03012005 |
| Achewood - March 1, 2006 | Ray: Alright, so what's the deal with the turkeys and brandy today? Is it like a buffet, or is it table service? And what about them side dishes? / Roast Beef: Jesus Ray don't you know even like one sentence of information about the Fight / Ray: don't sass me, chucklehead. i gave you a real basic two-option... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03012006 |
| Achewood - March 1, 2007 | [[Ray's glasses]]
/ THE RAY SMUCKLES DECISION-MAKING FLOWCHART / 1. IS THE MOTHER TURNED OUT? (yes: 5 no: 2)
/ 2. DO YOU WANT TO TURN THE MOTHER OUT? (yes: 7 no: 3)
/ 3. YOU GOT A STOMACH ACHE OR SOMETHIN'? (no: 7 yes: 4)
/ 4. TAKE SOME PEPTO, DOGG. QUEUE BRAVEHEART AND GET MAD SNUGGLY ON THE COUCH. (nice:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03012007 |
| Achewood - March 2, 2004 | [Teodor hears Ray playing the piano like a virtuoso from a distance] / Teodor: Good LORD, Ray! When did you learn to play like that?
/ Ray: Teodor! Just the man I been wantin' to see! / Ray: Listen, T, do you think we can use that computer of yours to whip me up a CD?
/ Teodor: Sure! / [Soon]
/ [Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03022004 |
| Achewood - March 2, 2005 | [[Teodor wearing a hat, Ray holding a banjo]]
/ Teodor: Alright, I've gotta bail. I'm making dinner tonight.
/ Ray: Alright, T! / Ray: Here, man! Take this banjo and practice some while I come up with new lyrics. / [[Ray tosses a phone]]
/ Ray: Oh, and take my spare two-way mobile so you can lay it on... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03022005 |
| Turkeys and Brandy | [[Ray is walking towards a tent]] / [[Ray pops his head through the opening]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03022006 |
| Achewood - March 2, 2007 | FRIDAY DECISION-MAKING FLOWCHART - LYLE EDITION / [[Lyle holding a bottle and pumping a fist]]
/ 1. FUCK YOU! (go out drinkin': 2 meet up with Todd and do some drinkin': 5 did Crawler D really do jojo last night?: 14)
/ 2. IT'S PINT JACKS NIGHT AT THE MUD SCOW (ha ha haaaa! haaaaaaaaah! whooo: 3)
/ 3.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03022007 |
| Achewood - March 2, 2007 | FRIDAY DECISION-MAKING FLOWCHART - LYLE EDITION / [[Lyle holding a bottle and pumping a fist]]
/ 1. FUCK YOU! (go out drinkin': 2 meet up with Todd and do some drinkin': 5 did Crawler D really do jojo last night?: 14)
/ 2. IT'S PINT JACKS NIGHT AT THE MUD SCOW (ha ha haaaa! haaaaaaaaah! whooo: 3)
/ 3.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03022007 |
| Distributed Homeboys | [[Ray is sitting at his desk in a large executive chair, talking on the phone.]]
/ Ray: Let's say you on the road, you know, and you ain't got your crew with you.
/ It ain't playin' to roll one deep! / [[Closeup of the cover of a pamphlet reading:
/ EMERGENCY
/ +
/ HOMEBOYS
/ 1-888-595-2800
/ -NATIONAL-
/ 24... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03022009 |
| Achewood - March 3, 2003 | [[Ray is talking into a cell phone. Teodor stands nearby]]
/ Ray: Pat! Pat You gotta be careful in that boat! It ain't finished! / [[The boat is moving across the water]]
/ Pat: Don't you try to talk me down, Ray! There's some people got to PAY for what they DONE! / [[Ray on cellphone]]
/ Ray: Who, Pat?... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03032003 |
| Achewood - March 3, 2004 | Ray: Hey, who left this nice tasseled loafer out here in the yard?! / Ray: This was gonna get sprinklered on if I didn't find it!
/ Whoever left thois out here is hella lucky I found it. / Ray {{thinking}}: Looks like a pretty expensive shoe ...
/ What brand is it anyway / Loafer: mumblmumnumblunm / Ray... http://achewood.com/?date=03032004 |
| Lazarus the Business Loafer | [[Ray is looking down at a single loafer]]
/ Ray: Hey, who left this nice tasseled loafer out here in the yard?! / [[Ray points down]]
/ Ray: This was gonna get sprinklered on if I didn't find it!
/ Ray: Whoever left this out here is hella lucky I found it! / [[Ray kneels down over the loafer]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03032004 |
| Achewood - March 3, 2005 | Ray (thinking): Damn, man! What was that all about?
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03032005 |
| Achewood - March 3, 2006 | [[Ray looks at a piece of paper (a receipt) wearing a dapper hat.]] / [[Ray looks up from the safeway receipt.]] / [[Table with a solitary chair. On the table an unopened safeway roast turkey and an unopened bottle of Christian Brothers Brandy and a black spork hidden from view.]] / [[Ray looks back... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03032006 |
| Achewood - March 3, 2008 | [[Téodor knocks politely on an open door to find Nice Pete at a writing desk]]
/ Téodor: You...called, Pete?
/ Nice Pete: Téodor. Thank you for coming. You are a man who loves women? / Téodor: ...yes? / Nice Pete: Excellent. I am writing a romance novel, only I am having one problem and that is in describing... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03032008 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2002 | Ray: Man, I wonder what ever happened to Bill Cosby... / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042002 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2003 | Roast Beef: Phillippe man you lookin' tight How'd you get that troublesome weight off
/ Phillippe: Thank you Roast Beef! / Phillippe: I just exercised and ate healthy! / Roast Beef: How's about we go get us a coupla' subs down at Subway My Treat / Phillippe: Oh, I don't know... That's how I got so... http://achewood.com/?date=03042003 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2003 | Roast Beef: Phillippe man you lookin' tight How'd you get that troublesome weight off
/ Phillippe: Thank you Roast Beef! / Phillippe: I just exercised and ate healthy! / Roast Beef: How's about we go get us a coupla' subs down at Subway My Treat / Phillippe: Oh, I don't know... That's how I got so... http://achewood.com/?date=03042003 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2003 | Roast Beef: Philippe man you lookin' tight
/ How'd you get that troublesome weight off
/ Philippe: Thank you Roast Beef! / Philippe: I just exercised and ate healthy! / Roast Beef: How's about we go get us a coupla' subs down at Subway
/ My treat / Philippe: Oh, I don't know...
/ That's how I got so big... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042003 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2003 | Roast Beef: Philippe man you lookin' tight
/ How'd you get that troublesome weight off
/ Philippe: Thank you Roast Beef! / Philippe: I just exercised and ate healthy! / Roast Beef: How's about we go get us a coupla' subs down at Subway
/ My treat / Philippe: Oh, I don't know...
/ That's how I got so big... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042003 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2004 | [[Teodor is working at a computer with Roast Beef looking over his shoulder.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh hey Teodor that is a boss new machine dogg. Did you build it yourself like a straight player. / Teodor: Sure did! 2.8GHz Pentium 4 with 800MHz frontside bus, 12X DVD+-R, over a gig of DDR RAM... take it for... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042004 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2005 | [[Roast Beef playing the banjo]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042005 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2005 | [[Roast Beef playing the banjo]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042005 |
| Achewood - March 4, 2008 | [[An architect's plan for a house]]
/ Level 1
/ Wrap-Around Pantry
/ Potty
/ Living Room (Empty)
/ Front Door (Locked) / The Phillippe Text Adventure v1.2
/ #start
/ YOU ARE PHILLIPPE. YOU ARE IN A LIVING ROOM. THERE IS AN EXIT TO THE NORTH.
/ #inventory
/ YOU HAVE:
/ A CARING MOTHER IN OHIO
/ #north
/ YOU ARE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042008 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2002 | [[Exterior of the Smuckles residence, in color don't you know.]]
/ Pat's Answering Machine: Hello. You have reached Pat. I'm sorry I'm not able to take your call right now b...
/ Ray: Damn, Pat! Pick up! / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052002 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2003 | [[Panel 1: Roast Beef, in a fancy robe, walks down a corridor with rooms numbered D-8, D-10. He thinks:]]
/ Roast Beef: So this is it Heaven / [[Panel 2: Roast Beef sees a nameplate with his name on it: C. "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis].]
/ Roast Beef: Wow they even know I don't like my first name / [[Panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052003 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2003 | [[Panel 1: Roast Beef, in a fancy robe, walks down a corridor with rooms numbered D-8, D-10. He thinks:]]
/ Roast Beef: So this is it Heaven / [[Panel 2: Roast Beef sees a nameplate with his name on it: C. "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis].]
/ Roast Beef: Wow they even know I don't like my first name / [[Panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052003 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2003 | [[Panel 1: Roast Beef, in a fancy robe, walks down a corridor with rooms numbered D-8, D-10. He thinks:]]
/ Roast Beef: So this is it Heaven / [[Panel 2: Roast Beef sees a nameplate with his name on it: C. "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis].]
/ Roast Beef: Wow they even know I don't like my first name / [[Panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052003 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2003 | [[Panel 1: Roast Beef, in a fancy robe, walks down a corridor with rooms numbered D-8, D-10. He thinks:]]
/ Roast Beef: So this is it Heaven / [[Panel 2: Roast Beef sees a nameplate with his name on it: C. "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis].]
/ Roast Beef: Wow they even know I don't like my first name / [[Panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052003 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2003 | [[Panel 1: Roast Beef, in a fancy robe, walks down a corridor with rooms numbered D-8, D-10. He thinks:]]
/ Roast Beef: So this is it Heaven / [[Panel 2: Roast Beef sees a nameplate with his name on it: C. "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis].]
/ Roast Beef: Wow they even know I don't like my first name / [[Panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052003 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2004 | {{Ray is in bed, wearing one shoe, Lazarus Loafer}}
/ Lazarus: It's five, Ray. Time for a quick jog to clear your head before the market opens. / Lazarus: Ray? / Ray: Shut up, Lazarus! It ain't even light out! / Lazarus: Maybe if you hadn't stayed up all night drinking Old Windmill you'd be able to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052004 |
| Achewood - March 5, 2007 | < http://achewood.com/?date=03052007 |
| Achewood - Leon Sumbitches | [[Raymond Smuckles reacts to off-panel sound.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052007 |
| Achewood ? March 5, 2009 | Ray guzzling a martini, his phone rings. / Ray checks the caller ID and thinks, "Unknown number... could be good, though. This phone call could be the bomb." / Ray answers and says, "Yeah... 'sup?" / Ramses is heard over the phone: "-- and you make damn sure you never again take that little hand... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03052009 |
| Achewood - March 6, 2002 | [[PHILLIPE has answered the door. RAY is standing in the doorway, holding a stuffed pink elephant over his crotch in lieu of his thong.]]
/ PHILLIPE: Ray?
/ RAY: Hey little guy, have you seen Todd? / PHILLIPE: Is today Todd's birthday? / RAY: Heh heh. Uh, no. But I do need to visit with him. / PHILLIPE:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03062002 |
| Achewood - March 6, 2002 | [[PHILIPPE has answered the door. RAY is standing in the doorway, holding a stuffed pink elephant over his crotch in lieu of his thong.]]
/ PHILIPPE: Ray?
/ RAY: Hey little guy, have you seen Todd? / PHILIPPE: Is today Todd's birthday? / RAY: Heh heh. Uh, no. But I do need to visit with him. / PHILIPPE:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03062002 |
| Achewood - March 6, 2003 | [[Ray and Dr. Andretti at the hospital]]
/ Ray: How's he lookin, Dr. Andretti? He's gonna be okay, right? Just like last time? / Dr. Andretti: I'm afraid the extent of the damage is rather more serious this time. The bullet has pierced one of this lungs. He's on life support. / Ray: So he just needs... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03062003 |
| Achewood - March 6, 2008 | [[White panel]]
/ Dear Reader,
/ With the recent death of the founder of Dungeons and Dragons, it came to our attention that many of you are not familiar with the basic premise of this powerful and enthralling game.
/ We at Achewood are therefore proud to provide a brief synopsis of the glories of D&D -... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03062008 |
| Achewood - March 7, 2002 | Ray: There you are, you little creep!
/ Todd: Ray! W-w-wait! I can explain! / Ray: You've got about two seconds, Todd.
/ Todd: H-h-hold on! Oh jeez! / [[The cat shakes the squirrel's van]]
/ Todd: WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH
/ [[The cat's thong falls from the van]] / Ray: Alright, now talk.
/ Todd: Look, you know... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03072002 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 >>