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| Lyle's Trannie Sex Gig | [[Lyle is sitting on the floor with a bottle of liquor, looking at a newspaper spread out on the floor. Todd enters with a can of beer in his hand.]]
/ Todd: Wassup, prick? / Lyle: Todd! Find me a job, asshole. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252005 |
| Emeril and Beef abandon Teodor | [[Roast Beef, Teodor, and Emeril are running.]]
/ Beef: Doggs I know we got to hurry but damn I mean reckless is no way to play it we got to-- / [[Roast Beef steps in dog shit.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252006 |
| Emeril and Beef abandon Teodor | [[Roast Beef, Teodor, and Emeril are running.]]
/ Beef: Doggs I know we got to hurry but damn I mean reckless is no way to play it we got to-- / [[Roast Beef steps in dog shit.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252006 |
| PLAAAAYYYY BAAAALLLLL | [[View of a softball field from right of home plate, showing Téodor at first base, Roast Beef in a plexiglass chamber with a large "ROAST BEEF" sign at second, Cornelius at the pitcher's mound, and Todd to his right, facing third. There are charcoal grills at the mound and every visible base.]]
/ Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252007 |
| PLAAAAYYYY BAAAALLLLL | [[View of a softball field from right of home plate, showing Téodor at first base, Roast Beef in a plexiglass chamber with a large "ROAST BEEF" sign at second, Cornelius at the pitcher's mound, and Todd to his right, facing third. There are charcoal grills at the mound and every visible base.]]
/ Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252007 |
| Achewood - April 25, 2008 | [[An image of Roast Beef, looking downtrodden. Around him are the words "I Am Roast Beef. These Are My Cards. It's Not Like I Need to Know if You Care." Below, "Copyright Roast Beef Kazenzakis"]] / [[Beef is working on his computer]]
/ Roast Beef: [[thinking]] Man who says graphic design is hard that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252008 |
| Achewood - April 25, 2008 | [[An image of Roast Beef, looking downtrodden. Around him are the words "I Am Roast Beef. These Are My Cards. It's Not Like I Need to Know if You Care." Below, "Copyright Roast Beef Kazenzakis"]] / [[Beef is working on his computer]]
/ Roast Beef: [[thinking]] Man who says graphic design is hard that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252008 |
| Achewood - April 25, 2008 | [[An image of Roast Beef, looking downtrodden. Around him are the words "I Am Roast Beef. These Are My Cards. It's Not Like I Need to Know if You Care." Below, "Copyright Roast Beef Kazenzakis"]] / [[Beef is working on his computer]]
/ Roast Beef: [[thinking]] Man who says graphic design is hard that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04252008 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2002 | Heute auf Deutsch. / Teodor: Lyle, wo ist unser TV?
/ Lyle: Ich habe keine Idee.
/ [[subtitle]]"LYLE WHERE IS OUR TV."
/ [[subtitle]]"I HAVE NO IDEA" / Teodor: Ach! Es gibt ein Erscheinen über Blut heute abend.
/ [[subtitle]]"DAMN. THERE IS A SHOW ABOUT BLOOD TONIGHT." http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262002 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2004 | [[Téodor approaches Cornelius, who is sitting at his typewriter.]]
/ TEODOR: Letter for you from Harlequin Romance. Want me to toss it?
/ CORNELIUS: Oh! No - that's my paycheck. / TEODOR: You're writing romance now?
/ CORNELIUS: The Mini needs a new clutch. / [[Cornelius hands Téodor a page over his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262004 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2004 | [[Téodor approaches Cornelius, who is sitting at his typewriter.]]
/ TEODOR: Letter for you from Harlequin Romance. Want me to toss it?
/ CORNELIUS: Oh! No - that's my paycheck. / TEODOR: You're writing romance now?
/ CORNELIUS: The Mini needs a new clutch. / [[Cornelius hands Téodor a page over his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262004 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2004 | [[Téodor approaches Cornelius, who is sitting at his typewriter.]]
/ TEODOR: Letter for you from Harlequin Romance. Want me to toss it?
/ CORNELIUS: Oh! No - that's my paycheck. / TEODOR: You're writing romance now?
/ CORNELIUS: The Mini needs a new clutch. / [[Cornelius hands Téodor a page over his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262004 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2004 | [[Téodor approaches Cornelius, who is sitting at his typewriter.]]
/ TEODOR: Letter for you from Harlequin Romance. Want me to toss it?
/ CORNELIUS: Oh! No - that's my paycheck. / TEODOR: You're writing romance now?
/ CORNELIUS: The Mini needs a new clutch. / [[Cornelius hands Téodor a page over his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262004 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2005 | [[Roast Beef and Molly at a French restaurant, looking at menus]]
/ Roast Beef: Dang Molly this place is completely fancy / Molly: It's your birthday treat! You deserve it, sweetheart!
/ Molly: Why don't you pick us out a nice wine. / Roast Beef: Dang I got like no idea of how to do that
/ Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262005 |
| Achewood - April 26, 2007 | [[Ray stands proudly]]
/ Ray: These guys don't know this, but I got a special softball bat. To make today a thing. / [[Elvis softball bat]]
/ Ray: Clear liquid-filled acrylic with a young Elvis... / [[Bat upside down, Elvis's hair has fallen off]]
/ Turn him upside down and you see the rare situation... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04262010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Ray's Romance Novel by Rick Dorado | [[Teodor is standing behind Cornelius, who is at his computer. Teodor is holding a piece of paper.]]
/ Teodor: You know, Ray wrote a romance novel a couple years back. He doesn't like to talk about it.
/ Cornelius: Really!
/ Teodor: Yeah. I think I have a copy in my room. / [[We see the cover of Ray's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04272004 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=04272005">http://achewood.com/?date=04272005 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - April 27, 2006 | [[Teodor enters the junkyard]]
/ Teodor: This is it? Where are the blood-vomiting winos and toothless huffer-sluts? / Teodor: Better get someplace high and look around / [[Teodor climbs a mountain of garbage]] / [[Teodor picks up a piece of garbage]]
/ Teodor: Oh my god! A piece of an old closet door... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04272006 |
| Achewood - April 27, 2006 | [[Teodor enters the junkyard]]
/ Teodor: (thinking) This is it? Where are the blood-vomiting winos and toothless huffer-sluts? / Teodor: (thinking) Better get someplace high and look around / [[Teodor climbs a mountain of garbage]] / [[Teodor picks up a piece of garbage]]
/ Teodor: (thinking) Oh my... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04272006 |
| Achewood - April 28, 2003 | [[Phillipe is in bed.]]
/ Phillipe: Maybe I should pray to Jesus and the Lord that the bed will be dry tomorrow! That's what Mom would say to do. / Phillipe: Dear God and Jesus, / Phillipe: I know that I peed in the bed last night. I am sure that this was part of your plan for me. / Phillipe: I have... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04282003 |
| Todd's Romance Novel | [[Todd is speaking with Cornelius and Téodor]]
/ Todd: H-Hey guys! Didja ever see MY romance novel?
/ Cornelius: When did you learn how to read and write, Todd? / [[Focus on Todd standing on top of his van. His friend Blister, the ghost squirrel, is beside it.]]
/ Todd: I didn't! It's one 'a them audio-books! / Blister:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04282004 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=04282005">http://achewood.com/?date=04282005 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| eBay Platinum Reserve | [[Ray sits in an armchair. He has bags under his eyes]]
/ Ray: Daaamn! Seven AM and nobody around for omelettes! Maybe I'll just burn one and hit the hay.
/ Ray: Kids, always sleep stoned! / [[Ray takes a hit off his bong]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04282006 |
| Achewood - April 29, 2002 | [[Ray and Téodor are checking out Todd's van]]
/ Ray: Whoah, can't Todd read?
/ Téodor: I don't think so. Why? / Ray: Check this out! / [[Close-up of license plate and frame]]
/ Frame top: Suckin' Dick
/ Frame bottom: Bought This Van. / {{Alley-oop assistance: Mr. D. Perkins}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292002 |
| Mehr Deutsch | [[Ray is pictured wearing a dog collar. Caption reads "heute auf Deutsch".]] / [[Ray is pictured with the dog collar, also wearing his thong, looking off into the distance. Next to him are three large hanging pocket watches. Under the pocket watches is the word ".....Perfektion".]]
/ Ray: Ich liebe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292003 |
| Mehr Deutsch | [[Ray is pictured wearing a dog collar. Caption reads "heute auf Deutsch".]] / [[Ray is pictured with the dog collar, also wearing his thong, looking off into the distance. Next to him are three large hanging pocket watches. Under the pocket watches is the word ".....Perfektion".]]
/ Ray: Ich liebe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292003 |
| Achewood § April 29, 2004 | [[Ray is sitting at his computer, on the phone, with a martini]]
/ Ray: Roast Beef! How do I protect my computer from Spy-Ware? / [[Roast beef is grilling a hot dog, on the phone, talking to Ray]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh you got to download Ad-Aware from Lavasoft.de
/ That program is the bitch / [[Ray again]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292004 |
| Achewood - April 29, 2005 | [[Téodor 's soul rises from his dead body]]
/ Téodor: I...died? I died?
/ Téodor: This feeling... euphoric... / Téodor: A pervasive sense of relief...freedome from responsibility / [[Téodor's soul bumps into the ceiling]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292005 |
| Achewood - April 29, 2005 | [[Téodor 's soul rises from his dead body]]
/ Téodor: I...died? I died?
/ Téodor: This feeling... euphoric... / Téodor: A pervasive sense of relief...freedom from responsibility / [[Téodor's soul bumps into the ceiling]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292005 |
| Achewood - April 29, 2005 | [[Téodor 's soul rises from his dead body]]
/ Téodor: I...died? I died?
/ Téodor: This feeling... euphoric... / Téodor: A pervasive sense of relief...freedome from responsibility / [[Téodor's soul bumps into the ceiling]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292005 |
| Achewood - April 29, 2008 | Phone voice: Uhhh yes, Mr. Kazant ... Kazant-sepsis? Thanks for holding.
/ Phone voice: I'm afraid my superiors here think that your cards are just too... "out there" to connect with Walgreens customers. / Roast Beef: SO YOU GONNA SHOVEL OUT ZOLOFT LIKE COAL INTO A STEAM ENGINE BUT YOU AIN'T GONNA SELL... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04292008 |
| Achewood - April 30, 2003 | Roast Beef: Why sure Vlad of course you can come to the barbecue
/ It is for all our friends
/ Vlad: Excellent! I am bringink date, is OK? / Ray: Heh heh! You got any lady-bots for us? / Roast Beef: Oh shut up Ray don't even talk about gettin' with a robot
/ That is a ill idea / Ray: Come on, Roast Beef!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04302003 |
| Achewood - April 30, 2004 | Little Nephew: I'm goin' over to Baba O'Riley's house, Uncle Ray. / Ray: What you talkin' about some boy named Baba O'Riley! Ain't no parent in this day got no kid named at ALL Baba O'Riley! / Little Nephew: Whatever. Have fun being in or near the house.
/ Ray: That's a damn Who song, foolish child! / Little... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04302004 |
| Achewood - April 30, 2007 | [[Ray looking at bald Elvis softball bat]]
/ Ray: A highway with grooves cut into the road perpendicular to travel... / Ray: The grooves are spaced out so that when your wheels roll over them in succession, a song is played.
/ Like with a record! / [[Ray is visibly excited]]
/ Ray: The song is coded... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04302007 |
| Achewood - April 30, 2008 | Ray: Huh? What's this?
/ Roast Beef: Just open it dude / Ray: Weird. Is he ... arresting me?
/ Ray: Is this a ... "Friends' Arrest"?
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04302008 |
| Achewood § April 30, 2009 | A delighted Lowerth holds a letter and addresses Lil' Nephew.
/ Lowerth: Ahem! Listen to me boy! / Lowerth (reads): Dear Srs Sanders, your "bra" had me so deceived by my wife's once-toom bosoms, that in an uguarded moment, I paid her a compliment. / He continues, gesturing: I have never before now experienced... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04302009 |
| Achewood - May 1, 2002 - Shove It! | [[Philippe stands behind Lyle as Lyle drops a bottle similar to Jack Daniels on the ground]]
/ Philippe: Don't litter, Lyle! / [[Lyle angrily points back at Philippe who is surprised and scared at Lyle's reaction]]
/ Lyle: Shove it, Philpipe! / [[Philippe is now standing alone, still surprised and scared]] / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012002 |
| Achewood - May 1, 2002 - Shove It! | [[Philippe stands behind Lyle as Lyle drops a bottle similar to Jack Daniels on the ground]]
/ Philippe: Don't litter, Lyle! / [[Lyle angrily points back at Philippe who is surprised and scared at Lyle's reaction]]
/ Lyle: Shove it, Philpipe! / [[Philippe is now standing alone, still surprised and scared]] / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012002 |
| Achewood - May 1, 2002 - Shove It! | [[Philippe stands behind Lyle as Lyle drops a bottle similar to Jack Daniels on the ground]]
/ Philippe: Don't litter, Lyle! / [[Lyle angrily points back at Philippe who is surprised and scared at Lyle's reaction]]
/ Lyle: Shove it, Philpipe! / [[Philippe is now standing alone, still surprised and scared]] / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012002 |
| Achewood - May 1, 2006 | [[Ray radios Teodor from Airwolf]]
/ Ray: Hey Teodor! You got any problems or anything? / [[Teodor responds on his cellphone from atop a mountain at the Transfer Station]]
/ Teodor: Ray? What are you doing up this early? / [[Ray radios from Airwolf]]
/ Ray: I have Airwolf. I'm just seein' if there's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012006 |
| Achewood - May 1, 2006 | [[Ray radios Teodor from Airwolf]]
/ Ray: Hey Teodor! You got any problems or anything? / [[Teodor responds on his cellphone from atop a mountain at the Transfer Station]]
/ Teodor: Ray? What are you doing up this early? / [[Ray radios from Airwolf]]
/ Ray: I have Airwolf. I'm just seein' if there's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012006 |
| Nightlife's opening pitch | Nightlife Mingus: Are you ready for the ball that starts it all, baby? / Ray: It's a thing, man! / Nightlife Mingus: Then ring... / Nightlife Mingus: ...a ding... / Ray (thinking): Whoah! "Snuggleguns." Is that a new palindrome?! Did I just discover a new one?! / Ray (thinking): I think that one's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012007 |
| Nightlife's opening pitch | Nightlife Mingus: Are you ready for the ball that starts it all, baby? / Ray: It's a thing, man! / Nightlife Mingus: Then ring... / Nightlife Mingus: ...a ding... / Ray (thinking): Whoah! "Snuggleguns." Is that a new palindrome?! Did I just discover a new one?! / Ray (thinking): I think that one's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012007 |
| Achewood - May 1, 2008 | [[Overhead view of electric stove. On the front burner, a black cast iron skillet has hash browns scattered across the bottom.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05012008 |
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