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| Achewood - May 9, 2002 | Titling: THE STARTUP COMPANY, DAY 2 / [[Ray has called Philippe to a sales pitch]]
/ Ray: Philippe, can you see yourself with all of your egg- and milk-tracking problems completely solved?
/ Philippe: What do you mean, Ray? / Ray: Philippe, what would you say if i told you I could sell you a computer... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092002 |
| Achewood - May 9, 2003 (Chompin' Mignon on Bellagio Lake) | [[Ray and Little Nephew are rolling the dozens]]Ray: Stand down little man and make peace with yourself!/You're just warm Winner's Cup and I'm all top Shelf! / Ray: I'm a Moët Bellini all chilled up real nice,/You're a Popov martini without any ice! / Ray: I'm rollin' large, makin' numbers at craps!/You're... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092003 |
| Achewood - May 9, 2003 (Chompin' Mignon on Bellagio Lake) | [[Ray and Little Nephew are rolling the dozens]]Ray: Stand down little man and make peace with yourself!/You're just warm Winner's Cup and I'm all top Shelf! / Ray: I'm a Moët Bellini all chilled up real nice,/You're a Popov martini without any ice! / Ray: I'm rollin' large, makin' numbers at craps!/You're... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092003 |
| Achewood - May 9, 2003 (Chompin' Mignon on Bellagio Lake) | [[Ray and Little Nephew are rolling the dozens]]Ray: Stand down little man and make peace with yourself!/You're just warm Winner's Cup and I'm all top Shelf! / Ray: I'm a Moët Bellini all chilled up real nice,/You're a Popov martini without any ice! / Ray: I'm rollin' large, makin' numbers at craps!/You're... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092003 |
| Achewood - May 9, 2005 | [[Ray in Einstein wig, writing at table]] / [[Paper with notes: a ÷ …? ; [cursive] j = j ; ma + h]] / Roast Beef: So uh has Einstein spoke much through you today / Ray: Get outta here! You can't come in here when I got important stuff goin' on! You gonna screw me up! / Roast Beef: Ray uh maybe we... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092005 |
| Ray has finished his retardancy (May 9, 2007) | [[Recovered, Ray speaks into the telephone holding a martini.]]
/ Ray: Yo, Beef. Ray here. Just wanted to say thanks for lookin' after me last couple of weeks. / [[Ray turns]]
/ Ray: Huh? Oh, come on, now. You ain't even got to demur. / [[Ray listens to Beef, eyebrow cocked]]
/ Ray: Whoah, dogg. Say shucks... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092007 |
| Ray has finished his retardancy (May 9, 2007) | [[Recovered, Ray speaks into the telephone holding a martini.]]
/ Ray: Yo, Beef. Ray here. Just wanted to say thanks for lookin' after me last couple of weeks. / [[Ray turns]]
/ Ray: Huh? Oh, come on, now. You ain't even got to demur. / [[Ray listens to Beef, eyebrow cocked]]
/ Ray: Whoah, dogg. Say shucks... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092007 |
| Achewood - May 9, 2008 | Ray: Let me guess. You feel... "bad." Is that it? Did I put my finger on it? / Roast Beef: Ray man what in hell are you doing here ?! / Ray: I came to pick your amateur ass up. Now let's hustle before that gold diggin' peanut slinger wanders out here in some frou-frou negligee that makes us ALL... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092008 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2002 | [[Téodor is on his cordless phone]]
/ Ray: Hello, Téodor. This is Ray Smuckles calling to tell you about a...
/ Téodor: I know who you are, Ray. Is this about your startup company? / Ray: --about a unique software opportunity. Do you have a computer in your home, sir? / [[Téodor has "irritated... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102002 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2004 | [[Ray is on the phone, martini in hand.]]
/ Ray: Hey BEEF! Check it out! I'm NAKED! / [[Beef is on the other line, amused at Ray's shenanigans.]]
/ Roast Beef: That is some sweet Beans Ray. Anyhow the reason that I called is that I just got the new Chris Isaak album and I haven't even opened it yet. / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102004 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2004 | [[Ray is on the phone, martini in hand.]]
/ Ray: Hey BEEF! Check it out! I'm NAKED! / [[Beef is on the other line, amused at Ray's shenanigans.]]
/ Roast Beef: That is some sweet Beans Ray Anyhow the reason that I called is that I just got the new Chris Isaak album and I haven't even opened it yet / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102004 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2004 | [[Ray is on the phone, martini in hand.]]
/ Ray: Hey BEEF! Check it out! I'm NAKED! / [[Roast Beef is on the other end of the call.]]
/ Roast Beef: That is some sweet beans Ray Anyhow the reason that I called is that I just got the new Chris Isaak album and I haven't even opened it yet / Ray: Oh shit,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102004 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2005 | 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR / Beef: Whoah dogg is a teacher here / Ray: What? Oh, no man! I got this on eBay!
/ Beef: How come / Ray: This was Trent Reznor's high school car! If you sit in it, you are guaranteed to feel total despair! / Beef (getting in): Huh well let's just see about that shall... http://achewood.com/?date=05102005 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2005 | Title: 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR / [[Roast Beef and Ray are standing outside an old "brick" Volvo]]
/ Roast Beef: Woah dogg is a teacher here / [[Ray is holding up a rag]]
/ Ray: What? Oh, no, mann! I got this on eBay!
/ Roast Beef: How come / Ray: This was Trent Reznor's high school car! If you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102005 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2005 | Title: 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR / [[Roast Beef and Ray are standing outside an old "brick" Volvo]]
/ Roast Beef: Woah dogg is a teacher here / [[Ray is holding up a rag]]
/ Ray: What? Oh, no, mann! I got this on eBay!
/ Roast Beef: How come / Ray: This was Trent Reznor's high school car! If you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102005 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2005 | Title: 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR / [[Roast Beef and Ray are standing outside an old "brick" Volvo]]
/ Roast Beef: Woah dogg is a teacher here / [[Ray is holding up a rag]]
/ Ray: What? Oh, no, mann! I got this on eBay!
/ Roast Beef: How come / Ray: This was Trent Reznor's high school car! If you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102005 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2005 | Title: 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR / [[Roast Beef and Ray are standing outside an old "brick" Volvo]]
/ Roast Beef: Woah dogg is a teacher here / [[Ray is holding up a rag]]
/ Ray: What? Oh, no, mann! I got this on eBay!
/ Roast Beef: How come / Ray: This was Trent Reznor's high school car! If you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102005 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2006 | [[INT AIRWOLF]]
/ Ray: Aww, look at him all asleep on his side. What a cute kid. / Ray: You...you hid the Keith Moon head before he cound find it, right?
/ Téodor: Yeah. Pretty impressive craftsmanship on that thing--did you commission it? / Ray: What? No, man! That's the real deal! That's his actual... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102006 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2006 - Keith Moon's Head Alive | [[INT AIRWOLF. Ray, seated in the pilot's seat, wearing a headset, looks back at Philippe.]]
/ Ray: Aww, look at him all asleep on his side. What a cute kid. / Ray: You...you hid the Keith Moon head before he cound find it, right?
/ Téodor: Yeah. Pretty impressive craftsmanship on that thing--did you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102006 |
| Achewood - May 10, 2007 | [[Ray steps into Cornelius' study, where the bear is sitting in an armchair, occupied with a book and a draught of cherry or port]]
/ Ray: Hey Connie! Got a minute to give me notes on my latest manuscript?
/ Cornelius: But of course. What's the premise? / [[Ray brings it to him]]
/ Ray: 'Member how I was... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05102007 |
| Achewood - May 11, 2004 - Ray Quits Smoking | [[Ray sits in his bathroom with a gun and a pack of Marlboro Lights]]
/ Ray: So long, soldier. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05112004 |
| Achewood - May 11, 2004 - Ray Quits Smoking | [[Exterior of a house. The only lights on are behind a small window. A voice can be heard coming from that window.]]
/ Voice: So long, soldier. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05112004 |
| Achewood - May 11, 2007 | Pat: Ray! Did you know that your Cadillac Escalade only gets twelve miles per gallon? / Ray: Naw, but Fuck You for actin' like I'm gonna solve all the world's problems with my car! / Pat: Téodor! Did you know that it takes three acres of grain to produce one pound of beef? / Téodor: Fuck you, Pat.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05112007 |
| Fuck You Friday - Pat Edition | [[Pat appears outside of Ray's black Cadillac Escalade]]
/ Pat: Ray! Did you know that your Cadillac Escalade only gets twelve miles per gallon? / [[Ray replies from inside of the car, giving Pat the fingers.]]
/ Ray: Naw, but Fuck You for actin' like I'm gonna solve all the world's problems with my... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05112007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05112009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05112009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 12, 2003 | [[Ray and Cornelius sitting on couch]]
/ Ray: Holy crap! That sorry-assed crybaby won the goddamned Survivor?!
/ What the hell! / [[Ray raises an authoritative fist while Cornelius turns to look at him with disdain]]
/ Ray: She was all just whinin' and carryin' on for so many days I wanted to get on a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122003 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2003 | [[Ray and Cornelius sitting on couch]]
/ Ray: Holy crap! That sorry-assed crybaby won the goddamned Survivor?!
/ What the hell! / [[Ray raises an authoritative fist while Cornelius turns to look at him with disdain]]
/ Ray: She was all just whinin' and carryin' on for so many days I wanted to get on a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122003 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2003 | [[Ray and Cornelius sitting on couch]]
/ Ray: Holy crap! That sorry-assed crybaby won the goddamned Survivor?!
/ What the hell! / [[Ray raises an authoritative fist while Cornelius turns to look at him with disdain]]
/ Ray: She was all just whinin' and carryin' on for so many days I wanted to get on a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122003 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2003 - We TALKED about this! | [[Ray and Cornelius sitting on couch]]
/ Ray: Holy crap! That sorry-assed crybaby won the goddamned Survivor?!
/ Ray: What the hell! / [[Ray raises an authoritative fist while Cornelius turns to look at him with disdain]]
/ Ray: She was all just whinin' and carryin' on for so many days I wanted to get... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122003 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2003 | [[Ray and Cornelius sitting on couch]]
/ Ray: Holy crap! That sorry-assed crybaby won the goddamned Survivor?!
/ What the hell! / [[Ray raises an authoritative fist while Cornelius turns to look at him with disdain]]
/ Ray: She was all just whinin' and carryin' on for so many days I wanted to get on a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122003 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2004 | Philippe: Oh boy! It looks just like my drawing! Thank you, Lyle!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122004 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2004 | Philippe: Oh boy! It looks just like my drawing! Thank you, Lyle!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122004 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2004 | Philippe: Oh boy! It looks just like my drawing! Thank you, Lyle!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122004 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2004 | Philippe: Oh boy! It looks just like my drawing! Thank you, Lyle!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122004 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2005 | [[Conrelius reads a letter]] / [[Cornelius leaves the letter on a table, and walks away, unhappy]] / [[Cornelius looks out a window]] / [[Cornelius grimaces, back to the window, arms crossed]] / Letter on Harlequin letterhead (middle column): Dear Cornelius,
/ Am very happy to hear you're back. Hope... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122005 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2005 | [[Conrelius reads a letter]] / [[Cornelius leaves the letter on a table, and walks away, unhappy]] / [[Cornelius looks out a window]] / [[Cornelius grimaces, back to the window, arms crossed]] / Letter on Harlequin letterhead (middle column): Dear Cornelius,
/ Am very happy to hear you're back. Hope... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122005 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2006 | [[Teodor and Ray in a room looking visibily agitated]] / Teodor: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT, RAY! / Ray: I KNOW, MAN! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! / [[Keith Moon's head is in an opened jar with a very furious look upon his face. The jar is moving, causing the fluid in the jar to making a "slerp" noise]] / Teodor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122006 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2006 | [[Téodor and Ray in a room looking visibily agitated]] / Téodor: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT, RAY! / Ray: I KNOW, MAN! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! / [[Keith Moon's head is in an opened jar with a very furious look upon his face. The jar is moving, causing the fluid in the jar to make a "slerp" noise]] / Téodor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122006 |
| Achewood - May 12, 2006 - Keith Moon's Alive Head | [[Teodor and Ray in a room looking visibily agitated]]
/ Teodor: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT, RAY!
/ Ray: I KNOW, MAN! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! / [[Keith Moon's head is in an opened jar with a very furious look upon his face. The jar is moving, causing the fluid in the jar to making a "slerp" noise]]
/ Teodor (out-of-sight):... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122006 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2002 | [[Ray is visiting Roast Beef, who is busy programming the Eggs and Milk Minder software]]
/ Ray: So, Roast Beef, how are those new features coming?
/ Roast Beef: I'm just finishing up the GUI / Ray: The whoosy-whatsit?
/ Roast Beef: The graphical user interface / Ray: Enough with the computer mumbo-jumbo,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132002 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2002 | [[Ray is visiting Roast Beef, who is busy programming the Eggs and Milk Minder software]]
/ Ray: So, Roast Beef, how are those new features coming?
/ Roast Beef: I'm just finishing up the GUI / Ray: The whoosy-whatsit?
/ Roast Beef: The graphical user interface / Ray: Enough with the computer mumbo-jumbo,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132002 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2003 | [[Roast beef is sitting at the computer Ray is stadning over his shoulder]]
/ Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for the old Oregon Trail.
/ http://achewood.com/?date=05132003 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2003 | [[Roast beef is sitting at the computer Ray is stadning over his shoulder]]
/ Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for the old Oregon Trail.
/ http://achewood.com/?date=05132003 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2003 | [[Roast beef is sitting at the computer Ray is stadning over his shoulder]]
/ Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for the old Oregon Trail.
/ http://achewood.com/?date=05132003 |
| Oregon Tail | Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for old Oregon Trail
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132003 |
| Oregon Tail | [[Roast Beef is sitting at a computer and Ray, holding a cigarette, is standing behind him]] / Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for old Oregon Trail
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132003 |
| Oregon Tail | [[Roast Beef sits at the computer typing; Ray stands behind him looking over Roast Beef's shoulder]]
/ Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for old Oregon Trail
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132003 |
| Oregon Tail | Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for old Oregon Trail
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132003 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2003 | Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for old Oregon Trail
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132003 |
| Oregon Tail | [[Ray is looking over Roast Beef's shoulder at the computer screen]]
/ Ray: What the heck is that, Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Check it out man I found a PC emulator for old Oregon Trail
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132003 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2004 | YOU KNOW RAINER BEER, YOU'RE NOT SO BAD / JUST KEEP ME COLD / I WILL, RANIER, I WILL. http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132004 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2004 | [[Man is holding a can of Rainer Beer]] / Man: You know, Rainer Beer, you're not so bad. / Rainer Beer Can [[sings]]: Just keep me cold! / Man: I will, Rainer, I will. / {{alt text: The man will care about his beer, he promises.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132004 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2004 | YOU KNOW, RAINER BEER, YOU'RE NOT SO BAD, / JUST KEEP ME COLD! / I WILL, RANIER, I WILL. http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132004 |
| Onstad's First Foray Into Comics | [[A handdrawn strip of a man holding a can of beer like a puppy to his chest.]]
/ Man: YOU KNOW, RAINIER BEER, YOU'RE NOT SO BAD. / [[Close up on the can. Word balloon has musical notes in it.]]
/ Rainier Beer: JUST KEEP ME COLD! / Man: I WILL, RAINIER, I WILL. / {{alt text: The man will care... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132004 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2005 | The Philippe Times
/ Vol 7 No. 3 / Back Page: The Rumpus Round-up! / Friday Facts!
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief!
/ [[Picture of Philippe]] / DID YOU KNOW... / If you swallow Pop Rocks and Coke at the same time, you won't actually die. I know what I'm doing this afternoon! / Africa has problems! They... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132005 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2005 | The Philippe Times
/ Vol 7 No. 3 / Back Page: The Rumpus Round-up! / Friday Facts!
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief!
/ [[Picture of Philippe]] / DID YOU KNOW... / If you swallow Pop Rocks and Coke at the same time, you won't actually die. I know what I'm doing this afternoon! / Africa has problems! They... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132005 |
| Achewood - May 13, 2008 | Roast Beef: Dogg is heavy metal over I mean did people stop doing that? / Teodore: Huh. I think you still hear about it being listened to in Finland, which is pretty much the world's musical toilet drain, so yeah. / Roast Beef: Oh man Finland is definitely where stuff goes on its way away from this... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05132009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Ray as the unwitting QA director | [[Ray is testing the Eggs and Milk Minder]]
/ Screen: Hello Ray
/ Screen: You do NOT need to buy eggs
/ Screen: You do ____ need to buy milk
/ Screen: RUNTIME MEMORY ERROR CODE 140293 ABORTING PROCESS / Ray: ROAST BEEF! I think I broke the program! Oooooh damn! Oh no! Ohhhno-no-no-no-no!
/ < |
| Ray as the unwitting QA director | [[Ray is testing the Eggs and Milk Minder]]
/ Screen: Hello Ray
/ Screen: You do NOT need to buy eggs
/ Screen: You do ____ need to buy milk
/ Screen: RUNTIME MEMORY ERROR CODE 140293 ABORTING PROCESS / Ray: ROAST BEEF! I think I broke the program! Oooooh damn! Oh no! Ohhhno-no-no-no-no!
/ < |
| Achewood - May 14, 2003 | [[Téodor walks up to the computer]]
/ Téodor: RAY? BEEF? You guys around?!
/ Téodor: Oh wow, Oregon Trail! I haven't played this in years! / [[Téodor sits at the computer]]
/ Téodor: Let's see here... got to buy a wagon and supplies...
/ Téodor: some strong horses...
/ Téodor: get them shoed...
/ < |
| Achewood - May 14, 2004 | [[Chucklebot greets Vlad and Lie Bot, drinking beer at bar]]
/ Chucklebot: What it is you rock and roll faggots
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05142004 |
| Return of Chucklebot | [[Chucklebot greets Vlad and Lie Bot, drinking beer at bar]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05142004 |
| Achewood - May 14, 2007 | [[Teodor is addressing Pat]]
/ Teodor: Do you know how hard it is to write when you're all high on prescription codeine cough syrup? / [[Ray is talking on his cell phone]]
/ Ray: It's REALLY hard! But when you've been coughing your brains out for three weeks, I guess you finally rearrange your priorities... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05142007 |
| Achewood - May 14, 2008 | [[Roast Beef, Ray, and Téodor are seated at a bar. Roast Beef's glass is nearly full, while Ray's and Téodor's are close to empty.]] / Téodor: You know what? If I ever made my money and could settle back, I'd open the pizza parlor we all went to as little kids. / Ray: We talkin' 'bout red glass Venetian... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05142008 |
| Achewood - May 15, 2002 | [[Ray and Beef are working on the Eggs and Milk Minder. Ray is drinking from a martini glass]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152002 |
| Achewood - May 15, 2002 | [[Ray and Beef are working on the Eggs and Milk Minder. Ray is drinking from a martini glass]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152002 |
| Achewood - May 15, 2002 | [[Ray and Beef are working on the Eggs and Milk Minder. Ray is drinking from a martini glass]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152002 |
| Lawnimatronics | [[Ray and Téodor are at the kitchen counter]]
/ Téodor: Jesus, Ray. You've been pacing since you came into the kitchen. What's eating you?
/ Ray: It's Envelope, dogg. Guy across the street. He parked on his damn lawn again. / [[Téodor takes a drink]]
/ Téodor: Yeah, alright, I'll give that it's a little... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152007 |
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