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| Achewood - May 15, 2008 | [[Pat Reynolds stands in the doorway of Nice Pete's room]]
/ Pat: What? Why did you call me in here? / [[Wider view shows Pat at the door and Pete at his desk, writing.]]
/ Pete: Pat you know I have aspirations as a writer
/ Pete: ... and that as such my road is often... "fraught" ...with proverty. / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05152009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Porno | [[Ray, wearing a shirt and tie, pokes his head in as Roast Beef, also in a shirt and tie, types on a computer.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162002 |
| Porno | [[Ray, wearing a shirt and tie, pokes his head in as Roast Beef, also in a shirt and tie, types on a computer.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162002 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2003 | Lyle: Is that Oregon Trail?! Man, I used to PUNISH at this game! / Lyle: Let's see here...got to outfit my wagon, get some oxen, shoe the horses... / Computer: Hiram the Blacksmith asks if you would like a cocktail while you wait. / Lyle: Holy Hallelujah! I don't remember this part! "I'll take a whiskey." / Computer:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162003 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2003 | [Lyle approaches the computer]
/ Lyle: Man is the Oregon Trail?! Man, I used to PUNISH at this game! / [Sits down at computer, typing]
/ Lyle: Let's see here...got to outfit my wagon, get some oxen, shoe the horses...
/ Orgegon Trail: Hiram the Blacksmith asks if you would like a cocktail while you wait. / Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162003 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2003 | Lyle: Is that Oregon Trail?! Man, I used to PUNISH at this game! / Lyle: Let's see here...got to outfit my wagon, get some oxen, shoe the horses... / Computer: Hiram the Blacksmith asks if you would like a cocktail while you wait. / Lyle: Holy Hallelujah! I don't remember this part! "I'll take a whiskey." / Computer:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162003 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2005 | 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR
/ When last we saw Ray and Raost Beef, they had acquired the car that Trent Reznor drove in high school and decided, perhaps unwisely, to take it to Wendy's. / [[car driving down street]] / Ray (sobbing): What the fuck is the matter with me, man? I'm serious! / Roast Beef... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162005 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2005 | 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR
/ When last we saw Ray and Roast Beef, they had acquired the car that Trent Reznor drove in high school and decided, perhaps unwisely, to take it to Wendy's. / [[car driving down street]] / Ray (sobbing): What the fuck is the matter with me, man? I'm serious! / Roast Beef... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162005 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2005 | 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR
/ Narrator: When last we saw Ray and Roast Beef, they had acquired the car that Trent Reznor drove in high school and decided, perhaps unwisely, to take it to Wendy's. / [[car driving down street]] / Ray: (sobbing) What the fuck is the matter with me, man? I'm serious! / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162005 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2005 | 1978 Volvo 244GLE OF DESPAIR
/ When last we saw Ray and Raost Beef, they had acquired the car that Trent Reznor drove in high school and decided, perhaps unwisely, to take it to Wendy's. / [[car driving down street]] / Ray (sobbing): What the fuck is the matter with me, man? I'm serious! / Roast Beef... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162005 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2006 | [[Ray sits at his computer, thinking]]
/ Ray (thinking): [i]Damn--I ain't talked to Teodor in like a week, ever since I said that we were both too fat.
/ I got to break the ice before this becomes a thing.[/i] / [[Ray dials his cell]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162006 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2006 | [[Ray sits at his computer, thinking]]
/ Ray (thinking): [i]Damn--I ain't talked to Teodor in like a week, ever since I said that we were both too fat.
/ I got to break the ice before this becomes a thing.[/i] / [[Ray dials his cell]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162006 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2006 | [[Ray sits at his computer, thinking]]
/ Ray (thinking): [i]Damn--I ain't talked to Teodor in like a week, ever since I said that we were both too fat.
/ I got to break the ice before this becomes a thing.[/i] / [[Ray dials his cell]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162006 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2006 - Robert Smith's Phone Call To Téodor | [[Ray sits at his computer, thinking]]
/ Ray (thinking): [i]Damn--I ain't talked to Téodor in like a week, ever since I said that we were both too fat.
/ I got to break the ice before this becomes a thing.[/i] / [[Ray dials his cell]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162006 |
| Achewood - May 16, 2007 | [[SHOT OF MANSION]] / RAY: I ain't know much in this world, but Sylvia Plath did NOT sport a whale tail.
/ TÉODOR: They screwed up. They sent us the Sandra Bullock doll. / RAY: Man, this barely even looks like Sandra Bullock. Could be any pointy white chick.
/ TÉODOR: We send it back, it's another 7-10... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162007 |
| Plied with fine music | [[Ray and Nice Pete (murderer) driving.]]
/ Nice Pete: Thank you for agreeing to go on an extremely long drive with me Ray / [[Cut away view of the car, driving, on the road. It is night time.]]
/ Nice Pete: I find that often times the endless road allows the mind to wander and gives the thoughts a certain... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05162008 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2002 | [[Ray is in a tie, being handed a sheet of paper]]
/ Ray: And this just in: / Ray: Chris just don't want to write no damn new strip today, he says! / Ray: But he does want to thank AmINakedOrNot.com for being yesterday's top referrer!
/ Ray: Thank you, AmINaked! / {{Yesterday's strip ends different... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172002 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=05172004">http://achewood.com/?date=05172004 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 17, 2005 | [[Exterior, day - Ray and Roast Beef are driving around in Trent Reznor's Volvo of Despair. They spot Cornelius walking down the sidewalk nearby.]]
/ Ray: Oh no! What is old Cornelius doin' way out this far from home? Did he finally get senility? / Roast Beef: Oh man if he gets scared and tries to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172005 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2005 | [[Exterior, day - Ray and Roast Beef are driving around in Trent Reznor's Volvo of Despair. They spot Cornelius walking down the sidewalk nearby.]]
/ Ray: Oh no! What's old Cornelius doin' way out this far from home? Did he finally get senility? / Roast Beef: Oh man if he gets scared and tries to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172005 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2006 | Ray:The Achewood Board of Regents would like to award the 2006 Medal of Excellence to... / [[Ray opening envelope]] / Ray: Google. / Roast Beef: This may seem obvious at first but rarely does a company with a logo that retarded become the undisputed hub of the worldwide information exchange. / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172006 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2006 | Ray:The Achewood Board of Regents would like to award the 2006 Medal of Excellence to... / [[Ray opening envelope]] / Ray: Google. / Roast Beef: This may seem obvious at first but rarely does a company with a logo that retarded become the undisputed hub of the worldwide information exchange. / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172006 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2006 | Ray:The Achewood Board of Regents would like to award the 2006 Medal of Excellence to... / [[Ray opening envelope]] / Ray: Google. / Roast Beef: This may seem obvious at first but rarely does a company with a logo that retarded become the undisputed hub of the worldwide information exchange. / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172006 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2006 | Ray:The Achewood Board of Regents would like to award the 2006 Medal of Excellence to... / [[Ray opening envelope]] / Ray: Google. / Roast Beef: This may seem obvious at first but rarely does a company with a logo that retarded become the undisputed hub of the worldwide information exchange. / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172006 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2006 | Ray:The Achewood Board of Regents would like to award the 2006 Medal of Excellence to... / [[Ray opening envelope]] / Ray: Google. / Roast Beef: This may seem obvious at first but rarely does a company with a logo that retarded become the undisputed hub of the worldwide information exchange. / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172006 |
| Achewood - May 17, 2007 | Ray: Alright, time to execute on Operation Horrible Front Yard. Where we at, T?
/ Teodor: Let's see... the anti-abortion fanatics are waming up in the half-bath by the den... / Anti-Abortion Fanatic (through door): "YOU ALL LIKE ICE CREAM, RIGHT? WITH NICE BIG RED GRAPES ON TOP? BIG ROUND RED GRAPES... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05172007 |
| Achewood - May 18, 2004 | Ray; The Achewood Board of Regents would like to award this year's Medal of Excellence to... / Ray; Microsoft Word. / Ray; Thank you Microsoft Word for continuing to be a good program. You have grown more robust in the days since you were invented... / Ray; but your core functionality has always... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05182004 |
| Beef and Molly Cell Phone Chat | [[Roast Beef and Molly, Roast Beef reading something]]
/ Molly: I needed to ask you something! Why do you insist on leaving your cell phone at home lately?
/ Roast Beef: The latest articles are all about how electronic devices give off cancer-causing electromagnetic rays / Roast Beef: I ain't want that... http://achewood.com/?date=05182006 |
| Achewood - May 18, 2006 | [[Roast Beef and Molly, Roast Beef reading something]]
/ Molly: I needed to ask you something! Why do you insist on leaving your cell phone at home lately?
/ Roast Beef: The latest articles are all about how electronic devices give off cancer-causing electromagnetic rays / Roast Beef: I ain't want that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05182006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05182010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05182010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 19, 2003 | [[Roast Beef sits in front of the computer, thinking.]] / Roast Beef: Man what is going on here Oregon trail didn't used to get it on with you / Roast Beef: I got to take al ook at the code base and maybe figure this out / [[Roast Beef taps a few commands into the computer.]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192003 |
| Achewood - May 19, 2003 | [[Roast Beef sits in front of the computer, thinking.]] / Roast Beef: Man what is going on here Oregon trail didn't used to get it on with you / Roast Beef: I got to take al ook at the code base and maybe figure this out / [[Roast Beef taps a few commands into the computer.]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192003 |
| Achewood - May 19, 2003 | [[Roast Beef sits in front of the computer, thinking.]] / Roast Beef: Man what is going on here Oregon trail didn't used to get it on with you / Roast Beef: I got to take al ook at the code base and maybe figure this out / [[Roast Beef taps a few commands into the computer.]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192003 |
| Pinewood Derby | [[Flashback to Roast Beef and Ray as youths. Both are in Cub Scout Uniforms. Beef has what appears to be a Jheri Curl. Ray is holding a small car.]]
/ Beef: Oh man check out your Pinewood Derby car Ray
/ That is so amazing / Ray: Mom took my kit to a company that has a computer-guided cutting tool!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192004 |
| Achewood - May 19, 2005 | [[Cornelius is standing by the Volvo of despair, arms folded. It's window is rolled up. Cornelius looks irate.]]
/ Cornelius: Rayond Smuckles! Is that you? I can smell your cologne from here! / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192005 |
| Achewood - May 19, 2006 | [[Roast Beef and Molly. Roast Beef is reading something]]
/ Molly: Here, I made some aluminum foil undies to protect your ding-a-ling from all those cell phone cancer-rays. / Roast Beef (standing, holding his underwear): Jesus Molly I -- Dang these are -- these are really well-made / Roast Beef: What's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192012&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05192012&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| In Debt | {{Alt-text: collection agencies on the mind}} / [[Ray and Philippe are sitting at a conference table]]
/ Ray: Look, Philippe! You knew you were gonna have to pay for this software sometime!
/ Philippe: No I didn't! / [[Ray reads from a document on the table in front of him]]
/ Ray: Let's see here...you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202002 |
| In Debt | {{Alt-text: collection agencies on the mind}} / [[Ray and Philippe are sitting at a conference table]]
/ Ray: Look, Philippe! You knew you were gonna have to pay for this software sometime!
/ Philippe: No I didn't! / [[Ray reads from a document on the table in front of him]]
/ Ray: Let's see here...you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202002 |
| Achewood - May 20, 2003 | [[Ray is on the phone, holding a martini.]] / Ray Hey Roast beef! I'm callin' Marmaduke! Check this out! / Marmaduke: Hello this is Marmaduke. / Ray: Hey Marmaduke! Did you dig a hole today? Huh? Did you eat someone else's food? Did you behave in a disobedient fashion? / Marmaduke: Who is this. / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202003 |
| Achewood - May 20, 2004 | [[Roast Beef, Ray, and Pat are sitting and talking at Luigi's Ristorante. Philippe drives up in his smiling little car.]] / Ray: Daaang! Nice little ride Philippe! Did you come on down here to sit session with the dirtiest dudes in town? / Philippe: Oh boy! I can sit with you guys? / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202004 |
| Yo Mama's So Fat | [[Roast Beef, Ray, and Pat are sitting and talking at Luigi's Ristorante. Philippe drives up in his smiling little car.]] / Ray: Daaang! Nice little ride Philippe! Did you come on down here to sit session with the dirtiest dudes in town?
/ Philippe: Oh boy! I can sit with you guys? / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202004 |
| Téodor's Rock'n'Roll Shit Fugue | [[The Philippe Times.]]
/ [[Back Page: Rock'n'Roll From Below the Grate
/ [[Vol 7 No. 4]]
/ [[Rock'n'Roll Shit Fugue]]
/ [[by Téodor, Guest Facter!]] / Téodor: KRAFTWERK is touring the US again this month. If you plan to attend their shows, expect to be surrounded by bearded, aviator-sporting white UNIX... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202005 |
| Achewood - May 20, 2008 | Nice Pete: [[writing]] The seemingly coincidental combination of Allman Brothers music and good country likker was actually calculated toward a particular effect. / Nice Pete: [[writing]] You see, in order to write the finest biography the world has ever known, I could not leave the revelation of details... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05202008 |
| Achewood - May 21, 2002 | {{Alt-text: spokesman of the disappointed}} / [[Philippe looks pensive]]
/ Philippe: Gosh, how do you commit suicide? Maybe if I eat lots of super-hot chili sauce... / Philippe: or take way too hot of a shower? / [[Philippe continues to think]] / [[Philippe has an epiphany!]]
/ Philippe: I know! / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05212002 |
| Achewood - May 21, 2004 | GREAT MOMENTS IN TELEVISION (TM) Presents The Series Finale of "FRIENDS" Brought to you by ROOMBA! THE ROBOTIC FLOOR VAC / [[Roast Beef is standing on a Roomba, in a tie and button-up, short-sleeve shirt.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh hey vaguely rememberable brunette guy / [[Roast Beef swivels on the Roomba.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05212004 |
| Achewood - May 21, 2007 | [[Panel heading: A SECOND OPINION. Ray is in on his cordless telephone.]]
/ Ray: Help us out, Beef. We got a situation that is much at hand. / [[Shown are Envelópe Martinez and a father-and-son team of tie-wearing protesters.]]
/ Ray: Well, like, Envelópe Martinez has a bunch of cars and Christian fundamentalists... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05212007 |
| Achewood - May 21, 2007 | [[Panel heading: A SECOND OPINION. Ray is in on his cordless telephone.]]
/ Ray: Help us out, Beef. We got a situation that is much at hand. / [[Shown are Envelópe Martinez and a father-and-son team of tie-wearing protesters. Ray speaks from off-frame.]]
/ Ray: Well, like, Envelópe Martinez has a bunch... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05212007 |
| Achewood - May 21, 2007 | [[Panel heading: A SECOND OPINION. Ray is in on his cordless telephone.]]
/ Ray: Help us out, Beef. We got a situation that is much at hand. / [[Shown are Envelópe Martinez and a father-and-son team of tie-wearing protesters.]]
/ Ray: Well, like, Envelópe Martinez has a bunch of cars and Christian fundamentalists... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05212007 |
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