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| Achewood § May 21, 2010 | [[Mayner and Lurquilla are looking out their window]]
/ Mayner: DAMN'ET, LURQUILLA! ALL THET CHITTERCHAT AN' HE DONE RUN OFF!
/ Lurquilla: WELL WHYN'T THET SUCH A BAD THING THEN, MAYNER? / Mayner: 'CAUSE HE'N GONE GET HIT BY A VEE-HICKLE AN' ALL HIS DNA EVIDENCE IS SETTIN' IN A LIL' HUCKITY-PUCK ON OUR... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05212010 |
| Achewood - May 22, 2002 | {{Alt-text: she could stand up freely inside the car; she was his wife; they are both gone now}} / [[Philippe looks dejected]]
/ Rats! No hot gravy anywhere! / Philippe: Maybe I'll just hold my breath until I die! / [[Philippe begins to hold his breath.]] / [[Philippe continues to hold his breath.]] / [[Philippe,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05222002 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=05222003">http://achewood.com/?date=05222003 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 22, 2006 | [[Roast Beef and Ray. Roast Beef is wearing his new aluminum foil underpants]]
/ Ray: Dude, what are you wearing? That ain't like you! / Roast Beef: Man check this out these are so nice Molly made me some aluminum foil undies to keep all the cancer-causin' cell phone electromagnetic signals outta my... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05222006 |
| Achewood - May 22, 2007 | [[Roast Beef is outside, walking in dark and rain.]]
/ Roast Beef, thought: "Will you marry me"
/ Roast Beef, thought: The high school film shows atom bomb test footage where shocked houses lean back then explode
/ Roast Beef, thought: Jesus man it's like we walk around with dynamite in our mouths / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05222007 |
| Achewood - May 22, 2008 | [[Night time. Exterior. Ray Smuckles and Nice Pete sit in a stationary car in the secret redwood patch. Ray grips the steering wheel, agitated. In the passenger seat, Pete wears an expression of weary frustration.]] / Narrator: Having plumbed the depths of the man, I finished our session, frustrated.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05222008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05222009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05222009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 23, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit at a desk, Roast Beef's at the computer, Ray's leaning back with a phone headset on]]
/ Ray: So, Roast Beef, what are you gonna buy with your first million?
/ Roast Beef: I kind of need to get a new mouse-pad this one's all dilapidated / [[Ray waves his arms emphatically]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232002 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2003 | Ray: Can't we prank Cathy TOMORROW? I'm tired.
/ Beef: She's the last one on the list Come on Ray / Ray: All right. But I ain't got a lotta firepower.
/ Beef: You won't need it / Ray: Hello- Cathy? / Cathy: Hello! This is Cathy! Ack! Sorry, I just got out of the shower and I'm not even dressed yet!... http://achewood.com/?date=05232003 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2003 | Ray: Can't we prank Cathy TOMORROW? I'm tired.
/ Beef: She's the last one on the list Come on Ray / Ray: All right. But I ain't got a lotta firepower.
/ Beef: You won't need it / Ray: Hello- Cathy? / Cathy: Hello! This is Cathy! Ack! Sorry, I just got out of the shower and I'm not even dressed yet!... http://achewood.com/?date=05232003 |
| Cathy | Ray: Can't we prank Cathy TOMORROW? I'm tired. / Roast Beef: She's the last on the list come on Ray / Ray: All right. But I ain't got a lotta firepower. / Roast Beef: You won't need it. / Ray: Hello- Cathy? / Cathy: Hello! This is Cathy! Ack!
/ Sorry, I just got out of the shower, and I'm not even... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232003 |
| Cathy | Ray: Can't we prank Cathy TOMORROW? I'm tired. / Roast Beef: She's the last on the list come on Ray / Ray: All right. But I ain't got a lotta firepower. / Roast Beef: You won't need it. / Ray: Hello- Cathy? / Cathy: Hello! This is Cathy! Ack!
/ Sorry, I just got out of the shower, and I'm not even... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232003 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2005 | [[Ray looks out window, crying]]
/ Ray: Cornelius! Get in! you're old and you gonna do urine on yourself! / Cornelius: What on earth are you talking about? / [[aerial shot of the car pulled over and Cornelius on the sidewalk]]
/ Ray: Cornelius, listen to me! Why come manhole covers are round? Try to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232005 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2005 | [[Ray looks out window, crying]]
/ Ray: Cornelius! Get in! you're old and you gonna do urine on yourself! / Cornelius: What on earth are you talking about? / [[aerial shot of the car pulled over and Cornelius on the sidewalk]]
/ Ray: Cornelius, listen to me! Why come manhole covers are round? Try to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232005 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2005 | [[Ray looks out window, crying]]
/ Ray: Cornelius! Get in! you're old and you gonna do urine on yourself! / Cornelius: What on earth are you talking about? / [[aerial shot of the car pulled over and Cornelius on the sidewalk]]
/ Ray: Cornelius, listen to me! Why come manhole covers are round? Try to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232005 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2005 | [[Ray looks out window, crying]]
/ Ray: Cornelius! Get in! you're old and you gonna do urine on yourself! / Cornelius: What on earth are you talking about? / [[aerial shot of the car pulled over and Cornelius on the sidewalk]]
/ Ray: Cornelius, listen to me! Why come manhole covers are round? Try to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232005 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2006 Scientific Dong Study | [[Ray and Roast Beef are standing together wearing Molly's cancer-protection/vestigial dong underwear]]
/ Ray: Okay then. Let's run some tests. We got to see what the optimal weight to hang off the front of the body is.
/ Roast Beef: Sciencecize it cool / [[Ray reaches for a plastic cup from a cabinet]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232006 |
| Achewood - May 23, 2006 Scientific Dong Study | [[Ray and Roast Beef are standing together wearing Molly's cancer-protection/vestigial dong underwear]]
/ Ray: Okay then. Let's run some tests. We got to see what the optimal weight to hang off the front of the body is.
/ Roast Beef: Sciencize it cool / [[Ray reaches for a plastic cup from a cabinet]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232006 |
| Love On Paper | [[Roast Beef, wearing a hoodie, walking alone, thinks:]]"Will you marry me"
/ ...and just like that two folks set in motion the greatest and most drawn-out tragedy which is namely that in fifty years one of them has promised to sit there and watch the person that matters the most to them die
/ And that's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232007 |
| Wedding Invitation. | [[Wedding invitation text.]]
/ ¶
/ Roast Beef and Molly
/ request the honoür of your presence
/ at the wedding of
/ Roast Beef and Molly
/ July 5th, 2008
/ Smuckles Residence
/ 11 Via Verde / Best Man: Ray Smuckles
/ Worst Man: Todd T. Squirrel
/ Old Man: Cornelius Bear (Officiant)
/ Little Man: Philippe (Ring... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05232008 |
| Computer Science/Dennis Quaid | [[Ray is reading the news paper in his chair, wearing a robe. Little Nephew is standing next to him.]]
/ Ray: Alright, you gitch'yself on up to your room and finish your homework.
/ Ray: Let me know if you need any help. / Little Nephew: Yeah, like YOU could help anyone with their computer science homework!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242004 |
| Achewood - May 24, 2005 | [[Ray and Cornelius standing]]
/ Cornelius: What in the devil is the matter with you two? I've never seen such unmitigated nincompoopery!
/ [[Ray strikes a ridiculous pose with his tongue out]] / [[Cornelius crosses his arms]]
/ Ray [[smiling]]: That car is the car that Trent Reznor drove in high school!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242005 |
| Achewood - May 24, 2005 | [[Ray and Cornelius standing]]
/ Cornelius: What in the devil is the matter with you two? I've never seen such unmitigated nincompoopery!
/ [[Ray strikes a ridiculous pose with his tongue out]] / [[Cornelius crosses his arms. Ray is smiling.]]
/ Ray: That car is the car that Trent Reznor drove in high... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242005 |
| Teodor is Sci-Fi Curious | [[Beef, kneeling, has just removed the water cup from Ray's magic underpants. Both cats look out the window at Teodor, watching them from across the street.]] / [[Teodor looks back, suprised.]] / [[Ray and Beef smile at Teodor.]] / [[Ray and Beef wave.]] / [[Teodor looks at them.]] / [[Teodor turns... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242006 |
| Teodor is Sci-Fi Curious | [[Ray and Roast Beef have been exploring the cantilevered penis weight underwear in the pool house. Roast Beef, kneeling, has just removed the water cup from Ray's underpants. Both cats look out the window at Teodor, watching them from a window across the street.]] / [[Teodor looks back, suprised.]] / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05242010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 25, 2004 | Ray: Crap, dude. Nuts. / Roast Beef: Man why you all despondent Ray
/ Roast Beef: What it is / Ray: I just found out Little Nephew's been sellin' me bogus Dennis Quaid memorabilia on eBay. I hate this feeling. / Ray: He's posin' as this guy Silver_Screen_Promos, and he's just workin' me. / Ray: I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252004 |
| Achewood - May 25, 2004 | Ray: Crap, dude. Nuts. / Roast Beef: Man why you all despondent Ray
/ Roast Beef: What it is / Ray: I just found out Little Nephew's been sellin' me bogus Dennis Quaid memorabilia on eBay. I hate this feeling. / Ray: He's posin' as this guy Silver_Screen_Promos, and he's just workin' me. / Ray: I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252004 |
| Achewood - May 25, 2005 | [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef is driving the Volvo of Despair]] / [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef glances down towards something in the Volvo of Despair]] / [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef is driving the Volvo of Despair]] / [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef double-takes at what he saw in panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252005 |
| Achewood - May 25, 2005 | [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef is driving the Volvo of Despair]] / [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef glances down towards something in the Volvo of Despair]] / [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef is driving the Volvo of Despair]] / [[Trent Reznor-haired Roast Beef double-takes at what he saw in panel... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252005 |
| Achewood - May 25, 2006 | [[Ray, Teodor, and Roast Beef explore the cantilevered penis weight underwear phenomenon in the pool house.]]
/ [[Roast Beef kneels before Ray, holding a measuring cup.]]
/ Roast Beef: Here Ray let's get you back up to 2.5 ounces what do you say
/ Ray: Yes please! / [[Roast Beef pours into Ray's weight... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252006 |
| Popping in to the Dude and Catastrophe | [[Closeup, off-center, of the "Dude and Catastrophe" (Cornelius's bar) sign. Roast Beef and Cornelius are off frame.]]
/ Cornelius: My heavens, Roast Beef! Have you just been fitted for your winding-sheet? The aura of the stricken man is trickling from your ears!
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh yeah it is come... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252007 |
| Popping in to the Dude and Catastrophe | [[Closeup, off-center, of the "Dude and Catastrophe" (Cornelius's bar) sign. Roast Beef and Cornelius are off frame.]]
/ Cornelius: My heavens, Roast Beef! Have you just been fitted for your winding-sheet? The aura of the stricken man is trickling from your ears!
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh yeah it is come... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05252007 |
| Scary Go Round guest strip | {{This strip originially appeared as a guest installment at Scary Go Round}} / [[TÉODOR AND AMY IN... "JUST MARRIED"]]
/ [[Téodor and Amy are in a biplane trailing tin cans]]
/ Amy: Oh, Téodor! From the Elvis Costello messageboard to this!
/ Amy: I never thought I'd be married to a cute little bear...father... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262003 |
| Scary Go Round guest strip | {{This strip originially appeared as a guest installment at Scary Go Round}} / [[TÉODOR AND AMY IN... "JUST MARRIED"]]
/ [[Téodor and Amy are in a small, propeller-driven aircraft, similar to a Cessna 172 "Skyhawk," trailing tin cans]]
/ Amy: Oh, Téodor! From the Elvis Costello messageboard to this!
/ Amy:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262003 |
| Uncle Culpepper | [[Ray greets his Uncle Culpepper at the front door. Culpepper wears the stylings on an old southern gentleman.(ex. Colonel Sanders)]]
/ Ray: Uncle Culpepper! How was your trip? It's good to see you! Come in! / Culpepper: Why, I do declare! Dear nephew, you have matured into the very image of your grandfather,... http://achewood.com/?date=05262004 |
| Achewood - May 26, 2004 | Ray: Uncle Culpepper! How was your trip? It's good to see you! Come in! / Uncle Culpepper: Why, I do declare! Dear nephew, you have matured into the very image of your grandfather, the great Colonel Albion Montgomery Culpepper! / Ray: Thank you, Uncle Culpepper!
/ Ray: You must be hungry! What can I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262004 |
| Achewood - May 26, 2004 | Ray: Uncle Culpepper! How was your trip? It's good to see you! Come in! / Uncle Culpepper: Why, I do declare! Dear nephew, you have matured into the very image of your grandfather, the great Colonel Albion Montgomery Culpepper! / Ray: Thank you, Uncle Culpepper!
/ Ray: You must be hungry! What can I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262004 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05262010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - May 27, 2003 | [[Teodor is reading TV tonite]] / 7:00pm: Robert Redford is...
/ THE DACHSHUND WHISPERER
/ Redford, playing uniquely talented Montana dog handler Tom Briggs, has an extraordinary talent for communicating with troubled dachshunds. A powerful publishing exectuve for New York City contacts him: her prized... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05272003 |
| Achewood - May 27, 2004 | Uncle Culpepper: You may have heard through your mother that I have fallen upon rather untoward circumstances as of late, my dear nephew.
/ Ray: How's that, Uncle Culpepper? / Uncle Culpepper: It was my great misfortune to have provided a promising young on-line enterprise with a large investment of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05272004 |
| Achewood - May 27, 2004 | Uncle Culpepper: You may have heard through your mother that I have fallen upon rather untoward circumstances as of late, my dear nephew.
/ Ray: How's that, Uncle Culpepper? / Uncle Culpepper: It was my great misfortune to have provided a promising young on-line enterprise with a large investment of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05272004 |
| Achewood - May 27, 2008 | [[Ray and Lyle, with a beer, are at a bartop]] Ray: Well, he's all stressin' that everything these days is "green" this and "carbon footprint" that, so I want this bachelor party strippers to be local.
/ Lyle: Who you callin'? / Ray: I got it on good authority that Harmony Kluxx and Dipitt Devine do... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05272008 |
| Achewood - May 28, 2002 | [[Teodor is on the couch with a game controller, Lyal walks up holding a CD and case]] / Lyle: I got a new game for the Playstation. I'm gonna pop it in.
/ Teodor: What is it? / [[Lyle shows Teodor the case]]
/ Lyle: I had to order it from Japan--cost me forty bucks! / [[Lyle has left to put it in,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05282002 |
| Achewood - May 28, 2002 | [[Teodor is on the couch with a game controller, Lyle walks up holding a CD and case]] / Lyle: I got a new game for the Playstation. I'm gonna pop it in.
/ Teodor: What is it? / [[Lyle shows Teodor the case]]
/ Lyle: I had to order it from Japan--cost me forty bucks! / [[Lyle has left to put it in,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05282002 |
| Achewood - May 28, 2003 | [Ray is lying on the ground looking at Todd's Van, with Teodor standing behind him]
/ Ray: Whoah, can't Todd read?
/ Teodor: I don't think so. Why? / [Close-up shot of Ray]
/ Ray: Check this out! / [Extreme close-up of Todd's License Plate]
/ License Plate Holder: Suckin' Dick Bought This Van http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05282003 |
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