You're browsing the archives of Achewood.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Achewood - June 30, 2006 | [[Mr. Bear is on the phone, holding a letter in his hand]]
/ Mr. Bear: Hello, Ellen. My name is Cornelius Bear.
/ Mr. Bear: Well, I'm afraid I'm calling to decline membership in Mensa. / [[Closeup of the letter]]
/ Mr. Bear [[not visible]]: Of course. A friend of mine--Raymond Smuckles--is a member of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302006 |
| Achewood § June 30, 2008 | Ray: Beef! Come on over, dude! We rallyin' for your bachelor party! / Roast Beef: Dang man and but don't I need a good time / THEN....
/ Ray: Yo yo, T! You ready to get on up in the Roast Beef bachelor party train?
/ Ray: What? What in hell you mean you guys ain't on speakin' terms?! / SOON.
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302008 |
| Achewood § June 30, 2009 | [[Philippe runs up to his favorite typewriter. At the top of the panel, these words appear:]]
/ A LOVE ROMANCE
/ The story of what happens when two people in love find each other! / [[Philippe gets to typing.]]
/ Jack "Tennis" Amore sat at the country club lunch table with a beautiful lady. Her name was... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06302009 |
| Achewood - July 1, 2003 | Ray: [[obviously concerned and wringing his paws as Dr. Andretti clutches his clipboard]] Don't tell me he's dead Dr. Andretti! Say it ain't so! / Dr. Andretti: His liver was badly damaged in the fall. He's on life support but we'll need to find a donor / Ray: [[contemplating, rubbing his paw against... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012003 |
| Achewood - July 1, 2003 | [[At hospital. Ray worried and wringing his paws. Dr. Andretti holding clipboard]]
/ Ray: Don't tell me he's dead, Dr. Andretti! Say it ain't so! / Dr. Andretti: His liver was badly damaged in the fall. He's on life support but we'll need to find a donor. / [[Ray contemplating, rubbing his paw against... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012003 |
| Achewood - July 1, 2003 | Ray: [[obviously concerned and wringing his paws as Dr. Andretti clutches his clipboard]] Don't tell me he's dead Dr. Andretti! Say it ain't so! / Dr. Andretti: His liver was badly damaged in the fall. He's on life support but we'll need to find a donor / Ray: [[contemplating, rubbing his paw against... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012003 |
| Achewood - July 1, 2004 | [[Roast Beef and Philippe are discussing Philippe's campaign for President. There is a pope hat on the table.]]
/ Roast Beef: Okay Philippe uh it is important how you act on days when you got to meet such as foreign dignitaries
/ Roast Beef: So let's pretend I am the Pope and you are meeting me okay
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012004 |
| Achewood - July 1, 2005 | [[Young Ray and Roast Beef are in a dark room. Roast Beef looks stricken.]] / Ray: It's okay, Beef! Right! Everything is cool, man! / Ray: Beef? / Ray: Look, Beef! I'm hitting myself! I'm hitting myself! Look! / [[Roast Beef continues to hold his head in his hands and cry.]] / SOON. / Ray: Do you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012005 |
| Achewood - July 1, 2008 | [[Molly is getting dressed in an anachronistic outfit in front of a mirror]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012008 |
| Achewood - July 2, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is addressing the readers, dressed as the Pope.]]
/ Roast Beef: We got nine new blogs to get caught up on today you Jack Samsons so put on your Face Eyes and sit in your Body Chair ! / {{ title text- find out nine breakfasts}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022004 |
| Achewood - July 2, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is addressing the readers, dressed as the Pope.]]
/ Roast Beef: We got nine new blogs to get caught up on today you Jack Samsons so put on your Face Eyes and sit in your Body Chair ! / {{title text- find out nine breakfasts}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022004 |
| Achewood - July 2, 2007 | [[Lyle approaches Téodor who is at his computer]]
/ Lyle: Hey. I heard you were makin' baseball cards for us. I want one. / [[Téodor turns to answer Lyle]]
/ Téodor: Ray paid be a hundred bucks to design his. Whatta you got? / [[Lyle phones Ray]]
/ Lyle: Hey Ray! I need a hundred bucks. Can't say why.
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022007 |
| Achewood - July 2, 2007 | [[Lyle approaches Téodor who is at his computer]]
/ Lyle: Hey. I heard you were makin' baseball cards for us. I want one. / [[Téodor turns to answer Lyle]]
/ Téodor: Ray paid be a hundred bucks to design his. Whatta you got? / [[Lyle phones Ray]]
/ Lyle: Hey Ray! I need a hundred bucks. Can't say why.
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022007 |
| Achewood § July 2, 2008 | (A check from Raymond Quentin Smuckles, 11 Via Verde, Achewood, CA 94526)
/ (Annotation on upper portion of the check reads: "Can you do an artichoke dish? (For mom)")
/ Pay to the order of: Teodor (the "e" in Teodor has no vertical bar, and a small penis and set of testicles adorns the top of the letter)
/ The... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022009">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07022009 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - July 3, 2003 | [[Roast Beef and Molly are at the table, having just finished eating.]]
/ Molly: Can I get you another Corona, Roast Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh yeah awesome I would like that thanks / Roast Beef: Excuse me first though - I got to see a man about a famous urinating horse which I am considering buying / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032003 |
| Achewood - July 3, 2003 | [[Roast Beef and Molly are at the table, having just finished eating.]]
/ Molly: Can I get you another Corona, Roast Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh yeah awesome I would like that thanks / [[Beef gets up]]
/ Roast Beef: Excuse me first though - I got to see a man about a famous urinating horse which I am considering... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032003 |
| Achewood - July 3, 2003 | [[Roast Beef and Molly are at the table, having just finished eating.]]
/ Molly: Can I get you another Corona, Roast Beef?
/ Roast Beef: Oh uh yeah awesome I would like that thanks / Roast Beef: Excuse me first though - I got to see a man about a famous urinating horse which I am considering buying / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032003 |
| Achewood - July 3, 2006 | Ray (holds gut): Ooh… man. Ouch. / Ray: I just ate a hunk of salami, and it is doin' me no favors. / Roast Beef: Salami can be pretty spicy. Maybe you got a touch of sass gut / Ray: Yeah, that sounds about right. What's a good remedy? / Roast Beef: Mix a little Judge Harlan's Unknown Tonic with an... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032006 |
| Achewood - July 3, 2006 | [[Ray is standing with his hands on his gut.]]
/ Ray: Ooh...man.
/ Ray: Ouch. / [[Roast Beef is sitting across the kitchen counter, eyeing an egg on his plate.]]
/ Ray: I just ate a hunk of salami, and it is doin' me NO favors. / Roast Beef: Salami can be pretty spicy
/ Roast Beef: Maybe you got a touch... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032006 |
| Achewood - July 3, 2007 - Performance/Pay Inequalities | [[Ray is sitting in front of his computer. Teodor is behind Ray, with a book in his hands.]]
/ Ray: Check out this statistic! It says here a guy with only SIX pictures of his butt on the Internet makes more per year than a public schoolteacher! / Teodor: So? That's not that much.
/ Ray: It only goes up... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032007 |
| Achewood § July 3, 2008 | Emeril (thinking):
/ Oh heavens to Betsy
/ Curse you sweet congee
/ These pants are a prison / Roast Beef (thinking):
/ Man if you got to RENT a tuxedo then you should not WEAR a tuxedo
/ What kind of airs is that baloney?
/ Why should I dress like SOMEBODY ELSE at MY wedding?! / [[Sign: Peninsula, Police... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07032008 |
| Achewood - July 4, 2003 | {{Chris's European vacation strip}} / Narrator: Ray making a fool of himself in Krakow, Poland / Narrator: Philippe, high above Vienna, on the world's largest Ferris wheel / Narrator: Roast Beef with map in Pots-damer Piatz, Berlin, Germany / Narrator: Little Nephew, angry that all I want to do in... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07042003 |
| Achewood - July 4, 2005 | {{The comic comprises images of question cards from ``Trivial Pursuit: Achewood edition'', an edition that has not made it to commercial production as at the time of writing}} / [[Title card]]
/ Trivial Pursuit
/ achewood edition
/ Are you a Knucklehead From Old Times, or just a Huggins-come-lately? Find... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07042005 |
| Achewood - July 5, 2005 | [[Philippe approaches Lie Bot, who is standing in front of a door.]]
/ Philippe: Hiya, Lie Bot!
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Guess what's in the hall closet!
/ Philippe: Oh, I dunno. Extra stuff?
/ Lie Bot: a SKELETON! / [[Philippe looks frightened, then his mouth falls open and he begins to shake. Then, he screams.]]
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052005 |
| Achewood - July 5, 2005 | [[Philippe approaches Lie Bot, who is standing in front of a door.]]
/ Philippe: Hiya, Lie Bot!
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Guess what's in the hall closet!
/ Philippe: Oh, I dunno. Extra stuff?
/ Lie Bot: a SKELETON! / [[Philippe looks frightened, then his mouth falls open and he begins to shake. Then, he screams.]]
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052005 |
| Achewood - July 5, 2005 | [[Philippe approaches Lie Bot, who is standing in front of a door.]]
/ Philippe: Hiya, Lie Bot!
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Guess what's in the hall closet!
/ Philippe: Oh, I dunno. Extra stuff?
/ Lie Bot: a SKELETON! / [[Philippe looks frightened, then his mouth falls open and he begins to shake. Then, he screams.]]
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052005 |
| Achewood - July 5, 2006 | [[Lyle stands near the corner, bottle of whiskey in his hand. There is a significant stain on the carpet in the corner]]
/ Lyle: Hey! Where's the cabbage I farted by the J-Lo? / [[Teodor stands before Lyle, ever-so-slightly miffed with is hands on his hips]]
/ Teodor: It breathed like warm liquid. I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052006 |
| Achewood - July 5, 2006 | [[Lyle stands near the corner, bottle of whiskey in his hand. There is a significant stain on the carpet in the corner]]
/ Lyle: Hey! Where's the cabbage I farted by the J-Lo? / [[Teodor stands before Lyle, ever-so-slightly miffed with is hands on his hips]]
/ Teodor: It breathed like warm liquid. I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=07052007">http://achewood.com/?date=07052007 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=07062004">http://achewood.com/?date=07062004 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=07062005">http://achewood.com/?date=07062005 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - July 6, 2007 | [[A page from Philippe's newspaper.]]
/ The Philippe Times.
/ Back Page Law Corner: If You Are Mad, That Is Not A Crime. Vol 9 No. 9 / Fig You Friday!
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief?
/ WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP WAKING ME UP ALL NIGHT?!
/ [[Picture of an angry Philippe, with caption: "It has to stop!"]] / I'm... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07062007 |
| Achewood § July 6, 2009 | [[Ray enters the room and hands a piece of paper to Cornelius, who is sitting at his typewriter]]
/ Ray: Aight, doggy D. I got us a sample page from the Williams-Sonoma catalog. Think you can whip up some hot-ass love fiction around this junk?
/ Cornelius: I shall do my damndest to tease the nubbin from... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07062009 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2003 | [[Heaven; Roast Beef is holding a box of ULTRA-MAX XXL Condoms, The longest condoms available anywhere]] / [[Roast Beef unrolls one of the condoms]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072003 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2004 | [[Ray is making a sandwich. Little Nephew looks on. Both are in Goth garb.]]
/ Ray: I'm cookin' us up some salami sandwiches, cooked up real good!
/ Little Nephew: What on earth for. / Ray: In case we ain't got enough skeleton bones to eat down at the graveyard! Duh!
/ Ray: Oh, and I'm gonna bring some... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072004 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2005 | [[Vlad confronts Teodor at his place of residence with a clever new product]]
/ Teodor! 2005 Bible is out! Here is copy. Take. / There's a new version? / Take take take. You take. Take take. / Alright, alright already! Quit it. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072005 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2005 | [[Vlad is outsize Teodor's door, wielding a bible and duffel bag emblazened with a ><>. Teodor is wearing a roman crest hat.]]
/ Vlad: Teodor! 2005 Bible is out! Here is copy. Take. / Teodor: There's a new version? / Vlad: Take take take. You take. Take take.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072005 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2006 | [[Roast Beef is sitting a table with a quesadilla on a plate and a fork.]]
/ Roast Beef: Man what would make this quesadilla really tasty is some dashes of hot sacue / Ray: Dude, let me hit that with a little of this new Doctor Lunatic "Assisted Suicide" habanero sauce I just got!
/ Roast Beef: Jesus... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072006 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2006 | [[Roast Beef is sitting a table with a quesadilla on a plate and a fork.]]
/ Roast Beef: Man what would make this quesadilla really tasty is some dashes of hot sacue / Ray: Dude, let me hit that with a little of this new Doctor Lunatic "Assisted Suicide" habanero sauce I just got!
/ Roast Beef: Jesus... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072006 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2006 | [[Roast Beef is sitting a table with a quesadilla on a plate and a fork.]]
/ Roast Beef: Man what would make this quesadilla really tasty is some dashes of hot sacue / Ray: Dude, let me hit that with a little of this new Doctor Lunatic "Assisted Suicide" habanero sauce I just got!
/ Roast Beef: Jesus... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072006 |
| Achewood - July 7, 2008 | {{TITLE: Flop Sweat.}}
/ {{ALT TEXT: Beef's last dash for the Nate Small luncheon.}} / [[Outside Mark the Barber. No characters are visible. Roast Beef VO]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright yeah uh just a good combed haircut for a wedding and nothin' that takes blow dryers or costly sarganthums / [[Roast Beef,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07072008 |
| Achewood - July 8, 2002 | [[Wall-mounted telephone.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07082002 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 >>