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| Achewood - July 21, 2004 | [[We see the prototype for the SaniTaco! single serving prep counter; a glass box whose content in accessible through arm length rubber gloves]] / RAY: Alright, Lyle. Here's the prototype for the SaniTaco! single serving prep counter. / [[RAY inserts his hands in the rubber gloves and starts assembling... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07212004 |
| Achewood - July 21, 2005 | Philippe: Heya, Lie Bot! Wanna watch me dig a hole? Lie Bot: You know, if you dig that hole deep enough, you'll come out in China! Philippe: Really!? Lie Bot: I ga-ron-tee! Philippe: That's marvelous! Lie Bot: 35 Hsu-Giang Road, Guangding Prefecture 5070, Szechuan Province. You will emerge beneath the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07212005 |
| Achewood - July 21, 2005 | [[Philippe, holding a shovel, stands next to a small hole.]]
/ Philippe: Heya, Lie Bot! Wanna watch me dig a hole? / Lie Bot: You know, if you dig that hole deep enough, you'll come out in China!
/ Philippe: Really!? / Lie Bot: I ga-ron-tee! / Philippe: That's marvelous! / Lie Bot: 35 Hsu-Giang Road,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07212005 |
| Achewood - July 21, 2006 | [[Téodor and Roast Beef are in a nondescript location. Téodor is holding an envelope and Roast Beef is looking up from some reading material]] / Téodor: Hey, I just got the photos from Ray's party back!
/ Roast Beef: Oh that's right well uh you got to promise to toss away any pics you got of me
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07212006 |
| Achewood - July 21, 2006 | [[Téodor and Roast Beef are in a nondescript location. Téodor is holding an envelope and Roast Beef is looking up from some reading material]] / Téodor: Hey, I just got the photos from Ray's party back!
/ Roast Beef: Oh that's right well uh you got to promise to toss away any pics you got of me
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07212006 |
| Achewood § July 21, 2009 | [[Ray and Teodor are strolling along]]
/ Teodor: How's this sapphic erotica contest gonna be judged? / Ray: The audience, man. Sentence by sentence, as we type it. The girls all hootin' and hollerin', cheerin' the good lines and booin' the bad. / Teodor: Wait. Have you ever actually tried writing under... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07212009 |
| Book Week Continues! | [[Philippe is holding an electric guitar, talking to Lie Bot. An < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222002 |
| Achewood - July 22, 2003 | It doesn't matter what you said, Ray! You don't actually have to become a dentist! / Listen, I said those words on the Internet.
/ I can't just take them back. / Sure you can! We'll just delete the file! / Sorry, I guess that's just not the kind of man I am, Teodor. / If I make a promise on the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222003 |
| Achewood - July 22, 2004 | Teodor: Hey, Philippe, look! I got a police scanner!
/ Philippe: Oh boy! What's it for? / Teodor: You can listen in on police cars and see what they're doing!
/ Philippe: Oh, boy! Maybe we can solve a crime!
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222004 |
| Achewood - July 22, 2005 | [[Scoreboard: ACHEWOOD LITTLE LEAGUE - ACHEWOOD A'S 9, GUEST 2
/ Cat kids in caps and numbered shirts cluster around a well-stocked cooler]]
/ Kid: Wow, Mrs. Smuckles! This is such great stuff! Thank you!
/ Kid: Wow, Coke AND Pepsi! / Kid: Orangina!
/ Kid: Blue Nehi!
/ Kid: Wow! / Kid: A bowl of mini-Caramellos!
/ Kid:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222005 |
| Achewood - July 22, 2005 | [[Scoreboard: ACHEWOOD LITTLE LEAGUE - ACHEWOOD A'S 9, GUEST 2
/ Cat kids in caps and numbered shirts cluster around a well-stocked cooler]]
/ Kid: Wow, Mrs. Smuckles! This is such great stuff! Thank you!
/ Kid: Wow, Coke AND Pepsi! / Kid: Orangina!
/ Kid: Blue Nehi!
/ Kid: Wow! / Kid: A bowl of mini-Caramellos!
/ Kid:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222005 |
| Achewood - July 22, 2005 | [[Scoreboard: ACHEWOOD LITTLE LEAGUE - ACHEWOOD A'S 9, GUEST 2
/ Cat kids in caps and numbered shirts cluster around a well-stocked cooler]]
/ Kid: Wow, Mrs. Smuckles! This is such great stuff! Thank you!
/ Kid: Wow, Coke AND Pepsi! / Kid: Orangina!
/ Kid: Blue Nehi!
/ Kid: Wow! / Kid: A bowl of mini-Caramellos!
/ Kid:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222005 |
| Achewood - July 22, 2008 | Narrator: IN THE DRIVEWAY
/ [[Ramses Luther Smuckles is standing next to a Mustang II in the driveway, while a fat man sleeps in it.]]
/ Ramses: [[thinking]] My word but there is a whole lotta Tommy Bahama goin' on inside that nasty old '75. / [[Ramses bends closer and taps on the glass]]
/ Ramses: [[thinking]]... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07222008 |
| Achewood - July 23, 2002 | [[Philippe is holding an electric guitar and is dressed like a rocker. He is conversing with Billy Idol's soul, which has taken residence in his body.]]
/ Philippe: But Billy Idol! Why did your soul go into me? / Billy Idol: YOU WERE THE NEAREST PERSON WHO WAS ROCKING AT THE INSTANT THAT I DIED / Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07232002 |
| Achewood - July 23, 2004 | [[At Lyle's SaniTaco stand (The Safe, Fun Taco)]]
/ Ray Smuckles: Lyle! What in damn hell are you doing'?
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07232004 |
| Achewood - July 23, 2004 | [[At Lyle's SaniTaco stand (The Safe, Fun Taco)]]
/ Ray Smuckles: Lyle! What in damn hell are you doing'?
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07232004 |
| Ray Bests Up On Beef | [[Ray is talking on the phone, standing]] Ray: I know I done you wrong, Beef. And I got a way to make it up to you. / Ray: See, you know how weddings are dumb-expensive, and the bride's family usually pays, only your bride ain't got one? / Ray: I'm gonna foot the whole thing, from the Save the Dates... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07232007 |
| Achewood § July 23, 2009 | [[The first panel shows the J. Vincent J. Lemoni Public Arena. A large crowd has gathered outside. "Tonight: The New Kings Of Sapphic Erotica" is on the marquee]] / [[Ray is handing the head of the the elephant costume to Teodor]]
/ Ray: Okay, Chuck just checked in with wardrobe. Get this on, I got to... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07232009 |
| Achewood - July 24, 2002 | [[Philippe is possessed by the soul of Billy Idol. He is accordingly dressed and styled, and is wielding an electric guitar.]]
/ Billy Idol: YOU HAVEN'T GOT A MOTORCYCLE? / Philippe: No... but I do have a pretty neat bicycle! My mom--
/ Billy Idol: STOP! / Philippe: W-what? / Billy Idol: FROM NOW... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07242002 |
| Achewood - July 24, 2003 | Heading: THE ADVICE COLUMNIST / Letter: Dear Ray, What gave you the idea to start an advice column? It seems to me that you have no qualifications whatsoever. S.D., Internet / Ray: Dear S.D., It's funny: at first this letter sounded like kind of an insult to me. / Ray (typing): But when I re-read... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07242003 |
| Achewood - July 24, 2008 (Blunderbuss Comix No. 1) | [[Nice Pete stands alone in dim lighting near the side of Ray's house, holding a slim gift box and rehearsing what he will say when presenting his wedding gift to Roast Beef and Molly. He is dressed in his Sunday best, wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt and thin tie, with his hair is combed back sleekly.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07242008 |
| Achewood - July 25, 2005 | [[Téodor wanders outside the garage, where Philippe's car is parked.]]
/ Téodor: (thinks) Wow, Philippe's old car's out... haven't seen this thing in a while... / Téodor: (thinks) Oh sheesh, he put tacky stickers all over it... that kid. / [[Téodor looks in shocked silence at the bumper stickers]] / [[The... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252005 |
| Achewood - July 25, 2006 | [[PHILIPPE stands in the yard. Behind him, obscured by a bush, is LIE BOT.]]
/ Lie Bot: Psst! Philippe! Behind you! / Philippe: Lie Bot! What are you doing in that bush?
/ Lie Bot: I'm waiting to see if George Michael wanders in here looking for pleasure! Chances are, you know! / Philippe: Sounds... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252006 |
| Achewood - July 25, 2007 | Ray: You're damn right I said I rocked a whiskey dick all night! / Ray: Sssip / Ray: The HELL that's what it means! YOU'RE a MORON! / Ray: Huh?! / Ray: It means I drank so much whiskey that I had my game pipe up until I fell asleep! I was rad and walkin'! What the hell's it mean to YOU?! / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252007 |
| Achewood - July 25, 2008 | [[Molly's father comes up behind Taffy and Little Nephew, who are playing video games.]]
/ Molly's Father: Charley boy, how would ye like to go to a place where all there is to do is play lightnin' box with Taffy, mornin' til night?
/ Little Nephew: Study unda this playa? Awww hellzicious yes!
/ [[Molly's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252008 |
| Achewood - July 25, 2008 | [[Molly's father comes up behind Taffy and Little Nephew, who are playing video games.]]
/ Molly's Father: Charley boy, how would ye like to go to a place where all there is to do is play lightnin' box with Taffy, mornin' til night?
/ Little Nephew: Study unda this playa? Awww hellzicious yes!
/ [[Molly's... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252008 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07252010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| DID YOU THINK I'D STOP AT | Panel 1 / Todd T. Squirrel: Sweet! Is this your new ride? / Philippe (possessed by Billy Idol): Hey! Don't touch the Sex Bicycle, Todd. / --- / Todd T. Squirrel: M-m-man! You must have some pretty wicked sack to be talkin' to me that way, Philippe! / --- / Philippe (possessed by Billy Idol):... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262002 |
| Achewood - July 26, 2004 | [[SaniTaco! The Safe, Fun Taco.]]
/ Ray Smuckles: I can't believe you wrote smutty stories about SaniTaco and sent them to Nugget magazine! This is gonna destroy us! / Lyle: The only thing that's gonna destroy us is if we don't start sellin' things to all those dudes out there! / [[Many dudes are in... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262004 |
| Achewood - July 26, 2005 | [[Molly and Roast Beef sit in Wendy's, looking at something in the middle distance.]] / [[A large, buxom cat is carrying a tray, seen from the shoulders down.]] / [[Molly whispers to Beef]]
/ Molly: If you stare at her chest any harder, you're gonna break one of her ribs. / [[Beef shakes and screws... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262005 |
| Achewood - July 26, 2005 | [[Molly and Roast Beef sit in Wendy's, looking at something in the middle distance.]] / [[A large, buxom cat is carrying a tray, seen from the shoulders down.]] / [[Molly whispers to Beef]]
/ Molly: If you stare at her chest any harder, you're gonna break one of her ribs. / [[Beef shakes and screws... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262005 |
| Achewood - July 26, 2006 | [[Ray is on a cellphone, sipping a martini.]]
/ Ray: So check it out, dude. I was in Whole Foods, you know, 'cause I had to get this special homeopathic foot powder- / Ray: -no, actually the pro down at the club recommends this one brand for your grip-
/ Ray: So I get all on that aisle with the hippie... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262006 |
| Achewood - July 26, 2007 | Philippe: LYLE! You did potty on my very last kids' book!
/ Lyle: Well you shouldn't 'a left it in the hallway! / Philippe: Say you're sorry! This one was my favorite!
/ Lyle: Aw...alright. Sorry, Philippe. Want me to write you a new one? / Philippe: If you can do a good job, that would be nice. / [[(SOON.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07262007 |
| Achewood - July 27, 2004 | Cornelius: Oh, tum-ta-hummmtumtum!
/ Teodor: What's up with Cornelius lately? / Roast Beef: I don't know but he is humming hell of ditties
/ Molly: I think he's been winning a lot of money off of Ray at pool. / Roast Beef: Well all you need for that is two hands and some arms
/ Molly: Is Ray really bad... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07272004 |
| Achewood - July 27, 2005 | Molly: Beef, I know you were looking at her chest. It bugs me more that you're lying about it. Roastbeef: How do you know I wasn't just looking at her necklace Molly: Fine, then. What was it made out of? RBeef: Jewelry Waitress: Hi! I don't mean to be rude, but were you looking at my necklace? RBeef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07272005 |
| Achewood - July 27, 2005 | Molly: Beef, I know you were looking at her chest. It bugs me more that you're lying about it.
/ Roast Beef: How do you know I wasn't just looking at her necklace / Molly: Fine, then. What was it made out of?
/ Roast Beef: Jewelry / Buxom Cat: Hi! I don't mean to be rude, but were you looking at my... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07272005 |
| Achewood § July 27, 2009 | [[The scene is a city skyline. In a single lit window, we see the silhouettes of Roast Beef and Lady Bourré a palm reader]]
/ Roast Beef: Yeah uh it's my first time I mean like I always seen the signs but it ain't I mean it wasn't what I thought was okay to do. / [[Close up on this lit window and the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07272009 |
| Straight Eye for the Beef Guy | [[Ray and Teodor watch television from a couch]]
/ Teodor: Hey! Is this that Queer Eye For The Straight Guy show?
/ Ray: Yeah-It's hilarious!
/ Ray: Man, look at that poor guy! He's like some kinda weed-head Oregon caveman!
/ Teodor: Wait 'til they get finished with him. I saw the previews, It's amazing.
/ Teodor:... http://achewood.com/?date=07282003 |
| Achewood - July 28, 2003 | [Ray is sitting on a sofa, arms folded. Teodor is sitting on the floor, nect to the sofa.]]
/ Teodor: Hey! Is this that Queer Eye For The Straight Guy show?
/ Ray: Yeah-It's hilarious! / Ray: Man, look at that poor guy! He's like some kinda weed-head Oregon caveman!
/ Teodor: Wait till they get finished... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07282003 |
| Achewood - July 28, 2003 | [Ray is sitting on a sofa, arms folded. Teodor is sitting on the floor, nect to the sofa.]]
/ Teodor: Hey! Is this that Queer Eye For The Straight Guy show?
/ Ray: Yeah-It's hilarious! / Ray: Man, look at that poor guy! He's like some kinda weed-head Oregon caveman!
/ Teodor: Wait till they get finished... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07282003 |
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