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| Achewood - August 14, 2002 | [[Philippe is in his bed, having a nightmare]]
/ Philippe (asleep): Oh no! Alligators! Run, everybody!
/ Philippe: But don't worry, they're not too fast on land-- / Billy Idol: PHILIPPE?
/ Philippe (still asleep): OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO FAST / Billy Idol: PHILIPPE!
/ Billy Idol: WAKE UP LITTLE GUY!
/ Billy... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08142002 |
| Neapolitan Shooter Teaser | [[Single panel, a photograph of a Neapolitan shooter. Cocktail Recipes is present.]] / [[Caption: triple turd duece]]
/ [[Caption: Recipe by Ray Smuckles]] / {{alt text: Only 12 grams of saturated fat!}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08142003 |
| Neapolitan Shooter Teaser | [[Single panel, a photograph of a Neapolitan shooter. Cocktail Recipes is present.]] / [[Caption: triple turd duece]]
/ [[Caption: Recipe by Ray Smuckles]] / {{alt text: Only 12 grams of saturated fat!}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08142003 |
| Achewood - August 14, 2006 | [[Ray, Roast Beef, and Téodor outside Ray's Prime Time Records office]]
/ Ray: Where you no-name goons been? Pat's comin' outta the closet! This shit is better than Sopranos! / Roast Beef: Sorry uh we got caught up playin' basketball with Emeril and Spongebath you know how insatiable those dudes are
/ Anyhaps... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08142006 |
| Achewood - August 14, 2006 | [[Ray, Roast Beef, and Téodor outside Ray's Prime Time Records office]]
/ Ray: Where you no-name goons been? Pat's comin' outta the closet! This shit is better than Sopranos! / Roast Beef: Sorry uh we got caught up playin' basketball with Emeril and Spongebath you know how insatiable those dudes are
/ Anyhaps... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08142006 |
| Achewood - August 14, 2007 | Narrator: What did you think about today / Téodor: [[In bed]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08142007 |
| Achewood - August 15, 2002 | [[Phillipe is lying in bed, Chucklebot is staring at him.]]
/ Phillipe: Chucklebot? Are you ok? Chucklebot? / Billy Idol's Soul: YOU KNOW THIS ROBOT PHILLIPE
/ Phillipe: Yeah, it's Chucklebot! He's funny! But he usually isn't in my room at night. / Billy Idol's Soul: LOOK HIS BATTERY'S DEAD / [[Phillipe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152002 |
| Achewood - August 15, 2002 | [[Phillipe is lying in bed, Chucklebot is staring at him.]]
/ Phillipe: Chucklebot? Are you ok? Chucklebot? / Billy Idol's Soul: YOU KNOW THIS ROBOT PHILLIPE
/ Phillipe: Yeah, it's Chucklebot! He's funny! But he usually isn't in my room at night. / Billy Idol's Soul: LOOK HIS BATTERY'S DEAD / [[Phillipe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152002 |
| The Dick Molecule | [[Roast Beef is on the phone to Ray]]
/ Roast Beef: Well why in hell don't you dress your damn self up instead of me / Roast Beef: How come I gotta be the one who gets made over / Roast Beef: It's 'cause I ain't got that big gut like you got ain't it / Roast Beef: Plus you probably want to marry me... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152003 |
| The Dick Molecule | [[The newly made over Roast Beef is on the phone to Ray]]
/ Roast Beef: Well why in hell don't you dress your damn self up instead of me / Roast Beef: How come I gotta be the one who gets made over / Roast Beef: It's 'cause I ain't got that big gut like you got ain't it / Roast Beef: Plus you probably... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152003 |
| Achewood - August 15, 2005 | [[Ray's car]]
/ Ray: Yeah. He blew all the cash I gave him on smack and then came back to ruin my party. / [[Ray driving]]
/ Ray (on his phone): Oh, like whenever anyone would start to speak he'd go "Stop. Hammer Time!"
/ You wouldn't believe how pissed Mayor C was starting to get about it always bein'... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152005 |
| Achewood - August 15, 2008 | [[Cornelius bear is holding a martini, standing next to a couch. Teodor and Lyle are sitting on the couch and Teodor is holding a joint.]]
/ Teodor: Hey, come have a puff with us!
/ Lyle: Dude - no. / [[Teodor looks over at Lyle and Mr. Bear looks annoyed, with one eyebrow raised.]]
/ Teodor: Why not?
/ Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152008 |
| Achewood - August 15, 2008 | [[Cornelius bear is holding a martini, standing next to a couch. Teodor and Lyle are sitting on the couch and Teodor is holding a joint.]]
/ Teodor: Hey, come have a puff with us!
/ Lyle: Dude - no. / [[Teodor looks over at Lyle and Mr. Bear looks annoyed, with one eyebrow raised.]]
/ Teodor: Why not?
/ Lyle:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08152008 |
| Achewood - August 16, 2002 | [[Philippe is in his Billy Idol phase]]
/ Philipe: But I thought you were a "Cyber-punk," Billy! How come you're scared of Chucklebot? / Soul of Billy Idol: Look bein' cyber has nothin' to do with robots necessarily / Philippe: Well how come you used to call yourself a "Cyber-punk," then? / Soul of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162002 |
| cyber punk | [[Philippe is in his Billy Idol phase]]
/ Philipe: But I thought you were a "Cyber-punk," Billy! How come you're scared of Chucklebot? / Soul of Billy Idol: LOOK
/ BEIN' CYBER HAS
/ NOTHIN TO DO WITH ROBOTS
/ NECESSARILY / Philippe: Well how come you used to call yourself a "Cyber-punk," then? / Soul... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162002 |
| Achewood - August 16, 2004 | CRITICAL MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY™ PRESENTS " The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln " BROUGHT TO YOU BY ROOMBA! THE ROBOTIC FLOOR VAC / [[Roast Beef sits in a chair next to a Roomba Floor Vac]] / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162004 |
| Achewood - August 16, 2005 | [[Ray is in his room, sitting in front of a webcam-equipped computer, smiling broadly. There are pants on the floor.]]
/ Webcam: You naughty boy! You left your clothes all over the floor again!
/ Ray: Yes.
/ Ray: Yes I did. / [[Closeup on webcam]]
/ Webcam: If you don't clean them up, I'm going... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162005 |
| Takin' It in the Can | Ray: Damn, Pat! What's up, my gay homey! Mojito of artisanal rum?
/ Pat: Hello, Ray. Thank you for inviting me over. Yes, please. / Ray: Dude, I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was homophobic at you or anything, now that you're outta' the closet. / Pat: I appreciate that. Knowing who... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162006 |
| Takin' It in the Can | Ray: Damn, Pat! What's up, my gay homey! Mojito of artisanal rum?
/ Pat: Hello, Ray. Thank you for inviting me over. Yes, please. / Ray: Dude, I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was homophobic at you or anything, now that you're outta' the closet. / Pat: I appreciate that. Knowing who... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162006 |
| Takin' It in the Can | Ray: Damn, Pat! What's up, my gay homey! Mojito of artisanal rum?
/ Pat: Hello, Ray. Thank you for inviting me over. Yes, please. / Ray: Dude, I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was homophobic at you or anything, now that you're outta' the closet. / Pat: I appreciate that. Knowing who... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162006 |
| Achewood - August 16, 2007 | WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT TODAY / ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ / YAAAAAWN / Man some shish kebabs would be rude / Damn only 6:30 in the mornin' / Oh god oh gross man no shish kebabs
/ Eggs only man and barely even some toast / Oh crap can't remember last night at all
/ don't roll over
/ don't roll over / Oh jesus... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08162007 |
| Achewood - August 17, 2004 | GREAT MOMENTS IN TECHNOLOGY TM
/ PRESENTS
/ - The Invention of Photoshop TM -
/ BROUGHT TO YOU BY
/ ROOMBA! THE ROBOTIC FLOOR VAC / [[Inside an office at Adobe headquarters, Teodor -- with wavy dark hair, sideburns, and a moustache, and wearing a turtleneck -- sits at a desk writing]] / [[Roast Beef --... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08172004 |
| Achewood - August 17, 2006 | [[Achewood baby edition]]
/ [[A gong with words Paiste on it is vibrating. Flies are wondering around it. DATE: 10/09/2005]]
/ Onstad: The baby went to a wedding where a spiritual man with body odor played enormous Paiste gongs for a long time before anyone was allowed to eat.
/ [[The Baby is a aproaching... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08172006 |
| Achewood - August 17, 2006 | [[Achewood baby edition]]
/ [[A gong with words Paiste on it is vibrating. Flies are buzzing around it. DATE: 10/09/2005]]
/ Onstad: The baby went to a wedding where a spiritual man with body odor played enormous Paiste gongs for a long time before anyone was allowed to eat.
/ [[The Baby is a aproaching... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08172006 |
| Achewood - August 17, 2006 | [[Achewood baby edition]]
/ [[A gong with the word "Paiste" on it is vibrating. Flies are wandering around it. DATE: 10/09/2005]]
/ Onstad: The baby went to a wedding where a spiritual man with body odor played enormous Paiste gongs for a long time before anyone was allowed to eat. / [[The Baby is approaching... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08172006 |
| Achewood - August 17, 2007 | [[Roast Beef is fast asleep.]] < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08172007 |
| Achewood § August 17, 2009 | [[Ray and Teodor are driving towards Alberquist Hall; we see the exterior of Ray's car and can hear Teodor speaking]]
/ Teodor: What's Alberquist Hall? I've never heard of it. / [[Interior of Ray's car: Ray's eyebrows are tilted at a concerned angle and Teodor looks cross]]
/ Ray: Well, it ain't good,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08172009 |
| Beef's | Roast Beef: Man I am sick of all this bull crap
/ Roast Beef: I think I'm gonna take a "me" day / [[Roast Beef is obscured by several receipts]]
/ Roast Beef: Go on down to the underground and live it up Beef-style / Roast Beef: I got MY way of doing things and MY way of lookin' so PISS OFF / [[Receipt:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08182003 |
| Achewood - August 18, 2004 | [[Ray sitting in a chair. Little Nephew stands in front of him.]]
/ Ray: Little Nephew What in HELL are you wearin'?! / [[Focus on Little Nephew's pants, which are actually individual legs with belts holding them up. His underwear in tucked into them.]]
/ Little Nephew: Jeez! Shut UP Uncle Ray! / [[Same... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08182004 |
| Achewood - August 18, 2005 | [[Ray is eating inside a restaurant called "p o u l t r y ;"]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08182005 |
| Achewood - August 18, 2005 | [[Ray is eating inside a restaurant called "p o u l t r y ;"]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08182005 |
| Achewood - August 18, 2006 | [[Ray and Teodor are golfing.]] / Ray: Yeah, I had a good little chat with Pat yesterday. Let him know we're all cool with him bein' gay and stuff.
/ Teodor: Nice. I couldn't figure out if I should call him or not. / [[Pat looks angrily at his answering machine.]] / Teodor: (on answering machine)... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08182006 |
| Achewood - August 19, 2002 | [[The moon. Extreme long shot of Pat's rocket ship, parked on its fins. Outside is Roast Beef's little loop of footprints and the word 'JAVA' scratched into the ground.]]
/ Roast Beef: ooohhhhhh mmmmman I am whizzin' real good now
/ nobody around for miles
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192002 |
| Achewood - August 19, 2002 | [[The moon. Extreme long shot of Pat's rocket ship, parked on its fins. Outside is Roast Beef's little loop of footprints and the word 'JAVA' scratched into the ground.]]
/ Roast Beef: ooohhhhhh mmmmman I am whizzin' real good now
/ nobody around for miles
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192002 |
| Achewood - August 19, 2004 | [[Ray enters, holding an old photograph contained in a protective case.]]
/ Ray: Check it out, Téodor! I bought some old-fashioned porno on eBay! Ain't it neat? / [[Téodor inspects Ray's purchase, and is suddenly shocked and amazed.]]
/ Téodor: This is an original daguerreotype, Ray! How much did you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192004 |
| Achewood - August 19, 2005 | Header: The Philippe Times [...] Back Page: Around the World...With Facts! [...] Vol 7 No. 10
/ Body: Friday Facts!
/ by Philippe, editor-in-chief! / This week: WORLD FACTS! / ***CHINESE FOOD***
/ Chow Mein is the Chinese version of spaghetti but if you put tomato sauce on it, Chinese people will be aghast! / Chow... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192005 |
| Achewood - August 19, 2008 | [[Teodor is reading a note from Philippe's mother.]]
/ Note: Now that my little Philippe is five, it is time for him to begin his education. Would you please give him one of these fun little books each day, and go over it with him each night? / Book titles:
/ GOMEZ WORSHIPS IDOLS
/ WHO ARE THE JEWS?
/ RICK... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192008 |
| Achewood - August 20, 2002 | [[Ray, martini in hand and enrobed in tracksuit jacket, is on the phone with Roast Beef, who is interminably on the moon.]]
/ Ray: What are you gigglin' about, Beef? Good Lord! / Roast Beef (V.O.): Man I just hacked the *hell* outta this one website
/ Ray: Oh! Uh...
/ [[Ray takes a small book out of his... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202002 |
| Achewood - August 20, 2003 | [[Ray and Philippe are examining a time machine]]
/ Philippe: Wow! What's this Ray? / Ray: Oh, this? Heh heh! I got it off eBay.
/ Some old guy was sellin' it, sayin' it was a time machine. / Ray: I thought it looked like a fun thing to store wine in.
/ Philippe: Let's pretend it works! / Ray: Heh! Okay,... http://achewood.com/?date=08202003 |
| Ray's Time Machine. | [[Ray inspects on time machine]]
/ Philippe: Wow! What's this, Ray? / Ray: Oh, this? Heh heh! I got it off eBay.
/ Ray: Some old guy was sellin' it, sayin' it was a time machine. / Ray: I thought it looked like a fun thing to store wine in.
/ Philippe: Let's pretend it works! / Ray: Heh! Okay, little... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202003 |
| Ray's Time Machine. | [[Ray inspects time machine]]
/ Philippe: Wow! What's this, Ray? / Ray: Oh, this? Heh heh! I got it off eBay.
/ Ray: Some old guy was sellin' it, sayin' it was a time machine. / Ray: I thought it looked like a fun thing to store wine in.
/ Philippe: Let's pretend it works! / Ray: Heh! Okay, little guy!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202003 |
| Ray's Time Machine. | [[Ray inspects what looks like a rocket with a satellite dish attached to the top of it. It has three fins and a porthole window. The satellite dish appears to be spinning. Philippe runs up to him.]]
/ Philippe: Wow! What's this, Ray? / [[Close up of Ray continuing to inspect the rocket-thing]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202003 |
| It's a...Judas Priest Friday | {{It's A... JUDAS PRIEST FRIDAY}} / [[Ray is holding a pizza with a pentagram cut into it]]
/ Ray: Hey man, this is weird! Look how Domino's cut the pizza this time! / [[A skeletal visage of death in a black robe appears and stabs Ray in the head with two daggers]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202004 |
| It's a...Judas Priest Friday | {{It's A... JUDAS PRIEST FRIDAY}} / [[Ray is holding a pizza with a pentagram cut into it]]
/ Ray: Hey man, this is weird! Look how Domino's cut the pizza this time! / [[A skeletal visage of death in a black robe appears and stabs Ray in the head with two daggers]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202004 |
| Achewood - August 20, 2007 - FiestaMax | [[A sign reads "Fiesta Max!". Above the words floats a sombrero. Small lines of excitement burst from it]] / [[Ray's Escalade drives through the desert]]
/ Ray: Alright, let's hit this joint. /
/ Roast Beef: Man I hate on some wipe-down "Tex Mex" chain
/ Ray:Next Services 30 Miles, dude. I'm starvin'.
/ Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202007 |
| Achewood - August 20, 2007 | [[A sign reads "Fiesta Max!". Above the words floats a sombrero. Small lines of excitement burst from it]] / [[Ray's Escalade drives through the desert]]
/ Ray: Alright, let's hit this joint. / Roast Beef: Man I hate on some wipe-down "Tex Mex" chain
/ Ray: Next Services 30 Miles, dude. I'm starvin'.
/ Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202007 |
| Achewood - August 20, 2008 | [[Roast Beef, holding a beer bottle, is talking to Philippe. Philippe is wearing a baseball cap backwards.]]
/ Roast Beef: Oh hey Philippe man it is almost your birthday little guy is there anything you want ?
/ [[Philippe makes that "aw shucks" gesture with his arm.]]
/ Philippe: Aww, I don't suppose... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202008 |
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