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| Mr. Smuckles is missing | [[Téodor and Mr. Bear read a flier]]
/ Téodor: Ha ha! Look at this - "LOST: cat, short hair, answers to 'Mr. Smuckles.'"
/ Mr. Bear: Isn't that Ray's name? / Téodor: Yeah, but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd get "lost."
/ Mr. Bear: Apparently Ray is worth fifty dollars! / Téodor: "Male, 5 years... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212002 |
| Mr. Smuckles is missing | [[Téodor and Mr. Bear read a flyer]]
/ Téodor: Ha ha! Look at this - "LOST: cat, short hair, answers to 'Mr. Smuckles.'"
/ Mr. Bear: Isn't that Ray's name? / Téodor: Yeah, but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd get "lost."
/ Mr. Bear: Apparently Ray is worth fifty dollars! / Téodor: "Male, 5 years... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212002 |
| Achewood - January 21, 2003 | [[Vlad and Teodor are talking in Vlad's Subway Resturaunt. Vlad is behind the counter, wearing a black hat]] / Teodor: What if Jared died in a different way in each new commercial?
/ Vlad: Is good! Is good, Teodor! I like this! / Teodor: So...do you have other ideas about how you'd want Jared to die? / Vlad:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212003 |
| Barry the Fish | [[Roast Beef sits on a boat, night fishing with a sad look on his face]] / [[A small fish named Barry pops its head above the water.]]
/ Barry: Hi. I'm Barry. What's up?
/ [[Roast Beef turns and looks at the fish]] / Roast Beef: Not much Barry. How about you? / Barry: There hasn't been any bait on that... http://achewood.com/?date=01212004 |
| Achewood - January 21, 2004 | Fish: Hi I'm Barry What's up / Roast Beef: Not much Barry How about you / Barry: There hasn't been any bait on that hook all night What are you doing / Roast Beef: Oh uh I didn't want to catch anything I just like being out here / Barry: I know what you mean I come up here when I need to get away... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212004 |
| Achewood - January 21, 2004 | [[Roast Beef sits in a small boat. He is fishing. It is nighttime.]] / [[A fish pokes its head above water.]]
/ Barry Bass: Hi
/ Barry Bass: I'm Barry
/ Barry Bass: What's up / Roast Beef: Not much Barry
/ Roast Beef: How about you / Barry Bass: There hasn't been bait on the hook all night
/ Barry Bass:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212004 |
| Beef as Lloyd Dobler | [[Ray and Vlad sit at a computer]]
/ Vlad: Why Roast Beef is runnink away in such hurry? Is Mormon?
/ Ray: Maybe because that's his girlfriend eatin' sandwiches on your webcam, Vlad. / Ray: Damn. He's probably on his way to get her outta there right now. Total Lloyd Dobler-style, all holding his wireless... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212005 |
| Beef as Lloyd Dobler | [[Ray and Vlad sit at a computer]]
/ Vlad: Why Roast Beef is runnink away in such hurry? Is Mormon?
/ Ray: Maybe because that's his girlfriend eatin' sandwiches on your webcam, Vlad. / Ray: Damn. He's probably on his way to get her outta there right now. Total Lloyd Dobler-style, all holding his wireless... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212005 |
| Beef as Lloyd Dobler | [[Ray and Vlad sit at a computer]]
/ Vlad: Why Roast Beef is runnink away in such hurry? Is Mormon?
/ Ray: Maybe because that's his girlfriend eatin' sandwiches on your webcam, Vlad. / Ray: Damn. He's probably on his way to get her outta there right now. Total Lloyd Dobler-style, all holding his wireless... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212005 |
| Beef as Lloyd Dobler | [[Ray and Vlad sit at a computer]]
/ Vlad: Why Roast Beef is runnink away in such hurry? Is Mormon?
/ Ray: Maybe because that's his girlfriend eatin' sandwiches on your webcam, Vlad. / Ray: Damn. He's probably on his way to get her outta there right now. Total Lloyd Dobler-style, all holding his wireless... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212005 |
| Achewood - January 21, 2008 | [[News piece: "NEWS OF RECORD - ACHEWOOD (LOCAL WIRE) - Achewood Mayor C. Finnegan Byde had a short-term heart attack at Seven Pines golf course last afternoon. He appointed local entrepreneur Ray Smuckles, a member of his foursome, as Acting Mayor of Achewood. Acting Mayor Smuckles is expected to hold... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01212008 |
| Brain practice | [[Téodor sees Todd, who is wearing a helmet.]]
/ Téodor: Todd! What's with the foil helmet?
/ Todd: N-n-not now, Téodor! Not now! / [[Mr. Bear arrives]]
/ Mr. Bear: What is wrong with Todd?
/ Téodor: He won't say. / Téodor: You keepin' the voices out, Todd?
/ Todd: Blister's readin' my mind! / [[Todd clutches... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222002 |
| Brain practice | [[Téodor sees Todd, who is wearing a helmet.]]
/ Téodor: Todd! What's with the foil helmet?
/ Todd: N-n-not now, Téodor! Not now! / [[Mr. Bear arrives. Todd sobs.]]
/ Mr. Bear: What is wrong with Todd?
/ Téodor: He won't say. / Téodor: You keepin' the voices out, Todd?
/ Todd: Blister's readin' my mind! / [[Todd... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222002 |
| Achewood - January 22, 2003 - Ray at the Lous XIV, gettin' gourmet -- Showbiz at the 7-11, getting microwaved ... | [[Waiter is standing beside Ray's table, at the restaurant Louis XIV]] / Waiter: And what may we bring you this evening, sir?
/ Ray: Yes... I believe I will start with the Consomme a la Bohemienne. / [[Waiter out of frame]]:
/ Waiter: Very good.
/ Ray: Followed by the Quenelle de Foie Gras. / [[Waiter... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222003 |
| Achewood - January 22, 2003 - Ray at the Lous XIV, gettin' gourmet -- Showbiz at the 7-11, getting microwaved ... | [[Waiter is standing beside Ray's table, at the restaurant Louis XIV]] / Waiter: And what may we bring you this evening, sir?
/ Ray: Yes... I believe I will start with the Consommé a la Bohémienne. / [[Waiter out of frame]]:
/ Waiter: Very good.
/ Ray: Followed by the Quenelle de Foie Gras. / [[Waiter... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222003 |
| Achewood - January 22, 2004 | [[Barry has his head out of the water with a can of beer floating in front of him]]
/ Barry: ...so I was like look, it's bad enough I work in a purse factory - but now you're gonna FIRE me?! / [[Wider view showing Roast Beef in a boat with a beer listening to Barry]]
/ Barry: Then I gotta wait in line... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222004 |
| Achewood - January 22, 2007 | [[Nice Pete is conversing on the telephone with Ray, with stitches where his head wound used to be]] / Nice Pete: Um hello Ray this is Peter Cropes / Ray:..Nice Pete? Oh, uh...how you doin'? / Nice Pete: Well good ray um the reason that I am calling is very plain / Nice Pete: I want to thank you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222007 |
| Achewood - January 22, 2007 | [[Nice Pete is conversing on the telephone with Ray, with stitches where his head wound used to be]] / Nice Pete: Um hello Ray this is Peter Cropes / Ray:..Nice Pete? Oh, uh...how you doin'? / Nice Pete: Well good Ray um the reason that I am calling is very plain / Nice Pete: I want to thank you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222007 |
| Achewood § January 22, 2010 | [[Téodor is laid out like a game of Operation]] / IF YOU ARE AWAKE YOU ALREADY PLAY:
/ MATURATION
/ THE GAME / [[Hearing aid game piece goes in his ear]]
/ "WHAT? WHAT?!? NO I'M NOT LOSING MY HEARING! YOU'RE JUST MUMBLING, PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING DEAF!" / [[Tissue game piece goes by his nose]] / NOSE... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01222010 |
| The terrible fear | [[Mr. Bear is on the toilet with a magazine. Philippe has just walked in.]]
/ Philippe: Hi Mr. Bear!
/ Mr. Bear: GET OUT OF HERE! / [[Philippe opens a cupboard]]
/ Mr. Bear: Get...get OUT of here, Philippe!
/ Philippe: I need to find the Q-tips. / Philippe: Lyle's record player needs cleaning...a-ha!
/ Mr.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232002 |
| Achewood - January 23, 2003 | Ray: Roast Beef! Why'd you miss dinner? Where's Showbiz? What's up with all this Blue Nun? / Roast Beef: Oh he took off / You know how it is with him / [[Ray looks disappointed.]] / Ray: Here, gimme a hit off that. / [[Soon]]
/ Ray: You know what we oughta DO?!
/ Roast Beef: Aw no dogg lay it on... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232003 |
| Achewood - January 23, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is in a boat talking to Barry the fish]]
/ Roast Beef: Uh look Barry I don't have an aquarium or anything like that at my place / Barry: Well, just pick one up on the way. I'll wait in the car--can't be seen, you know! / Roast Beef: [[thinking]] Oh my god he's assuming I will buy an aquarium... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232004 |
| Barry Bass at Beef's House | [[Roast Beef is in a boat talking to Barry the fish]]
/ Roast Beef: Uh look Barry I don't have an aquarium or anything like that at my place / Barry: Well, just pick one up on the way. I'll wait in the car--can't be seen, you know! / Roast Beef: [[thinking]] Oh my god he's assuming I will buy an... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232004 |
| Pat and Mrs. Smuckles | Mrs. Smuckles: So Patrick! Raymond tells me you are a ... "veglegon" now? Am I saying that right? / Pat: Ahem. Vegan. Yes. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232006 |
| Pat and Mrs. Smuckles | Mrs. Smuckles: So Patrick! Raymond tells me you are a ... "veglegon" now? Am I saying that right? / Pat: Ahem. Vegan. Yes. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232006 |
| Achewood - January 23, 2007 | {{This comic is a page from Beef's zine, "Why You Got to Do a Thing"}} / TITLE: INTERVIEW: MOLLY SANDERS AKA MISS LADY / [[picture below title depicts Molly and Beef flying a small kite; Beef holds a beer.]] / CAPTION: The tiny kite is less than two feet away / By E.E.H. / ARTICLE TEXT: ME: Okay... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232007 |
| Achewood - January 23, 2008 | Reporter: Mayor Smuckles! Is it true you're now running for the Presidency of the United States? / Ray: This country needs a man with a granite sack and legs of log... a man that slaps people who are talking. I am that man. / Reporter: But what are your policies? Where do you stand on key issues? / Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01232008 |
| Man, it was a only vasectomy | [[Ray stands in a swimming pool, talking on his phone]]
/ Ray: Man, I ain't lost. I been at Tina's. / Ray: What do you mean, they put up a sign? What's it say? / [[Ray drops the phone]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01242002 |
| Achewood - January 24, 2005 | {{music continues to play from Tenmen in Ray's tub at his bathroom party}}
/ Lie Bot: Ray. I wanted to give you first dibs on the rights to one of my patents.
/ Ray: Ooh, okay. Here, let's talk over here. / {{Lie Bot looking around for eavesdroppers}}
/ Ray: So what's the story, Lie Bot? / {{Lie Bot... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01242005 |
| Achewood - January 24, 2005 | [[music continues to play from Tenmen in Ray's tub at his bathroom party]]
/ Lie Bot: Ray. I wanted to give you first dibs on the rights to one of my patents.
/ Ray: Ooh, okay. Here, let's talk over here. / [[Lie Bot looking around for eavesdroppers]]
/ Ray: So what's the story, Lie Bot? / [[Lie Bot... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01242005 |
| Achewood - January 24, 2005 | {{music continues to play from Tenmen in Ray's tub at his bathroom party}}
/ Lie Bot: Ray. I wanted to give you first dibs on the rights to one of my patents.
/ Ray: Ooh, okay. Here, let's talk over here. / {{Lie Bot looking around for eavesdroppers}}
/ Ray: So what's the story, Lie Bot? / {{Lie Bot... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01242005 |
| Achewood § January 24, 2008 | [[Ray is on the couch with newspaper, impatient at Beef's quiz. Beef has a beer in his hand.]]
/ Ray: The capital of Quebec is Queblowme. Next question. / Roast Beef: No seriously if you're going to run America you need to know about Canada / Ray: Bullshit. Canada needs to know about ME. Why in hell... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01242008 |
| Hey, you're the best! | [[Teodor is naked and on the couch prominent bear penis shown, Lyle is seated with his bottle of Jack and averting his eyes]] / Teodor: Thanks for reading my comic strip today! / {{alt-text: There is always a price for reading achewood }} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252002 |
| Hey, you're the best! | [[Teodor is pantsless and on the couch, prominent bear penis revealed, while Lyle is seated with his bottle of whiskey, covering his eyes]] / Teodor: Thanks for reading my comic strip today! / {{alt-text: There is always a price for reading achewood}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252002 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2005 | [[Nice Pete, Blister, and Todd sit at a table covered with cards and poker chips]]
/ Nice Pete: Gentlemen before we start in with poker I would like to read a passage from the bible
/ Blister: OH MAN THE BIBLE THIS IS POKER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD / Nice Pete: Well in truth it is my bible "fan fiction"
/ Nice... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252005 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2005 | [[Nice Pete, Blister, and Todd sit at a table covered with cards and poker chips]]
/ Nice Pete: Gentlemen before we start in with poker I would like to read a passage from the bible
/ Blister: OH MAN THE BIBLE THIS IS POKER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD / Nice Pete: Well in truth it is my bible "fan fiction"
/ Nice... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252005 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2006 | [[Mrs. Smuckles and Ray are having dinner]]
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Well, Raymond! It certainly is nice catching up with all of your old friends. / Ray: Yeah, I know the feeling. More cod?
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Yes, please! This cod is delicious. You know, your father loved cod. / Ray: Really? He did? Tell me more,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252006 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2006 | [[Mrs. Smuckles and Ray are having dinner]]
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Well, Raymond! It certainly is nice catching up with all of your old friends. / Ray: Yeah, I know the feeling. More cod?
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Yes, please! This cod is delicious. You know, your father loved cod. / Ray: Really? He did? Tell me more,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252006 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2006 | [[Mrs. Smuckles and Ray are having dinner]]
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Well, Raymond! It certainly is nice catching up with all of your old friends. / Ray: Yeah, I know the feeling. More cod?
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Yes, please! This cod is delicious. You know, your father loved cod. / Ray: Really? He did? Tell me more,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252006 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2006 | [[Mrs. Smuckles and Ray are having dinner]]
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Well, Raymond! It certainly is nice catching up with all of your old friends. / Ray: Yeah, I know the feeling. More cod?
/ Mrs. Smuckles: Yes, please! This cod is delicious. You know, your father loved cod. / Ray: Really? He did? Tell me more,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252006 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2007 Quail Bible | [[Ray sits at a computer, Roast Beef stands holding a beer beside him]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252007 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2007 Quail Bible | [[Ray sits at a computer, Roast Beef stands holding a beer beside him]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252007 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2007 Quail Bible | [[Ray sits at a computer, Roast Beef stands holding a beer beside him]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252007 |
| Achewood - January 25, 2007 Quail Bible | [[Ray sits at a computer, Roast Beef stands holding a beer beside him]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01252007 |
| Achewood - January 26, 2004 | [[Memories of Skating.]] / Young Roast Beef: Carl said that Debbie's dad has a bunch of copies of OUI magazine in the garage and that she'll let us look at them
/ Young Ray: Let's roll! / Young Roast Beef: Alright Ray but please take it slow remember
/ My board is hell of decrepit / SOON
/ [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01262004 |
| Achewood - January 26, 2005 | Téodor: What's the matter with Nice Pete? What was he screaming about "all the armies of Judas"? What was that? / Todd: Blister was bein' a prick an' made funna' his bible fan fiction! It really pissed him off! / Blister: GUY'S A DOUCHE / Todd: Guy was alright! He was gonna show me how t-t-ta make... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01262005 |
| Achewood - January 26, 2005 | [[Téodor approaches Todd and Blister in the middle of their poker game.]]
/ Téodor: What's the matter with Nice Pete? What was he screaming about "all the armies of Judas"? What was that? / Todd: Blister was bein' a prick an' made funna' his bible fan fiction! It really pissed him off! / [[Blister defends... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01262005 |
| Achewood - January 26, 2007 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are walking down the street]]
/ Ray: Man, I thought you'd like that place!
/ Roast Beef: Molecular gastronomy can take a hike as far as I'm concerned / Ray: But it's all scientific and clever! You love that stuff! / Roast Beef: Yeah but that ain't mean I want to eat a marzipan DeLorean... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01262007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=01272003">http://achewood.com/?date=01272003 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - January 27, 2004 | {{More TALES of YOUTH.}}
/ [[A young of Roast Beef is riding on a shoddy looking skateboard.]] / Little Ray: Come on, Beef! Change it to Cosby! It's almost eight o'clock!
/ Little Roast Beef: But I just started Sixteen Candles / Ray: Man, that movie's CORNY! You only want to watch it because you've got... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01272004 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=01272005">http://achewood.com/?date=01272005 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - January 27, 2006 | [[Ray is lifting weights as Téodor spots him.]]
/ Téodor: The Great Outdoor Fight? No you won't. Why would you even joke about something like that?
/ < |
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