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| Achewood - September 29, 2004 | R[[Teodor looks at records]]
/ Roast Beef: Dang man what is with all the stacks of wax Teodor
/ Teodor: I'm cleaning out my record collection. You want any 80s vanity albums?
/ [[Roast Beef looks at "I Was Just Bjorn That Way!", "I Wish To Dine In Your Private Restaurant", "Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09292004 |
| Achewood - September 29, 2005 | Three magazines, all with photos of Roast Beef as Jaime the Science Friend. / Hispanic Scientist
/ $3.50
/ ¡Chinga Jaime!
/ Kill This Man!: Why "Jaime the Science Friend" is Our Mortal Enemy
/ INSIDE: Winners of last month's recipe contest; Notable bridges / ¡Chinga Jaime!: the journal of anti-Jaime poetry... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09292005 |
| Achewood - September 29, 2006 | Ray Smuckles: Butters, we been in here fifteen minutes. Why ain't we just get our bags and head back to the gate. / Butters: Be cool, Smuckles! Here, let's turn the key least 'til the 'lectricals go on, so we can catch some tunes. Ain't no player chills in silence, dogg.
/ Ray Smuckles: I will listen... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09292006 |
| Achewood - September 29, 2006 | Ray Smuckles: Butters, we been in here fifteen minutes. Why ain't we just get our bags and head back to the gate. / Butters: Be cool, Smuckles! Here, let's turn the key least 'til the 'lectricals go on, so we can catch some tunes. Ain't no player chills in silence, dogg.
/ Ray Smuckles: I will listen... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09292006 |
| Achewood - September 30, 2002 | Raymond Smuckles, Esq. / Téodor: Whatcha doin', Ray?
/ Ray: Daaamn! Look at this, Téodor! / Ray: Look at all these funny letters I can write my name in! / Téodor: Yeah, those are called "fonts".
/ Ray: Man, I dig this font thing! I'm going to make myself a logo! / Ray: Whoah, who understands this font?... http://achewood.com/?date=09302002 |
| Achewood - September 30, 2002 | Téodor: Whatcha doin', Ray?
/ Ray: Daaamn! Look at this, Teodor! / Ray: Look at all these funny letters I can write my name in! / Téodor: Yeah, those are called "fonts."
/ Ray: Man, I dig this font thing! I'm gonna make myself a logo! / Ray: Whoah! Who understands this font? Is this one for blind... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09302002 |
| Achewood - September 30, 2003 | Ray: Say hey, D'Shawn! 'sup 'sup? / Ray: It's Ray, man! Show me some love, dogg! / Ray: Ray! From Prime Time Records!
/ Ray: . . . your LABEL! / Ray: Of COURSE you know me, dude! I brought a twelver of Asahi to your birthday last month!
/ Ray: I don't like Asahi either! It was on the Club Card, dammit!... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09302003 |
| Achewood - September 30, 2004 | [[Roast Beef is laying on his left side on the floor with his back to us, apparently contemplating an electrical outlet.]]
/ Molly (off-panel) : I'm hoooome!
/ Beef: How was your day of feeding riblets and oil salad to the monotremes / [[Molly has entered, with backpack. We see her standing near where... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09302004 |
| Achewood § September 30, 2009 | [[Todd -- at work as "Sensitive Todd" the male escort -- entertains a lady client in a booth at a cocktail lounge. Seated at panel left, Todd wears a collar and tie and holds a lit cigarette in his left hand. An ashtray rests before him on the circular table. Seated next to him at panel right, his client... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09302009 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2001 | Téodor: This drum machine utterly confounds me. / Cornelius: We have the instruction manual for it.
/ Téodor: Philippe is standing on it. http://achewood.com/?date=10012001 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2001 | TÉODOR: This drum machine utterly confounds me. / MR. BEAR: We have the instruction manual for it.
/ TÉODOR: Philippe is standing on it. http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012001 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2002 | THE AD AGENCY, DAY 2
/ [[Ray, in a business suit, approaches Téodor at his computer]]
/ Ray: Téodor! I got us a client! Todd is starting an airline and he needs a logo made!
/ Téodor: Can he pay? / Ray: Can he...DUDE! Of course he can pay!
/ Téodor: What kind of logo is he lookin' for? / Ray: He said he... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012002 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2003 | [[Group photo of all characters from the first three years of Achewood.]] / Banner: OCTOBER 1, 2001 - OCTOBER 1, 2003
/ Caption: THANK YOU FOR BEING AT MY PARTY / {{title text: Can you name them all?}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012003 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2003 | [[Group photo of all characters from the first two years of Achewood.]] / Banner: OCTOBER 1, 2001 - OCTOBER 1, 2003
/ Caption: THANK YOU FOR BEING AT MY PARTY / {{title text: Can you name them all?}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012003 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2004 | 10.1.2001 - 10.1.2004
/ good dickens it has been three years / [[Philippe standing on the manual]]
/ Caption: 10.01.2001 / [[Roast Beef on the phone]]
/ Roast Beef: That lady is tough man she has some brass cans
/ Caption: 4.21.2002 / [[Ray looking at a bumper sticker]]
/ Bumper Sticker: SUPPORT MODERN... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012004 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2004 | 10.1.2001 - 10.1.2004
/ good dickens it has been three years / [[Philippe standing on the manual]]
/ Caption: 10.01.2001 / [[Roast Beef on the phone]]
/ Roast Beef: That lady is tough man she has some brass cans
/ Caption: 4.21.2002 / [[Ray looking at a bumper sticker]]
/ Bumper Sticker: SUPPORT MODERN... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012004 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2007 | boners http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012007 |
| Achewood - October 1, 2007 | {{title text: Pissing away six years feels like nothing. Crumb says even thirty's a joke.}} http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012007 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10012008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Téodor's birthday presents | Philippe: What did you get Téodor for his birthday?
/ [[Mr. Bear holds box]] / Mr. Bear: Just a momentary diversion on the road to the grave. / [[Philippe holds up Stomper]]
/ Phillipe: I got him a Stomper!
/ Mr. Bear: That's mine, Philippe. Why is it wet?
/ Phillipe: Because of a problem? / {{toy, present,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022001 |
| Téodor's birthday presents | Philippe: What did you get Téodor for his birthday?
/ [[Mr. Bear holds box]] / Mr. Bear: Just a momentary diversion on the road to the grave. / Phillipe: I got him a Stomper!
/ Mr. Bear: That's mine, Philippe. Why is it wet?
/ Phillipe: Because of a problem? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022001 |
| Achewood - October 02 2001 | Philippe: What did you get Téodor for his birthday? / Mr. Bear: Just a momentary diversion on the road to the grave. / Phillipe: I got him a Stomper!
/ Mr. Bear: That's mine, Philippe. Why is it wet?
/ Phillipe: Because of a problem? http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022001 |
| Flower Lesson | [[Philippe reaches to pick a flower]]
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Don't touch that! / Philippe: Why not, Lie Bot?
/ Lie Bot: You shouldn't touch flowers! / Philippe: But how come? / Lie Bot: Don't you know? The flower is the private parts of the plant!
/ It's what they use to make babies! / Philippe: Oh...... http://achewood.com/?date=10022002 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2002 | [[Philippe is kneeling on the grass, touching a flower]] / [[Lie Bot appears, Philippe looks shocked]]
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Don't touch that! / Philippe: Why not, Lie Bot?
/ Lie Bot: You shouldn't touch flowers! / Philippe: But how come? / Lie Bot: Don't you know? The flower is the private parts of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022002 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2002 | [[Philippe is kneeling on the grass, touching a flower]] / [[Lie Bot appears, Philippe looks shocked]]
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Don't touch that! / Philippe: Why not, Lie Bot?
/ Lie Bot: You shouldn't touch flowers! / Philippe: But how come? / Lie Bot: Don't you know? The flower is the private parts of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022002 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2002 | [[Philippe is kneeling on the grass, touching a flower]] / [[Lie Bot appears, Philippe looks shocked]]
/ Lie Bot: Philippe! Don't touch that! / Philippe: Why not, Lie Bot?
/ Lie Bot: You shouldn't touch flowers! / Philippe: But how come? / Lie Bot: Don't you know? The flower is the private parts of... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022002 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2003 | How you doin', Pat? Ten minutes to SHOWTIME / Man, I know I have a message to spread, but I am all kinds of nervous!
/ 45,000 tickets sold, opening act canceled, national TV coverage... / Dude, no worries! I landed someone to warm up the crowd.
/ You did? Who?!
/ I got Vegetable Brain! Can you believe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022003 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2003 | [[Dressing room door. Two signs: Pat Reynolds / COME IN! :) ]]
/ Ray: How you doin', Pat? Ten minutes to SHOWTIME! / Pat: Man, I know I got a message to spread, but I am all kinds of nervous!
/ Pat: 45,000 tickets sold, opening act canceled, national TV coverage... / Ray: Dude, no worries! I landed... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022003 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2003 | How you doin', Pat? Ten minutes to SHOWTIME / Man, I know I have a message to spread, but I am all kinds of nervous!
/ 45,000 tickets sold, opening act canceled, national TV coverage... / Dude, no worries! I landed someone to warm up the crowd.
/ You did? Who?!
/ I got Vegetable Brain! Can you believe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022003 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2006: Helicopter Longlegs | {{Title text: The Dead Man soundtrack, but played on a theremin}}
/ {{Ray and Bensington Butters are in a Mexican magical realism helicopter that has grown long, stilt-like legs and begun walking them cross-country}} / [[Butters' helicopter is standing in a field with cows]] / [[Butters' helicopter... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10022006 |
| Achewood - October 2, 2007 | {{ASCII art transcription follows.}} / / a c h e w o o d (c)2007 Chris Onstad achewood.com / / 2 0 0 8 2 0 1 2 ... |
| The new catalog has arrived | Lyle: Who wants a smoke?
/ Mr. Bear: I do.
/ Téodor: I do.
/ Philippe: I do. / Lyle: And who would prefer to spend five minutes alone in the bathroom with the new FAO Shwarz catalog? / [[Cutting to Mr. Bear, Téodor, and Philippe]]
/ Mr. Bear: Oh yeah!
/ Téodor: Hubba Hubba!
/ Philippe: One minute! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032001 |
| The new catalog has arrived | [[Lyle stands inside]]
/ Lyle: Who wants a smoke?
/ Mr. Bear: I do.
/ Téodor: I do.
/ Philippe: I do. / [[Lyle stands holding FAO Shwarz catalog]]
/ Lyle: And who would prefer to spend five minutes alone in the bathroom with the new FAO Shwarz catalog? / [[Mr. Bear, Téodor, and Philippe are excited]]
/ Mr.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032001 |
| The new catalog has arrived | [[Shirtless Lyle stands with his hands hidden behind his back]]
/ Lyle: Who wants a smoke?
/ Anonymous: I do.
/ Anonymous: I do.
/ Anonymous: I do. / [[Lyle holds out what was behind his back--a magazine-like object]]
/ Lyle: And who would prefer to spend five minutes alone in the bathroom with the new FAO... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032001 |
| The new catalog has arrived | [[Lyle standing with his hands behind his back.]]
/ Lyle: Who wants a smoke?
/ Mr. Bear: I do.
/ Téodor: I do.
/ Philippe: I do. / [[Lyle holds up a catalog.]]
/ Lyle: And who would prefer to spend five minutes alone in the bathroom with the new FAO Shwarz catalog? / [[Cutting to Mr. Bear, Téodor, and Philippe]]
/ Mr.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032001 |
| The new catalog has arrived | Lyle: Who wants a smoke?
/ [[Offscreen]]
/ Mr. Bear: I do.
/ Téodor: I do.
/ Philippe: I do. / Lyle: And who would prefer to spend five minutes alone in the bathroom with the new FAO Shwarz catalog? / [[Cutting to Mr. Bear, Téodor, and Philippe]]
/ Mr. Bear: Oh yeah!
/ Téodor: Hubba Hubba!
/ Philippe: One... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032001 |
| Achewood - October 03, 2001 | Lyle: Who wants a smoke?
/ Mr. Bear: I do.
/ Téodor: I do.
/ Philippe: I do. / Lyle: And who would prefer to spend five minutes alone in the bathroom with the new FAO Shwarz catalog? / Mr. Bear: Oh yeah!
/ Téodor: Hubba Hubba!
/ Philippe: One minute! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032001 |
| Aberlour | Ray: Roast Beef! You gotta get down here, dogg!
/ Roast Beef: Uh why Ray what's goin' on / Ray: We just closed the Todd Account! We drinkin' us some kinky Arberlour!
/ [[Teodor spraypaints "WORD UP"]] / Roast Beef: Uh I ain't so much of a Scotch guy You got any of that cool beer you had
/ Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032002 |
| Aberlour | Ray: Roast Beef! You gotta get down here, dogg!
/ Roast Beef: Uh why Ray what's goin' on / Ray: We just closed the Todd Account! We drinkin' us some kinky Aberlour!
/ [[Teodor spraypaints "WORD UP"]] / Roast Beef: Uh I ain't so much of a Scotch guy You got any of that cool beer you had
/ Roast Beef: You... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032002 |
| Achewood - October 3, 2003 | Carrot Top: Gyuh-huh! Awesome crowd tonight! Good luck, Pat dude!
/ [[Pat is wearing a cape and holding an acoustic guitar]]
/ Pat: Why thank you, Vegetable Brain! / Carrot Top: Good luck!
/ Pat: Thank you!
/ Pat: Thank you! / [[Carrot Top extends his hand]]
/ Carrot Top: Good luck!
/ [[Pat takes it to shake]]
/ Pat:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032003 |
| Achewood - October 3, 2005 | Ray: Good news, Beef! You just landed a paid speaking gig as Jaime the Science Friend! / Roast Beef: Oh jeez man you got to be kidding me
/ Ray: Five grand, dude! Don't consider not doing this! / Roast Beef: Man that kind of scratch would be pretty tidy I got to admit / Roast Beef: Who's the letter... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032005 |
| Achewood - October 3, 2005 | Ray: Good news, Beef! You just landed a paid speaking gig as Jaime the Science Friend! / Roast Beef: Oh jeez man you got to be kidding me
/ Ray: Five grand, dude! Don't consider not doing this! / Roast Beef: Man that kind of scratch would be pretty tidy I got to admit / Roast Beef: Who's the letter... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032005 |
| Achewood - October 3, 2006 | [[The mysterious warehouse in the desert]]
/ [[ Ray and Bensington Butters are walking on their long legs down a hill]]
/ Narrator: Hoping to find a cellular phone and a searing alcoholic beverage, Ray and Bensington Butters head down the moutain path towards the mysterious warehouse. They encounter a... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10032006 |
| Who ate my 'shrooms? | [[Teodor is shaking a box]]
/ Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / [[Philippe appears in the background]]
/ Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die some day! / [[Philippe begins to float in the air]]
/ Philippe: A snake rode a motorcycle seven... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Who ate my 'shrooms? | [[Teodor is shaking a box]]
/ Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / [[Philippe appears in the background]]
/ Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die some day! / [[Philippe begins to float in the air with wide, dark eyes]]
/ Philippe: A snake rode... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Who ate my 'shrooms? | [[Teodor is shaking a box with a look of confusion]]
/ Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / [[Teodor shakes the box with a look of frustration, Philippe appears in the background]]
/ Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die one day! / [[Teodor... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Who ate my 'shrooms? | [[Teodor is shaking a box]]
/ Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / [[Philippe appears in the background]]
/ Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die some day! / [[Philippe begins to float in the air, eyes wide]]
/ Philippe: A snake rode a motorcycle... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Who ate my 'shrooms? | [[Teodor is shaking an empty box upside down.]]
/ Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / [[In the background Philippe walks into view, smiling.]]
/ Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die some day! / [[Philippe floats into the air, eyes wide.]]
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Who ate my 'shrooms? | [[Teodor is shaking a box]]
/ Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / [[Philippe appears in the background]]
/ Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die some day! / [[Philippe shown with very large pupils, and begins to float in the air]]
/ Philippe:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Achewood - October 04, 2001 | Téodor: Hey, somebody ate all my 'shrooms! / Téodor: I'm sure I hid them in this trail mix.
/ Philippe: My mother knew that I would die some day! / [[Philippe begins to float in the air, pupils wide]]
/ Philippe: A snake rode a motorcycle seven miles!
/ Téodor: Man, where am I gonna get another twenty... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042001 |
| Pat Reynolds | [[Tag: the UNIQUE GUY]] / [[Pat is typing a letter]]
/ Pat: Dear Sirs: Please find enclosed one (1) Exclusive "Pork Pie Hat," size 2 5/8.
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042002 |
| Achewood - October 4, 2004 | [[Roast Beef's trailer]]
/ Roast Beef: Damn I got to make some scratch if me and Molly are gonna get our own place Talk to me Help Wanted page Tell me of the things I can do / [[Roast Beef and Molly in bed. Roast Beef reading the paper.]]
/ Roast Beef: Wow this lab needs someone to help run medical experiments / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042004 |
| Achewood - October 4, 2005 | [[ Roast Beef is on the phone with the KKK. ]] / Roast Beef: Uh yeah uh yes this is Jaime the Science Friend responding to the Knights' written request that I perform at-- / KKK guy: Oh! *Jaaaaime!* Good boy now! Good boy for callin'! Good to know the Knights will be enjoying your hi-larious Racialist... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042005 |
| Achewood - October 4, 2006 | [[Ray and Bensington Butters happen upon a huge warehouse at the bottom of the mountain path. Ray peers through the door and is horrified to discover that it leads only to another barren field. He lets the door shut with a < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042006 |
| Achewood - October 4, 2007 | [[Ray is talking on his cell phone to Todd]]
/ Ray: Well how much underwear DID you eat? / [[Beat panel. Ray listens to cell phone bemusedly]] / Ray: That's IT? / Ray: Of course they'll let you on the plane! Just don't act like anything's wrong! / Ray: No they ain't gonna know just by lookin' in your... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042007 |
| Achewood - October 4, 2007 | [[Ray is talking on his cell phone]]
/ Ray: Well, how much underwear DID you eat? / [[Ray listens silently.]] / Ray: That's IT? / Ray: Of course they'll let you on the plane! Just don't act like anything's wrong! / Ray: No they ain't gonna know just by lookin' in your eyes! Act normal, and get on... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10042007 |
| Achewood - A call to Modemtown - October 5, 2001 | [[Téodor is on a cordless phone, at his computer]]
/ Phone voice: ...ALL OF OUR LINES ARE BUSY. PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD.
/ Téodor: Oh jesus do I have to pee. / [[Téodor pushes open the door to the bathroom]]
/ Phone voice: ...MODEMTOWN APPRECIATES YOUR CALL. THIS CALL MAY BE RE-...
/ Téodor: They're not... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10052001 |
| Achewood - A call to Modemtown - October 5, 2001 | [[Téodor is on a cordless phone, at his computer]]
/ Phone voice: ...ALL OF OUR LINES ARE BUSY. PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD.
/ Téodor: Oh jesus do I have to pee. / [[Téodor pushes open the door to the bathroom]]
/ Phone voice: ...MODEMTOWN APPRECIATES YOUR CALL. THIS CALL MAY BE RE-...
/ Téodor: They're not... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10052001 |
| Achewood - A call to Modemtown - October 5, 2001 | [[Téodor is on a cordless phone, at his computer]]
/ Phone voice: ...ALL OF OUR LINES ARE BUSY. PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD.
/ Téodor: Oh jesus do I have to pee. / [[Téodor pushes open the door to the bathroom]]
/ Phone voice: ...MODEMTOWN APPRECIATES YOUR CALL. THIS CALL MAY BE RE-...
/ Téodor: They're not... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10052001 |
| Achewood - A call to Modemtown - October 5, 2001 | [[Téodor is on a cordless phone, at his computer]]
/ Phone voice: ...ALL OF OUR LINES ARE BUSY. PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD.
/ Téodor: Oh jesus do I have to pee. / [[Téodor pushes open the door to the bathroom]]
/ Phone voice: ...MODEMTOWN APPRECIATES YOUR CALL. THIS CALL MAY BE RE-...
/ Téodor: They're not... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10052001 |
| Achewood - A call to Modemtown - October 5, 2001 | [[Téodor is on a cordless phone, at his computer]]
/ Phone voice: ...ALL OF OUR LINES ARE BUSY. PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD.
/ Téodor: Oh jesus do I have to pee. / [[Téodor pushes open the door to the bathroom]]
/ Phone voice: ...MODEMTOWN APPRECIATES YOUR CALL. THIS CALL MAY BE RE-...
/ Téodor: They're not... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=10052001 |
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