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| Achewood - December 15, 2004 | [[Roast Beef sits in a chair, Ray stands by him]]
/ Ray: Why you watchin' the Spice channel with closed captioning on, Beef? / Roast Beef: Check it out Ray this is interesting
/ Roast Beef: Don't the transcriber's style sound familiar to you / [[Closeup of television captioning]]
/ Captioning: ...IT WAS... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152004 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what?
/ Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | {Alt Text: Antoyne Cheops, Man of Claims.}
/ [[Ray sits at his desk, Lyle standing before him with his usual bottle of Jack]]
/ Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America — though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I have... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Antonyne Cheops, Man of Claims | [[Ray and Lyle, in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | [[Ray is sitting at his desk. Lyle is sitting on the other side, holding a bottle of drink.]]
/ Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / [[Ray reaches under the desk.]]
/ Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| Achewood - December 15, 2006 | Ray: The way mom tells it, Rustmouth was a bitter man, soured on beer, and given to claims.
/ Lyle: Like what? / Ray: A few scholarly works state that he claims to have had the first group sex in America -- though recently unearthed wax recordings have him saying that he didn't much like it. Here, I... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152006 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12152008 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - December 16, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are driving]]
/ Ray: Hey hey! Looks like we finally found downtown! / [[A dancing santa is in the car incessantly singing Twist and Shout]]
/ Roast Beef: Maybe you should put the pants back on the dancin' Santa / Ray: Oh! Right-- / [[Ray sees a sign for Haunches: Hof Brau - Dancers]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162002 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2002 | [[Signs on buildings:
/ SUZY WOO'S full massage
/ LUCCHESI'S SPORTS BOOK
/ FATBUXX CHECK CASHING 24 HOURS]]
/ Ray: (off-panel) Hey hey! Looks like we finally found downtown! / [[Ray and Roast Beef in the car. The Dancing Santa is standing on the dashboard, pants gone.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162002 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2003 | [[ROAST BEEF is in a phone booth]]
/ ROAST BEEF: What in the heck was that all about then
/ Phillippe is not usually rather rude / [[ROAST BEEF is back in his 1982 Subaru Brat]]
/ RB: Ooh dang maybe that's Ray's car / http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162003 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2003 | [[ROAST BEEF is in a phone booth, having finished his disappointing phone call to Phillippe]]
/ ROAST BEEF: What in the heck was that all about then
/ Phillippe is not usually rather rude / [[ROAST BEEF is back in his 1982 Subaru Brat, driving past a hotel]]
/ Roast Beef: Ooh dang maybe that's Ray's car / [[ROAST... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162003 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2004 | [[Cornelius is in bed, talking on the phone. A keyboard sits on his lap]]
/ Cornelius: Well, as you know, I'm on bed rest while I recover from the shooting. / Cornelius: The Spice Channel was kind enough to outfit me with a wireless keyboard so that I can transcribe the shows in real-time from the comfort... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162004 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2004 | [[Cornelius is in bed, talking on the phone. A keyboard sits on his lap]]
/ Cornelius: Well, as you know, I'm on bed rest while I recover from the shooting. / Cornelius: The Spice Channel was kind enough to outfit me with a wireless keyboard so that I can transcribe the shows in real-time from the comfort... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162004 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2005 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in armchairs]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. Remember just watchin' Mr. Wizard? I never gave diabetes a thought back then, man. But now. / Roast Beef: Dogg you ain't even got diabetes you just predisposed to it 'cause you eat a wedge of brie in the manner of pie / Ray: But I'm French! French... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162005 |
| Ray Parks Like A Bitch | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in armchairs]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. Remember just watchin' Mr. Wizard? I never gave diabetes a thought back then, man. But now. / Roast Beef: Dogg you ain't even got diabetes you just predisposed to it 'cause you eat a wedge of brie in the manner of pie / Ray: But I'm French! French... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162005 |
| Achewood - December 16, 2005 | [[Ray and Roast Beef sit in armchairs]]
/ Ray: Sheesh. Remember just watchin' Mr. Wizard? I never gave diabetes a thought back then. But now, man. But now. / Roast Beef: Dogg you ain't even got diabetes you just predisposed to it 'cause you eat a wedge of brie in the manner of pie / Ray: But I'm... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12162005 |
| Téodor's New Look | [[Lyle stands in front of the bathroom door and knocks twice]]
/ Lyle: So, Téodor, heard from Penny lately? / [[Téodor speaks unseen from inside the bathroom]]
/ Téodor: She's at her sister's house in Berkeley. She said they might swing by here later on. / [[Lyle is surprised]]
/ Lyle: Wow!
/ Téodor: Whatever.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172001 |
| Téodor's New Look | [[Lyle stands in front of the bathroom door and knocks twice.]]
/ Lyle: So, Téodor, heard from Penny lately?
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172001 |
| Téodor's New Look | [[Lyle stands in front of the bathroom door and knocks twice]]
/ Lyle: So, Téodor, heard from Penny lately? / [[Téodor speaks unseen from inside the bathroom]]
/ Téodor: She's at her sister's house in Berkeley. She said they might swing by here later on. / [[Lyle is surprised]]
/ Lyle: Wow!
/ Téodor: Whatever.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172001 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2002 | [[Ray on his cell phone in passenger seat of a car]]
/ Ray: Hey Vlad! You know anything about this club called Haunches?
/ Is it a pretty good club? / [[Vlad on cell phone next to poster of Chuck Norris in Crazy Sunday]]
/ Vlad: Yes, Vlad has lost many nights to the ladies there / [[Ray in car]]
/ Vlad... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172002 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2002 | [[Ray on his cell phone in passenger seat of a car]]
/ Ray: Hey Vlad! You know anything about this club called Haunches?
/ Ray: Is it a pretty good club? / [[Vlad on cell phone, holding a tankard of beer. Behind him is a poster titled "Chuck Norris in Crazy Sunday" and showing a man aiming a flying... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172002 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2003 | Roast Beef: Well would you look at that
/ Roast Beef: Classic Ray
/ Roast Beef: Old School all the way
/ Roast Beef: Good thing I saw that 7-11
/ Roast Beef: V8, Miller Lite and raw egg
/ Roast Beef: There is balm in Gilead http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172003 |
| Achewood - December 17, 2007 | [[By the bathroom door. A funk is wafting through the keyhole.]]
/ Cornelius: Oh, lord.
/ Teodor: What's the matter? / Cornelius: Lyle is hogging our sole restroom once again, and once again he has not "courtesy flushed."
/ Teodor: I thought only women courtesy flushed. / Cornelius: His lavatory mist... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12172007 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2001 (A dangerously good haircut) | Todd: Hey Teodor, I heard your lady friend was comin' into town!
/ Teodor: Yeah, hopefully tonight. / Todd: Izzat why your hair's all done up fancy?
/ Teodor: ...does it remind you of anyone? / Todd: Yeah! It looks just like Archie! You look frikkin' awesome!
/ Teodor: Really? You could tell right away? / Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182001 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2001 (A dangerously good haircut) | [[Todd and Téodor together in a room, Todd standing on a counter about eye level with Téodor. Téodor still looks like Archie.]]
/ Todd: Hey Téodor, I heard your lady friend was comin' into town!
/ Téodor: Yeah, hopefully tonight. / Todd: Izzat why your hair's all done up fancy?
/ Téodor: ...does it remind... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182001 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2001 (A dangerously good haircut) | [[Todd stands on counter and addresses Téodor.]]
/ Todd: Hey Téodor, I heard your lady friend was comin' into town!
/ Téodor: Yeah, hopefully tonight. / Todd: Izzat why your hair's all done up fancy?
/ Téodor: ...does it remind you of anyone? / Todd: Yeah! It looks just like Archie! You look frikkin'... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182001 |
| Shut the hell up *dick* | Roast Beef; Alright
/ Roast Beef; Red light
/ Roast Beef; Do what you gotta do / [[Ray vomits]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182003 |
| Shut the hell up *dick* | Roast Beef: Alright
/ Roast Beef: Red light
/ Roast Beef: Do what you gotta do / [[Ray vomits]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182003 |
| Shut the hell up *dick* | Roast Beef; Alright
/ Roast Beef; Red light
/ Roast Beef; Do what you gotta do / [[Ray vomits]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182003 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any more. Just his luck."
/ "Silent... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | [[The first panel is simply text.]]
/ "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | [[An all-text panel filling the left side of the page, containing Ray's and Lyle's conversation.]]
/ "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood - December 18, 2006 | Ray: "See, Lyle, all his life Rustmouth was the quintessential bluesman. Absolutely everything he did was touched by bad luck. He was blessed by that bad luck, in a way. But then along came Silent Bird Wallace and suddenly Rustmouth wasn't the unluckiest man alive any more. Just his luck."
/ ... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182006 |
| Achewood § December 18, 2008 | Roast Beef IN 'Because I Got Depression' – Selected scenes – / [[Molly is watching Roast Beef use his computer. Roast Beef is frowning.]]
/ WHAT IS SAID.
/ Molly: Your mousepad's all faded and oily. We should get you a new one! / BUT. / [[Molly is screaming. Roast Beef is screaming and squinting and... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182008 |
| Achewood § December 18, 2009 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are watching television.]]
/ Ray: Man, I've had it with old people sayin' "our morals gettin' worse with every generation" and "why can't it be like the good old days." / Ray: Ain't those the same people gave us lynch mobs, asbestos, and flour-gut?
/ Beef: Here
/ [[Picks up remote,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12182009 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2001 | [[Téodor, full wine glass in hand; in front of him is another full wine glass and a mostly full wine bottle]]
/ Téodor: Um ... you've probably noticed that I'm not ... not exactly a ... HUMAN man ... / [[Wine bottle is now slightly less full, wine glass opposite Téodor is empty]]
/ Téodor: So! You're... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192001 |
| Waiting for Penny | [[Téodor, full wine glass in hand; in front of him is another full wine glass and a mostly full wine bottle]]
/ Téodor: Um ... you've probably noticed that I'm not ... not exactly a ... HUMAN man ... / [[Wine bottle is now slightly less full, wine glass opposite Téodor is empty]]
/ Téodor: So! You're... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192001 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2002 | [[Ray and Beef are sitting up at the stage of Haunches. Beef looks morose, but Ray is enthusiastic.]]
/ BEEF: Dang
/ BEEF: I ain't never seen no one pick up a dollar bill that way
/ RAY: Ain't it great! / [[Ray stands up, a dollar bill clenched held in his mouth]]
/ < |
| Achewood - December 19, 2002 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting up at the stage of Haunches. Beef looks morose, but Ray is enthusiastic.]]
/ Roast Beef: Dang
/ Roast Beef: I ain't never seen no one pick up a dollar bill that way
/ Ray: Ain't it great! / [[Ray stands up, a dollar bill clenched held in his mouth]]
/ < |
| Denise Are You Crappin' | [[A Friendly's restaurant with a banner for a "$5.99 Burger Basket"]] / [[Inside, Beef leans over a menu, looking mildly annoyed]]
/ Roast Beef; Damn
/ Roast Beef; He sure is takin' a while
/ Roast Beef; Hope he didn't pass out again / [[Beef looks up, concerned]]
/ Roast Beef; Waitress already came by... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192003 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2005 | [[Téodor lies in bed, on his side, keeping his eyes shut tight.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192005 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Alosius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Bird Wallace singing]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Aloisius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Bird Wallace singing]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Aloisius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Aloisius singing]]
/ Lyle: Wait. If he was... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2006 | [[Ray and Lyle drinking]]
/ Ray: Silent Bird Wallace, mute as he was, paired up with Alosius, a stone-deaf and illiterate singer with the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard.
/ Audiences wept that he could not know the miracle of his own singing. / [[Bird Wallace singing into a microphone. The... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192006 |
| Achewood - December 19, 2007 | [[Cornelius' room]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192007 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2001 | Lyle sees the clock. It is seven, or perhaps 7:35, in the morning. < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 |
| Lyle's pensive morning moment | [[Lyle sees the clock. It is seven, or perhaps 7:35, in the morning.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2001 | [[Lyle sees the clock. It is seven, or perhaps 7:35, in the morning.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202001 |
| Showbiz | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a strip club. There are three empty martini glasses in front of Ray, and two bills in front of Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: HEY Roast Beef! Order us summore drinks! I'm gonna go hit the can!
/ Ray: You hear me? I'M GONNA GO HIT THE CAN! / Roast Beef: Alright Ray What you into
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202002 |
| Showbiz | [[Ray and Roast Beef are in a strip club. There are three empty martini glasses in front of Ray, and two bills in front of Roast Beef.]]
/ Ray: HEY Roast Beef! Order us summore drinks! I'm gonna go hit the can!
/ Ray: You hear me? I'M GONNA GO HIT THE CAN! / Roast Beef: Alright Ray What you into
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202002 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are wearing manes purchased off eBay]] / Ray: ROAR!
/ Roast Beef: Hell of such as meow / Ray: ROARRRRR! ... ROAR ROAR ROAR! / Roast Beef: I don't know dogg this mane isn't doing much for me / Ray: The Guy on eBay said it might take a few minutes for our primal instincts to kick... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202004 |
| Achewood - December 20, 2004 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are wearing manes purchased off eBay]] / Ray: ROAR!
/ Roast Beef: Hell of such as meow / Ray: ROARRRRR! ... ROAR ROAR ROAR! / Roast Beef: I don't know dogg this mane isn't doing much for me / Ray: The Guy on eBay said it might take a few minutes for our primal instincts to kick... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202004 |
| Achewood § December 20, 2007 | Cornelius is on the floor, on elbows and knees, head down. He wears only boxer shorts. / He looks up, furious grief on his face. / < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12202007 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2001 | [[Todd is working on his van]]
/ Todd: BLISTER? Is that you? / Blister: IT IS ME THE GHOST OF BLISTER YOUR OLD FRIEND / Todd: What are you doin' back among the livin'? D-D-Do you have... unfinished business? / Blister: I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER /
/ Todd: Can you walk through things?
/ Blister: TOTALLY / Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 |
| YOUR OLD FRIEND BLISTER | [[Todd is working on his van. Various tools are strewn over the floor.]]
/ Todd: BLISTER? Is that you? / Blister: IT IS ME THE GHOST OF BLISTER YOUR OLD FRIEND / Todd: What are you doin' back among the livin'? D-D-Do you have... unfinished business? / Blister: I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER / [[Silence]] / Todd:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2001 | [[Todd stands by his van, shocked. Tools lay around the van. Blister is dressed like an angel.]]
/ Todd: BLISTER? Is that you? / Blister: IT IS ME THE GHOST OF BLISTER YOUR OLD FRIEND / Todd: What are you doin' back among the livin'? D-D-Do you have... unfinished business? / Blister: I DON'T... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212001 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2004 | [[Cornelius is in bed, transcribing pornography]]
/ Cornelius: The mechanic, who was curiously outfitted with only a hammer, took a cursory glance at the vehicle before focusing on the woman's--
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212004 |
| Téodor's Naked Packaging | [[Téodor is running back to his room. He is naked. Onstad spots him.]]
/ Onstad: Téodor! / [[Téodor continues to run to his room]]
/ Onstad: TÉODOR! / [[Téodor turns and faces Onstad]]
/ Onstad: Come out to the studio and help me pack! / [[Téodor becomes annoyed]]
/ Téodor: It's five o'clock in the morning! / Onstad:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212005 |
| Téodor's Naked Packaging | [[Téodor is running back to his room. He is naked. Onstad spots him.]]
/ Onstad: Téodor! / [[Téodor continues to run to his room]]
/ Onstad: TÉODOR! / [[Téodor turns and faces Onstad]]
/ Onstad: Come out to the studio and help me pack! / [[Téodor becomes annoyed]]
/ Téodor: It's five o'clock in the morning! / Onstad:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212005 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: uyuygugiiuy / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody wanted to buy a record of a notary reading a laundry list of unusual woes. / Lyle: So Rustmouth got back his rightful... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records.]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording age came, and nobody... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
| Achewood - December 21, 2006 | [[The door of Prime Time Records. "Ray Smuckles: President" ]]
/ Ray: Eventually, though, Bird's luck ran out. Aloisius and the interpreter realized they didn't need him, and started their own gig. / [[Ray and Lyle are sitting at their respective sides of the desk in Ray's office.]]
/ Ray: Then the recording... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12212006 |
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