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| Achewood - February 3, 2006 | Roast Beef: Dogg what is this I'm hearing around the water cooler about you entering the Great Outdoor Fight
/ Is that sass in the main / Ray: Oh yeah, been meanin' to tell you. Gonna go fulfill my destiny down there.
/ Every man has a destiny that defines who he is, Beef. This is mine. / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02032006 |
| Achewood - February 3, 2006 | Roast Beef: Dogg what is this I'm hearing around the water cooler about you entering the Great Outdoor Fight
/ Is that sass in the main / Ray: Oh yeah, been meanin' to tell you. Gonna go fulfill my destiny down there.
/ Every man has a destiny that defines who he is, Beef. This is mine. / Roast Beef:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02032006 |
| Achewood - February 4, 2002 | [[Phillipe walks past a single french fry in a carton.]]
/ French Fry: ||| ||||| |||? / Phillipe: What did you say, french fry?
/ French Fry: ||| ||||| |||? / Phillipe: Of course it's fun to be able to walk!
/ French Fry: |||| || |||? / Phillipe:What?
/ French Fry: |||| || |||? / Phillipe:Hmmm. I could... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042002 |
| Asleep Style | [[Ray and Beef in the car. It is night.]]
/ Ray: You ever heard of "Asleep Style"? / Beef: What do you mean / Ray: It's like a sex position. But it's also kind of like a sex concept. / Beef: Can't say I read too much about folks gettin' it on Asleep Style no / Ray: The idea is that you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042003 |
| Asleep Style | [[Ray and Beef in the car. It is night.]]
/ Ray: You ever heard of "Asleep Style"? / Beef: What do you mean / Ray: It's like a sex position. But it's also kind of like a sex concept. / Beef: Can't say I read too much about folks gettin' it on Asleep Style no / Ray: The idea is that you... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042003 |
| Achewood - February 4, 2004 | [[We see the back of Ray's head, and Roast Beef sitting across him from a table, with pen and paper in hand]]
/ Ray; No, no, nothin' like that.
/ Underground street dancing.
/ WAY underground. / [[Close-up on Ray, holding a martini]]
/ Ray; All the most experimental moves, the rawest beats...
/ Some nights... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042004 |
| Achewood - February 4, 2005 | {{click robot lays on ground}} / {{Phillipe stars angrily at click robot, "Screw You, Man" burned into his chest}} / {{Mr. Bear enters}}
/ Mr. Bear: Phillipe! What a highly inadvisable piece of body art! / Mr. Bear: "Screw you, man." Why, I never. Go home at once. I expect you are in very deep trouble. / {{cut... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042005 |
| Achewood - February 4, 2008 | Ray [[into phone]]: Uh, mom? Can I ask you something?
/ Sondra [[from phone]]: Why certainly, Raymond. / Ray [[into phone]]: Um, if I can't be President, can I... can I be a Mayor instead? / Sondra [[into phone]]: Mayor is fine, dear. I would be very proud if my son was a nice, safe mayor, sitting in... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042008 |
| Achewood § February 4, 2009 - Professor Gabriel | Lyle: I'm gettin' too old to play this game, man. / Téodor: Washing dishes at refried bean restaurants ? / Lyle: Back hurts every night, feet swell up so bad it stings to peel my socks off... / Lyle:... I fell down carryin' one 'a those rubber floor mats tonight and couldn't get up for almost a minute. / Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02042009 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2002 | [[French Fry is in a rollerskate, Philipe is kneeling beside it]]
/ Philippe: What? Now you want to climb a tree? You sure have a lot of dreams for a french fry!
/ French Fry: ii iii ii! / [[Philippe and French fry sitting on a tree branch]]
/ Philippe: Well, how do you like it up here?
/ French Fry: ii... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052002 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2003 | [[Philippe is in a treehouse]]
/ Téodor: Philippe! I'm making Five Dollar Chili! Come on down!
/ Philippe: I'm not coming down until I lose ten pounds!
/ Téodor: That's no way to diet! Come on down and I'll make you a salad.
/ Philippe: Will you put all the dressings into bowls with different ladles?
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052003 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2003 | [[Philippe is in a treehouse]]
/ Téodor: Philippe! I'm making Five Dollar Chili! Come on down!
/ Philippe: I'm not coming down until I lose ten pounds!
/ Téodor: That's no way to diet! Come on down and I'll make you a salad.
/ Philippe: Will you put all the dressings into bowls with different ladles?
/ Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052003 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2004 | Roast Beef: Alright Philippe the next move is to name your running mate / Philippe: How about Todd? Todd's funny. Everyone likes Todd! Let's use Todd! / Roast Beef: Oh uh I got the numbers on Todd / Roast Beef: Polls show that he is actively disliked by females, ethnic groups, religious groups... / Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052004 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2004 | [[Roast Beef, wearing a shirt and tie, is sitting at a table, talking to Philippe, and taking notes]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright Philippe the next move is to name your running mate / Philippe: How about Todd?
/ Philippe: Todd's funny.
/ Philippe: Everyone likes Todd!
/ Philippe: Let's use Todd! / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052004 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2007 | [[Ray is at the computer as Teodor walks in.]] / Teodor: You had a bunch of stuff overflowing your mailbox. Here.
/ Ray: Thanks, hometicket. Put it anywhere, I'll find it. / Teodor: "Tostada" magazine? What's that all about?
/ Ray: That's all the latest with tostadas. / [[Teodor flips through the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052007 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2007 | [[Ray is at the computer as Teodor walks in.]] / Teodor: You had a bunch of stuff overflowing your mailbox. Here.
/ Ray: Thanks, hometicket. Put it anywhere, I'll find it. / Teodor: "Tostada" magazine? What's that all about?
/ Ray: That's all the latest with tostadas. / [[Teodor flips through the... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052007 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2007 | [[Ray is at the computer as Teodor walks in carrying a pile of mail.]] / Teodor: You had a bunch of stuff overflowing your mailbox. Here.
/ Ray: Thanks, hometicket. Put it anywhere, I'll find it. / [[Teodor picks out a magazine from the mail.]]
/ Teodor: "Tostada" magazine? What's that all about?
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052007 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2008 | Cornelius: You've been a bit of a mope lately, Teodor.
/ Teodor: sigh. / Teodor: All I do is put on my pants, watch reruns on YouTube, then take my pants back off again and stuff myself into bed. I don't even play the guitar anymore, and when I get hungry I just flip through the same six takeout menus. / Cornelius:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052008 |
| Achewood - February 5, 2008 | Cornelius: You've been a bit of a mope lately, Teodor.
/ Teodor: sigh. / Teodor: All I do is put on my pants, watch reruns on YouTube, then take my pants back off again and stuff myself into bed. I don't even play the guitar anymore, and when I get hungry I just flip through the same six takeout menus. / Cornelius:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02052008 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2002 | [[Philippe is lying in a field with French Fry. Both look positively complacent]]
/ French Fry: [illegible]... / Philippe: Yeah, I think everybody wishes they could fly. It's impossible, though. / French Fry: [illegible]!
/ Philippe: What?
/ [[Philippe rolls toward French Fry]] / French Fry: [illegible]! / [[Philippe... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062002 |
| Some Subway Would Punish | [[Ray and Roast Beef are driving at night in Beef's Galaxie.]]
/ Ray: Look at that! Only 240 miles home! You gonna be hungry before we get there?
/ Beef: Dang yeah I guess we ain't basically eaten in nearly a day / Ray: We gotta find us a Underground and grab us some Subway! / Beef: Oh man Subway would... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062003 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2004 | [[Phillippe looking happy in his suit]]
/ Phillippe: I still think it would be fun if Todd was my vice president!
/ I don't care what ANYONE says! / [[Roast Beef looking down at notes]]
/ Beef: Okay fine let's have him in for an interview / [[Beneath the supertitle "SOON", Roast Beef sits at a table,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062004 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2004 | [[Phillippe looking happy in his suit]]
/ Phillippe: I still think it would be fun if Todd was my vice president!
/ I don't care what ANYONE says! / [[Roast Beef looking down at notes]]
/ Beef: Okay fine let's have him in for an interview / [[Beneath the supertitle "SOON", Roast Beef sits at a table,... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062004 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2006 | [[Title on first panel: ON THE ROAD TO THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT]]
/ [[Roast Beef is driving a motorcycle to the Acres, for the Great Outdoor Fight. Ray is in his sidecar. They are on a lonely road in the middle of nowhere.]]
/ Roast Beef: Well I mean I would bet basically one dude or maybe none in a million... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062006 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2006 | [[Title on first panel: ON THE ROAD TO THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT]]
/ [[Roast Beef is driving a motorcycle to the Acres, for the Great Outdoor Fight. Ray is in his sidecar. They are on a lonely road in the middle of nowhere.]]
/ Roast Beef: Well I mean I would bet basically one dude or maybe none in a million... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062006 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2007 | [[Beef is sitting while reading. Ray is standing in an adjoining room with magazine in hand; they are having a largely one sided conversation.]] / Ray: What's the deal with Polack jokes, man? / Roast Beef: Yeah exactly / Ray: I mean, you ever met a Polish dude? They're little, and they can be pretty... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062007 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2007 | [[Beef is sitting in an armchair reading. Ray is standing in an adjoining room with magazine in hand; they are having a largely one sided conversation.]] / Ray: What's the deal with Polack jokes, man? / Roast Beef: Yeah exactly / Ray: I mean, you ever met a Polish dude? They're little, and they can... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062007 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2007 | [[Beef is sitting while reading. Ray is standing in an adjoining room with magazine in hand; they are having a largely one sided conversation.]] / Ray: What's the deal with Polack jokes, man?
/ Roast Beef: Yeah exactly / Ray: I mean, you ever met a Polish dude? They're little, and they can be pretty... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062007 |
| Achewood - February 6, 2007 | [[Beef is sitting while reading. Ray is standing in an adjoining room with magazine in hand; they are having a largely one sided conversation.]]
/ Ray: What's the deal with Polack jokes, man?
/ Roast Beef: Yeah exactly / Ray: I mean, you ever met a Polish dude? They're little, and they can be pretty mad... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062007 |
| Achewood § February 6, 2009 | [[Fuck-you Friday!]] / [[Ray with a wood saw and 2x4. The radio is on. He is aghast.]]
/ Radio: How'd I live to be 106? Why, I'll tell you. Never drank, never smoked, and never did drugs! Never ran with wild women! I still go to work at 8am each day! / [[Ray, enraged, calling in to the radio show.]]
/ Ray:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062009 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02062010 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Achewood - February 7, 2002 | Philippe: There you go! What do you think?
/ French Fry: |||||| ||| ||||||||||||| !
/ Philippe: Ha ha! I guess you do look just like a skater!
/ Philippe: Wow! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072002 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2003 | [[Ray and Roast Beef have parked and left the Galaxie, and are walking towards the Subway.]]
/ RAY: Oh man, I am gonna get six kinds of nasty on a Cold Cut Trio!
/ BEEF: You said it / [[Ray is at the counter, behind which Lyle is working.]]
/ RAY: Lyle! What it is, sucka!
/ LYLE: Welcome home, fellas. What'll... http://achewood.com/?date=02072003 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2003 | [[Ray and Beef are walking away from Beef's car, just parked.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072003 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2003 | [[Ray and Beef are walking away from Beef's car, just parked.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072003 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2003 | [[Ray and Beef are walking away from Beef's car, just parked.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072003 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2003 | [[Ray and Beef are walking away from Beef's car, just parked.]]
/ < http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072003 |
| Little Nephew and Teodor Discuss Spaghetti | Little Nephew: Yo, what's that wicked faggy music you been playin, Teodor? / Teodor: It's called fingerstyle guitar. / Little Nephew: Faggotstyle? Is that what you said? Just now? / Teodor: Almost. You almost got it right. / Little Nephew: Phew, man. / Little Nephew: I've been feelin' pretty bad... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072005 |
| Little Nephew and Teodor Discuss Spaghetti | Little Nephew: Yo, what's that wicked faggy music you been playin, Teodor? / Teodor: It's called fingerstyle guitar. / Little Nephew: Faggotstyle? Is that what you said? Just now? / Teodor: Almost. You almost got it right. / Little Nephew: Phew, man. / Little Nephew: I've been feelin' pretty bad... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072005 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2006 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are riding in a motorcycle with a sidecar.]]
/ Ray: How the hell did you get into the Fight, Beef?! / Roast Beef: Let's just say their database is accessible via any networked computer / Ray: You HACKED your way into the Fight? / Ray: Still, man, you can't hack a massive furious... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072006 |
| Achewood - February 7, 2006 | [[Ray and Roast Beef are riding in a motorcycle with a sidecar.]]
/ Ray: How the hell did you get into the Fight, Beef?! / Roast Beef: Let's just say their database is accessible via any networked computer / Ray: You HACKED your way into the Fight? / Ray: Still, man, you can't hack a massive furious... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072006 |
| Achewood - February 8, 2002 | Phillip: HEEE / Phillip: EEEEE / Phillip: ELLL / Phillip: LLLLP! http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02082002 |
| Gossipy hot dog chef | [[Roast Beef is at a Snacks stand]]
/ Roast Beef: Hey buddy you know who I'm drivin' in that sidecar / [[The chef takes out a hot dog. There is a menu behind him that reads:
/ COLA
/ WHISKEY
/ DOUBLE UP
/ TRI-TIP
/ CHX/CHZ
/ POLISH
/ BIG DOG
/ WRINGER
/ TURKEY]]
/ Hot Dog Chef: Three bucks for the Polish, pencil... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02082006 |
| Achewood - February 8, 2007 | Téodor: Todd! I thought you died and went to heaven! / Todd: Y-Y-Yeah, but I'm back now, ya flippin' ass-jack! 'Syer mom still a putz?
/ Téodor: How'd you get out this time? / Todd: They just m-m-made me watch some videos about not whackin' off. Also I hadda rotate this guy Fat Slimmy's tires. / Téodor:... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02082007 |
| Achewood - February 8, 2007 | Téodor: Todd! I thought you died and went to heaven!
/ [[Todd is startled: exclamation mark above his head]] / Todd: Y-Y-Yeah, but I'm back now, ya flippin' ass-jack! 'Syer mom still a putz?
/ Téodor: How'd you get out this time? / Todd: They just m-m-made me watch some videos about not whackin' off.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02082007 |
| Achewood - February 8, 2008 | [[Mr. Bear is sitting at his typewriter. Téodor approaches.]]
/ Téodor: What are you writing today, Cornelius? / Mr. Bear: Oh, it's tricky. Harlequin wants a romance novel centered around the organic foods craze.
/ Téodor: "A man, a woman, and a carrot with lice." / Mr. Bear: Something like that, yes.... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02082008 |
| Achewood - February 9, 2004 | Ray, over phone: Pat, did yyyyyou steal my laundry?
/ Pat: I refuse to answer that question, Ray. / Ray, over phone: Sayyy it, Pat! You just wanted to smell my dirty laundry, didn't yyyou?
/ Pat: You are unforgivable, Ray. / Pat: Are you drunk again?
/ Ray, over phone: Y--yes. Yes I am. / {{Soon}} / [[Ray... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02092004 |
| Achewood - February 9, 2005 | [[Ray and Teodor are having a conversation]]
/ Teodor: No, Pat already left. Why? / Ray: Pat already took? / [[Ray gives a thumbs-down]]
/ Ray: Man, he was supposed to give me back my damned Wayans Brothers cookbook! / Ray: I was gonna use a recipe from it tomorow! / Ray: They have this way of shaping... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02092005 |
| The Day Before The Fight | [[Roast Beef is looking at pad]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright so these are the dudes you're gonna take down on day one
/ Ray: Huh? You got a list? / [[Ray is sitting down next to pole, holding a cup]]
/ Roast Beef: Each one has a strong rep but an exploitable weakness that ain't been publicly identified yet / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02092006 |
| The Day Before The Fight | [[Roast Beef is looking at pad]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright so these are the dudes you're gonna take down on day one
/ Ray: Huh? You got a list? / [[Ray is sitting down next to pole, holding a cup]]
/ Roast Beef: Each one has a strong rep but an exploitable weakness that ain't been publicly identified yet / [[Roast... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02092006 |
| The Day Before The Fight | [[Roast Beef is looking at pad]]
/ Roast Beef: Alright so these are the dudes you're gonna take down on day one
/ Ray: Huh? You got a list? / [[Ray is sitting down leaning against a pole, holding a cup]]
/ Roast Beef: Each one has a strong rep but an exploitable weakness that ain't been publicly identified... http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02092006 |
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