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Achewood - February 15, 2007 [[Ray is sitting in front of the computer.]] / Ray: Daaamn, there's no Wikipedia entry for "Ray's urine"! <> / Ray: Maybe I can make one... / ...been a while since I had a victory with computers... / <> / [[Text shown above Ray typing at the computer.]] / Text: Ray's Urine / From...
Achewood - February 16, 2005 [[Téodor, Roast Beef (not shown), and Molly are riding with Ray in his Escalade. Téodor and Molly look irritated. Ray is not watching the road.]] / Ray: You know, I used to know a guy who got AIDS once. It was a pretty rough scene. / [[The car slams into a telephone pole.]] / <> / [[Téodor's face...
Achewood - February 16, 2005 Ray: You know, I used to know a guy who AIDS once. / <> / Ray: Fuck, man! I just crashed the car! / Roastbeef: Are you sure / Teodor: We'd better run, that was pretty loud. / Ray: Oh well! / Ray: Listen, it's only about ten blocks back to my place. We should play a game while we walk! / Roastbeef: Maybe...
Beating Ron Sipes [[Sipes is screaming, with his fists bared]] / Sipes: COME HERE! I'M GONNA TEAR OFF YOUR LEGS AND PISS UP THE STUMPS! / Ray: Man, that's crazy talk! A leg stump ain't got holes where your urine can go, Ron! / Sheesh, the imagination on this kid! / [[Sipes starts running towards Ray]] / Sipes: YAAAAAAAAH! / [[Sipes...
Achewood - February 16, 2007 [[Roast Beef, holding a bottle, is listening to Philippe. Philippe is looking very worried.]] / Philippe: My ear hurts, Roast Beef! Since yesterday! / [[Roast Beef now looks worried]] / Roast Beef: Oh uh dogg you got to get that checked out or you gonna go deaf for certain / Roast Beef: Eardrums all explodin'...
Achewood - February 16, 2007 [[Roast Beef, holding a bottle, is listening to Philippe. Philippe is looking very worried.]] / Philippe: My ear hurts, Roast Beef! Since yesterday! / [[Roast Beef now looks worried]] / Roast Beef: Oh uh dogg you got to get that checked out or you gonna go deaf for certain / Roast Beef: Eardrums all explodin'...
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=02162009">http://achewood.com/?date=02162009 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162010">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02162010 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 17, 2003 [[Roast Beef talking on the telephone, looking at DVD]] / Beef: Oh uh hey Todd check it out / I just got Death Limo on DVD dogg / You should come over / Beef: Yeah bonus features and everything / Beef: It says they even show how they did that scene where the limo chews that dude up using its hood...
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of...
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of...
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of...
Achewood - February 17, 2004 <> / RAY: WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WASH DISHES? RAMBO? BE CAREFUL! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Who's Rambo, Uncle Ray? / RAY: Who's RAMBO? / RAY: Rambo? JOHN Rambo? First BLOOD?! / LITTLE NEPHEW: Is he kind of like an old actor from your time? / RAY: Sly Stallone, you little bonehead! Ain't you ever hear of...
Achewood - February 17, 2005 Ray: (on phone) hey Teodor, man, it's Ray / Ray: Yeah, so I guess we got seperated last night. I was pretty turned around. / Ray:No, just wanted to make sure you all got home okay. / Ray:My place? No, not too bad. Not too much CDs got stolen. / Ray:Heh. Yeah. Lyle's sleepin' it off on the patio. / Ray:At...
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry:...
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry:...
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry:...
Achewood - February 17, 2006 [[Ray dusts off hands]] / <> / Barry King: That were bloody marvelous, mate! We's chuffed to see Stubb's own take Perfect Ron down so lovely-like! / Ted Cobb: We's chuffed, we is! / Ray: Who the hell are you two! / Barry: 'E's Feckless Ted Cobb, / Ted: An' this one's Barry King! / Barry:...
 
Achewood - February 18, 2003 [[Ray is at his window]] / Ray: [[Thinking]] What a damn lovely morning it is. / Teodor: Hey Ray! You wanna help me fix up a BOAT? / Ray: You got a boat, Teodor?! / Teodor: My dad just gave it to me! He got one of those fancy bass boats and handed me down his old one. / Ray: [[thinking]]Daaamn...a BOAT! / [[Ray...
Achewood - February 18, 2004 [[Roast Beef is holding a gift message letter from Calvin Klein Online. It reads: "Dear Roast Beef, I thought you would look handsome in this nice black shirt! XOXO Molly"]] / ROAST BEEF: Oh incredible she tracked me down ! / {{SOON}} / ROAST BEEF: Well look at me all in my shirt my lady bought me ! / ROAST...
Achewood - February 18, 2004 [[Roast Beef is holding a gift message letter from Calvin Klein Online. It reads: "Dear Roast Beef, I thought you would look handsome in this nice black shirt! XOXO Molly"]] / ROAST BEEF: Oh incredible she tracked me down ! / {{SOON}} / ROAST BEEF: Well look at me all in my shirt my lady bought me ! / ROAST...
Achewood - February 18, 2004 [[Roast Beef is holding a gift message letter from Calvin Klein Online. It reads: "Dear Roast Beef, I thought you would look handsome in this nice black shirt! XOXO Molly"]] / ROAST BEEF: Oh incredible she tracked me down ! / {{SOON}} / ROAST BEEF: Well look at me all in my shirt my lady bought me ! / ROAST...
Achewood - February 18, 2005 [[Phillippe and Lyle are talking to eachother]] / Phillippe: Lile, what is the story of the birds and the bees? / Lyle: Huh? Why ya ask? / Phillippe: I think I heard on a TV show that it explains where babies come from! / Lyle: Well, uh, there's this bird, see, and there's this bee, see-- / Lyle: And...
Achewood - February 18, 2005 [[Philippe and Lyle are talking to each other]] / Philippe: Lyle, what is the story of the birds and the bees? / Lyle: Huh? Why ya ask? / Phillippe: I think I heard on a TV show that it explains where babies come from! / Lyle: Well, uh, there's this bird, see, and there's this bee, see-- / Lyle: And...
Achewood - February 18, 2005 [[Phillippe and Lyle are talking to each other]] / Phillippe: Lile, what is the story of the birds and the bees? / Lyle: Huh? Why ya ask? / Phillippe: I think I heard on a TV show that it explains where babies come from! / Lyle: Well, uh, there's this bird, see, and there's this bee, see-- / Lyle:...
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182008">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02182008 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 19, 2002 Philippe: Excuse me, Lie Bot. I have to use the bathroom. / Lie Bot: Oh! Here's a quarter, then. / Philippe: What? / Lie Bot: A quarter! Take it. / [[Philippe stares at Lie Bot]] / Lie Bot: Haven't you heard? If you flush a quarter down the toilet each time you use it, the city collects it and puts...
 
Achewood - February 19, 2003 [[Teodor and Ray are walking.]] / Teodor: So are you and Tina still separated? / Ray: Tina? Dang, man! I ain't even thought about her in like six months! / Teodor: Really? I thought you guys always got back together. / [[They look at eachother]] / Ray: Not this time. I finally realized that we just...
Achewood - February 19, 2004 [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting in armchairs next to each other. Ray is fidgeting with a remote control.]] / Roast Beef: Come on Ray can't you even figure out the parental controls for your own damn TV. Sex Limo starts in like six minutes. / Ray: It's got like half a million settings, Beef! Hold on! / Roast...
Achewood - February 19, 2008 Caption: ACHEWOOD HISTORY THEATRE PRESENTS / Caption: THE PLANNING OF THE TRANSATLANTIC CABLE STARRING / Caption: CYRUS WEST FIELD / ISAMBARD KINGDOM BRUNEL / RAY SMUCKLES / AND / SHANTY THE YORKSHIRE TERRIER / Caption: LONDON, 1856 / Field: I propose that the transatlantic telegraph cable be suspended...
Sideburn Generator. (Achewood ? February 19, 2009) Ray: Daaamn, T! Whatchu lookin' at there? / T?odor: There's this online sideburn generator . . . I was just seeing how I'd look in some different styles. / Ray: Huh! How's it work? / T?odor: You upload a photo and their software superimposes stock sets of sideburns on you. / Ray: Check it, they got a...
Achewood - February 20, 2002 [[Lyle is wearing a pear of boxers that read "LET'S SLAM"]] / Lyle: Look what I found on eBay! / Téodor: Nice!
 
Achewood - February 20, 2003 [[Vlad is at his computer, thinking to himself]] / Vlad: So Pat thinks he can block me from messageboard! Is ridiculous assumption. / Vlad: In fact, why don't we make things interestink for dear friend Pat. / [[Pat has hacked the website for Pat's Subway, and it is now displayed]] / Website text:...
Achewood - February 20, 2006 [[Ray and Roast Beef are talking]] / Ray: Recumbent Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / [[Ray whispers into Beef's ear]] / <> / Beef: uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering his chakra....
Achewood - February 20, 2006 Ray:Recumbant Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / Ray:Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper... Whisper! Heh! / Beef:uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering his chakra / Has his eyes closed and takes about six minutes / Ray:Do it when his...
Achewood - February 20, 2006 [[Ray and Roast Beef are talking. Ray wears a bowler and Beef wears goggles.]] / Ray: Recumbent Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / [[Ray whispers into Beef's ear]] / <> / Beef: uh huh yeah cool uh you'll...
Achewood - February 20, 2006 [[Ray and Roast Beef are talking]] / Ray: Recumbent Tai-Chi, huh. I got a special move I want to discuss with you. / [[Ray whispers into Beef's ear]] / <> / Roast Beef: uh huh yeah cool uh you'll want to do that while he's re-centering...
Achewood - February 20, 2007 [[Ray is in a room with the lights off. His eyes are closed.]] / [[The lights turn on]] / <> / [[Roast Beef is standing at the door to the room, paw on light switch, staring ahead (at Ray, offpanel).]] / [[Ray looks up at Roast Beef, surprised.]] / {{Panel title: SOON}} / [[Ray and...
Achewood - February 20, 2007 [[Ray is in a room with the lights off. His eyes are closed.]] / [[The lights turn on]] / <> / [[Roast Beef is standing at the door to the room, paw on light switch, staring ahead (at Ray, offpanel).]] / [[Ray looks up at Roast Beef, surprised.]] / {{Panel title: SOON}} / [[Ray and...
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202011#bXpulseX">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202011#bXpulseX [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202012">http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02202012 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=02212002">http://achewood.com/?date=02212002 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 21, 2003 [[Pat and Téodor are taking a walk]] / Téodor: You were a show cat, Ray? / Ray: Heh heh! Yeah, yeah, my breeder used to show me in my early days. / [[Ray makes a gesture indicating braggadocio.]] / "Colonel Ephraim's Jay- Jay Boy, Grand Champion American Curl!" / Téodor: Wow, Grand Champion! Who was...
Achewood - February 21, 2003 [[Pat and Téodor are taking a walk]] / Téodor: You were a show cat, Ray? / Ray: Heh heh! Yeah, yeah, my breeder used to show me in my early days. / [[Ray makes a gesture indicating braggadocio.]] / "Colonel Ephraim's Jay- Jay Boy, Grand Champion American Curl!" / Téodor: Wow, Grand Champion! Who was...
a class="searchlink" href="http://achewood.com/?date=02212005">http://achewood.com/?date=02212005 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Achewood - February 21, 2006 Téodor: Oh no way! This guy's using his Blackberry to blog the Fight from inside the Acres! That's gotta be a first. / Téodor: Let's see if there's anything about Ray / (Computer Screen/Blog): GASPS AND GIGGLES by Barry King (XML) (RSS) / Good news, Barryheads! I've made it through the first eight hours...
Achewood - February 21, 2007 [[Ray and Roast Beef are sitting together, talking]] / Roast Beef: Yeah uh I'm a breast man of course Never brought it up 'cause you always been such a dyed-in-the-wool take-no-prisoners ass man / Ray: All this time, you felt like you couldn't even say anything! I'm sorry, man. I...I ain't even know...
 

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