You're browsing the archives of Unshelved.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Monday, December 17, 2007 [[Mel is pointing to something offscreen; Dewey is sitting at a computer.]] / Mel: There's gum all over the bottom of the table in the teen area. / Dewey: I'll take care of it. / [[Mel holds an object while Dewey walks away.]] / Mel: I bought you this scraper. / Dewey: Won't need it. / [[Table fastened to wall, top against wall legs sticking out, gum visible. Sign above table reads "GUM MOSAIC/Add your wad!" Mel and Dewey are looking at the table, Mel's arms folded, Dewey's hands in his pockets.]] / Mel: This wasn't what I had in mind. / Dewey: You should have been more specific.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071217
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 Woman: These kids are driving me nuts with all their chewing. / Dewey: It's art. / [[Dewey is putting a piece of paper, which reads "GUM MOSAIC", on the wall.]] / Woman: They're defacing county property! / Dewey: It's art. / [[Woman has left. Tamara and Dewey are looking after her. Dewey looks satisfied.]] / Tamara: Wow, she sure left in a huff. / Dewey: It's an art.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071218
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 [[Mel and Dewey are looking at the gum mosaic.]] / Mel: Your gum mosaic is getting disturbing. / Dewey: It seems to be attracting dust bunnies. / Mel: That's a dust grizzly. / Dewey: I disagree. It's more like a wookiee. / [[Child walks up.]] / Child: My cat coughed up this hairball.... / Mel: Time to pull the plug. / Dewey: For once I agree.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071219
Thursday, December 20, 2007 [[Dewey is at the reference desk computer; Tamara is behind him.]] / Tamara: You can't chew gum at the reference desk. / Dewey: It's part of my overall healthcare program. / Dewey: This gum is sweetened with XYLITOL. It may help repair dental caries and reduce plaque. / Tamara: You're finally making choices that -- / Dewey: I may be able to give up brushing teeth completely! Another wasted chunk of time recovered for valuable T.V. watching!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071220
Friday, December 21, 2007 [[A child is lying on the floor having a tantrum; the child's mother and Dewey are standing nearby.]] / Child: I don't want to go to school! / Dewey: Let me handle this. / [[Child is sitting up.]] / Dewey: If you don't go to school, you'll end up with a job where you have to deal with screaming children all the time. / [[Dewey has his hand on his chin.]] / Child: You didn't go to school? / Dewey: Actually, I had to get a special degree to qualify for this job. Scream away!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071221
 
Saturday, December 22, 2007 [[Dewey is behind the desk, talking to a mother and son and showing them a stack of books. The son is tall, has a shaved head, a tattooed or scarred arm, and several piercings.]] / Dewey: ...and those are all the books I recommend. / Mother: He's very grateful. / Mother: As a teenager his expressions aren't as nuanced as an adult's. But I can tell he's rainbows and flowers on the inside! Tell him, dear. / Son: I'd like to cut your heart out. / Mother: Also, he has trouble expressing his joy verbally.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071222
Sunday, December 23, 2007 [[The library doors are closed with a sign reading "Mallville Public Library CLOSED for the holidays". Through the windows we can see signs of a holiday party: Mel and Tamara are holding drinks and listening to Ned, who is wearing a Santa hat; Dewey and Merv are sitting with their backs to the desk playing a video game; Colleen and Doreen are playing together; and Buddy is carrying a stack of wrapped gifts toward the rest of the partygoers.]]
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071223
Monday, December 24, 2007 [[Cathy and Dewey sitting on couch with mugs. Christmas stocking hanging from mantle]] / Cathy: Hot buttered rum, Christmas lights, and no complaining! It's a Christmas miracle! / Cathy: I just want to thank you. I know this isn't your holiday, but you've made a real effort to -- / [[Dewey with one hand over mouth and other reaching toward mantle]] / Cathy: That'd better be your stocking. / Dewey: Yerg! [[leaning over with stocking at mouth]]
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071224
Tuesday, December 25, 2007 [[Mel is seated in front of a Christmas tree, chatting on a phone. She is sitting with another woman. They both have martinis.]] / Mel: Merry Christmas! / Mel: Dewey? Sorry to hear that. No, if you're sick on a holiday you just get the one day off. / [[Nighttime silhouette of a house, Christmas tree visible in the window, smoke rising from the chimney.]] / Mel [[from inside house]]: Well, should you ever actually *experience* the "spirit of Christmas" *then* you can accuse other people of not having it.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071225
Wednesday, December 26, 2007 [[Tamara is carrying stuffed unicorns around her apartment, talking to Dewey on her cordless phone]] / Tamara: No, I'm listening. I'm just taking care of a few chores. / Tamara: Santa brought you the stomach flu? He brought me three unicorns. (If I could just figure out where to put them) / Tamara: No, I don't have much sympathy. You don't eat right and, no offense, you *belong* on the naughty list.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071226
 
Thursday, December 27, 2007 [[Doreen is holding a thick tome and talking on the phone. Colleen walks by.]] / Doreen: Mom! Dewey's sick! / Doreen: Maybe I can help. What are your symptoms? / Yeah, in my new medical reference collection. / Doreen: No, it was top of my list. / Hardbound, seven volumes.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071227
Friday, December 28, 2007 [[Buddy's party. Buddy on the phone]] / Buddy: Hey Dewey! Did you change your mind about my mascot Christmas party? / Buddy: Yes, you ARE slick! / No, I don't think there's a "RREAARGH" here. / [[Buddy putting down phone]] / Buddy: Well, gotta go! / So, are you a chipmunk in a girl suit or a girl in a chipmunk suit?
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071228
Saturday, December 29, 2007 Mel: Dewey! Feeling better? / Dewey [[looking in door]]: About wasting my holiday? No. Still bitter. / Mel: Well, I'm glad you came in today. / Dewey [[walking away]]: I'm here under duress. / Mel: How is that different from any other day? / [[Child, holding out book toward Me]l] I'd like to return this book. It was a gift. Can I get cash? / [[Dewey walking out of frame]]
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071229
Sunday, December 30, 2007 The Unshelved Book Club presents "TAKEN" by Edward Bloor / Man: I'm looking for a new book about kidnapping? Takes place in the future? / Dewey: I just read that. / [[Awoman is being taken in a stretcher from an estate with a maid in the background]] / Dewey: In 2035 the gap between rich and poor is wider than ever. Kidnapping is a growth industry. Everyone knows the rules: If you get Taken don't make trouble - your parents will pay the ransom and you'll be home within 24 hours. Charity Meyers is a desperately unhappy child of wealth and privilege. She is being raised in the gated community of The Highlands by her live-in domestic servants. Her father is never home, and her soon-to-be-ex-stepmother exploits every family moment for her TV specials. When Charity is Taken she cooperates. But as the hours tick by it becomes apparent that something has gone terribly wrong. / Man: What's the title? / Dewey: It's "Taken". / Man: Well, what else do you have?
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071230
Monday, December 31, 2007 [[Female Patron is standing at the information desk]] / Patron: Is my personal information safe? / Dewey: Safe-ish. / Patron: What does that mean exactly? / Dewey: We delete all records of what you checked out as soon as you check it in. / Patron: That's not good enough! / Dewey: And I was so looking forward to your continued patronage.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20071231
 
Tuesday, January 01, 2008 Woman Patron: I have more questions about your privacy policy. / Dewey: I am replete with answers. / Woman: Your computer may forget which books I read, but won't YOU remember? / Dewey: Yes, I will retain for all time the detailed reading lists of you and the thousands of other patrons I serve. / Woman: Are you being sarcastic? / Dewey: Mostly, but you DO only read from Oprah's Book Club.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080101
Wednesday, January 02, 2008 Woman: Is this conversation privileged? / Dewey: I consider this more of an interrogation. / Woman: I want to make sure you won't blab to everyone in town. / Dewey: You want to make sure no-one knows you're a privacy nut. / Woman: Exactly. / Dewey: I'll do my best to keep it from the wire services.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080102
Thursday, January 03, 2008 Woman Patron: I've decided that your privacy policy, while lacking, is acceptable. / Dewey: I'm thrilled to my very core. / Woman: I'm read to start. / Dewey: Start? / Woman: Having satisfied myself that you can keep a secret, I'm going to tell you about my divorce and the string of messy affairs that preceded it! / Dewey: Fortunately our privacy policy is tempered by our coffee break policy.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080103
Friday, January 04, 2008 [[Man holds leash of large dog that is lunging at Dewey]] / Man: This is so weird!! He's not like this with anyone else! / Dewey [[in defensive posture]]: How about you? Are you better with other people, or does everyone dislike you?
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080104
Saturday, January 05, 2008 Colleen: I've been invited to a "webinar". What's a "webinar"? / Dewey: A seminar held on the web / Colleen: Why not just call it that? / Dewey: The same training by any other nme wouldn't sound half as innovative. / Colleen: What will it take to make the word "webinar" go away? / Dewey: I'm doing my bit by not attending any.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080105
 
Sunday, January 06, 2008 The Unshelved Book Club: THE IMPROBABLE CAT, by Allan Ahlberg, illustrated by Peter Bailey / [[Silhouette of couple feeding a cat larger than they and a smaller dog]] / Dewey: One day, a gray cat limps out of a hedge and into David's family. It eats like crazy, and it's soon bigger than Billy, the family dog. And it keeps growing at an alarming rate. Well, DAVID is alarmed. His father, mother, and younger sister are mesmerized. Soon Billy is banished to the garage, the housework has stopped, David's parents have become unkempt and unreliable, and his sister doesn't talk to her friends. They're only interested in serving the now-enormous cat. / Woman: What a wonderful ending! / Dewey: That's not the ENDING. That's the HOOK. / [[Woman now revealed to be a cat-fanatic]] / Woman: What ending could be better? / Dewey: My advice? Take the book and stop reading at that point.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080106
Unshelved comic strip archive [[Dewey and Tamara are looking at a chair with a "Caution Wet" sign on it]] / Dewey: Chilling. / Tamara: You're overreacting / Dewey: Neither of us saw what happened. Neither of us recognizes the handwriting. Neither of us knows what the liquid is. / [[Tamara is peeking around from the end of a stack]] / Dewey: But maybe I'm overreacting.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080107
Tuesday, January 08, 2008 [[Dewey stands in front of a chair with a sign reading "WET", holding out his hands to ward off Little Old Lady. Mel approaches in the background.]] / Dewey: Nothing to see here, folks! / Little Old Lady: It's just a wet chair, right? / [[Mel is now standing by them.]] / Dewey [[nervous grin]]: Right. / Little Old Lady [[to Mel]]: He's making me nervous. / Mel [[looking at chair]]: Wouldn't it be easier to just move this chair to the back? / Dewey: Except for the part about touching it, yes! / Move along!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080108
Wednesday, January 09, 2008 [[Dewey is looking offscreen. Buddy stand by him.]] / Dewey: Where's the chair? / Buddy: What chair? / Dewey: The one marked "wet". / Buddy: It was dry, so I took the sign off. / Buddy [[paw on chin]]: Now let's see -- which one was it? / Dewey [[on phone]]: We've got a class 1 biohazard at the library. / Yes, again.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080109
Thursday, January 10, 2008 [[Dewey approaches female patron who is sitting reading at a round table]] / Dewey: Ma'am, I have to warn you that the chair on which you are sitting may have been previously marked with a "wet" sign of unknown provenance. / Female Patron: Pardon? / Dewey: You're Butt-Deep in Germtown. / Female Patron: Honey, if I were squeamish I wouldn't come to the library.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080110
 
Friday, January 11, 2008 Computer Victim: Are you making my computer crash? / Dewey: Probably not. / Computer Victim: "Probably"? / Dewey: Making your computer crash would be against the rules. Especially if I were doing it to punish you. / Computer Victim: Is this about that cookbook I accidentally frosted? / Dewey: Probably not.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080111
Saturday, January 12, 2008 Tamara: [[clapping hands]] Happify! / Tamara: Happify! / Computer Victim: [[pointing at Tamara]] I don't know what that means. / Dewey: Follow my lead. / [[Dewey and Computer Victim are wearing unnaturally large grimacing smiles.]] / Tamara: Doesn't that feel good? / Computer Victim: How long do I have to hold this expression? / Dewey: Storytime starts in eight minutes.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080112
Sunday, January 13, 2008 The Unshelved Book Club: THE SPACE MERCHANTS, by Frederik Pohl and C.M. Kornbluth / {{Bill's annual birthday strip drawn by Gene Ambaum}} / Colleen: Happy birthday! It's signed by both authors! / Tamara: What's THAT? / Dewey: One of my favorite classic science fiction novels! / [[Picture of man cutting into a large slab of meat]] / Dewey: Capitalism has run rampant. Corporations control everything, the environment has been destroyed, and the working pool are trapped in hopeless lives while executives rule the world. Ad exec Michael Courtney is given the job of a lifetime: convincing people to emigrate to Venus. But he's kidnapped, taken from his life in the economic stratosphere and put into a horrifying labor camp where workers harvest pieces of the giant, decades-old mutant livestock called Chicken Little and turn it into food for the masses. To return to his old life he'll literally have to climb back up the corporate food chain. / Tamara: You grew up reading vegan propaganda? / Dewey: Every time I reread it, I go out for McNuggets.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080113
Monday, January 14, 2008 Mel: Colleen is sick. I need you to work tomorrow night. / Dewey: Let me write myself a note. / Dewey: I'll put it right here so I don't forget. / Mel: How will you remember to look at it? / Dewey: Good point. I'll make another note to remind myself. / Mel: It's so nice to see you using our office supplies!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080114
Tuesday, January 15, 2008 [[Mel and Dewey at computer desk. Computer desk is covered with sticky notes.]] / Mel: I'm a little concerned about your reminder system. / Dewey: It's working for me. / Mel: What about one of those nice, new mini computers you keep looking at online. / Dewey: Are you offering me a raise? Because there's a reason I'm still just looking. / Mel: How about a notebook? I'll give you your choice of colors. / Tamara [[Sticking her head in.]]: Except pink. / Mel: Except pink.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20080115
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 >>