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| Friday, December 13, 2002 | Woman: I need a phone book.
/ Dewey: Local? Most recent edition? / Woman: Well yes, of course.
/ Dewey: Just checking. White Pages? / Woman: White doesn't really suit me.
/ Dewey: Yellow, then. / Woman: Do you have anything in a fuchsia? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021213 |
| Saturday, December 14, 2002 | [[Dewey sits at the reference desk reading a book with his feet up. Mel points at her watch. A crowd of people waits at the library entrance. Buddy carries books to be shelved. The clock shows 10:10.]] / Mel: Don't we open at 10am today?
/ Dewey: Don't worry, I always set the clocks back before opening... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021214 |
| Sunday, December 15, 2002 | Patron: I'm trying to childproof our home. / Patron: I covered the corners, I gated the doorways, and I sealed the appliances. This morning I found my daughter behind the sofa trying to swallow a marble. / Patron: [[holding up a small crate]]: Then I realized, hey! It worked for our dogs! / Tamara:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021215 |
| Monday, December 16, 2002 | Patron: May I have the phone book?
/ Dewey: I don't think so. I've been burned by this one a lot lately. / Patron: But I need to look up a number!
/ Dewey: Use the internet or just start dialing, you might get lucky. / Patron: I demand to see the manager!
/ Dewey: Okay, okay, here you go. One phone book. / Patron:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021216 |
| Tuesday, December 17, 2002 | [[Man with obvious hair plugs wears a shirt saying ASK ME ABOUT MY HAIR PLUGS]] / [[He comes to Dewey's desk]] / [[Nobody says anything]] / Man: Do you have any questions?
/ Dewey: That's MY line. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021217 |
| Wednesday, December 18, 2002 | Dewey: If you don't have any questions, please step aside, so someone else can have a turn.
/ Hair-plug man: But there's no one behind me! / [[Dewey leaves the help desk]] / [[Dewey moves behind the man]] / [[Dewey is standing behind the man, who reveals his T-shirt of ASK ME ABOUT MY HAIR PLUGS]]
/ Man:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021218 |
| Thursday, December 19, 2002 | [[Mel is trimming a Christmas tree]]
/ Ned: Nice tree.
/ Mel: Thanks. Filing your usual complaint? / Ned: Of course.
/ Mel: But trees aren't Christian. They're a PAGAN symbol. / Ned: So the public library is promoting paganism now?
/ Mel: It's such a cute little religion. It hardly counts. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021219 |
| Friday, December 20, 2002 | [[Mel, Dewey and Tamara are standing at the Information desk.]]
/ Mel: Ned is going to make us take our tree down again.
/ Dewey: Good.
/ Tamara: What do you mean, "good"? / Mel: Dewey hates this time of year.
/ Dewey: "Hate" is such a strong word. I prefer "detest."
/ Tamara: Is this some sort of Scrooge... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021220 |
| Saturday, December 21, 2002 | Patron: I need the perfect gift for my mother.
/ Dewey: Ah, another sheep on the corporate Christmas train. / Patron: Um, maybe someone else can help...
/ Dewey: Here you go: Eminem box set on sale at Amazon. / Patron: I don't think that's...
/ Dewey: All right, then Tony Orlando. Whatever. / Tamara:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021221 |
| Sunday, December 22, 2002 | Computer Victim: But I didn't touch anything, I swear.
/ Dewey:It just went black? / Computer Victim: Yes and before I could respond to that nice Nigerian man about my bank account.
/ Dewy: Hold that thought. / Dewey: Tell me you didn't just unplug that man's computer.
/ Merv: It was your holiday wish / Dewey:No,... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021222 |
| Monday, December 23, 2002 | Man: Happy Holidays!
/ Dewey: Holidays? Plural? / Man: Well sure. You know, there's Christmas, and Hanukkah...
/ Dewey: ... which ended two weeks ago. / Man: I knew that. And, uh, Kwanzaa, which you probably don't celebrate.
/ Dewey: I don't / Man: Help me out here.
/ Dewey: Happy Boxing Day. What... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021223 |
| Tuesday, December 24, 2002 | [[Tamara is hanging up Chrismas garland; Dewey approaches carrying a stack of books]]
/ Tamara [[sneezing]]:Dewey, what's your problem with Christmas? < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021224 |
| Wednesday, December 25, 2002 | [[Dewey, Mel, Tamara, Buddy, and Colleen are opening Christmas gifts]]
/ Dewey: A hotplate? Is this supposed to restore my holiday spirit?
/ Mel: It's called cooking. Try it.
/ And these are?
/ Tamara: Book warmers. I made them myself.
/ Oooh! Chocolate!
/ Buddy: Actually it's native-harvested organic carob.
/ Hey!... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021225 |
| Thursday, December 26, 2002 | Merv [[holding a life-size cut-out of himself, speaking to Dewey]]: I asked my Grandmother for a superhero cutout and look what she sends me. / Dewey [[in profile]]: Maybe she's saying you are a superhero to her.
/ Merv [[in profile]]: That is... outrageously cheesy.
/ Dewey [[in profile]]: Bear with... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021226 |
| Friday, December 27, 2002 | Dewey: This is the most basic cookbook we have.
/ Woman: My husband needs it to be simple Very, very simple. / Dewey: Here's a recipe for boiled potatoes.
/ Woman: Read it to me. / Dewey: "Boil one quart water..."
/ Woman: Not detailed enough. / Dewey: "Peel the potato."
/ Woman: Is there a diagram? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021227 |
| Saturday, December 28, 2002 | Clown: I have a question about home loans.
/ Dewey: Is it about balloon payments? / Dewey: Get it? Balloon payments? For a clown's loan? / Clown: Good thing I don't work libraries. I couldn't handle the competition.
/ Dewey: Oh great, it's Bozo the sarcastic clown. / Mel: Please tell me Dewey's not... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021228 |
| Sunday, December 29, 2002 | Patron: My T.V. remote doesn't work.
/ Dewey: Well I have some books on...is that a power cord? / Patron: Uh, yeah. Is that unusual?
/ Dewey: How much power does that thing put out? / Patron: Let's just say we've never needed a microwave.
/ Dewey: Would you mind aiming that thing somewhere else? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021229 |
| Monday, December 30, 2002 | [[Barbarian who looks like Dewey fights two-headed monster with an ax]] / Son: I'm supposed to read a mystery for school, but I don't like them.
/ Mother: He hates mysteries. Find him one he'll like. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021230 |
| Tuesday, December 31, 2002 | [[Dewey standing behind female patron on the Internet]]
/ Dewey: Excuse me, what you're looking at is making someone uncomfortable.
/ Patron: Really? Who? / Dewey: Me.
/ Patron: You're a librarian. You don't count. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021231 |
| Wednesday, January 01, 2003 | Computer Victim [[talking to Dewey's back]]: How do I return an "e-mail" sent to me by mistake?
/ Dewey: Describe the email. / Computer Victim [[following Dewey as he shelves books]]: It was from a scantily-clad young lady. I assume it was meant for her husband.
/ Dewey [[still with his back to Computer... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030101 |
| Thursday, January 02, 2003 | Mel: It says here that you booktalked to 3000 high school students this last month?
/ Dewey: Yup. Well, you know, adjusted for difficulty. / Mel: "Adjusted for difficulty"?
/ Dewey: Right, like in Olympic Diving. A teenager is ten times more difficult than each kid Tamara talks to. / Mel: So you actually... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030102 |
| Friday, January 03, 2003 | Dewey: Just reduce your question to Boolean logic, enocde onto these punchcards and you'll have an answer in a few days.
/ Merv's mother?: I don't understand!
/ Merv: Don't worry, there's a manual! [[holding four thick volumes of a manual]] / [[She is seated at a computer terminal with Dewey looking on]]
/ Mother:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030103 |
| Saturday, January 04, 2003 | Male Patron: Why are all those computers out of order?
/ Dewey [[at main desk]]: You mean in the grand scheme of things? / Male Patron: No, what's wrong with them?
/ Dewey: They're not working. / Male Patron: *Specifically* what?
/ Dewey: I don't know. If i did I'd fix them. / Male Patron: You're useless.
/ Dewey:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030104 |
| Sunday, January 05, 2003 | Dewey: Bikes belong outside.
/ Mel: It's a nice bike and I can't find the owner. If I leave it outside, it'll be stolen. / Dewey: This is a very bad idea.
/ Mel: Oh hush. It'll be just fine. / [[At least five bicyclers are riding around inside the library]]
/ Tamara: What is this -- a rally?
/ Dewey:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030105 |
| Monday, January 06, 2003 | Dewey: I told you not to let that one bike inside.
/ Mel: What was I thinking? / Dewey: Management has dulled your previously keen wits.
/ Mel: You're the teen expert. What can we do? / [[Dewey and Mel are in the background, while in the foreground Computer Victim is talking to a bike rider]]
/ Dewey:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030106 |
| Tuesday, January 07, 2003 | Merv: ...and she only cares how LONG the books are. Then I realized -- large print books!
/ Dewey: Merv, you are the king of reading as little as possible. / Merv: ...and YOU are the king of librarians!
/ Mel: What are you two up to now? / Dewey: Have you noticed we kings get very little respect?
/ Merv:... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030107 |
| Wednesday, January 08, 2003 | [[A teacher is confronting Dewey at the information desk]]
/ Teacher: Are you the one handing out large-print books to my students?
/ Dewey: Actually this is a self-service library. / Teacher: But that throws off my whole curricular strategy!
/ Dewey: Oh right -- you're having them pick out books based... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030108 |
| Thursday, January 09, 2003 | [[Woman seems reluctant to touch the computer]] / [[Colleen watches as she tentatively moves the mouse]] / [[Woman is back to watching the computer, nervously]] / Colleen: Look, forget I called it a mouse. It's a kitten. A little white kitten.
/ Woman: Can't I just type? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030109 |
| Friday, January 10, 2003 | [[Dewey is behind the desk. A female patron and a male patron are in line]]
/ Female patron: This is the book you ordered for me, but it's not what I wanted. / Female patron [[looking in purse]]: I'm sure I have my library card here somewhere. / Female patron: I'd like to pay my fines while I'm here.... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030110 |
| Saturday, January 11, 2003 | Tamara: Do you mind if I grab that video right behind you?
/ Man: Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO mind. / [[Silhouettes of Tamara and the young girl staring at the man.]]
/ [[Tamara and the young girl have their hands on their hips.
/ Tamara is clearly angry.]] / Tamara [[looking at the young girl, with... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030111 |
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