You're browsing the archives of Unshelved.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Friday, December 13, 2002 | Woman: I need a phone book.
/ Dewey: Local? Most recent edition? / Woman: Well yes, of course.
/ Dewey: Just checking. White Pages? / Woman: White doesn't really suit me.
/ Dewey: Yellow, then. / Woman: Do you have anything in a fuchsia? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021213 |
| Saturday, December 14, 2002 | [[Dewey sits at the reference desk reading a book with his feet up. Mel points at her watch. A crowd of people waits at the library entrance. Buddy carries books to be shelved. The clock shows 10:10.]] / Mel: Don't we open at 10am today?
/ Dewey: Don't worry, I always set the clocks back before opening the doors. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021214 |
| Sunday, December 15, 2002 | Patron: I'm trying to childproof our home. / Patron: I covered the corners, I gated the doorways, and I sealed the appliances. This morning I found my daughter behind the sofa trying to swallow a marble. / Patron: [[holding up a small crate]]: Then I realized, hey! It worked for our dogs! / Tamara: You can't put your child in there!
/ Patron: You're right. I'll get the bigger size. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021215 |
| Monday, December 16, 2002 | Patron: May I have the phone book?
/ Dewey: I don't think so. I've been burned by this one a lot lately. / Patron: But I need to look up a number!
/ Dewey: Use the internet or just start dialing, you might get lucky. / Patron: I demand to see the manager!
/ Dewey: Okay, okay, here you go. One phone book. / Patron: Don't you have one alphabetized by first name?
/ Dewey: Oh look, it's time for my coffee break. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021216 |
| Tuesday, December 17, 2002 | [[Man with obvious hair plugs wears a shirt saying ASK ME ABOUT MY HAIR PLUGS]] / [[He comes to Dewey's desk]] / [[Nobody says anything]] / Man: Do you have any questions?
/ Dewey: That's MY line. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021217 |
| Wednesday, December 18, 2002 | Dewey: If you don't have any questions, please step aside, so someone else can have a turn.
/ Hair-plug man: But there's no one behind me! / [[Dewey leaves the help desk]] / [[Dewey moves behind the man]] / [[Dewey is standing behind the man, who reveals his T-shirt of ASK ME ABOUT MY HAIR PLUGS]]
/ Man: I don't think this should count.
/ Mel: Now *I* have a question. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021218 |
| Thursday, December 19, 2002 | [[Mel is trimming a Christmas tree]]
/ Ned: Nice tree.
/ Mel: Thanks. Filing your usual complaint? / Ned: Of course.
/ Mel: But trees aren't Christian. They're a PAGAN symbol. / Ned: So the public library is promoting paganism now?
/ Mel: It's such a cute little religion. It hardly counts. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021219 |
| Friday, December 20, 2002 | [[Mel, Dewey and Tamara are standing at the Information desk.]]
/ Mel: Ned is going to make us take our tree down again.
/ Dewey: Good.
/ Tamara: What do you mean, "good"? / Mel: Dewey hates this time of year.
/ Dewey: "Hate" is such a strong word. I prefer "detest."
/ Tamara: Is this some sort of Scrooge thing? / Dewey: Yes, except I'm dirt poor.
/ Tamara: So, no goose for Tiny Tim, then.
/ Mel: He's a real joy at gift exchange time too. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021220 |
| Saturday, December 21, 2002 | Patron: I need the perfect gift for my mother.
/ Dewey: Ah, another sheep on the corporate Christmas train. / Patron: Um, maybe someone else can help...
/ Dewey: Here you go: Eminem box set on sale at Amazon. / Patron: I don't think that's...
/ Dewey: All right, then Tony Orlando. Whatever. / Tamara: I'm worried about Dewey.
/ Colleen: Did he say Tony Orlando? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021221 |
| Sunday, December 22, 2002 | Computer Victim: But I didn't touch anything, I swear.
/ Dewey:It just went black? / Computer Victim: Yes and before I could respond to that nice Nigerian man about my bank account.
/ Dewy: Hold that thought. / Dewey: Tell me you didn't just unplug that man's computer.
/ Merv: It was your holiday wish / Dewey:No, I said I wanted ALL the computer problems to go away.
/ Merv: Oh. Then I'll need to use the circuit breaker. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021222 |
| Monday, December 23, 2002 | Man: Happy Holidays!
/ Dewey: Holidays? Plural? / Man: Well sure. You know, there's Christmas, and Hanukkah...
/ Dewey: ... which ended two weeks ago. / Man: I knew that. And, uh, Kwanzaa, which you probably don't celebrate.
/ Dewey: I don't / Man: Help me out here.
/ Dewey: Happy Boxing Day. What can I do for you? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021223 |
| Tuesday, December 24, 2002 | [[Tamara is hanging up Chrismas garland; Dewey approaches carrying a stack of books]]
/ Tamara [[sneezing]]:Dewey, what's your problem with Christmas? < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021224 |
| Wednesday, December 25, 2002 | [[Dewey, Mel, Tamara, Buddy, and Colleen are opening Christmas gifts]]
/ Dewey: A hotplate? Is this supposed to restore my holiday spirit?
/ Mel: It's called cooking. Try it.
/ And these are?
/ Tamara: Book warmers. I made them myself.
/ Oooh! Chocolate!
/ Buddy: Actually it's native-harvested organic carob.
/ Hey! Mascot Rub (R)!
/ Colleen: A video game? Why do *I* always get the worst present? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021225 |
| Thursday, December 26, 2002 | Merv [[holding a life-size cut-out of himself, speaking to Dewey]]: I asked my Grandmother for a superhero cutout and look what she sends me. / Dewey [[in profile]]: Maybe she's saying you are a superhero to her.
/ Merv [[in profile]]: That is... outrageously cheesy.
/ Dewey [[in profile]]: Bear with me. You could be "2D boy." / Merv: "Level lad"
/ Dewey: "The Thin Man"
/ Merv: "Flatlander"
/ Dewey: "Professor Plane"
/ Colleen [[with Doreen peeking over her shoulder]]: Do you ever WORK? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021226 |
| Friday, December 27, 2002 | Dewey: This is the most basic cookbook we have.
/ Woman: My husband needs it to be simple Very, very simple. / Dewey: Here's a recipe for boiled potatoes.
/ Woman: Read it to me. / Dewey: "Boil one quart water..."
/ Woman: Not detailed enough. / Dewey: "Peel the potato."
/ Woman: Is there a diagram? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021227 |
| Saturday, December 28, 2002 | Clown: I have a question about home loans.
/ Dewey: Is it about balloon payments? / Dewey: Get it? Balloon payments? For a clown's loan? / Clown: Good thing I don't work libraries. I couldn't handle the competition.
/ Dewey: Oh great, it's Bozo the sarcastic clown. / Mel: Please tell me Dewey's not really arguing with a clown.
/ Tamara: This beats the heck out of storytime. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021228 |
| Sunday, December 29, 2002 | Patron: My T.V. remote doesn't work.
/ Dewey: Well I have some books on...is that a power cord? / Patron: Uh, yeah. Is that unusual?
/ Dewey: How much power does that thing put out? / Patron: Let's just say we've never needed a microwave.
/ Dewey: Would you mind aiming that thing somewhere else? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021229 |
| Monday, December 30, 2002 | [[Barbarian who looks like Dewey fights two-headed monster with an ax]] / Son: I'm supposed to read a mystery for school, but I don't like them.
/ Mother: He hates mysteries. Find him one he'll like. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021230 |
| Tuesday, December 31, 2002 | [[Dewey standing behind female patron on the Internet]]
/ Dewey: Excuse me, what you're looking at is making someone uncomfortable.
/ Patron: Really? Who? / Dewey: Me.
/ Patron: You're a librarian. You don't count. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20021231 |
| Wednesday, January 01, 2003 | Computer Victim [[talking to Dewey's back]]: How do I return an "e-mail" sent to me by mistake?
/ Dewey: Describe the email. / Computer Victim [[following Dewey as he shelves books]]: It was from a scantily-clad young lady. I assume it was meant for her husband.
/ Dewey [[still with his back to Computer Victim]]: Ignore it. It's just spam. / Computer Victim: Young man, I served in Korea. I know spam. This was *not* spam. / Dewey [[still shelving books]]: Different kind. This is unsolicited email sent to thousands of people.
/ Computer Victim: Oh dear. I wonder if her husband knows. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030101 |
| Thursday, January 02, 2003 | Mel: It says here that you booktalked to 3000 high school students this last month?
/ Dewey: Yup. Well, you know, adjusted for difficulty. / Mel: "Adjusted for difficulty"?
/ Dewey: Right, like in Olympic Diving. A teenager is ten times more difficult than each kid Tamara talks to. / Mel: So you actually talked to 300 teenagers?
/ Dewey: Then there's the danger multiplier... http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030102 |
| Friday, January 03, 2003 | Dewey: Just reduce your question to Boolean logic, enocde onto these punchcards and you'll have an answer in a few days.
/ Merv's mother?: I don't understand!
/ Merv: Don't worry, there's a manual! [[holding four thick volumes of a manual]] / [[She is seated at a computer terminal with Dewey looking on]]
/ Mother: I can't figure out this catalog program! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030103 |
| Saturday, January 04, 2003 | Male Patron: Why are all those computers out of order?
/ Dewey [[at main desk]]: You mean in the grand scheme of things? / Male Patron: No, what's wrong with them?
/ Dewey: They're not working. / Male Patron: *Specifically* what?
/ Dewey: I don't know. If i did I'd fix them. / Male Patron: You're useless.
/ Dewey: Actually I'd probably be *trying* to fix them while you berated me. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030104 |
| Sunday, January 05, 2003 | Dewey: Bikes belong outside.
/ Mel: It's a nice bike and I can't find the owner. If I leave it outside, it'll be stolen. / Dewey: This is a very bad idea.
/ Mel: Oh hush. It'll be just fine. / [[At least five bicyclers are riding around inside the library]]
/ Tamara: What is this -- a rally?
/ Dewey: Yes. "Future Lawyers of Mallville"
/ Bicycler: Precedent! She set a precedent! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030105 |
| Monday, January 06, 2003 | Dewey: I told you not to let that one bike inside.
/ Mel: What was I thinking? / Dewey: Management has dulled your previously keen wits.
/ Mel: You're the teen expert. What can we do? / [[Dewey and Mel are in the background, while in the foreground Computer Victim is talking to a bike rider]]
/ Dewey: I've told the senior citizens to take the gloves off.
/ Computer Victim: Mind you, we had to RATION our toilet paper!
/ Bike rider: Stop reminiscing! I'll move my bike! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030106 |
| Tuesday, January 07, 2003 | Merv: ...and she only cares how LONG the books are. Then I realized -- large print books!
/ Dewey: Merv, you are the king of reading as little as possible. / Merv: ...and YOU are the king of librarians!
/ Mel: What are you two up to now? / Dewey: Have you noticed we kings get very little respect?
/ Merv: I keep telling you, we need more beheadings. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030107 |
| Wednesday, January 08, 2003 | [[A teacher is confronting Dewey at the information desk]]
/ Teacher: Are you the one handing out large-print books to my students?
/ Dewey: Actually this is a self-service library. / Teacher: But that throws off my whole curricular strategy!
/ Dewey: Oh right -- you're having them pick out books based on page count. / [[Teacher and Dewey are in the background. In foreground, Merv and a boy are reading books. Merv book text: Airplane Parts of 1983. Boy book text: Books in Print]]
/ Teacher: I'm teaching them not to judge books by their covers.
/ Dewey: I think covers are a better indication, don't you? Or maybe book reviews? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030108 |
| Thursday, January 09, 2003 | [[Woman seems reluctant to touch the computer]] / [[Colleen watches as she tentatively moves the mouse]] / [[Woman is back to watching the computer, nervously]] / Colleen: Look, forget I called it a mouse. It's a kitten. A little white kitten.
/ Woman: Can't I just type? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030109 |
| Friday, January 10, 2003 | [[Dewey is behind the desk. A female patron and a male patron are in line]]
/ Female patron: This is the book you ordered for me, but it's not what I wanted. / Female patron [[looking in purse]]: I'm sure I have my library card here somewhere. / Female patron: I'd like to pay my fines while I'm here. You accept foreign checks, right? / Female patron [[turning to look at Little Old Man behind her]]: Sorry this is taking so long.
/ Little Old Man [[throwing hands in the air]]: Just help yourself to a big slice of my life expectancy. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030110 |
| Saturday, January 11, 2003 | Tamara: Do you mind if I grab that video right behind you?
/ Man: Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO mind. / [[Silhouettes of Tamara and the young girl staring at the man.]]
/ [[Tamara and the young girl have their hands on their hips.
/ Tamara is clearly angry.]] / Tamara [[looking at the young girl, with her hands on the girl's shoulders]]: Just hold tight, honey. We're battling an evil giant.
/ Young girl: Cool! Can I kick him in the shins? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030111 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 >>