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| Sunday, January 12, 2003 | [[Mel and patron at the desk]]
/ Mel: One minute, please / [[Mel and Tamara in the office]]
/ Mel: How long did that really tall guy make you wait in the video aisle?
/ Tamara [[angry]]: Fifteen minutes / [[Mel and patron at the desk]]
/ Mel: Sorry, the computer just went down. It'll be back up in exactly fifteen minutes http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030112 |
| Monday, January 13, 2003 | {{Bill's annual birthday strip drawn by Gene Ambaum}} / [[Dewey is standing next to Mel, holding a wrapped gift]]
/ Dewey: You remembered my birthday!
/ Mel: It's on the calendar. / Dewey: You're very resourceful.
/ Mel: You wrote it there. And highlighted it in yellow. / Dewey: Oh right.
/ Mel: Could you have been less subtle?
/ Merv: I saw the skywriting. Happy Birthday! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030113 |
| Tuesday, January 14, 2003 | [[A man is at the desk in a diving suit, carrying a spear]]
/ Dolphin Hunter: Dolphin season open yet? / [[Tamara is on the phone]]
/ Tamara: Right here. Yes. Okay. / Dolphin Hunter: Who was that?
/ Tamara: Mallville Animal Society. They're giving you a five-minute head start. / Dolphin Hunter: Huh?
/ Tamara: I'd lose the flippers. Their members run pretty fast. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030114 |
| Wednesday, January 15, 2003 | [[Tamara is swinging a child in the air at the library. Music plays.]]
/ < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030115 |
| Thursday, January 16, 2003 | [[Staff meeting]]
/ Colleen: I can't work nights anymore. It's interfering with my baby's sleep cycle.
/ Tamara: I'd like next summer off to build houses for the poor.
/ Buddy: I need extra time to gather sticks and twigs for disabled beavers.
/ Dewey: Working on Saturday mornings interfers with watching television. / Dewey: ...er, with my little friends at the orphanage? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030116 |
| Friday, January 17, 2003 | Library Tip #12: Slow down! / [[Tamara is scolding two running children]] / [[Colleen is listening, irritated, to a woman]]
/ Woman: AndthenshesaystomeshesaysIneedtotalktoyouaboutthisimportantthingandIwaslike . . . / [[Dewey is walking out from behind the information desk, leaving a woman with a question and Mel]]
/ Dewey: I know exactly what you want!
/ Woman: But I haven't asked a question!
/ Mel: Triple latte. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030117 |
| Saturday, January 18, 2003 | [[Dewey looks agitated while Tamara is cutting something with a pair of scissors.]]
/ Dewey: I want to throttle them... ALL of them!
/ Tamara: Things heating up over at the Information Desk? / Dewey: I don't want to talk about it.
/ Tamara: Help me cut out felt animals. It's cathartic. / [[Dewey is cutting, while Tamara looks on, concerned]]
/ Dewey: This is great! I should've tried this years ago!
/ Tamara: Um, the monkey's not supposed to be strangling the elephant. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030118 |
| Sunday, January 19, 2003 | Female Patron: But I've been waiting forever!
/ Dewey: I'm sorry, I need to take this call. She's been on hold for ten minutes. / [[Dewey speaks into telephone]]
/ Dewey: You want to read all of Jackie Collins' novels in alphabetical order by main character? / Mel: Does Dewey need help at the desk?
/ Tamara: No. "Elmore Leonard" means he's in trouble. "Jackie Collins" just means he's stalling until his lunch break. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030119 |
| Monday, January 20, 2003 | [[Dewey peeks from behind a bookshelf at a man wearing a gasmask]] / [[Mel looks at the man wearing a gasmask]] / [[Tamara sees the man in the gasmask exiting the library]] / Dewey: Think he knows something we don't?
/ Tamara: What, like it's your turn to clean out the staff fridge? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030120 |
| Tuesday, January 21, 2003 | [[A worried patron comes up to Dewey]]
/ Patron: A man! Watching me on the computer! He knows my passwords!
/ Dewey: On my way. / [[They go to the computer.]]
/ Dewey: Is that him?
/ Patron: Yes!! Are you going to call the police? / Dewey: No. It's just a picture. He's not real.
/ Patron: That explains those abs. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030121 |
| Wednesday, January 22, 2003 | Patron: [[her hands on on her hips]] Baking soda. Muffins have them, pancakes don't.
/ Dewey: Excuse me? / Patron: And they're flat. That can't be good.
/ Dewey: I don't. / Patron: [[holding a book]] The trouble is, my book is due.
/ Dewey: Here, let me see that. / [[Mel is marking on a list and she comes up behind Dewey]]
/ Mel: Who's been renewing books for a year at a time?
/ Dewey: You're right, that's not long enough. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030122 |
| Thursday, January 23, 2003 | Mel: Have you noticed a lot of, um...
/ Dewey: Crazies? / Mel: That's not the word I would have used.
/ Dewey: Loons? / Mel: No?...
/ Dewey: "Patrons of differing outlooks on reality?" / Mel: Yes. Why so many lately?
/ Dewey: It's the cold. Brings them out like rats. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030123 |
| Friday, January 24, 2003 | [[Dewey is at the Information Desk. Merv asks him a question.]] / Merv: How can you tell the truly crazy from the merely weird?
/ Dewey: It's not hard. The crazy ones talk too loud, dress oddly, gesticulate a lot, say strange nonsensical stuff... / Colleen [[waving her finger at a patron offscreen, Merv and Dewey looking at her in the background]]: Mrs Simpson, your time is up! You'll use up the whole internet! / Merv: But there are exceptions, right?
/ Dewey: Not really, no. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030124 |
| Saturday, January 25, 2003 | [[An angry middle aged man is yelling at Dewey.]]
/ Angry man [[pointing]]: How dare you kick me off that computer? My taxes PAID for that computer!
/ Dewey: Let's look at that. / Dewey: According to your library card you live at 2518 Food Court East. County tax records show your annual property taxes are $2219. / Dewey: Of that about $41 goes to libraries. Computers are about 1% of our budget, which is 41 cents. / Angry man: You're saying I don't deserve more time?
/ Dewey [[counting out change]]: I'm saying I'll pay you 41 cents to leave. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030125 |
| Sunday, January 26, 2003 | Mel: Did you really just pay that man to leave the library?
/ Dewey: Only until the end of the fiscal year. / Mel: Isn't that a bad precedent?
/ Patron [[to Mel]]: Do you people ever stop *talking* and do *work*? / Patron: My taxes pay your salaries, you know. I expect *productivity*, *thrift*, and *customer service*! / [[Later]]
/ Dewey: How much did she cost?
/ Mel: $6 and a cab home. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030126 |
| Monday, January 27, 2003 | [[Dewey hands a patron a book (titled 'Knit a Cat'), Colleen is in the background]] / Patron: I can't believe you found it! My grandmother will freak!
/ Dewey [[smiles]]: I got lucky. It was incorrectly shelved. / Patron [[from offscreen, Dewey waves]]: Thanks again! Bye! / Colleen: You do know she didn't check that out, right?
/ Dewey [[Still smiling and waving]]: Stop it. I'm having a moment here. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030127 |
| Tuesday, January 28, 2003 | [[Boy speaking to Dewey]]
/ Boy: You know, the one with that guy, he does that thing at school and gets into trouble but in the end everything's okay?
/ Dewey [[hand on chin]]: Uh... / [[Tamara appears]]
/ Tamara [[hand on boy's shoulder]]: I know exactly where it is.
/ Dewey: You do? / [[Happy boy in foreground walking away with "Middle School Mayhem," Dewey and Tamara in background]]
/ Dewey: I can't believe it! How did you do that? / [[Silhouettes of Tamara and Dewey]]
/ Tamara: When did that shiny guy first appear?
/ Dewey: The Silver Surfer? Fantastic Four #48, why? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030128 |
| Wednesday, January 29, 2003 | [[Dewey is offering items to a male patron]]
/ Dewey: Sorry that took so long. Here's the fax. The wiring diagram is on page three. It's kind of fuzzy, but I found a clear version is this book. / Patron: What is all this going to cost me?
/ Dewey: The good news is it's free. / Patron: What's the bad news?
/ Dewey: There isn't any. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030129 |
| Thursday, January 30, 2003 | Young male patron [[a handful of umbrellas behind his back]]: How much jail time if I get caught shoplifting?
/ Dewey: Hold on. / Young male patron: What are you doing?
/ Dewey: Calling the police. / Young male patron: But ... isn't this conversation privileged or something?
/ Dewey: You're confusing me with a lawyer or a priest.
/ Ned: My paper is torn. I'm taking you to court.
/ Merv: Forgive me, Dewey, for I have sinned. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030130 |
| Friday, January 31, 2003 | [[Mel and Dewey are looking downwards]]
/ Mel: Can't we just leave him there?
/ Dewey: If called to testify, should I repeat that? / [[Buddy is caught underneath a fallen bookcase]]
/ Buddy: I might have to reshelve this section.
/ Dewey: You might have to rebuild this bookcase.
/ Mel: Buddy. Don't talk. / Buddy: Why? So I don't injure myself?
/ Mel: No, I just don't want you to talk. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030131 |
| Saturday, February 01, 2003 | [[Buddy lies on his side on the ground; Mel looks down at him.]]
/ Buddy: I'm afraid to look. I can't stand the sight of blood.
/ Mel: Let me take a peek. / Buddy: How bad is it?
/ Mel: I think it's going to need stitches. / Buddy: I'm going to be sick.
/ Mel: Buddy, it's just your costume. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030201 |
| Accident Report | Mel: I need to fill out this accident report.
/ Buddy: I slipped while shelving books. / Mel: And you tried to stop your fall with...?
/ Buddy: An old lady, but I missed, and snagged my costume on the literacy drive banner. / Mel [[quoting the form]]: "What can you do to avoid similar accidents in future?"
/ Buddy: Next time I fall, I'll just fall. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030202 |
| Monday, February 03, 2003 | [[Dewey and Merv are standing and talking. Merv hands Dewey some paper.]]
/ Dewey: This must be another of your teacher's brainstorms.
/ Merv: She just said to write a story. The rest was my idea. / Dewey: "Choose Your Own Adventure"? Isn't that passe?
/ Merv: A classic format ready to be rediscovered. / [[Dewey reads from the story as Merv looks on.]]
/ Dewey: "You Are a Health Department Inspector"
/ Merv: Are there enough rats on the cover? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030203 |
| Tuesday, February 04, 2003 | Dewey: Okay, Mister Interactive Fiction, I'm ready for my next choice.
/ Merv: [[From paper]] "You apply to vocational school. Which career path do you pick? / Dewey: Librarian. No, wait! Rock star!
/ Merv: [[Pointing at paper]] Those aren't on the list. / Dewey: Oh. Um... "Organ donor."
/ Merv: Good choice. Better benefits package than "Toxic Waste Taster." http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030204 |
| Wednesday, February 05, 2003 | Dewey: What, I died again? This is the worst "Choose Your Own Adventure" ever!
/ Merv: You need to make better choices. / Dewey: I tried every choice! I died in all of them!
/ Merv: So it's realistic. We all die eventually. / Dewey: You're either very profound or very lazy.
/ Merv: I like to think I'm both. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030205 |
| Thursday, February 06, 2003 | [[Merv and Dewey walk through the library, talking.]]
/ Dewey: So Merv, did your story get graded yet?
/ Merv: [[dejected]] D- / Dewey: That's a little extreme.
/ Merv: I thought so too! / Dewey: Maybe you shouldn't have killed off the teacher in the first chapter.
/ Merv: I refuse to pander to my audience.
/ Buddy: [[entering]] Can I just say I love libraries and everyone associated with them? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030206 |
| Friday, February 07, 2003 | [[Merv is perusing a display entitled "See the BOOK? Read the MOVIE! Mel and Dewey are standing nearby.]]
/ Mel: Should that say . . . ?
/ Dewey: No. The high school is pushing closed captions. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030207 |
| Saturday, February 08, 2003 | [[Dewey is dressed rather formally, and his coworkers are bemused.]]
/ Colleen: Interviewing for a new job? / Mel: Climbing the administrative ladder? / Dewey: [[taking Tamara's arm]] Ready for the *Avengers* convention?
/ Tamara [[dressed as Emma Peel]]: I do believe I am! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030208 |
| Sunday, February 09, 2003 | Frog: Single tall decaf latte, please!
/ Cow: Just as soon as I finish chewing my regurgitated cud! / [[The animals are puppets in a puppet show. Two kids are watching, looking slightly traumatized]]
/ Frog puppet: I don't see a milk steamer.
/ Cow puppet: Don't worry, my saliva is really hot! / [[Buddy is the puppeteer. Tamara looks on angrily]]
/ Buddy: Aren't animals interesting?
/ Tamara: This area is reserved for children only. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030209 |
| Monday, February 10, 2003 | [[Dewey and Mel are standing before a bulletin board. One of the board items, which is partially obscured, reads: "Remember, Tuesday is Picture Day!"]]
/ Dewey: "Picture Day"? Why, are we going to have a yearbook?
/ Mel: ID badges. Security, you know. / [[Dewey and Mel are now walking past a bookshelf.]]
/ Dewey: That's your excuse for everything now . . .
/ Mel: Is not. / [[Dewey has stopped, in the background; Mel is walking away from him towards the foreground.]]
/ Dewey: Then why do you make me keep the blinds shut?
/ Mel: Your "funny faces" were scaring children away. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20030210 |
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