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Friday, February 06, 2004 [[Dewey talking to a patron]] / Dewey: Please fill out this comment card. / Patron: But you haven't answered my question yet! / Dewey: trust me, it works better this way. / Patron: For whom? / Dewey: Look, if you want to find out where the bathroom is, I suggest you start writing.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040206
Saturday, February 07, 2004 [[Outside the manager's office]] / Mel: "I had to write about a recent experience with Dewey." / [[Inside the office; Mel is reading from a comment form]] / Mel: "Only once before in my life did an interaction leave such an impression on me." / Mel: "My unit was fast asleep when the Viet Cong struck..."
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040207
Sunday, February 08, 2004 [[Mel is seated at her desk, Buddy has just come into her office.]] / Buddy: I'd like to apply for paternity leave. / Me [[smiles]]l: Buddy? You're a father? / Buddy: For all I know, sure. / Mel [[head in hands]]: I so don't want to be having this conversation. / Buddy [[thumbs up]]: I've felled my share of trees, if you know what I mean.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040208
Monday, February 09, 2004 [[A patron holds up a book for Dewey to see.]] / Patron: I have an issue with this "graphic novel." / Dewey: I'm sorry to hear that. / Dewey: I know it features a gay superhero couple. I'm aware it's heavily politicized. I'm sorry it's not to your taste, but it's staying. / Patron: I just meant that the line art is awful. / Dewey: Oh. Well after Frank Quitely left the penciling went right to hell.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040209
Tuesday, February 10, 2004 Man [[looking happy]]: : Hi, do you have any... any... / Dewey: Yes? / Man: Uh, books... / Dewey: Yes? Books on...? / Man: Hallucinations! What do you have about hallucinations? / Dewey: 153.7, third aisle down. / Buddy: What's his problem? / Dewey: Takes all kinds. / [[Man walking away looking depressed]]
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Wednesday, February 11, 2004 Library Tip #24 : Everyone follows the same rules / Mel: This is due in three weeks. / Woman patron: But I need more time!! / Mel: Others are waiting for it too. / Woman patron: But I have more to read than them! It's just not fair! / Woman patron: I demand to speak to someone! / Mel: Dewey, she's all yours. / Dewey: Hi. How can I irritate you further?
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Thursday, February 12, 2004 Dewey [[to girl and mother]]: I'm trying to teach you to fish instead of giving you a fish. / Mother: I didn't ask about fish! / Dewey: It's a metaphor. / Mother: I knew that! / Girl: What's a "metaphor"? / Mother: A wise-ass comment when I'm in a hurry. / [[Dewey walking away]]
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040212
Friday, February 13, 2004 [[Dewey is eating chocolates from a heart-shaped container]] / Tamara: Where did those come from? / Dewey: The overkill isn't a clue? / Tamara: That school teacher who's always hanging around making moon eyes at you? / Dewey: Bingo. / Tamara: So you two are now officially a couple? / Dewey [[spitting out food]]: <>
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040213
Saturday, February 14, 2004 Dewey: You're saying eating the chocolates Cathy sent me is a sign of commitment? / Tamara: It sends a certain message. / [[Plane trailing "Cathy heart Dewey" sign passing window]] / Dewey: Maybe I shouldn't have let her clean my apartment. / Tamara: She cleaned your apartment? / Dewey: What? It's not like I was there.
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Sunday, February 15, 2004 [[Buddy has a bouquet of flowers and is talking to Dewey at the information desk.]] / Buddy: Look at the bouquet I got Tamara! / Dewey: Buddy, Valentine's Day was yesterday. / Buddy: It was? / Dewey: 'Fraid so. / Buddy: Should I explain to you that I had another blackout. / Dewey: Nah, take it slow. You don't want to sweep her off her feet.
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Monday, February 16, 2004 Guy wearing Apple shirt: You should have Macs. Macs don't get viruses. / Dewey: I wish I were a Mac, especially this time of year. / Apple Guy: They're faster! Easier to use! Design! Unix! / Dewey: Look, I admire your evangelistic fervor, but I'm really the wrong guy. / Mel: I hear they really are great. / Dewey: Sure, but who wants to end up like THAT? / [[Two uniformed men lead away Apple Guy in a straightjacket]] / Apple Guy: Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004 Man: You should have Amigas! / Dewey: Amigos? I have friends. Sure, they're a little odd... / Man: Amigas! The greatest computers ever made! / Dewey: Why haven't I ever heard of them? / Man: Superior technology is wasted on the unappreciative. / Dewey: Then this might not be the right place for them. / Colleen [[to boy holding cable]]: A cereal port? Save it for Captain Crunch, Mr. Smarty Pants!
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Linux [[Merv is sitting in at the Information Desk]] / Geek: You should be running Linux. / Merv: Don't tell anyone, but we are running Linux! / Merv: It's a new distro with a top-secret open-sourced java-based windows clone shell set to self-destruct on Linus Torvald's birthday! / Merv: In libraries everywhere people will find themselves running Open Office on KDE! / Geek: ¡Viva la revoluçion! / [[Dewey pops out from under desk and looks at Merv]] / Dewey: Did you say something?
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040218
Thursday, February 19, 2004 Man: About your computers... / Dewey: Don't tell me. They should all be dual-processor BE boxes. Or NeXT machines. Or TRS-80s running CP/M. / Man: It's just that... / Dewey: I know. I know. Running Windows XP perpetuates corporate hegemony. / Man: They're on fire. / Dewey: Again?
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040219
Friday, February 20, 2004 [[Tamara and Dewey are sitting across from each other at their work computers.]] / Tamara: Darn all this junk mail! / Dewey: You say that, but spam has its upside. / Mel [[walking in and stopping beside Dewey]]: Dewey, why haven't you returned your employee survey? / Dewey: You sent that? It must have ended up in my junk mail folder by mistake. / [[Mel walks out]] / Tamara: You are a piece of work. / Dewey [[on the phone]]: No Mom, I haven't gotten *any* of your emails!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040220
 
Saturday, February 21, 2004 [[Dewey walking toward man holding cup and talking on cell phone]] / [[Dewey pointing at "no drinks" and "no cell phones" signs while man continues to talk on cell phone]] / [[Dewey taking cell phone from scowling man]] / Dewey: He started it! / Man: Did not! / [[Mel behind desk with hands over eyes.]]
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040221
Sunday, February 22, 2004 [[Dewey is unlocking the library door. Shadows are seen through the windows]] / [[The doors are open. A crowd of patrons is hurrying through the doors.]] / [[The doors are open, the patrons are gone. Merve looks at Dewey, who is clinging to the ceiling.]] / Merv: Dude, I'm as excited about Spiderman 2 as the next guy but...
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040222
Monday, February 23, 2004 Woman: I'm from H.R. / Dewey: That "manager's signature" on my review just LOOKS forged. / Woman: You're shelving books? / Dewey: Not yet, I'm still in the strategizing phase. / Woman: Stop! It's not one of your assigned duties! / Dewey: You're telling me to do less work? Am I allowed to hug you? Probably not.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040223
Tuesday, February 24, 2004 Dewey: All those awful things you hear about H.R.? Not true. / Colleen: They told him not to shelve books. Or even to touch them. / Tamara: He doesn't shelve books. He doesn't do anything! / Dewey: Now it's official! / Tamara: I assume you'll rebel against authority and shelve every book we have? [[Tamara is shelving.]] / Dewey: I thought about it, then I came to my senses. / Tamara: "Avoiding work" isn't a sense. / Dewey: You're right. It's more like a superpower.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040224
Wednesday, February 25, 2004 [[Older female patron following Dewey who is stepping over a book on the floor]] / Dewey: Follow me. I'll show you where it is. / Patron [[pointing at book]]: Aren't you going to pick that up? / Dewey: I literally am not allowed to. / Patron [[hands on hips]]: That's ridiculous! / Dewey [[smiling]]: Ridiculously wonderful. Now, follow me.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040225
 
Thursday, February 26, 2004 Computer Victim [[carrying stack of six large books]]: Can you help me carry these books? / Dewey: Sorry, no. / Girl [[reaching up]: I can't reach up there. / Dewey: Me neither. / Man with goatee [[in wheelchair]]: Mind sliding me that book? / Dewey: If it were up to me I wouldn't hesitate. / HR lady: Dewey really respects rules. / Mel: You say you're an expert on people?
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Friday, February 27, 2004 Tamara: I don't think it's fair that we can't shelve books. / Mel: Tamara, you have a master's degree! / Tamara: I refuse to be part of a caste system! / Mel: It's about paying people for their expertise. / Tamara: But Buddy is working his tail off. / Mel: Don't exaggerate. / [[Buddy in background, holding fallen tail]]
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Saturday, February 28, 2004 Colleen: What are these? / Mel [[handing paper to Tamara]]: Your new job descriptions. / Dewey [[out of sight]]: "...and other duties as described"? That's pretty open-ended! / Mel: So are the services we provide. I pointed that out to H.R. They agreed. End of story. / Dewey [[out of sight]]: You're going to make me shelve again, aren't you? / Mel: No, but I am going to ask you not to give Buddy any more "helpful suggestions." / [[Dewey sitting in director's chair, watching Buddy shelve.]]
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040228
Sunday, February 29, 2004 [[Dewey, holding up mug]] / [[Dewey, bringing spoon from mug toward mouth]] / [[Dewey, stirring mug with straw]] / Tamara: Is that not the best vegan root beer float you're ever had? / Dewey: When you put it that way, yes.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040229
Monday, March 01, 2004 Dewey [[holding a mug with two straws]]: Vegan food is weird. / Tamara: It's not weird. It's natural. / Dewey [[in profile, holds up the mug, whose top looks rounder than in the previous panel]]: This "ice cream" isn't melting. / Tamara [[in profile, facing Dewey]]: It's frothy. / Dewey [[walking away from the mug, which appears to have grown a little bird-like head]]: It's like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." They looked human but they never used the bathroom. / Tamara [[hands in the air, also walking away]]: My dessert is not an alien menace!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040301
 
Tuesday, March 02, 2004 Colleen: So you don't eat meat? / Tamara: Or any foodstuff where living things are exploited. Like honey. / Colleen: But ... wouldn't bees make honey anyway? / Tamara: I refuse to benefit from forced insect labor! / [[Colleen and Tamara stare at each other]] / Tamara [[calling to Colleen out of sight]]: Okay, that isn't the strongest example.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040302
Tuesday, March 02, 2004 Colleen: So you don't eat meat? / Tamara: Or any foodstuff where living things are exploited. Like honey. / Colleen: But ... wouldn't bees make honey anyway? / Tamara: I refuse to benefit from forced insect labor! / [[Colleen and Tamara stare at each other]] / Tamara [[calling to Colleen out of sight]]: Okay, that isn't the strongest example.
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040302
Wednesday, March 03, 2004 [[Mel and Tamara are walking together through the library]] / Mel: You're really going vegan? / Tamara: I'm going to give it a try! / [[Tamara stands with her hands on her hips while Mel kneels in front of a shelf and writes something down]] / Tamara: Aren't you going to mock me too? / Mel [[standing again, but still writing]]: Nope. I've never heard of "Mad Tofu Disease."
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Thursday, March 04, 2004 Dewey: Hey Buddy, let's go get some burgers! / Tamara [[on Buddy's other side]]: Burgers? You're going to eat a poor defenseless cow? / Dewey: It's two-for-one week at Mallburger. / Tamara: I'm sure its children are mourning for it as we speak. / [[Buddy sweating between them]] / Boy 1: Five bucks on the girl. / Merv: I'm giving 7:1 on a nervous breakdown. / Boy 2: Ooh, I'll take that action!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040304
Friday, March 05, 2004 [[At the Information Desk, Dewey is listening to his Ipod. Two patrons are nearby.]] / Dewey: [[singing]] Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. / Random patron: His left or ours?
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040305
Saturday, March 06, 2004 Woman: This movie was just too much for me. / Woman: I'm not one of those book burning rah-rah people, but there were scenes I couldn't handle. / Woman: Can't you put a warning label on it? Or put it in a special section? / Dewey: Another complaint about Dumbo. / Mel: That's three this week!
http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040306
 

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