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| Sunday, March 07, 2004 | [[Dewey talking to patron]]
/ Dewey: The I.R.S. redesigned their website this year. It's so eary a monkey could find the forms! / Patron: So where can I get one? / Dewey: A computer?
/ Patron: A monkey. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040307 |
| Monday, March 08, 2004 | "What do you want from the coffee shop?" / Colleen: Whole milk half caf latte no foam. / Tamara: Just a whole wheat muffin, please. No hydrogenated fats. / Mel: Tall drip. The blacker the better. / Buddy: Hot cocoa with whipped cream. / Dewey: Triple cappuccino. / Mel: I thought YOU were taking OUR orders!
/ Dewey: I can't carry all that! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040308 |
| Tuesday, March 09, 2004 | [[Dewey and a male customer are standing in front of the Espresso bar.]]
/ Dewey: Coffee. You want coffee.
/ Other customer: I can't decide which size. / Other Customer: Short? Tall? Grande?
/ Dewey: Tell you what. I'll pay the price difference for a "humungous" if you'll get out of my way. / Other Customer: Ok. What type of milk?
/ Dewey [[glaring at clerk]]: They only have one kind here.
/ Clerk: Actually we...uh yeah, one kind. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040309 |
| Wednesday, March 10, 2004 | Dewey: ... And Ned wants a shade grown free trade Americano.
/ From behind coffee machine: Got it.
/ Man behind Dewey in line: Geez, you're even slower than at the library! / Dewey: Excuse me?
/ Man: It was bad enough waiting for you to answer my question. / [[Man in line behind Dewey]]
/ Dewey: Let's go over my order again. I forgot to alphabetize it.
/ Man behind coffee machine: No problem. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040310 |
| Thursday, March 11, 2004 | [[Dewey leaning against coffee counter]]
/ Older man to barrista: A lid? Do I look uncoordinated to you? Poorly balanced? An evolutionary also-ran? / [[Dewey leaning against counter as older man walks away sipping coffee]] / Dewey: Cue stiff wind.
/ [[Leaves blowing toward Dewey]]
/ Older man [[out of sight]]: Ow! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040311 |
| Friday, March 12, 2004 | Mel: The espresso stand is across the street. How bad could the traffic have been?
/ Colleen: Is that milk on your lip? I thought we had an agreement -- no sampling!
/ [[Tamara, holding muffin]]
/ [[Dewey, holding tray of coffee cups]]
/ Buddy: Where's my cocoa? Gotta get this sugar monkey off my back!
/ [[Ned, waiting]]
/ Merv: This note from my Mom says I can have coffee. See how natural her signature looks? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040312 |
| Saturday, March 13, 2004 | Man #1 [[holding books]]: These all gave the same advice on investing.
/ Man #2 [[holding books]]: These all gave different advice on investing.
/ [[Dewey watching]] / Man #1: That magazine's newer than mine!
/ Man #2: You said those stayed at the information desk! / Man #1 and Man #2: I want what he's got!
/ [[Dewey still watching.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040313 |
| Sunday, March 14, 2004 | [[In the library at the Information Desk]]
/ patron: ...but that's a whole nother question!
/ Dewey: "other" / Dewey: The correct phrase is "A whole other question" or better yet, " A completely different question" / patron: Does it matter? You obviously understood me. Otherwise you couldn't have corrected me. / [[Dewey is sitting down looking stunned while Mel & Merv stand by.]]
/ Mel: Dewey? Are you okay?
/ Merv: His attitude backfired. Just give him time. And comic books. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040314 |
| Monday, March 15, 2004 | [[Mel and Dewey at the Information Desk.]]
/ Mel: Get out from behind the Information Desk! It's what the people want! / [[Dewey is standing in the middle of the library as a patron approaches.]] / [[Dewey is standing in the middle of the library as the patron continues walking.]] / [[Mel and Dewey talk while a patron consults with Tamara at the Information Desk.]]
/ Mel: This doesn't prove anything.
/ Dewey: You're right, this *is* better! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040315 |
| Tuesday, March 16, 2004 | Mel [[shoving Dewey from behind]]: Go out there an mingle with the people. Be proactive! / Dewey: You look like you need...
/ Man at computer: Back off, pencil neck. / Mel: How's it going?
/ Dewey [[carrying crowbar]]: I'm already connecting with people in a new way. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040316 |
| Wednesday, March 17, 2004 | [[Dewey and Tamara in the library]]
/ Dewey: How do you find people who need help but won't ask?
/ Tamara: It's not very hard. Take that woman there. / [[Woman blowing her nose in front of bookshelves]]
/ Tamara [[speaking out of frame]]: She obviously just got out of a bad relationship and is looking for a self-help book and a DVD of Ghost. / [[Dewey and Tamara in the library]]
/ Dewey [[scratching the back of his head]]: I was going to say that.
/ Tamara: Also, she wants to lose five pounds and find her favorite shoes in a beige or light blue. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040317 |
| Thursday, March 18, 2004 | [[Colleen has tied herself to the Reference Desk. Baby Doreen is reading a book behind the desk. Mel is looking on.]]
/ Colleen: I'm a librarian, not a buffalo. I will not roam! / Mel: I really think if you give it a chance...
/ Colleen: We've got to show them who's in charge! / [[A patron has approached the Reference Desk.]]
/ Patron: Could you help me with a computer problem?
/ Colleen: Sure. Unplug it and bring it over. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040318 |
| Friday, March 19, 2004 | Buddy: Don't you have desk duty right now?
/ Dewey [[lounging in chair with book]]: I'm being accessible. / Buddy: You look like you're reading comic books.
/ Dewey: It establishes rapport with our younger patrons. / Buddy: I have so much to learn about being a librarian.
/ Dewey: Stick with me. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040319 |
| Saturday, March 20, 2004 | "What was your childhood fear?" / [[Dewey is working at Mall Burger.]]
/ Mall burger worker: Congratulations! They've made you manager for life! / [[Ned is fully clothed, staring in the mirror.]]
/ Ned's Mother: But Neddy, everyone has to follow the dress code! / [[Tamara opens a door to see a big, scary monster.]] / [[Mel is being pulled away from a messy cabinet.]]
/ Mel's Mother: You're not allowed to organize anything until you do your other chores! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040320 |
| Sunday, March 21, 2004 | [[In the library]]
/ Patron: I'm looking for a book
/ Dewey: You came to the right...
/ Patron:(interrupting) My book. I left it here earlier / Dewey: Usually People take books.
/ Patron: I do understand the humor of the situation. Can you help me? / Merv: (to Dewey) I don't get it. If he didn't want irony why did he come to you? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040321 |
| Monday, March 22, 2004 | [[Mel is talking to Dewey, who is using the computer at the reference desk. Merv is nearby.]]
/ Mel: It's time for another reference survey!
/ Merv: What's that? / [[Panel focuses on Mel and Merv.]]
/ Mel: We need to measure how well we answer people's questions.
/ Merv: Say no more. It's sweeps week! / [[Back to the original shot. Mel is talking to Merv; Merv is talking to Dewey.]]
/ Mel: It is NOT sweeps week!
/ Merv: I wonder what crazy stunts you'll pull to raise your ratings? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040322 |
| Tuesday, March 23, 2004 | Mel: Dewey, you're supposed to track the types of questions you answer.
/ Dewey: I do. / Mel: But they aren't the standard categories!
/ Dewey: They didn't capture the full flavor of my day, so I customized them. / Mel [[reading]]: "Annoying - crazy - incompetent"
/ Man: How do I open this book?
/ Dewey: I knew I forgot one. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040323 |
| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 | [[Tamara and Mel are walking through the library.]]
/ Mel: Hows your reference survey going?
/ Tamara: I keep getting bogged down in the essay question. / Mel: [[looking confused]] essay question?
/ Tamara: [[reading]] Did patron leave satisfied? / Tamara: After all, what does "satisfaction" really mean? And isn't it different for everyone?
/ Dewey: [[walking past]] I just stamped "no" on all of mine. Saves time. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040324 |
| Thursday, March 25, 2004 | [[In the library. Dewey is wearing a shirt that says "Go away"]]
/ Mel: Dewey, my tallies show that you get asked fewer questions than anyone.
/ Dewey: I don't know why that could be. / Mel: I'm afraid this could affect your annual performance review.
/ Dewey: Well, why didn't you say so? / [[Dewey, a young lady in a bikini, and Mel are at the Information Desk. Merv and a patron are nearby.]]
/ Patron: [[staring at young lady]] What is *she* doing tonight?
/ Mel: That doesn't count.
/ Merv: I have to have my cousin back by five. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040325 |
| Friday, March 26, 2004 | Colleen [[holding Doreen]]: I refuse to do the reference survey. It's bureaucratic nonsense.
/ Mel: But Colleen, we need to justify our staffing level! / Doreen: Waaaah!
/ Colleen: Yes, let's threaten the old lady in front of her daughter.
/ Mel: I'm sorry! I take it all back! / Colleen [[to smiling Doreen]]: Good girl.
/ [[Mel walking away]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040326 |
| Saturday, March 27, 2004 | [[Buddy approaches Mel as she sits at her desk. He hands her a stack of papers.]]
/ Buddy: Here's my reference survey, Mel!
/ Mel: But Buddy, you're not a librarian. / Buddy: Yeah, but people ask me questions all the time.
/ Mel: Let me have a look at this. / [[Mel reads aloud from the survey as Buddy points proudly to himself.]]
/ Mel: "Where can I score some herb?"
/ Buddy: I'm just glad I knew where the gardening books are! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040327 |
| Sunday, March 28, 2004 | [[Dewey and Tamara stand at a desk, back to back, using computers. ]] / [[Dewey looks down.]] / [[Dewey, realizing his zipper was down, turn around to "close the barn door."]]
/ {{ZIP!}} / [[Dewey turns to talk to Tamara.]]
/ Dewey: Why didn't you tell me?
/ Tamara: Tell you what? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040328 |
| Monday, March 29, 2004 | [[Mel & Buddy looking down.]]
/ Mel: What on earth is that?
/ Buddy: It's a pair of false teeth. / Mel:I literally have no idea what to do about this.
/ Buddy: Leave it to me. / Mel: I'm really starting to trust Buddy.
/ PA: GUM CHECK! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040329 |
| Tuesday, March 30, 2004 | [[Tamara addresses the Computer Victim, who for once is working on that machine with no trouble.]]
/ Tamara: Excuse me sir, are these yours? / Computer Victim: Nope, all present and accounted for. Marge, got your choppers?
/ Marge: You betcha. Doris, did you drop your pearly whites again?
/ Doris: Not today. Angus?
/ Angus: Mine are 100% all-natural. As you well know. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040330 |
| Wednesday, March 31, 2004 | [[Merv and Dewey stand in front of the lost-and-found box. Dewey holds a pair of false teeth.]]
/ Merv: Come on, just for a little while! / Merv: If they weren't claimed by now they never will be! / [[A toothless man tries to talk to Colleen; Merv is seen in the background with the false teeth in his mouth.]]
/ Toothless Man: Shmyuump bloog!
/ Colleen: What? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040331 |
| Thursday, April 01, 2004 | Mel [[on Phone]]: Yes, we did find your false teeth. Unfortunately they're not here right now. / Mel [[still on Phone]]: We're, Um, having them cleaned. No, no trouble at all. See you tomorrow. / [[Dewey and Merv at desk]]
/ Dewey: How did show and tell go?
/ Merv [[holding the false teeth]]: No one in that classroom will ever again forget to floss. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040401 |
| Friday, April 02, 2004 | [[Black bar at top reads "What are you listening to?"]] / [[Tamara, wearing headphones, exits the janitor's closet with bucket and mop.]]
/ Tamara: The Randy Newman songbook. / [[Ned sits reading a newspaper while wearing headphones.]]
/ Ned: Amour with the incomparable Malcolm Gets. / [[Dewey sits in front of the computer with earbuds in.]]
/ Dewey: The Time Traveler's Wife audiobook by Audrey Niffenegger. / [[Mel sits in her office in silence, writing, with a contented smile on her face.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040402 |
| Saturday, April 03, 2004 | [[Computer Victim standing next to Dewey, while Dewey operates a computer, using only a mouse]]
/ Computer Victim: Show me again.
/ < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040403 |
| Sunday, April 04, 2004 | [[A male patron with a comb-over approaches Dewey. Dewey holds something out in his hand.]]
/ Patron: Those teenagers are making too much noise for me to concentrate.
/ Dewey: These work for me. / Patron: Candy?
/ Dewey: Earplugs. / Patron: But I want justice!
/ Dewey: Trust me. Earplugs work better. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040404 |
| Monday, April 05, 2004 | [[Merv is sitting at a computer, talking with Dewey]]
/ Merv: You can't kick me off!
/ Dewey: Actually I can. My job description specifically mentions you. / [[Dewey takes Merv's arm to drag him away]]
/ Merv: But you owe me time for that thing with the guy!
/ Dewey: You used it all up trying to fix your dad's credit rating. / Merv [[walking away with Dewey]]: It all looks easier on T.V.
/ Dewey: Tell me about it. My motorcycle engine's all over my living room floor. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20040405 |
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