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Thursday, May 06, 2004 Mel: Colleen looks so happy. / Tamara: The catalog is down. Suddenly she's indispensible. / Mel: What would make me indispensible? / Tamara: Mel, we always need you! For, uh... / Tamara: Dewey, tell Mel why we need her. / Dewey: You empty the staff dishwasher every day. / Tamara: Actually that's me. / Dewey: Really? I thought you cleaned the sink. / Tamara: I do.
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Friday, May 07, 2004 Colleen: The catalog is back up. I'll return to my cobwebs now. / Mel: Colleen, you were a wonder today! / Colleen: A firm grounding in the basics. That's all I have. / Mel: Well it was very much appreciated today! / Tamara: And you wonder why we need you! / Dewey: Mel! Tamara took my eraser!
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Saturday, May 08, 2004 [[Close-up of Dewey and Fred, the hapless patron]] / Dewey: That's a tough question. Give me a moment. / [[Fred peers around the computer monitor as Dewey assumes Rodin's "Thinker" pose behind the desk]] / [[Dewey stands facing Fred across the desk]] / Dewey: Okay, I'm done. / Fred: Do you have an answer for me? / [[Close-up of Dewey and Fred]] / Dewey: No, but my headache is gone!
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Sunday, May 09, 2004 [[Mel is speaking to Dewey]] / Mel: If you get a hard question, be positive! People want to know you can help! / [[Dewey at the reference desk, raising his hands in the air, speaking to Fred]] / Dewey: Yes! Of course we have that information! / Fred: Where? / Dewey: Not a clue. You start on the left, I'll start on the right.
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Monday, May 10, 2004 Mel [[on phone]]: No, I understand. We'll do what we can. / Mel: The system was unable to secure funding. If we want a summer reading program we'll have to do it ourselves. / Mel: Maybe this is a sign that kids don't need extra motivation to read. / [[outside Mel's office]] / Merv: What are you doing this summer? / Friend: Catching up on my video games. I've really let them slide this school year.
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004 Dewey: Still trying to come up with a summer reading program? / Tamara: I have a million ideas. But they all require money. / [[Buddy waves in background]] / Tamara: We have to use whatever resources we have on hand. / [[Buddy waves "Buddy the book beaver" sign in background]] / Tamara: It will take every ounce of my creativity, but I think I'm up to it.
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004 Tamara: Buddy, will you be our summer reading mascot again? / Buddy: I'd be honored! / Tamara: Now we just need a theme. / Buddy: How about "Buddy II: Beaver's Revenge"? / Tamara: I was hoping for something more... literary. / Buddy: "Beaver Tales"? / Dewey: "Gnawed off while reading" / Merv: "Buddy's Bloody Book Bash"
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Thursday, May 13, 2004 Mel: So we're going with Buddy again? What's the theme? / Tamara: We're still negotiating. / Mel: You know, I'm glad we have a mascot on staff. It puts us a step ahead of the other libraries for a change. / [[sign on wall reads "Dollartown Public Library 2004 Summer Reading Program Bucky the Book Beaver!]] / Man: "Bucky the book beaver" - I like it! / Woman: He needs a bigger tail.
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Friday, May 14, 2004 Buddy: Will you read this for me? / Dewey: I thought you learned to read. / Buddy: It has lots of big words. / Dewey: "Cease and desist... Intellectual Property... beaver mascot... prior use..." / Buddy: Did I win something? / Dewey: What we've got here is a big fat trademark lawsuit. / Buddy: Woo hoo! Do you think it will fit over my costume?
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Saturday, May 15, 2004 Mel: The Dollartown branch is suing us over our mascot? But we had him first! / Dewey: Apparently they had a "Bucky the book beaver" back in the fifties. / Mel: If only we could afford a lawyer to sort this out for us. / Mel: On the other hand, there's no dishonor in capitulation. / Ned: I do all my rodent work pro bono. / Dewey: Professional courtesy.
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Sunday, May 16, 2004 Patron: Do you have books for children? / Tamara: Yes. In fact this whole section is for children. / Patron: You don't have to talk down to me! / Tamara: I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. / Patron: I mean, these are obviously children's books. Anyone could see that. / Tamara: Of course. I'm very sorry for implying otherwise. / Tamara: At what point can I stop apologizing? / Mel: Retirement party. Unless you spill something.
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Monday, May 17, 2004 Buddy: Don't worry, everything's going to be okay. / Ned: We're going to settle things the old-fashioned way. / Tamara: Active listening? Consensus building? / Mel: Inter-Library cooperation? / Dewey: Library mascot cage match! / Buddy: I'm submitting a request for more staffing.
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Tuesday, May 18, 2004 [[Flyer: Library Mascot Cage Match Two beavers enter, one beaver leaves]] / Mel: You needed a lawyer for *this*? / Ned: I negotiated the lucrative merchandising rights. / Tamara: Violence is never the best solution / Dewey: You're in charge of the decorations. / Tamara: Boys will be boys.
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Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Buddy: Dewey, what if I lose? / Dewey: You forfeit all rights to the "Buddy the book beaver" name + image. / Buddy: What would people call me? Would I have to take off my costume? / Dewey: Let's focus on positive thoughts here. / Buddy: Okay. Should I go in hitting or kicking? / Dewey: Biting. It's your core competency.
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Thursday, May 20, 2004 Buddy: Well, the library mascot cage match is tomorrow. / Tamara: I know. The decorations are all ready! / Buddy: I'm not sure if I'll be coming back. / Tamara: My favorites are the crepe paper rainbows. / Buddy: Yup, this might be my last night on earth. / Tamara: Or maybe the paper-mache beaver lodges.
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Friday, May 21, 2004 [[Colleen & Doreen are on a tropical beach] / Colleen: Let's see what's going on in the world. / Radio: ...and in the world of the wacky, the town of Mallville is sponsoring a "Library Mascot Cage Match" to settle a trademark dispute with... / [[Colleen turns off radio]] / Doreen: Gah! / Colleen: Right. When on vacation, ignorance is bliss.
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Saturday, May 22, 2004 [[Fred is at the copy machine asking Dewey for help]] / Guy: How do I get a darker copy? / [[Dewey presses the "darker" button]] / Fred: You're a genius! / Dewey: Only because standards are slipping.
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Sunday, May 23, 2004 [[angry male patron walks off frame]] / female patron: That man was so rude! / Dewey: Actually? He was about average.
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Monday, May 24, 2004 Announcer: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the First Annual Library Mascot Cage Match! / Mel: "Annual"? / Dewey: Keeping our franchising options open. / Announcer: The long-awaited grudge match between Dollartown and Mallville will resolve a dispute over the book beaver trademark. / Mel: "Grudge match"? / Dewey: Builds Audience Participation. / Announcer: In this corner, with three murder allegations and *no* convictions, Brutal - Bucky - Beaver! / Mel: You guys are really laying it on thick! / Dewey: I need to talk to Buddy.
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Tuesday, May 25, 2004 [[Buddy is obviously addled. More so than usual.]] / Dewey: Buddy, I think you're outgunned. / Buddy: Dewey? Is that you, old friend? / Dewey: The guy in the bucky suit is a killer. / Buddy: Triangle head man! Don't poke me with your chin, triangle head man! / Dewey: Buddy, what did you...? / Buddy: Bucky's coach said a few dozen muscle relaxants would help.
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Wednesday, May 26, 2004 Tamara: Buddy looks funny. Funnier than usual. / Dewey: He's relaxed. Very, very relaxed. / Tamara: Transcendental meditation? / Dewey: His opponent slipped him a mickey. / Merv: Wow! Buddy knows "Drunken Master" fighting technique! / Tamara: What are *you* doing here? / Merv: I have the soft drink concession. Fresca?
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Thursday, May 27, 2004 [[Merv, Tamara, and Dewey are watching Buddy get thrown around at the Library Mascot Cage Match. We are in the cage looking out at them.]] / [[They look to their right] / [[They look straight ahead]] / [[They look to their left]]
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Friday, May 28, 2004 [[ghost images if Dewey are seen, indicating Buddy has been knocked cold]] / Dewey: Buddy, wake up! / Buddy: I guess I lost. I'm sorry I let everyone down. / Dewey: No way, man! You won! You get to keep your name! / Buddy: Was it my "Drunken Master" fighting technique? / Dewey: Sort of. Bucky punched you in the stomach and you threw up on him. He was so skeeved, he quit.
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Saturday, May 29, 2004 [[Merv and Dewey are opening lettters]] / Merv: Here's one from a "Video Velociraptor" / Mel: What's going on here? / Dewey: Buddy's getting challenges from library mascots across the country. / Merv: "CD Centipede" / Mel: I didn't know there were so many. / Dewey: The T.V. rights could be very lucrative. / Merv: "DVD Dwarf" I think it's an homage to Billy Barty. / Mel: This is so good for libraries! / Dewey: "The Attaches in the Stacks"
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Sunday, May 30, 2004 Dewey: So there I am playing "Spider Solitaire". For like two hours, the same game, trying over and over. Do I give up? No, I persevere. / Dewey: Finally, I look in the help file, and do you know what it says? "Not every game is winnable". *Not every game is winnable!* / Mel: And you did this while working the Information Desk? / Dewey: My point exactly! All those people waiting in line for no reason!
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Monday, May 31, 2004 Tamara: ...and then he got upset when I showed him the sign! / Dewey: What part of "No Cell Phones" don't they understand? / Tamara: Plus it was one of those "Push to talk" phones. / Dewey: Even worse! / [[They're pretending to talking on cellphones]] / Tamara: "Let's make cell phones even louder and more intrusive". / Dewey: "Hello? I'd like the whole room to know about my colonoscopy!"
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004 [[patron on push to talk cell phone]] / Patron: Hi, Grandma? / Patron: Sis! / Patron: Step-cousin Lou? / [[sign in background says "Absolutely positively no cell phones"]] / Patron [[explaining to Colleen]]: We got the family plan.
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004 Patron: What's that? / Dewey: A walkie-talkie. / Patron: Oh yeah, like my cell phone! / Dewey: No, this is a real walkie-talkie. I got it in the seventh grade. / Patron: What kind of calling plan do you have? / Dewey: It's free. Channel 14 public band. / Patron: I bet you can't call your mom! / Dewey: Another point for nostalgia.
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Thursday, June 03, 2004 [[Merv talks on a walkie-talkie as Mel lurks behind him.]] / Merv: Isosceles, this is Charlie Brown. What's your 10-20, good buddy? / [[Mel confronts Merv about his use of the walkie-talkie in the library.]] / Mel: Merv, you can't use that in here! / Merv: This isn't a cell phone. / [[Mel continues chastising Merv as Dewey emerges from behind a shelf of books, revealing himself as Isosceles.]] / Mel: At this library we observe the spirit of the law! / Dewey: This is Isosceles. Watch out for Smokies. Looks like we got ourselves a convoy!
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Friday, June 04, 2004 Merv: What's that? / Dewey: "Astonishing X-Men" #1 / Merv: I thought you swore off X-Men. / Dewey: It's written by Joss Whedon and drawn by John Cassaday. / Merv: Well heck, why don't they just sprinkle it with crack cocaine? / Dewey [[shaking his fist]]: Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!
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