You're browsing the archives of Unshelved.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Sunday, October 03, 2004 [[Patron with hat, sunglasses, and strange skin facing Dewey]] / Dewey: Fall into a mayonnaise jar? Or maybe you missed the bread when you were making lunch? / Patron: It's sun screen. My family's prone to skin cancer. / Dewey: ...And there's nothing funny about that. How can I help you?
Monday, October 04, 2004 [[Tamara and Dewey are in their respective workplaces]] / Tamara: Dry brushing without toothpaste or water can completely remove plaque! / Tamara: It's all here in "The Toothpaste Secret" by Trisha E. O'Hehir! / [[Dewey gets a doughnut out of a box]] / Tamara: I forgot. Your dental regimen consists of chewing on a "Milk Bone".
Tuesday, October 05, 2004 [[Dentist's Office]] / Receptionist: Please fill out this new patient form. / Dewey: I'm not a new patient. / Receptionist: I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. / Dewey: It's been a while. / Receptionist [[looking in thick ledger]] Well I hope you've been maintaining your dental health since ... 1998? / Dewey [[arms crossed]] I celebrated the millennium by flossing.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004 [[Dewey sitting on couch in dentist office, music playing in the background]] / <> / [[Dewey reading a magazine with unhappy look on his face, banner behind him says "You don't need to floss all your teeth -- just the ones you want to keep!" and music continues in the background]] / <> / [[Dewey curled up on couch, gritting his teeth as music continues]] / <> / [[Man behind window speaking to woman at computer]] / Man: Has he broken yet? / Woman: Almost. A little Manilow should finish him off.
Thursday, October 07, 2004 [[Dentist standing over Dewey who is in dental chair]] / Dentist: It's been over five years? / Dewey: I've never had a cavity. Why waste the money? / [[Dentist looking in Dewey's mouth]] / Dentist: Well I'm happy to say you still don't have a cavity. / Dewey: See? / [[Dewey starting to get up as dentist writes on his chart]] / Dewey: I'll see you in another fi-- / Dentist [[interrupting]]: You have twenty-three.
 
Friday, October 08, 2004 Merv: [[facing forward, looking confused]] Bouncing Boy, From the Legion of Superheroes? / Mel: [[facing forward]] Allergic reaction? / Buddy: [[facing forward]] Smuggling contraband? I can suggest a stealthier location. / Tamara: [[filing]] Fun time at the dentist? [[Dewey stands to the right of the panel with puffy cheeks, a frown, and crossed arms, looking very unhappy]]
Saturday, October 09, 2004 [[Patron asking Dewey a question at the counter, Dewey's cheeks are swollen]] / Patron: Do you have any information about teeth? / Dewey: Dry brush. Gum massage. Frequent irrigation. / [[Dewey grabbing patron by the shoulders]] / Dewey: Xylitol. Ratanhia toothpaste and mouthwash. Don't let this happen to you! / Patron [[holding up tooth]]: I just want to know if this is from a bear. / Dewey [[head hidden in arms on counter]]: That poor bear! If only he'd flossed!
Sunday, October 10, 2004 [[Tamara reading to a crowd of children]] / Tamara: "I told you once, I told you twice, All seasons of the year are nice for eating..." / Children and Tamara: "MISO SOUP WITH RICE!" / [[Tamara walking by Dewey at the counter] / Dewey: Apologies to Mr. Sendak? / Tamara: He should apologize to all those chickens. It's genocide.
Monday, October 11, 2004 [[Merv at computer having an instant message conversation with Desmond]] / [[Typed]] Merv: Dude, send me your new game. This computer has a CD burner! / [[Typed]] Desmond: Will do! / [[Dewey walking by with stack of books]] / [[Typed]] Merv: Yes, Mom, I am doing my homework. / Dewey: By the way, I disabled the CD burner. / [[Typed]]Merv: Sorry, Mom. I guess I can't get you those great recipes. / Dewey [[from out of frame]]: Say hi to your mom for me. / [[Typed]] Desmond: How does he do that? / [[Typed]] Merv: I have absolutely no idea.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 [[Black banner above four panels]] / Banner: "If you were a road sign, what would it be?" / [[Mel holding sign]] / Sign: Obey posted speed limits / [[Buddy eating burrito with sign behind him]] / Sign: Last gas 20 miles / [[Colleen looking fierce in front of sign]] / Sign: Stop / [[Dewey leaning against sign post with eyes closed]] / Sign: Rest area ahead
 
Wednesday, October 13, 2004 Mel: Dewey, can't you take a mature approach to your job? / Dewey: What are you talking about? / Mel: That squabble with the patron yesterday. / Dewey: He totally started it! / [[long shot of library, Dewey and Mel in stacks in background, mom and 5 yr old child in foreground. Mom has frown on her face and hands on her hips.]] / Mel: That's exactly what I mean. You sound like a five year-old. / Child: Mom, what I hear you saying is that you're frustrated and disappointed.
Thursday, October 14, 2004 [[Dewey handing desk phone to patron.]] / Dewey: It's an emergency, right? / Patron: You bet. / Patron [[on phone]]: Hi, honey. How many heads of cabbage did you want? Green or purple? Organic? Local? / [[Patron handing phone back to Dewey who looks irritated]] / Patron: Believe me, if I'd brought home the wrong thing someone would have had to call 9-1-1.
Friday, October 15, 2004 [[Young patron handing a book to Tamara]] / Patron: I'm returning this book. / Tamara: But it's soaking wet! / Patron: Wet? / Tamara: Look, it's dripping! / [[Tamara talking to Mel in background, Buddy in foreground putting books in an aquarium labeled "Books about fish!]] / Tamara: ...and he said it was that way when he checked it out! / Mel: You know kids -- they'll say anything.
Saturday, October 16, 2004 Mel: It's absolutely unecessary. / Dewey: It establishes my authority. / Mel: I just want you to retrieve an overdue book. / Dewey: From a twelve year-old! No one questions authority more than a twelve year-old! / [[Dewey puts on his Library Raid Jacket]] / Mel: I so regret getting you that jacket. / Dewey: I just wish we got to kick in more doors.
Sunday, October 17, 2004 [[Patron with bag of Nacho Fudge Pretzels]] / [[Patron stuffing pretzels in his mouth]] / [[Hand grabbing mouse pad quickly]] / [[Patron coughing pretzel crumbs at Dewey who blocks them with said mouse pad]] / [[Tamara and Dewey behind counter, patron in front pointing at the crumbs]] / Tamara: You're getting faster! / Dewey: Sink or swim. / Patron: Can I have those back? I wasn't done with them.
 
Monday, October 18, 2004 [[Voice coming from out of frame, hand pointing at Dewey]] / Voice: Hey, long time no see! / [[Dewey shaking hands with man]] / Dewey: I'll say! How are you doing? / Man: Great! You? / Dewey: No complaints! / Man: Glad to hear it! Well, I gotta run! / Mel: Old friend? / Dewey [[waving]]: Never seen him before.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004 Dewey: You're back! / Man: Well sure! I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to my old pal! / Dewey: So how's it going? / Man: Oh same old, same old. You? / [[Mel, Tamara, and Colleen watching]] / Mel: Who do you think will give up first? / Tamara: Is this some sort of alpha male thing? / Colleen: I preferred the old days when they just carried clubs.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 Tamara: Why don't you just admit you don't remember who that guy is? / Dewey [[on the computer]]: This is the information age! The embarassment of forgetfulness is a thing of the past. / Dewe: I've entered in his distinguishing characteristics plus the hints I managed to squeeze out of him. I just press enter and... / [[Tamara and Dewey both look sideways at what's on the screen]] / Tamara: I don't think that's him. / Dewey: No, but you have to admire her flexibility. / Mel: How's our new internet filter working?
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 Tamara: Why don't you just admit you don't remember who that guy is? / Dewey [[on the computer]]: This is the information age! The embarassment of forgetfulness is a thing of the past. / Dewe: I've entered in his distinguishing characteristics plus the hints I managed to squeeze out of him. I just press enter and... / [[Tamara and Dewey both look sideways at what's on the screen]] / Tamara: I don't think that's him. / Dewey: No, but you have to admire her flexibility. / Mel: How's our new internet filter working?
A Short Survey, 10/21/2004 [[Merv is holding a clipboard and talking to a Man]] / Merv: Excuse me, sir, I'm conducting a survey to help Iraqi war orphans. / Man: Sure, whatever I can do. / Merv: I just need your full name, the names of your friends and relatives, and a detailed resume. / [[Dewey and Buddy are standing by the desk. Dewey has binoculars up to his eyes.]] / Dewey: He's not buying it. / Buddy: I told you it was a stretch to ask for his credit history.
Friday, October 22, 2004 Dewey: Okay, I have to admit... / Guy: I just realized-- you're not who I thought you were. / Dewey: I'm not? / Guy: No, that guy lives in Portland. I guess I should feel kind of dumb now. / Dewey: That's okay, we all... / Guy: But since mine was an honest mistake and you were actively faking it, I think I come out ahead.
 
Saturday, October 23, 2004 Library Tip#25: Tell the Truth / Mother: But I never checked it out! / Mel: Our records say you did. / Son [[holding book]]: Hey Mom, I found this book in the car! / Mother: Okay, but I never read any of it. / Son: Isn't that the one you reviewed for your newsletter? / Mother: This isn't my son. / Mel: We really just want the book back.
Sunday, October 24, 2004 Dewey [[reading Science Nerd]]: I like the idea of genetically modified food. / Tamara: Not me. / Dewey [[showing Science Nerd to Tamara]]: Look at this chicken. What's wrong with it? / Tamara: It doesn't have a head. They feed it intravenously. It has seven legs. / Dewey: No more fighting over drumsticks!
Monday, October 25, 2004 [[Woman talking to Dewey at the reference desk]] / Woman: Have you seen my son? / Dewey: About this tall? Short brown hair? / Woman: That's him. / Dewey: He asked to borrow a yellow highlighter a while ago. / [[Boy in corner coloring himself with the yellow highlighter]]
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 Angry Mother : How am I supposed to get this off? / Yellow Boy [[holding up a yellow highlighter]]: Here's your pen. / Dewey: Thanks / Angry Mother: Well? / Dewey [[looking at kid]]: You missed a spot behind your ear. / Yellow Boy: You were right. I really needed a mirror.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004 [[Dewey, a boy colored yellow, and his mother have converged on Mel in her office]] / Mother: This man let my son highlight his entire body! / Dewey: Nonsense. He skipped large portions of his torso. / Mother: That's not the point. / Dewey: True. The point is you left him alone in a public place. / Mother: I didn't think I'd find him looking like a road sign! / Dewey: Yeah, "Children Playing" / Mel: Yield. / Dewey: That's another good one.
 
Thursday, October 28, 2004 [[A marching band slowly marches in front of Mel and Dewey. She has her arms crossed.]] / Dewey: Well you TOLD me to invite new people to the library
Friday, October 29, 2004 Band member: So we can't practice here after all? / Dewey: Nope. Sorry for the mixed message. / Band member: At least we added a new member. / Dewey: You did? / [[It's Merv with a tuba]] / Merv: It totally sounds like a giant fart!
Saturday, October 30, 2004 Library Tip #26: Just Read It / Tamara and a boy are together / Boy:[[holding up book]] Tell me about this book. / Tamara: It's wonderful! / Boy: Can you be more specific? / Tamara: Not without ruining the plot. / Tamara: I don't want to be like those trailers that tell you everything about the movie. / Boy [[tossing book aside]]: There's a movie? Great! I'll take that instead.
Halloween [[Dewey is talking to people wearing Halloween costumes.]] / Dewey: Vampire, great costume. / Dewey: R2 unit with broken motivator, nice. / Dewey: Zombie call girl, fantastic! Where's your bag? / Woman: I'm their mother.
Monday, November 01, 2004 Mel: Are you going to the Friends of the Library meeting? / Dewey: A meeting, you say? Hmmm... / Mel: Let me rephrase that. We'll pay you to do nothing but sit and eat snacks. / Dewey [[launching out the door]]: I'm there.
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 >>