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|Wednesday, March 02, 2005||[[Dewey and The Shusher are walking through the library.]] / Shusher: You don't need to thank me for doing your job. / Dewey: You are not doing my job! / Shusher: It was noisy. / Dewey: There are legitimate kinds of noise. / Voice [[off-panel]: I WILL NOT BE QUIET! I WANT MY DVD NOW! / Shusher: Like that? / Dewey: The library disavows any knowledge of your actions.|
|Thursday, March 03, 2005||[[Tamara is behind a desk while an angry female patron yells at her. The Shusher stands akimbo behind the patron.]]
/ Patron: If you don't give me my DVD I'm calling my congressman!
/ Shusher: Is there a problem here, Ma'am? / Patron: This woman won't give me my DVD!
/ Shusher: If you can't keep your voice down, I'll have to muzzle you. / [[Mel and Buddy are standing together nearby.]]
/ Mel: I should probably have an issue with this.
|Friday, March 04, 2005||[[A man tries to ask the Shusher a question]] / Man: Where... / Shusher: Shhhh! / Man: But I... / Shusher: This is a library! Quiet! / Man: How am I supposed to ask for help? / Shusher [[demonstrating the sign for "help"]]: American Sign Language. Learn it. Use it.|
|Saturday, March 05, 2005||[[The Shusher and Dewey are standing together in the library. Patrons in the background appear nervous or unhappy.]] / Shusher: The library's a lot quieter now, isn't it? / Dewey: You terrorized everybody into submission. / [[An adult patron in the foreground is seen shushing two young boys.]] / Shusher: And your point is...? / Dewey: People have a right to talk. Even in libraries. / Shusher: People love "rights" until the first time they can't hear themselves think. / Dewey: Spoken like a future Attorney General. Lose the costume.|
|Sunday, March 06, 2005||[[An adult male patron holding a book is standing at the desk waiting for Dewey's attention. Dewey has his right hand on the desk and is examining a pencil in his left hand.]] / [[The patron is startled as Dewey violently stabs his right hand with the pencil in his left hand.]] / [[The patron is running away from the desk, dropping the book. Mel picks up Dewey's fake right hand which is impaled with a pencil.]] / Mel: Why do you keep this thing at the desk? / Dewey: Conversation piece.|
|Monday, March 07, 2005||[[Ned is sitting down, reading a newspaper. Dewey walks by with small patches of hair on his face.]] / Ned: Growing a beard? / Dewey: I can't decide. I'll see how it looks in a few weeks. / Ned [[who has grown a full beard during this conversation]]: Well good luck with that.|
|Tuesday, March 08, 2005||[[Dewey is behind a desk. There are small patches of hair on his face. Buddy is not seen in the panel.]] / Dewey: It's not fair. Some guys have to shave twice a day. But if I want a beard, I have to wait weeks! / Buddy: Can't you glue one on? / Dewey: Are you kidding? I do have some self-respect. What kind of zero goes around all day in a costume? / [[Buddy is standing next to the desk.]] / Dewey: No offense. / Buddy: None taken.|
|Wednesday, March 09, 2005||[[Dewey and Merv are standing together in the library. Dewey has sparse whiskers on his face.]] / Merv: What are you thinking, a full beard? Goatee? Chin beard? That Amish thing? / Dewey: I'll take what I can get. / Merv: I can't wait until I can grow a mustache. / [[Dewey imagines what Merv would look like with a thick mustache.]] / Dewey: I can. / Merv: Or maybe a "Ming the Merciless" special.|
|Thursday, March 10, 2005||[[Ned, sporting a new beard, is walking around with a sheet of paper. Mel, also with a beard, helps Merv and another child with a task. Buddy rides around on his Segway, looking stylish with a growing set of whiskers. Tamara walks by with a fuzzy goatee. Colleen, complete with beard, holds Doreen, also with a beard, up to Dewey. In the background an unshaven man is seen between Dewey and Doreen. Dewey has a patchy goatee.]] / Dewey: Very funny.|
|Friday, March 11, 2005||[[A bearded Dewey is standing behind a desk talking with Cathy.]] / Cathy: I love beards! / Dewey: Will you excuse me for a moment? / [[Cathy waits for Dewey to come back.]] / [[Cathy frowns when Dewey comes back clean-shaven, holding a towel.]] / Dewey: You were saying?|
|Saturday, March 12, 2005||[[An elderly female patron is talking to Dewey, who is standing behind a desk in the library.]] / Patron: I can't remember why I came in! I feel like I'm losing my marbles! / Dewey: I'll check the lost and found. / Patron: That wasn't funny the first time you said it. / Dewey: But aren't you happy you can remember the first time? / [[The patron walks away from Dewey with a smile on her face.]]|
|Sunday, March 13, 2005||[[Monday. Colleen is frustrated at a computer. Dewey is standing behind her.]] / Colleen: #$%&* popups! / Dewey: Calm down. You've probably got spyware. / Colleen: Can you fix it? / Dewey: Sure. Just cover the desk for me. / [[Tuesday. Dewey is sitting at the computer holding an empty bag. Colleen is standing next to him with her arms folded.]] / Colleen: How many times does that hard drive need to be scanned? / Dewey: One can never be too careful. You're out of Kettle Korn again.|
|Monday, March 14, 2005||[[Dewey is standing behind a desk in the library and talking on the telephone. Sanjay is on the other side of the desk interrupting Dewey's phone conversation.]] / Dewey: Sure I can help you, just... / Sanjay: Hey, where are the joke books? / [[Dewey is using his hand to cover his right ear while trying to hear the caller on the telephone with his left ear.]] / Dewey: I'm sorry, can you repeat... / Sanjay: WHERE ARE THE JOKE BOOKS? / [[Dewey is pointing to the telephone receiver and talking to Sanjay.]] / Dewey: This is a telephone. / Sanjay: You're not very smart, are you?|
|Tuesday, March 15, 2005||[[Dewey is holding a telephone receiver and talking to Sanjay.]] / Dewey: Look, when I'm on the phone I'm helping them not you. / Sanjay: Then why did you put them on hold? / Dewey: Because you were being rude. / Sanjay: I'll remember that. "The rudest person gets the help." / [[Dewey appears angry as Sanjay walks away from him.]] / Sanjay: But go ahead and deal with the phone person. I'll wait.|
|Wednesday, March 16, 2005||Sanjay: All done?
/ Dewey [[hanging up phone]]: Yup.
|Thursday, March 17, 2005||Dewey [[Pointing his thumb out over his shoulder]]: See, I was already on the phone when he came up. Then it rang again. / Dewey [[hands held out, helplessly]]: It's not because he's a kid. I'd have ignored *anyone*... I mean... / [[Dewey frowns at a young boy. Tamara is standing next to him with her hands on her hips, Merv is standing nearby watching]] / Tamara: Ageism rears its ugly head again. / Young boy: I just wish I could get some respect. / Merv: Wow, he's good!|
|Friday, March 18, 2005||[[Tamara is standing with Sanjay and Merv.]] / Sanjay: If only everybody treated young people with such dignity. / Merv: Nice, nice. But you're laying it on a little too thick. / Sanjay: I don't know what you're talking about. / Merv: Great! Very believable! Now cue the tears. / [[Tamara is hugging Sanjay]] / Sanjay [[crying]]: Waaaah! / Merv: Kid's got it. Raw, but I can work with him.|
|Saturday, March 19, 2005||[[Merv and Sanjay are sitting at a table in the library. Sanjay is writing in a notebook. Dewey is walking by them, carrying a stack of books.]] / Merv: Remember, you're in it for the long haul. / Sanjay: Long... haul... / Dewey: What's going on here? / Merv: I bought out his contract. / Sanjay: What was that part about playing both ends against the middle? / Dewey: I have a bad feeling about this. / Merv: Thank goodness for free agency. / Sanjay: I need a new notebook. Or is there a phone you need to answer?|
|Sunday, March 20, 2005||[[Dewey and Colleen are sitting at a reference desk looking bored.]] / [[Dewey and Colleen are still sitting at the desk and have not moved.]] / [[Tamara walks by carrying a stack of books.]] / Dewey: Did you say something? / Colleen: Huh? / Tamara: Busy busy busy!|
|Monday, March 21, 2005||Tamara: That's your shopping list for the week? / Dewey: Yes, why? / Tamara: It just says "breakfast cereal". / Dewey: You're right. I forgot the milk. Thanks!|
|Tuesday, March 22, 2005||[[Dewey and Tamara are shopping together at a grocery store.]] / Dewey: I usually shop alone. / Tamara: That's abundantly clear. / [[Tamara reads from a package that Dewey indicates is one of his favorites.]] / Tamara: Refined Sugar.... Hydrogenated Fats... Caffeine... / Dewey: Yup, all the basic food groups. / Tamara: People like you are the reason my health insurance keeps going up. / Dewey: Oooh, Sporkle(tm) the pork 'n' apple juice beverage!|
|Wednesday, March 23, 2005||[[Tamara is holding various types of vegetables.]] / Tamara: Vegetables. / [[Tamara is holding various types of fruit.]] / Tamara: Fruit. / [[Tamara is holding two packages of tofu.]] / Tamara: Protein. / [[Tamara and Dewey are standing together in a grocery store. Dewey is holding a pop tart.]] / Dewey: Not ringing any bells. Pop tart?|
|Thursday, March 24, 2005||[[Tamara and Dewey are standing together in a grocery store.]] / Tamara: Don't you understand? You buy nothing but processed foods! / Dewey: I've resolved to change that. / [[Dewey is handing Tamara a package.]] / Tamara: You have? / Dewey: Eating takes too much time. I'm switching to this. / [[Tamara is reading the package.]] / Tamara: "New strawberry flavored Pap" / Dewey: It's predigested. You drink it with a straw. Great for gaming!|
|Friday, March 25, 2005||[[Dewey is standing with Mel, who is holding a stack of books, in the library.]] / Mel: How was your shopping trip with Tamara? / Dewey: She made me buy a bunch of groceries to rot in my fridge. / [[Tamara joins Mel and Dewey.]] / Tamara: You're supposed to eat it. / Dewey: I'll add that to my to-do list. After "exercise" and "do taxes early". / [[Tamara and Mel are smiling at Dewey.]] / Dewey: ... Two other things I'm supposed to do but don't. / Tamara: Oh. / Mel: Sorry. Missed that.|
|Saturday, March 26, 2005||Dewey: I have an idea for the summer reading program. / Mel: Huh? / Dewey: An idea for... / Mel: You were thinking about work? / Dewey: Well, no. I was trying to come up with a new reality T.V. show. / Mel: You scared me there for a second.|
|Sunday, March 27, 2005||[[Dewey and a woman patron walking through library]] / Dewey: Yes we do have "Sports Illustrated". / Woman: No you don't. I looked. / [[Dewey pointing to a shelf]] / Dewey: It's right there. / Woman: It must be mis-filed. / [[Dewey kneeling at the magazine shelf and woman standing]] / Dewey: I'm sorry, we'll punish whoever shelved it so misleadingly as "Sports Illustrated". / Woman: You're not going to let me off with a shred of dignity, are you?|
|Monday, March 28, 2005||Cathy: I'm planning our date... / Dewey: Shared media experience. / Cathy: That's what I meant. / Dewey: But it isn't for over a month! / Cathy: I know. / Cathy: It's just that you have to book caterers well ahead of time. / [[Dewey spits out coffee]]|
|Tuesday, March 29, 2005||Tamara: I hear you and Cathy are seeing a movie together. / Dewey: Don't read anything into it. / Tamara: I hear you're renting a limo. / Dewey: What? That's crazy! Where did you hear that? / [[Mel and Cathy are talking]] / Mel: A limo? Really?|
|Wednesday, March 30, 2005||Dewey: We need to talk. / Cathy: I know. What color cummerbund are you getting? / Dewey: Cummerbund? / Cathy: I want it to match the dress I'm having made. / Dewey: This is a nightmare. / Cathy: Make sure you pick me up early so you can meet my parents.|
|Thursday, March 31, 2005||Dewey: Cathy, I agreed to one movie. You're acting like we're getting married! / Cathy: Oh Dewey, I thought you'd never ask! / Dewey: I WAS NOT PROPOSING! / Dewey: Wait a second... Caterers? Limos? Cummerbunds? Was she just putting me on? / Tamara: Your ears sweat when you're scared. Just an F.Y.I.|
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