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| Friday, April 01, 2005 | [[Dewey is waving to Cathy as she leaves the library]]
/ Dewey: See you next month!
/ Tamara: You two are very chummy all of a sudden. / Dewey: Tamara, that woman planned and executed a sustained campaign of psychological warfare against me! / Tamara: In other words, you suddenly find her very attractive.
/ Dewey: Let's say "interesting". http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050401 |
| Saturday, April 02, 2005 | [[Buddy is reading to a group of young children. There is a sign near him that reads, "Storytime with Buddy!"]]
/ Buddy: "Sheep in a jeep on a hill that's steep." / Buddy: "Uh-oh, the jeep won't go!" / [[Buddy has his face in his hand, looking sad. Tamara has her hand on his shoulder.]]
/ Tamara: Buddy, are you okay?
/ Buddy: I'm sorry. Poetry always affects me like this. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050402 |
| Sunday, April 03, 2005 | [[Buddy is reading to a group of young children.]]
/ Buddy: "'Is your mama a llama?' I asked my friend Dave." / Buddy: "'No she is not,' is the answer Dave gave." / [[Buddy is staring at the ceiling.]] / [[Tamara arrives.]]
/ Tamara: There's more.
/ Buddy: I know, but I can only take so much truth at a time. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050403 |
| Monday, April 04, 2005 | [[Mel and Dewey at the reference desk]]
/ Mel: I want you to start a book club!
/ Dewey: I have a book club. / Mel: You do?
/ Dewey: I'm the president, secretary and treasurer. We meet at bedtime every night. / Mel: I'd like you to invite some other people.
/ Dewey: It's not a very big bed. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050404 |
| Tuesday, April 05, 2005 | [[Dewey and Buddy, who is holding a notebook, are standing together in the library.]]
/ Dewey: If you want to join Book Club you'll have to obey the rules.
/ Buddy: What are they? / [[Buddy is sitting down writing in a notebook while Dewey stands behind him.]]
/ Dewey: Rule #1: You do not talk about Book Club.
/ Buddy: ... Do not talk... / Dewey: Rule #2: You do not talk about Book Club.
/ Buddy: Are they all the same? Because that would save paper. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050405 |
| Wednesday, April 06, 2005 | [[Merv knocking on the door of a dark building with boards nailed over the broken windows and a sign on the door that says "Keep Out"]]
/ < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050406 |
| Wednesday, April 06, 2005 | [[Merv is knocking on a door with a "Keep Out" sign. The building has boarded-up windows.]]
/ < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050406[/url |
| Thursday, April 07, 2005 | [[Dewey snatching a Cliffs Notes book away from a boy]]
/ Dewey: The fourth rule of Book Club is "No Cliffs Notes"
/ Boy: Wow, Book Club is tough! / Dewey [[getting in the boy's face]]: Book Club is the toughest thing there is. / Dewey [[tossing the Cliffs Notes aside]]: Okay, let's start with you, Buddy.
/ Buddy: I liked the part with the birds. I like birds. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050407 |
| Friday, April 08, 2005 | [[Outside of Book Club shack]]
/ Voice: Rule #6: If this is your first night at Book Club you have to talk. / [[Boy and girl facing off with a silhouetted crowd looking on]]
/ Boy: It was a rip-off of Harry Potter!
/ Girl: It had its merits! / Merv: You're trying to make reading cool by pretending it's forbidden.
/ Dewey: I don't know what you're talking about.
/ Voice [[from out of frame]]: He's tapping out! Let him up! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050408 |
| Saturday, April 09, 2005 | Mel [[to Dewey at counter]]: Tell me all about your book club!
/ Dewey: I don't ask you about country line dancing. / Mel: You know about the "Sawdust Lounge"?
/ Dewey: Let's just keep our little secrets.
/ [[Boy and girl in matching hats and jackets approach]]
/ Boy: Sir, I've lined up several candidates for our next meeting!
/ Girl: Shhhh! Not in public! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050409 |
| Sunday, April 10, 2005 | Dewey [[speaking to patron]]: This case has no disc.
/ Patron: You must be mistaken. / Patron: Maybe it didn't come with one. / Dewey: So you renewed this empty DVD case twice for...
/ Patron: The liner notes? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050410 |
| Monday, April 11, 2005 | Mel: We've got to give out positive vibes! / Mel: People will come back again and again just to interact with us! / Mel: We need to go the extra mile! / [[Cut to: staff room, where Buddy is wearing a workout suit and eating a bowl of pasta]]
/ Dewey: She didn't mean that literally.
/ Buddy the Book Beaver: You mean I carbo-loaded for nothing? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050411 |
| Tuesday, April 12, 2005 | Dewey [[to Mel]]: You're kidding. Greeters?
/ Mel: Yes. / Dewey: You want us to greet people at the door.
/ Mel: Yes. / Dewey: Do nothing but stand there and say, "Hello"?
/ Mel: No. / Dewey: Phew! For a minute there I...
/ Mel: You also say, "Have a nice day" when they leave. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050412 |
| Wednesday, April 13, 2005 | Colleen [[to Mel]]: I have to agree with Dewey. We're all too overqualified to be greeters. / Tamara [[walking in the door to the staff room]]: Hi! Sorry I'm late. How are all of you doing? Isn't this a lovely day? What can I do to make this the best meeting ever? / Colleen: Well, some of us are, anyway.
/ Buddy [[to Tamara]]: You can greet me any time! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050413 |
| Thursday, April 14, 2005 | [[Mel and Tamara are standing and talking.]]
/ Tamara: Do you really think Dewey's cut out to be a greeter?
/ Mel: It's an opportunity for him to grow! / Tamara: [[doubtfully]] I guess so . . .
/ Mel: What's wrong with bringing a little personality to the table? / [[The scene shifts to Dewey and the Little Old Man. Dewey's slouched in a chair, looking bored stiff.]]
/ Little Old Man: You don't seem very enthusiastic that I'm here.
/ Dewey: Frankly I'm not. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050414 |
| Friday, April 15, 2005 | Dewey: How good of you to come. / Dewey [[wearing cape and fangs]]: Enter freely and of your own will. / Dewey: Howdy, howdy, howdy! / Mel: Can't you ever be serious?
/ Dewey [[in hooded cloak]]: Welcome, young Skywalker. I have been expecting you.
/ Boy: Thanks. Where's the bathroom? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050415 |
| Saturday, April 16, 2005 | Mel: You convinced me. Our staff shouldn't spend their time greeting people.
/ Dewey: I'm glad you came to your senses. / Mel: And besides, it's the perfect job for our senior citizen volunteers! / Grandma [[to two patrons]]: Welcome. Make trouble and I'll start singing show tunes from the thirties. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050416 |
| Sunday, April 17, 2005 | Patron [[who looks suspiciously like Dilbert]]: Your wi-fi is down.
/ Colleen: What? How dare you? / Patron: I can't make a connection.
/ Colleen [[angry, arms folded]]: I'm not surprised using language like that! / Patron: Maybe I could check your antennae?
/ Colleen [[pointing]]: Take a hike, sicko! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050417 |
| Monday, April 18, 2005 | [[Open card on desk, Dewey's hand poised to write]] / Dewey: "Janice from Accounting?" I've never heard of her, let alone her dead great uncle. / Tamara [[hands on hips]]: It doesn't matter. Sympathy is part of the human condition.
/ Dewey [[sitting at desk]] : But I don't sympathize with people I KNOW. / Tamara [[hands still on hips]]: You're going to write something nice.
/ Dewey [[chin resting on hand]]: I'm feeling a lot of pressure here. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050418 |
| Tuesday, April 19, 2005 | [[Tamara standing, arms folded, next to Dewey who is sitting holding the card]] / Dewey: This is a fine sympathy card you paid good money for. It's got a nice sentiment, and in a lovely cursive font, I might add. / Tamara: You have to write something.
/ Dewey: I'll sign my name. / Tamara [[annoyed]]: Personalize it, Dewey!
/ Dewey: How much to have you do it for me? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050419 |
| Wednesday, April 20, 2005 | [[Buddy approaches Dewey seated a a table]]
/ Buddy: I need to sign Janice's sympathy card.
/ Dewey: Good. Maybe you'll inspire me. / [[Close-up of card, Tamara and Mel's signatures visible]]
/ Message text: I too have experienced the loss of a loved one. Please call me day or night if you need to talk. [[Signed]] Buddy / Dewey: Why Buddy, that's . . .
/ Buddy: Have you SEEN Janice? Yowza! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050420 |
| Thursday, April 21, 2005 | [[Dewey sitting at desk staring at the card, Tamara standing next to him.]] / Tamara [[arms in air]]: It's a sympathy card! Just write what you feel! / [[Tamara looking worriedly at Dewey. Dewey looking back with a smile on his face.]] / Tamara [[pushing Dewey out of the way]]: Give me the pen. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050421 |
| Friday, April 22, 2005 | Mel [[reading sympathy card]]: Dewey, you wrote this?
/ Dewey: Near enough. / Dewey [[arms thrown wide]]: Undetectably false sympathy composed by a co-worker for a person I've never met regarding someone about whom I know nothing, all in the name of workplace harmony. / Tamara [[looking at Dewey]]: I'm so proud.
/ Mel [[holding out card]]: Colleen, you didn't sign this.
/ Colleen [[walking away]]: I always hated that old goat. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050422 |
| Saturday, April 23, 2005 | "How do you deal with stupid people?" / Tamara: I seek out their inner smart person / Mel: Using a standard reference interview / Dewey: A mixture of sarcasm and disdain ... with a pinch of mean-spiritedness. / Merv: Sabotage their credit rating. Um, is this on the record? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050423 |
| Sunday, April 24, 2005 | [[Tamara and Dewey are standing in front of a bookshelf. Tamara is holding a water bottle. Dewey is holding a "book club" coffee cup.]]
/ Tamara: Clear liquids cleanse the body.
/ Dewey: Coffee makes the world tolerable. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050424 |
| Monday, April 25, 2005 | Dewey [[on telephone]]: I'm afraid we don't have either book. / Dewey: A second opinion? Okay, your voice is shrill. / Dewey [[handing phone to Mel]]: I love the day after my performance review. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050425 |
| Tuesday, April 26, 2005 | [[Dewey and Mel at the reference desk.]] / Mel: They just installed audible warnings in all the computers. When a patron is in trouble we'll be able to hear it. / Audible warning blaring in the background: AAAAARGH!
/ IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!
/ YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!
/ NO NO NO NO
/ GERONIMO!
/ HELP ME PLEASE
/ UNCONTROLLABLE / Dewey: Merv may have "adjusted' the settings. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050426 |
| Wednesday, April 27, 2005 | [[Doreen is showing a sheet of postage stamps to Colleen]]
/ Colleen: I know they have nice pictures. / [[Doreen begins to lick the entire sheet]]
/ Colleen [[distraught]]: But they're *stamps* not *stickers*! / [[Doreen attempts to adhere the sheet to her forearm]]
/ Colleen [[extremely distraught]]: They're for *mailing things*!
/ Dewey: Unless you're a collector.
/ Tamara: Or have good taste in small art. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050427 |
| Thursday, April 28, 2005 | Dewey [[holding up a book]]: This is "Old Man's War", a science fiction novel by John Scalzi. / Dewey: In the future when you turn 75 you join the army to fight aliens across the galaxy. / Old male patron: I'll take six copies.
/ Old female patron: Come along Elmer, we're late for Yahtzee. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050428 |
| Friday, April 29, 2005 | [[A male patron who looks like a hippie is standing with Dewey who is behind the reference desk.]]
/ Patron: Books on mushrooms.
/ Dewey: Let me see what we have. / Patron: I'm just making a salad.
/ Dewey: Uh huh. / Patron: Is that thing linked up to a federal database?
/ Dewey: Not if we can help it. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050429 |
| Saturday, April 30, 2005 | Woman: How are you?
/ Dewey: I burnt my toast this morning. There could have been a fire! / Dewey: Does that make it a good day because there wasn't, or a bad day because there could have been? / [[Woman walks away]]
/ Dewey: Oh, and then I found out worse news: no butter! / Tamara [[walking up]]: How are you?
/ Dewey: Gregarious. It's really working out for me. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050430 |
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