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| Saturday, July 30, 2005 | [[Dewey and Tamara are talking together at the reference desk, looking out over the library floor. A group of three women are talking to each other in the center of the panel. Buddy is carrying a tree out of the stacks on the left. Merv is throwing a broken frisbee to another boy who is standing in the stacks. A woman is wheeling in a stroller through a door in the right of the panel. The kid in the stroller is waving a diaper in the air. Two Klingons are talking together while walking out of the frame in the front right.]]
/ Dewey: I spy three ladies, a diaper, a tree...
/ Tamara: ...a stroller, two Klingons, a broken frisbee! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050730 |
| Sunday, July 31, 2005 | Patron: Can I drop my mail here?
/ Dewey: Sure! / Patron: And someone will pick it up?
/ Dewey: Eventually, I'm sure! / Patron mail carrier?
/ Dewey: Doubtful! / Patron: So I should go to the Post Office?
/ Dewey: Good idea! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050731 |
| Monday, August 01, 2005 | [[At the reference desk: Dewey and a patron look up, stage left.]] / [[Dewey and patron look up and off to stage right.]] / Patron: Is the answer to my question up there somewhere?
/ Dewey: I hope so. I don't have any other ideas. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050801 |
| Tuesday, August 02, 2005 | [[Dewey and Tamara in the break room.]]
/ Dewey: ...and I couldn't answer the next two questions either!
/ Tamara: That doesn't mean you're "reference blocked". / [[Dewey is pouring himself some coffee.]]
/ Tamara: I get questions I can't answer too!
/ Dewey: Sure. "How would I cause harm to a living being?" "How can I have a bad day?" / Tamara [[pondering]]: Those are stumpers, all right.
/ Mel: Any more coffee?
/ Dewey [[holding a carafe of coffee]]: I don't know. See? I've got a problem? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050802 |
| Wednesday, August 03, 2005 | [[Mallville public library from the outside]]
/ Colleen: "Reference Block? It happened to me once in the eighties. Couldn't answer and questions at all."
/ Dewey: "How did you get over it?" / [[Inside the library. Colleen and Dewey are at the reference desk.]]
/ Colleen: "Intensive Occupational Therapy"
/ Dewey: "Consisting of. . . ?" / [[Closeup of Colleen and Dewey, Dewey has his hand on Colleen's shoulder]]
/ Colleen: " A month in the Bahamas, paid for by health insurance"
/ Dewey: "Sometimes I forget how much I like you." http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050803 |
| Thursday, August 04, 2005 | [[Mel and Dewey in Mel's office]]
/ Mel: Do you know how much paperwork is involved with a medical leave?
/ Dewey: No idea. I don't even know how I'd find out. / Mel: You really are having a problem answering questions!
/ Dewey: I'll need two weeks at a five star resort. / Mel [[index finger in the air]]: One day at a comic shop.
/ Dewey: Done. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050804 |
| Friday, August 05, 2005 | [[In the staff room of the library]]
/ Tamara: I can't believe Dewey got a day off because he has "reference block."
/ Colleen: Me neither. That boy might amount to something yet. / Tamara: Why doesn't that sort of thing ever happen to me?
/ Colleen: What do you mean? Everyone takes sick days. / Mel: Tamara, you won the staff attendance award!
/ Tamara: Please put it with the others. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050805 |
| Saturday, August 06, 2005 | [[A man with a mustache appears before Colleen at the help desk. She is wearing a cow costume.]]
/ Man: I have a question about the Uniform Anatomical Gift Act.
/ Colleen: I'm not familiar with that law, but I'll do my best. / Man: I'm trying to import a body. I need the bones for my art. And a spleen. And maybe a thigh muscle. / [[Later, Dewey and Collen are discussing.]]
/ Dewey: How'd it go with Reanimator there?
/ Colleen: When he started asking about my life expectancy I called the police. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050806 |
| Sunday, August 07, 2005 | [[Dewey and Little Old Lady standing on a Mallville street. Little Old Lady's car has a flat. Merv and another kid are walking past.]]
/ Dewey: No, I said I had information on car repair.
/ Little Old Lady: What if I sweeten the pot with a candy bar? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050807 |
| Monday, August 08, 2005 | Dewey [[leaning into Mel's office]]: We're still out of toner.
/ Mel: It should have been here by now. I'll get an E.T.A. / [[Mel holds empty right hand up to her ear.]] / Mel: Why aren't I holding my phone?
/ Dewey: I don't konw, but a fabulous career in mime awaits you. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050808 |
| Tuesday, August 09, 2005 | [[Dewey confronts Merv]]
/ Dewey: I thought I told you to stop this.
/ Merv: Stop what? I'm innocently reading. / Dewey: If you have to say "innocently" it isn't.
/ Merv: [[Looks up from his book]] Nonetheless I deny any culpability in ... whatever you're talking about. / Dewey: [[Crosses his arms]]Someone removed all the phones in the library.
/ Merv: [[Looks back at the book]]Now you can replace them with those "pushbutton" models that are all the rage. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050809 |
| Wednesday, August 10, 2005 | [[Mel and Dewey stand in front of a public phone. A masked character enters behind them from the right.]]
/ Mel: Our phones weren't taken by the Shusher [[superscript]]TM?
/ Dewey: Merv swears not. He's even willing to take a lie detector test. / [[Dewey turns to face Mel. The masked figure, who we now see also has a cape, removes the public phone from the wall.]]
/ Mel: I don't even want to know how that came up.
/ Dewey: It was after swearing on the Bible but before the Geneva convention. / [[Mel and Dewey exit right. The caped thief exits left, phone tucked under his arm.]]
/ Dewey: I think what we have here is a copycat.
/ Mel: Oh come on. What are the chances of that? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050810 |
| Thursday, August 11, 2005 | [[Dewey confronts the masked character who has swiped all the library's phones.]]
/ Dewey: Speak up. WHO are you?
/ Masked Character: Whisper (TM), Sidekick of Silence. / Dewey: I guess I don't have to ask whose sidekick you are.
/ [[Enter the Shusher]]
/ Shusher: Whisper? I thought we were meeting later at the Shh cave! / [[Dewey exits left. The Shusher and Whisper exit right.]]
/ Dewey: My life is increasingly surreal.
/ Whisper: You mean your house?
/ Shusher: Don't make my shush you. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050811 |
| Friday, August 12, 2005 | [[Dewey confronts Merv, his Shusher mask off, but his cape still around his neck.]]
/ Dewey: What makes me mad is that you told me you weren't involved!
/ Merv: I has plausible deniability. / Dewey: If you have to say "plausible" it isn't. Sanjay, what did Merv give you to dress up like that?
/ Merv: [[Hands around Sanjay's shoulders]] Heroes don't need incentivees to fight evil! / Sanjay/Whisper: 40 ounce "Slurpee".
/ Merv: That was more of an honorarium. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050812 |
| Saturday, August 13, 2005 | [[A woman sits at a desktop computer, typing while consulting an open book. Dewey approaches.]] / Library Patron: I'm writing my first novel!
/ Dewey: No, you're plagiarizing a bestseller. / Library Patron [[pointing at the book]]: But I changed the names!
/ Dewet [[walking off]]: I'll put together a list of literary agents. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050813 |
| Sunday, August 14, 2005 | [[A one legged patron hops up to the information desk.]] / Patron: Can you check the--
/ Dewey: Lost and found, yup. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050814 |
| Monday, August 15, 2005 | [[Dewey standing in library talking to middle-aged female customer]]
/ Female Customer [[holding out money towards Dewey]]: That was a great answer! Here, this is for you.
/ Dewey [[hands out in front of him with palms facing out]]: Thanks, but I can't take your money. / Female Customer: It's a small token of gratitude.
/ Dewey: Not too small to get me fired. / Female Customer [[holding arm out to side, as if to drop money on floor]]: What if I "accidentally" drop it on the floor?
/ Dewey: May I suggest a worthy charity? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050815 |
| Tuesday, August 16, 2005 | [[Dewey is behind the desk. A patron is pointing at something on the floor in front of the desk]]
/ Patron: You know there's a dollar on the floor here?
/ Dewey: I do. / Patron: Aren't you going to pick it up?
/ Dewey: That would be a violation of my small but beloved ethical code. / [[Patron appears to be putting the dollar in his wallet]]
/ Patron: You're a good man. I'm going to not leave you some money too.
/ Dewey: Fantastic. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050816 |
| Wednesday, August 17, 2005 | [[Woman and Little Old Lady are pointing at a pile of change in front of Dewey's desk]]
/ Woman: You're soliciting for tips?
/ Dewey: Absolutely not. / Little Old Lady: That's a rare thing in this day and age.
/ Woman: So very true. / Little Old Lady: He deserves a reward for that, don't you think?
/ Woman: No question. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050817 |
| Thursday, August 18, 2005 | [[Dewey is at the Information Desk, Mel is staring at a large pile of money on the floor.]]
/ Mel: And they know we can't accept gratuities?
/ Dewey: It seemed to egg them on. / [[Mel continues staring at the large pile of money.]] / Mel: People can't be leaving cash here for no reason!
/ Dewey: Suit yourself.
/ Patron: Here's a fifty! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050818 |
| Friday, August 19, 2005 | [[Merv and Dewey at the Information desk. A giant pile of paper money is in front of the desk]]
/ Merv: And people ask me why I frequent your establishment.
/ Dewey: Because of the giant mounds of cash? / Merv: I've got to give this a try out front.
/ Dewey: Knock yourself out. / [[Outside the library, Merv sits on the ground holding a sign that reads "Cannot accept gratuities" as a man walks past]]
/ Merv: Hey cheapskate! This means you! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050819 |
| Saturday, August 20, 2005 | [[In the library. Dewey at the Information desk is talking to a man with a goatee. A giant pile of paper money is in front of the Information desk.]]
/ Man: Great answer. Can I give you a little tip?
/ Dewey: All evidence to the contrary. I'm afraid I can't take money from anyone. / Man: I wasn't offering you money. More of a fact.
/ Dewey: Fire away. / Man: Never jig for squid near a compost heap.
/ Dewey: I believe that's more of a mystery. But thanks. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050820 |
| Sunday, August 21, 2005 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card / Dewey: Humanity's best chance for survival against an alien invasion is its greatest general - a boy! / Merv: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
/ Dewey: It's a classic! / Merv: Humanity's greatest general is a kid? What, did the chain of command eat bad fish? There must be a promising vegetarian lieutenant somewhere who's past puberty. / [[Scene of a war game in the Battle Room of Ender's Game]]
/ Dewey: They take super geniuses at a very young age and immerse them in war games. They live, eat, and breathe stretegy. These kids become the ultimate soldiers.
/ Merv: They sound well rounded. / Dewey: Imagine if you had been taken from your parents and trained by the government!
/ Merv: I'm not supposed to talk about that.
/ Mysterious Man in Black: Merv, the chopper is here. Time for more "homework." / [[The chopper flies away]]
/ Buddy: That boy is our only hope. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050821 |
| Monday, August 22, 2005 | Boy: I want to complain about this grade.
/ Dewey: You've confused me with your teacher. / Boy: You helped me with it.
/ Dewey: Maybe you should have helped yourself. / Boy: What are we going to do about this?
/ Dewey: It's sunny out. Go play ball or something. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050822 |
| Tuesday, August 23, 2005 | [[Dewey and an irate boy are arguing. The boy is jabbing his finger at a piece of paper.]]
/ Boy: I demand satisfaction!
/ Dewey: Are you challenging me to a duel? / Boy: I need this grade changed! [[Dewey takes the paper from him, wielding a pen.]] / [[Boy takes the paper back, staring at an A+ that takes up half the page.]]
/ Boy: Think my mom will buy this?
/ Dewey: Based on the parenting skills in evidence, I think she will. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050823 |
| Wednesday, August 24, 2005 | [[Dewey is at the information desk. Kyle and Kyle's Mom are in front of the desk with Kyle's homework.]]
/ Kyle's Mom: I want to thank you, Mr. Dewey, for reconsidering my son's grade.
/ Dewey: You can't be serious. I drew an "A+" on his paper with a crayon. / [[Slight zoom-in. A bookshelf is faintly visible in the background.]]
/ Kyle's Mom: You are Kyle's favorite teacher!
/ Dewey: I'm a librarian. I don't even work at the school. / [[Pan to a view from behind the desk.]]
/ Kyle's Mom: I'm sending a positive letter to your principal.
/ Dewey: Is she always this coherent?
/ Kyle: Depends on her meds.
/ Come on, Mom. Time to reboot. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050824 |
| Thursday, August 25, 2005 | [[Dewey and Cathy seated at a restaurant table]] / Cathy: You were right to call.
/ Dewey: I'm worried about Kyle. His mother is in orbit. / Cathy: I know. At our last parent-teacher conference she sang "Happy Birthday" and tried to blow out my pen.
/ Dewey: I just wish I could help him. / Cathy: You're very attractive right now.
/ Dewey: At-risk kids: nature's aphrodisiac. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050825 |
| Friday, August 26, 2005 | [[At the information desk in the library.]]
/ Cathy: We have a new program where we pair at-risk kids with older, more stable role models.
/ Dewey: Sounds like a good idea. / [[Zoom-in.]]
/ Cathy: There's a volunteer for Kyle, but I have some concerns.
/ Dewey: He can't be any worse off than he is now. / [[Cuts to an unspecified location.]]
/ Merv: My empire grows.
/ Kyle: I am, frankly, concerned about this "initiation" clause.
/ Sanjay: It's just a formality. Sign here.
/ No, in blood. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050826 |
| Saturday, August 27, 2005 | [[Dewey at the Information Desk with a patron. The patron is wearing a tuxedo, top hat and carrying a magic wand.]]
/ Patron: Where are the magic books?
/ Dewey: Is that a trick question? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050827 |
| Sunday, August 28, 2005 | The Unshelved Book Club presents Coraline by Neil Gaiman Illustrated by Dave McKean / [[Dewey is at reference desk holding up Coraline, talking to a girl and a boy]]
/ Dewey: You sure you want to hear about this? It's a little spooky.
/ Girl: I seek fear.
/ Boy: We're looking to cut down on our extreme sports habit. / Dewey: Coraline's parents didn't pay much attention to her.
/ Girl: [[fake shaking hands]] I'm shaking.
/ Boy: Is that the best you've got? Let me tell you about my knife collection. / [[Dewey is turned away from boy and girl, looking down]]
/ Dewey: She goes through a mysterious door in her house. On the other side she finds a strange world.
/ Girl: [[to boy]] At least he didn't use the word "spooky" again.
/ Boy: Or one of its synonyms. / [[Dewey is bent over rummaging in desk, his back to girl and boy; girl and boy lean in toward him]]
/ Dewey: Everyone is ghoulish. There's an old guy with a rat on his shoulder and two actresses who I thought might eat Coraline. Plus her Other Mother and Other Father And everyone has... / [[Dewey has black buttons in place of his eyes and his hands up in a 'gotcha' motion, girl and boy lean away, mouths open and eyes wide]]
/ Dewey: ...BUTTONS INSTEAD OF EYES! / [[Dewey hands book to girl]]
/ Dewey: They're even making it into a musical!
/ Girl: Scariest of all.
/ Boy: Please don't tell anyone I was startled by sewing equipment. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20050828 |
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