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| Thursday, January 26, 2006 | [[Dewey is speaking on the telephone]]
/ Dewey: Hi, can you tell me what charges were made yesterday on my credit card? ... No, it wasn't "stolen again." ... What? Really? ... How many? ... Yes, that is surprising. / [[Dewey turns to Buddy]]
/ Dewey: What would I want with three dozen earmuffs?
/ Buddy: I don't know. You just kept repeating, "The penguins are cold."
/ Radio announcer: And in other news, a mysterious intruder at the zoo! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060126 |
| Friday, January 27, 2006 | Dewey: My what?
/ Granny: Your winnings. / Dewey: I gambled yesterday?
/ Granny: Pretty gutsy putting your condo on the line like that. / Dewey: I bet my - -
/ Granny: And all on a pair of twos. Made me proud to be related. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060127 |
| Saturday, January 28, 2006 | [[Dewey and Cathy at the reference desk.]]
/ Dewey: Look, if I did or said anything yesterday--
/ Cathy: I accept! Our flight to Vegas leaves in an hour. / Dewey: I was under the influence of--
/ Cathy: The love bug, I know, you said. But I still think the ring is too expensive. / Dewey: Wait a second. What ring?
/ Cathy: Okay, you didn't propose. But you did give me a Pokemon. It was very romantic. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060128 |
| Sunday, January 29, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents ONE DAY IN THE LIFE OF IVAN DENISOVITCH by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
/ Dewey: So you need to read a Russian novel. I know what you're thinking: HEFT! / Dewey: Most of these bad boys are right off the scale. Lots of pages, and that means lots of words. Some of them long ones. / Dewey: But I have good news, and it's called ONE DAY IN THE LIFE OF iVAN DENISOVITCH, by Alexander Solzhenitsyn. / [[Prisoners building a brick wall in Siberian work camp under armed guard.]]
/ Dewey: Ivan, a Soviet soldier wrongfully convicted of treason, was sent to a Siberian work camp. His life is incredibly hard, but he learns to survive the dehumanizing conditions. This book is one typical day of cold, hunger, conflict, and hard labor drawn from the author's real-life experiences. / Dewey: And the best part? The paperback is less than three ounces! That includes a foreword, introduction, AND bibliography! Take it from me, you can't get better Russian literary value than that! / Cathy: Very deep.
/ Dewey: Once I dropped WAR AND PEACE. Broke three toes. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060129 |
| Monday, January 30, 2006 | [[A man with a box of books is pouring them into the outside bookdrop.]] / [[A book flies at the back of his head with a BONK!]] / [[Mel and Dewy are inside at the bookdrop. Dewey has a book in a slingshot shooting books out of the bookdrop.]]
/ Mel: Can you explain this?
/ Dewey: I couldn't find a cannon. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060130 |
| Tuesday, January 31, 2006 | [[A man is holding a box of books and is talking to Mel next to the outside bookdrop.]]
/ Man: I tried to donate these books.
/ Mel: They're all covered with mildew. / Man: That's was he said. So I put them in the bookdrop.
/ Mel: They're worthless. We'd have to throw them out. / Man: Better you than me.
/ [[Dewey speaks from inside the library.]]
/ Dewey: Can I shoot more books at him?
/ Mel: No. Well, wait until I leave. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060131 |
| Wednesday, February 01, 2006 | Computer victim [[returning DVDs]]: I'm not done watching these movies.
/ Dewey: Sorry, someone else has them reserved. / Computer victim: You could just pay last fees. Keep them a month and it would still be cheaper than Blockbuster. / [[Computer victim walks away happy with an even larger stack of DVDs]]
/ Mel: You don't him WHAT?
/ Dewey: I'm a librarian. I can't withhold information. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060201 |
| Thursday, February 02, 2006 | [[Tamara and Buddy are in front of a computer. Buddy looks over their shoulders.]]
/ Tamara: Another pornographic pop-up ad? Who looks at these things?
/ Buddy: Woo-hoo! It's a smut avalanche! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060202 |
| Friday, February 03, 2006 | [[Dewey and Mel are walking together.]]
/ Dewey: I need some time off to plan my presentation.
/ Mel: No you don't. / [[Dewey holds up his hand.]]
/ Dewey: You wouldn't send an unloaded gun to the front line, would you?
/ Mel: Yes, I would. / [[Dewey holds his chin in one hand.]]
/ Dewey: Okay, wrong metaphor for a liberal.
/ Mel: All you need is an Americano and "Eye of the Tiger" on your MP3 player. Yes, I work here too. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060203 |
| Saturday, February 04, 2006 | [[Dewey and Marv at the Reference Desk]]
/ Dewey: Who is hotter, chubby Belinda Carlisle or skinny Belinda Carlisle?
/ Marv: Girls? Suddenly you want my opinion about girls? / Dewey: Oh man, I'm sorry. I forgot who I was talking to.
/ Marv: No, it's cool. I'm growing up. Our relationship is maturing. We can do this. / Dewey: Okay, who's hotter...
/ Marv: I assume this is some aging pop icon. I'll need a photo reference. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060204 |
| Sunday, February 05, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "Peeps" by Scott Westerfeld / [[Two girls standing in the library]]
/ Girl 1: No way! You kissed *Eric*?
/ Girl 2: At least I didnt' kiss *Steve*.
/ Dewey [[interjecting]]: Just tell me you didn't kiss *Cal*. / Girl 1 and Girl 2 [[in unison]]: Who's Cal?
/ Dewey: He's a college freshman in Manhattan, fresh off the bus from Texas. He gets lucky one night. / [[Dewey provides voiceover for an image from the book: A man in a hard hart with a flashlight in what is perhaps a sewer tunnel. He shines his flashlight on a red-eyed woman who appears to be holding a bone that's dripping blood. Some red-eyed cats look on.]]
/ Dewey: Not so lucky -- he's infected with a parasite that gives him enhanced strength and senses and a suspicious craving for protein. Cal's a vampire -- sort of. It's a mild case and he stays a good guy. He needs to hunt down the ex-girlfriends he infected and find the woman who infected him. Oh, and maybe save the planet. / Girl 1: This is the weirdest abstinence lecture ever.
/ Dewey [[holding up a book]]: It's a book -- Peeps by Scott Westerfeld.
/ Girl 2: You are the weirdest librarian ever. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060205 |
| Monday, February 06, 2006 | [[Throughout this strip, Mel addresses the library staff from outside of the panel(s), as if speaking from the front of the room before the assembled staff.]] / Mel: I have good news!
/ Dewey: Another random edict from upper management. / Mel: Our inventory troubles are over!
/ Dewey: Some vendor just sold us an overpriced gadget. / Mel: This new technology will change our lives.
/ Dewey: Our unpaid overtime begins tonight. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060206 |
| Tuesday, February 07, 2006 | [[Dewey is holding open a book and talking with Colleen.]]
/ Colleen: Explain this new technology.
/ Dewey: These metallic strips broadcast identifying data. / Colleen: I thought that was what barcodes were for.
/ Dewey: They were. / Colleen [[arms crossed, looking grumpy]]: Don't tell me -- barcodes aren't cool anymore.
/ Dewey: Radio is the new laser. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060207 |
| Wednesday, February 08, 2006 | [[An irritated patron takes on Mel at the check-out desk.]]
/ Patron: What do you mean I've finished checking out? I haven't done anything! / Patron: I don't want to hear about your new technology. I spent a long hard year getting used to your stupid scanner gun, and I won't have you changing things on me again! / [[Mel holds the disconnected end of the old scanner gun's wire; the patron points the scanner gun at her book with a beatific smile.]]
/ Mel: Bleep.
/ Bleep. / Colleen: [[entering]] I think you've found your core competency. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060208 |
| Thursday, February 09, 2006 | Old man [[wearing a colander]]: RFID tags are the latest intrusion on our civil liberties! / Old man: The government can track what I'm reading and where I'm reading it! / Old man: I know, I know - you think I'm crazy.
/ Dewey: No, I'm pretty much with you on this.
/ Ned: Here's my card. Call me when you see the black helicopters. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060209 |
| Friday, February 10, 2006 | Merv: Can I borrow your R.F.I.D. reader?
/ Dewey: No. / Merv: I won't use it to find out what my schoolmates are reading and then blackmail them. / Merv: Too detailed a denial?
/ Dewey: Little bit. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060210 |
| Saturday, February 11, 2006 | [[ Dewey approaches two patrons, one with long black hair, the other a bald man with a mustache. The patrons are using the public computers.]]
/ Black haired Patron: I can't get this computer to work.
/ Bald Patron: This computer is junk! / [[Dewey goes up to the black haired patron.]]
/ Dewey: Don't blame yourself. Let's reboot and see if that solves the problem. / Bald Patron: That's what I was saying. It's the computer's fault!
/ Dewey: You, on the other hand, could use a little more introspection. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060211 |
| Sunday, February 12, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "Startide Rising" by David Brin / [[Pictures of several alien races]]
/ Dewey: In David Brin's STARTIDE RISING, "Intelligent Design" is a fact. Every species in the galaxy achieved sentience by being "uplifted" (genetically modified) by another species, which itself was uplifted by another and so on, back to the dawn of time. / [[A white boy, a black boy and a white girl]]
/ Girl: Huh. / [[Scene of a line of human ancestors crawling from the sea and 3 spaceships landing or taking off.]]
/ Dewey: Every species, that is, except us. Humanity's claim of evolution by natural selection causes political, scientific, and religious uproar and makes us a lot of powerful enemies. It's a dangerous, unstable situation. / [[Same three]]
/ Black Boy: Hmm. / [[A flying saucer with dolphins inside]]
/ Dewey: Then an Earth research starship uncovers ancient clues which threaten the status quo. The galaxy explodes into war! Humanity's only hope is an untested crew of uplifted dolphins. And one very wet chimpanzee. / [[Same three]]
/ White boy: Dolphins?
/ White girl: In space? / [[Dewey shows book to the three]]
/ Dewey: Yes, dol-
/ White boy: Dolphins in Space!
/ Black boy: Give it to me!
/ White girl: No, me! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060212 |
| Monday, February 13, 2006 | {{Guest strip by Michael Jantze}} / Dewey: Time to close, big Merv. You need a ride?
/ Merv: No, my dad's picking me up. / Dewey: Your dad? I don't think I've met your-- / Dewey: -- dad?
/ [[An army soldier looking very much like Beetle Bailey is yelling at Merv and pointing to the exit]]
/ Merv: Come on, hup two! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060213 |
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 | Patron [[at reference desk]]: Excuse me, I need a globe of the earth. / Dewey [[pointing]]: We have at table-top globe just over--
/ Patron [[grousing]] No! Don't you have a life sized one? / Dewey [[arms crossed]]: Yes, but it's in use right now. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060214 |
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 | Dewey: Tracing comics for art class?
/ Merv: I'm reinterpreting the work.
/ Dewey: She may not see it that way.
/ Merv: There are no rules in art. Only creativity.
/ Dewey: If you say so. / Merv: She gave me an "H". There's no such score!
/ Dewey: So she's creative too. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060215 |
| Thursday, February 16, 2006 | [[A patron has approached Dewey at the desk.]]
/ Patron: I'm lost. Is this the Visitor's Information Center?
/ Dewey: This is a library. / [[Patron looks panicky and leans over the desk.]]
/ Patron: I came by monorail.
/ Dewey: There *is* no monorail in Mallville.
/ Patron: And I'm looking for a Waffle Burger.
/ Dewey: That franchise isn't in this state. / Patron: [[looking irritated.]] Can't you just look up the directions on your computer?
/ Dewey: I don't think MapQuest is the cure for what's ailing you. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060216 |
| Friday, February 17, 2006 | {{Guest strip by Mark Monlux}} / [[Dewey and Mel at the reference desk looking startled.]] / [[Same scene. A raccoon tail shimmies in the background as a raccoon scuttles behind a bookshelf.]] / Mel [[turning to look at the coon]]: DId you *just see*?
/ Dewey [[looking away]] No. No I did *not*. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060217 |
| Saturday, February 18, 2006 | {{Guest strip by Dave Kellett of "Sheldon"}}
/ [[A library patron is addressing Dewey at the reference desk]]
/ Patron: The book title had a "the" in it. Does that help?
/ Dewey [[looking intently at his computer screen, typing]] < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060218 |
| Sunday, February 19, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "Survival of the Prettiest" by Nancy Etcoff. / [[Tamara is in a pinup pose, both hands on one knee.]]
/ Tamara: Ever wonder why certain people are so attractive?
/ Read Survival of the Prettiest by Nancy Etcoff.
/ It's mostly evolution.
/ A man, for instance, is programmed to be drawn to a healthy young woman.
/ Why? Because it maximizes the likelihood of passing on his genes.
/ Not very romantic, but it explains a lot. / [[Word balloons point to Tamara's body.]]
/ Tamara: Clear skin, lustrous hair, and symmetric features indicate general health.
/ A blush in the cheeks hints at sexual excitement.
/ Light skin, firm pert breasts and a low waist:hipsize ration are signs that a woman hasn't yet had children. This greatly increases her odds of being fertile. / [[Back in the library, Tamara faces Buddy.]]
/ Tamara: Isn't that interesting?
/ [[Buddy doesn't reply.]] / [[Tamara has left. Dewey approaches Buddy.]]
/ Dewey: Still conscious?
/ Buddy: Gaaah. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060219 |
| Monday, February 20, 2006 | [[Mel standing and speaking to Dewey who is seated and looking at the computer]]
/ Mel: What if everyone in Mallville read the same book?
/ Dewey: What if we just ate the same flavor ice cream? / Mel: I'm serious. We'll host book discussion groups and... book discussion groups.
/ Dewey[[turns to look at Mel]]: Remember A Brief History of Time? Everyone bought it, but try talking physics with those people. / Mel [[walking away]]: Whatever. You're in charge.
/ Dewey [[making air quotes]]: "What if everyone said they read the same book?" http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060220 |
| Tuesday, February 21, 2006 | Dewey: Could we bribe people into reading the same book?
/ That's a lot of pizza. / Mel: There's no budget for incentives. Reading is its own reward.
/ Dewey: Then it will have to be naughty. / Dewey: "What if everyone read the same smut"?
/ Mel: Our grant won't cover that. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060221 |
| Wednesday, February 22, 2006 | [[Dewey is at the information desk almost surrounded by books.]]
/ Merv: That's a lot of books.
/ Dewey: I'm trying to pick one that everyone in town will read. / Merv: Won't you have to buy, like, a zillion copies?
/ Dewey: Yeah, there's a grant. / Merv: Then it's easy. Just ask the publishers for a kickback and go with the highest bidder. Don't they teach you *anything* in library school? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060222 |
| Thursday, February 23, 2006 | Dewey: I couldn't find a book that everyone in Mallville would read. / Dewey: Then I thought, lower the bar! "What if everybody watched the same episode of *Cheers*?" / Mel: I object.
/ Dewey: No, you're right. Too dated. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060223 |
| Friday, February 24, 2006 | [[Mel approaches the meeting room. A sign on the door reads "What if everyone watched the same T.V. show?"]] / [[Mel opens the door.]]
/ Dewey: Why else is Arrested Development the greatest show ever?
/ Person 2: Portia de Rossi!
/ Dewey: You read my mind. / [[Mel has closed the door, and walks away dejected.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060224 |
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