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|Monday, March 27, 2006||Buddy: We're out of shelf space. I can't squeeze in one more book. / Dewey: Time for the compactor.
/ Buddy: I'll fire it up. / Mel: There's not really a -- ?
|Tuesday, March 28, 2006||[[Dewey and Mel are talking at the information desk]] / Dewey: Can't you give me a little more shelf space? Young adults are our future. / Mel: I thought children were our future. / Dewey: Children grow into young adults. / Mel: By that logic we should only stock titles for seniors. / Dewey: I retract my argument. / Mel: Good. / Computer Victim: Do you have "Chicken Soup for the Soup Lover?" In large print?|
|Wednesday, March 29, 2006||[[Mel and Dewey are talking in front of a bookshelf.]] / Mel: It's time to weed the books in your section. / Dewey: Weeds? There aren't any weeds here. / Dewey [[alone, facing bookshelf]]: They're all flowers. Beautiful, blooming flowers. / Dewey: Bathed in the warm sun of circulation, watered by the love of readers... / Mel [[leaving the frame]]: Time to cut back on the fertilizer.|
|Thursday, March 30, 2006||[[Mel and Dewey are walking together in the library]] / Mel: Have you removed the damaged books? / Dewey: Yes. / Mel: How about the ones that don't get checked out? / Dewey: They all get checked out. / Dewey: You know the larger the book the less likely it will be actually read. / Mel: You can't weed by size! / Dewey: I'd make exceptions for the thicker vampire novels.|
|Friday, March 31, 2006||[[Dewey is shelving books. Mel is standing behind him.]] / Mel: Which books did you end up weeding? / Dewey: None. / Mel: But your shelves were full! Where did you put the new books? / Dewey: I thought outside the box. / [[Merv is sitting on a chair made of books, with his feet on another large pile of books. Another boy stands behind him.]] / Boy: Excuse me, you're sitting on "Silas Marner."|
|Saturday, April 01, 2006||Bald Patron: Can I ask a stupid question? / Dewey: Why stop at just one?|
|Sunday, April 02, 2006||The Unshelved Book Club presents "Queen & Country: Private Wars" by Greg Rucka / [[A woman holding a gun and a child glares at a helicopter flying over a dead body.]] / Dewey: Tara Chase, Minder One of the British Secret Intelligence Service, lost her lover on an unsanctioned mission and quit to have their child. / But when her old boss offers her a way back in, she can't say no. / She goes to Uzbekistan alone. / The president's health is failing. / His ruthless daughter is making a grab for power. / The British government needs to get her brother (and his son) out of the country quickly and quietly. / Things go wrong. / Tara falls into the hands of Uzbeki torturers known for boiling their victims alive. / "Private Wars" is the second "Queen & Country" novel, building on Rucka's successful graphic novel series.|
|Monday, April 03, 2006||Dewey: Germs germs germs / Dewey: Germs germs germs / Tamara: This has nothing to do with you. / Dewey: No, it has to do with germs.|
|Tuesday, April 04, 2006||Mel: Are you cleaning your hands after every reference question? / Tamara: It's a simple precaution. / Mel: Is this because of Dewey? / Tamara: Of course not. / Dewey: Germs. / Tamara: Where?!?|
|Wednesday, April 05, 2006||[[Dewey and Tamara are talking. Buddy is standing nearby, listening]] / Dewey: I saw a dead crow on the way to work. / Tamara: Global pandemics aren't funny, Dewey. / Dewey: I'm not joking. It was as dead as a doornail. / [[Tamara has run away leaving a puff of smoke where she stood.]] / Buddy: I thought you told me it got hit by a car. / Dewey: Details.|
|Thursday, April 06, 2006||[[Tamara is in a bio-hazard suit]] / Tamara: Of course I can perform my job duties! / Mel: I just think that the children might get scared. / [[Tamara menacingly fills the panel]] / Tamara: They should be scared! We're surrounded by legions of bacteria and viruses waiting to infect us all! / [[Tamara hangs head and Mel looks nervous]] / Tamara: Dewey really got to me, didn't he? / Mel: How many bacteria?|
|Friday, April 07, 2006||Tamara: I just realized something. / Dewey: What? / Tamara: My immune system isn't compromised by junk food, sleep deprivation, and lack of exercise. / Tamara: Now is when you should be washing your hands. / Dewey: You made me hungry.|
|Saturday, April 08, 2006||Library Tip #30: Try the Lost and Found / [[Dewey pulls different items out of lost and found box while patron watches]] / Dewey: Plunger. Used tissues. Long johns. / Dewey: Soggy sleeping bag. One can creamed corn, open. / Dewey: Ah, here's your retainer. / Patron: I'll pass.|
|Sunday, April 09, 2006||The Unshelved Book Club presents "Marooned in Real Time" by Vernor Vinge / [[An illustrated timeline. Points include YOU ARE HERE; 2250 "SINGULARITY" (all humanity disappears); DISTANT FUTURE, and LAST HUMAN COLONY. Spheres called "bobbles" jump from the past to LAST HUMAN COLONY]] / Dewey: The end of the world has come and gone. But there are survivors - time travelers from the past, brought to the distant future in time-stopping "bobbles." With luck, they just might be able to restart the human race. Then Marta, co-founder of the colony, is found murdered - left outside a bobble to die of old age. / [[Police lineup]] / Dewey: Wil Brierson, the last detective on Earth, has to solve a Whodunnit with the highest stakes of all. Did Marta's lover kill her out of jealousy? [[A woman]] Was it the Republic of New Mexico, the world's last democracy? Or the family that wants to personally witness the end of the universe? Or the Peace Authority, who used Bobbles to rule the world? Or Della Lu, star pilot and Wil's investigative partner? Oh, and there's the little mystery of what happened to the rest of humanity. And who bobbled Wil, tearing him away from his wife and children? But first things first.|
|Monday, April 10, 2006||Mel: The library will no longer allow personal use of staff computers. / Dewey: Why? / Mel: It's a waste of tax money. Use the public computers like everyone else. / Tamara: Clogging up public computers while ours idle? Isn't that a bigger waste? / Dewey: It's cute how you keep trying to make sense of these things. / Tamara: There must be some confusion!|
|Tuesday, April 11, 2006||Dewey: Help me understand this new computer policy. / Mel: Okay. / Dewey: Can I use my computer to read emails from my mom? / Mel: No. / Dewey: Sounds reasonable enough to me. / Colleen: Can I still use mine as a cupholder?|
|Wednesday, April 12, 2006||Dewey: It's my turn on the public computer. / Tamara: Good luck! / [[Dewey is at the computer]] / Computer Victim: Can you give me a hand? / Dewey: Sorry, I'm on my lunch hour. / Computer Victim: It'll just take a second. / Dewey: I strongly doubt that. / Little Old Lady: When you're done with him I have a question. / Young Woman: Me too!|
|Thursday, April 13, 2006||[[Mel and Dewey are talking at Mel's desk]] / Mel: You can't be rude to patrons. / Dewey: I was on my lunch break. / Mel: They don't know that. You were using a public computer. / Dewey: That's the only way I'm allowed to read personal email. / Mel: You have to help people. We'll extend your lunch break. / Dewey [[walking away]]: No good can come of this.|
|Friday, April 14, 2006||Mel: Your lunch hour is over. / Dewey: It hasn't started yet. I'm still helping people. / Mel: But you're needed at the desk. / Dewey: Your policy meant to fix the unintended consequences of your other policy is having unintended consequences. / Mel: I guess we need a new policy. / Dewey: That's definitely where I was going with that.|
|Saturday, April 15, 2006||[[Dewey is using the computer at his desk]] / Mel: You're not reading personal email on a staff computer, are you? / Dewey: I absolutely am. / Mel: Because that would be against the rules. / Dewey: I am flagrantly violating policy. It's the only way to get anything done. / Mel: Thank you for complying. / Dewey: Oooh - a sale on action figures!|
|Sunday, April 16, 2006||The Unshelved Book Club presents "The Color of Magic" by Terry Pratchett / [[The wizard Rincewind is pulling the tourist Twoflower away from a fire-breathing dragon as Twoflower tries to take its picture]] / Dewey: Rincewind is a very bad wizard. He got kicked out of wizard school and only knows one spell. / Now he's a reluctant tour guide for Twoflower, an insurance agent from the other side of Discworld who can't seem to understand that most of the "quaint attractions" are profoundly deadly. / My favorite character: The magic luggage that follows Twoflower everywhere. / It's the first book of a hysterical series that turns genre convictions on their heads. / Man: Fantasy novels are supposed to be humorless epics! / Dewey: No they aren't. / Man: I rolled an 18. You're banished to a nether dimension. / Dewey: No I'm not.|
|Monday, April 17, 2006||Library patron: Is that a fact? / Dewey: Close enough / Mel: Remember to record that transaction. It's survey week. / Dewey: Bureaucratic nonsense. It's not like our jobs depend on it. / Dewey: Mel! You're worrying me here. / Mel: There have been rumors / Colleen: SOMEBODY ASK ME A QUESTION!|
|Tuesday, April 18, 2006||[[At the Information Desk with Dewey and Mel.]] / Dewey: It's survey week, so we want a lot of questions, right? / Mel: We're just gathering statistics about our customers. / Dewey: But it wouldn't hurt if our customers were wildly inquisitive. / Mel: Let's just say curiosity never killed the library cat. / Buddy: [[approaching, carrying a dead cat]] Look what I found in foreign periodicals!|
|Wednesday, April 19, 2006||[[Dewey and Mel talking near the Reference Desk]] / Dewey [[holding radio]]: It's "80's Flashback Week" on the radio!
/ radio: "Jenny I got your number... I need to make you mine..." [[song: 867-5309 by Tommy Tutone]] / Dewey [[hand near telephone]]: So I added another line to the reference desk."
/ radio: "Jenny don't change your number"
/ Mel: What does this have to do with survey week? / radio: eight six seven five three oh-nine
|Thursday, April 20, 2006||[[Dewey walks into a men's restroom holding markers.]] / [[Dewey writes on the wall near the urinal.]] / Dewey (writing): "For a good time call" / [[Mel is talking on the telephone.]] / Mel: No, I certainly don't... You found this number WHERE?|
|Friday, April 21, 2006||[[Dewey is standing behind a desk surrounded by POLICE TAPE and signs reading EXTREME HAZARD, ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK, EMERGENCY ZONE]] / PATRON: What happened? / PATRON: Is everything okay? / PATRON: Are we in danger? / DEWEY: Slow down, I need to count your questions for survey week.|
|Saturday, April 22, 2006||Colleen: If you're determined to skew the reference survey, why not just falsify the data? / Dewey: I have my integrity. / Colleen: That's not what I expected you to say. / Dewey: Plus I love making Mel shake her head. / Colleen: THAT'S what I expected you to say.|
|Sunday, April 23, 2006||The Unshelved Book Club presents "Apathy and Other Small Victories" by Paul Neilan. / [[A man is swinging on a street light pole, his body horizontal to the ground. His mangled pushbike lies in front of a red car.]] / Dewey: Shane drifts into New York City on a Greyhound. / He's drunk all the time. / To pay the rent, he sleeps with his landlord's wife every Tuesday. / His work-obsessed girlfriend nearly kills him in bed and then analyzes their nonexistent relationship. / He naps all day in the bathroom at work and throws away the documents he's supposed to be alphabetizing. / His only friend is his dentist's deaf receptionist, who taught him to swear in sign language. / Now she's dead and he's a suspect. / He's pretty sure he didn't kill her, and very sure that someone driving the General Lee is trying to kill him. / [[In the library, Dewey, the book in his hand, is moving after an irate woman.]] / Woman library patron: That book couldn't sound more offensive! / Dewey: Did I mention his neighbor's questionable relationship with his guinea pig?|
|Monday, April 24, 2006||[[Tamara and Dewey in break room. Tamara is drinking from a bottle with one hand on her hip. There is a glass sitting on the counter.]] / Tamara: MMMMM! Tastes delicious! / Dewey: Water? / [[Tamara is holding the bottle high, showing it to Dewey. Dewey is holding up the glass from the counter and pointing at it.]] / Tamara: From an ancient spring in Wales. / Dewey: Mallville's finest. / [[Tamara still holds bottle but lowered. Dewey drinking from glass with one hand on his hip.]] / Tamara: I've never seen you drink water before. / Dewey: MMMMM! Tastes like parking lot!|
|Tuesday, April 25, 2006||[[Tamara is holding a sheet of paper. Dewey is standing at a computer.]] / Tamara: Here's another notice about water safety. / Dewey: Don't worry, I always carry a flotation device. / Tamara: I'm serious, Dewey! Municipal water is criminally contaminated! / Dewey: Then let's do something about it! / [[Tamara starts walking in one direction, Dewey walks the opposite way.]] / Tamara: You're right. I'm going to become even more active in the community! / Dewey: And I'm going to make some Tang!|
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