You're browsing the archives of Unshelved.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Thursday, August 24, 2006 | [[Dewey and Tamara are talking at Tamara's desk]]
/ Dewey: How was the date?
/ Tamara: When someone says, "Stop me if you've heard this," and you say you've heard it, shouldn't they stop? / Dewey: That bad, huh?
/ Tamara: The good news? No diet worries with Mr. "Are you gonna eat that?" / Dewey: Well at least you learned –
/ Tamara: Plus he kissed like an embalmed frog. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060824 |
| Friday, August 25, 2006 | Tamara: You're staging an intervention? How exciting! For whom?
/ Dewey: You. Because you can't say not ao anyone. / Tamara: Yes I can.
/ Dewey: Hamburger? / Tamara: Um.. Thank you, it looks delicious.
/ Dewey: You're VEGAN.
/ Mel: We're here to help. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060825 |
| Saturday, August 26, 2006 | [[Buddy is talking to Dewey.]]
/ Buddy: I hear you've been teaching Tamara to say "no".
/ Dewey: She's just too nice for her own good. / Buddy [[to Tamara as she walks by]]: Hey Tamara, want to catch a movie tonight?
/ Tamara: No. / Buddy: You couldn't have waited until AFTER I asked her out?
/ Dewey: We're still calibrating. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060826 |
| Sunday, August 27, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "Why Good Girls don't get ahead but Gutsy Girls do" by Kate White / Tamara: When I was a little girl watched my mother place everyone's needs above her own.
/ I learned that good girls are caregivers.
/ In school the boys spoke out of turn, but I was told to raise my hand.
/ I learned that good girls obey the rules.
/ Everyday at work I am a good girl, but what does it get me? / [[back at the library]]
/ Tamara: This book has taught me that I don't need to be a good girl!
/ Mel: I'm glad you're finally becoming a gutsy girl like me.
/ Patron: Will you spend unreasonable amounts of time helping me, violating all of your personal boundaries?
/ Mel: Of course. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060827 |
| Monday, August 28, 2006 | Dewey: Are you sure the copier is out of toner?
/ Patron: Pretty sure. / Dewey: Did you remember to press 'copy'?
/ Patron: Yes.
/ Dewey: Is the darkness control on zero?
/ Patron: No.
/ Dewey: Did you photocopy a blank page?
/ Patron: No. / Patron: Why don't you just check the toner cartridge?
/ Dewey: I checked it this morning. You're right. It's out.
/ Patron: Then why the inquisition?
/ Dewey: Force of habit. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060828 |
| Tuesday, August 29, 2006 | [[Dewey and a customer are at the reference desk.]]
/ Customer: Can't you put new toner in the copier?
/ Dewey: We're out but I've put in a service call. / Customer: When will it be working again?
/ Dewey: Tomorrow. / Customer: How does that help me now?
/ Dewey: You get the satisfaction of knowing you've set a mighty bureaucracy in motion.
/ Mel [[carrying in a foot-tall stack of forms]]: You filled these out wrong. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060829 |
| Wednesday, August 30, 2006 | [[Woman at the service desk talking to Dewey.]]
/ Woman: The copier isn't working. It just prints blank pages. [[Shows Dewey the page.]]
/ Dewey: Let's examine that word "working." / Dewey: I show up at the library five days a week. I take orders. I go through the motions, making the right sounds and appearing to follow proper procedures. If at the end of the day I don't happen to have anything to show for it, can it really be said that I wasn't "working"?[[using fingers to quote]] / Mel: Yes.
/ Dewey: Fortunately the union disagrees. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060830 |
| Thursday, August 31, 2006 | [[Dewey and patron are at a computer terminal]]
/ Patron: The copier is out of order?
/ Dewey: Yes / Patron: Really?
/ Dewey: No, not really. / Patron: So it's working?
/ Dewey: No, it's out of order. But I wanted to reward your healthy skepticism. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060831 |
| Friday, September 01, 2006 | [[Dewey is in Mel's office talking to Mel.]]
/ Mel: Good news first.
/ Dewey: We got more toner for the photocopier. / Mel: And the bad news?
/ Dewey: Buddy decided to install it. / Mel: How's that going?
/ Dewey: Good news or bad news?
/ [[Buddy is outside of the door completely covered in black copier toner.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060901 |
| Saturday, September 02, 2006 | Mel: The copier is finally working?
/ Dewey: Yes. Copyrights are being violated as we speak. / Mel: Why can't you see the sunny side for once?
/ Dewey: Okay, we're serving the needs of the community. / Mel: Much better.
/ Patron 1: I need to photocopy this textbook so I don't have to buy it.
/ Patron 2: Me too. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060902 |
| Sunday, September 03, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents THE LIGHTNING THIEF, by Rick Riordan / [[A guy in ancient Greek armor confronted by three Amazon warriors with a centaur and satyr/faun watching]]
/ Dewey: 12-year old Perseus Jackson thought he was just another loser until he destroyed his math teacher, found out he's the son of a Greek god, and fought the Minotaur. Now he and his friends are about to leave Camp Halfblood on a quest that will put him face to face with Medusa, Charon and Cerberus as they search for the entrance to Hades' realm in an effort to find Zeus' missing lightning bolt and stop a war between the gods. / Son: Was my father a god too?
/ Mother: Hardly. / [[A lightning bolt strikes]] < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060903 |
| Monday, September 04, 2006 | [[Dewey is working on computer. An upset woman is gesticulating.]]
/ Irate woman: Your computer is a liar! / Irate woman: And you're in league with its evil genius! / Irate woman: Got nothing to say?
/ Dewey: And interrupt your one-woman show? Never. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060904 |
| Tuesday, September 05, 2006 | [[Dewey is standing next to a large pile of books passing them out to a long line of patrons. A large banner is displayed reading: "Special today only: All you can read absolutely FREE!!" Mel is standing behind Dewey.]]
/ Dewey: It's all in how you sell it. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060905 |
| Wednesday, September 06, 2006 | Library tip #31: If you don't want it, the library doesn't want it. / [[A man with a large stack of magazines is at the information desk talkign to Dewey. Merv is standing nearby.]]
/ Man: But it's a complete run of "Jugs" magazine!
/ Dewey: We don't have any room for them.
/ Merv: I do! / Man: It's a great read.
/ Dewey: I'm sure.
/ Merv: I believe you! / Man: You know it's about pottery, right?
/ Dewey: Still no room.
/ Merv [[walking away]]: Later. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060906 |
| Thursday, September 07, 2006 | [[2 patrons with laptops sit opposite each other across a narrow table - the women opens her screen which partially closes the man's screen]] / [[The man pushes his screen all the way open, which pushes the woman's screen partially closed]] / Tamara [[watching from the sidelines with Dewey]]: Aren't you going to intervene?
/ Dewey: I'm waiting until they discover there's only one outlet. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060907 |
| Come in | [[Dewey talking on phone]]
/ Dewey: It would be easier for you to come in so I could show you.
/ Phone: It would be even easier if you emailed me the information. / Dewey: Easier still for me to just wait till you arrive.
/ Phone: And easiest of all for me to forget the whole thing. / Phone: Wait, that would be doing you a favor.//I'm heading down there.
/ Dewey: Whatever's easiest. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060908 |
| Saturday, September 09, 2006 | [[Mel talking to a patron in a sweater with hair on it]]
/ Mel: I'm afraid that because of common allergies, we have a "no dogs" policy.
/ Patron: My dog's not with me. / Mel: No but your sweater is covered with his hair.
/ Patron: Do I have to be NAKED to use this library. / Mel: Don't be ridiculous.
/ Ned: I'd like to complain about the temperature again. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060909 |
| Sunday, September 10, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan / Dewey: Tris broke Nick's heart three weeks ago.
/ She was in the crowd at his queercore band's show.
/ That's why he asked Norah to be his five minute girlfriend.
/ He tried to give her and her friend a ride home in Jessie, his Yugo, but it wouldn't start.
/ So his bandmates threw Norah's friend into their van and sent Nick and Norah on their way.
/ Norah needed a ride home for her drunk girlfriend.
/ That's why she agreed to be Nick's 5 minute girlfriend.
/ That's also why she extended the deal.
/ But then his car wouldn't start and her ex called her a Tin Woman and then his bandmates gave her cash for a night out with Nick (and her friend a ride home). / Dewey: Nick and Norah aren't sure who each other are, but their mutual something is starting to matter.
/ And they've agreed to go watch nuns make out (it's better than a three-way with an alien).
/ Patron: I don't get it.
/ Dewey: That's because it's for your daughter.
/ Patron: Then why are you telling ME about it?
/ Dewey: Because, as with most edgy well-written teen novels, if I told HER about it you could have me fired. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060910 |
| Monday, September 11, 2006 | [[Dewey is talking with a young male patron]]
/ Patron: You're throwing me out?
/ Dewey: Yep. Don't come back for a month. / Patron: Where do I file my appeal?
/ Dewey [[holding wastebasket]]: Right here. / Patron: Whatever happened to the balance of powers?
/ Dewey: Looks like it's tilted in my favor, doesn't it? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060911 |
| Tuesday, September 12, 2006 | [[Mel is talking to Dewey, who is sitting in front of a computer]]
/ Mel: I just got off the phone. You threw out a kid this morning?
/ Dewey: He was loud and obnoxious. / Mel: I've been asked to review the case.
/ Dewey: Then he told me, and I quote, "XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX" / Dewey: If you don't understand what that means I can draw you a diagram. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060912 |
| Wednesday, September 13, 2006 | [[Mel and Dewey are walking through the library.]]
/ Mel: I have more news on that boy you banned.
/ Dewey: Did he go on a multi-state crime spree? / Mel: No, he filed an appeal before the library board. The hearing is set for tonight.
/ [[Dewey stops walking, Mel continues on.]] / [[Mel and Dewey are now facing each other.]]
/ Dewey: Then I'd like to request the afternoon off to prep.
/ Mel: Why, so you can see a bargain matinee of "Snakes on a Plane"?
/ Dewey: Like I said, prep. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060913 |
| Thursday, September 14, 2006 | [[Dewey is sitting in a darkened room, a spotlight glaring in his face]]
/ Dewey: Do your worst! / Dewey: You'll never grind me down! / [[Cathy enters]]
/ Cathy: I've been looking for you. What were you doing in here alone with the lights off?
/ Dewey: Creating a more interesting universe. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060914 |
| Friday, September 15, 2006 | [[Dewey is alone with a voice speaking offstage]]
/ Voice: We find your unorthodox method of answering our questions irritating.
/ Dewey: Well you can XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX. / Male [[whispering to a female holding a gavel]]: What does that mean?
/ Female: That sort of language will result in disciplinary proceedings! / [[Dewey points to a young male]]
/ Dewey: THAT'S how HE talked to ME. Which is why I threw him out!
/ Young male: Lies! Calumny!
/ Voice from offstage: Security! Security! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060915 |
| Suspension | [[Young boy patron at reference desk with Dewey]]
/ Patron: I thought they suspended you.
/ Dewey: My union has everyone wrapped up in red tape. You couldn't put a black mark on my record with a sharpie. / Patron: But they let me back in. That's got to sting.
/ Dewey: Not at all. Now I know how to handle you. / [[Dewey holds out small electronic device]]
/ {{Patron's comments are blacked out}}
/ Dewey: Voice recorder. You're re-banned. And if I hear one word about an appeal your parents will get a very special podcast in their email. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060916 |
| Sunday, September 17, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents WOLF BROTHER, by Michelle Paver / [[Torak is given a knife by his dying father, while an evil bear watches from the background]]
/ Dewey: A bear, possessed by a demon, attacked Torak and his Fa. As Torak's father lay dying, he made Torak swear to find the Mountain of the World Spirit before the bear becomes invincible. He has his father's knife, his sleeping sack, an ax, a medicine pouch, and the knowledge his father gave him: HIS GUIDE WOULD FIND HIM. He must survive the wilderness alone, find the mountain and destroy the bear to save the Forest. But the bear won't be the only thing hunting Torak. / [[A mother and her small son]]
/ Mother: Is it very violent?
/ Dewey: No.
/ Mother: Spiritual?
/ Dewey: Definitely.
/ Mother: One character has to be really into macrame.
/ Dewey: Don't push it. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060917 |
| Monday, September 18, 2006 | [[Mel is making an announcement to Tamara, Colleen, and Buddy]]
/ Mel: Today is D-Day. No more cell phones! / Mel[[holding up a policy paper]]: To help us cope with patron dissatisfaction, I have strategies to... Where's Dewey? / [[Blond woman is talking on cell phone, while Dewey holds an airhorn to her head.]]
/ Woman: And then he said...
/ Dewey: I'd like to alert you to a change in policy. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060918 |
| Tuesday, September 19, 2006 | [[Dewey holds up a "NO CELL PHONES" sign to Woman on cellphone 1]]
/ Woman on cellphone 1: Why don't you just say "No breathing"?
/ [[Tamara points at Woman on cellphone 2]]
/ Woman on cellphone 2: But it is attached to my head! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060919 |
| Wednesday, September 20, 2006 | [[Woman on cell phone, Dewey gesturing to NO CELL PHONES sign on wall]]
/ Woman: Then I went in for another procedure / [[Dewie holding NO CELL PHONES sign in front of woman]]
/ Woman: [[Ignoring Dewey]] No, but you should have seen the size of that thing! / [[Dewey has duct taped sign around woman's head and is leaving]]
/ Woman: That sound? I think it was the duct tape. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060920 |
| Thursday, September 21, 2006 | [[Dewey looks on as a patron is talking on the phone.]]
/ Patron: My social security number is... / [[Dewey coming up on the patron from behind, carrying a piece of paper.]]
/ Patron: My P.I.N.? Sure, it's... / [[Dewey walks away from the patron who now has a "Steal my Identity" note taped to his back.]]
/ Patron: Don't tell anyone, okay? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060921 |
| Friday, September 22, 2006 | [[Dewey and Fred stand facing each other as they speak.]] / Fred: You told me cell phones weren't allowed in the library.
/ Dewey: They're not. / [[Fred gestures towards a younger white male patron with a phone to his ear.]] / Fred: Why don't you tell that guy over there?
/ Dewey: He looks like too much trouble. / [[With furrowed brow, balding patron points to a cell phone that he is now holding up in his left hand.]] / Patron: Oh yeah? Well I'm just as much trouble! / [[Dewey has his back turned to the balding patron and is holding the man's cell phone up to his ear.]] / Patron: Can I have it back now?
/ Dewey: Cousin Vladek? How's the weather in Tuva? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20060922 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120
121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 >>