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| Wednesday, November 22, 2006 | Guy: This is absurd! You can't charge us for this!
/ Girl: You can't fine us for a book we never checked out! / Guy: Did you just agree with me?
/ Girl: Did you use the first-person plural? / Tamara: Did they pay?
/ Dewey: No, but they left, so it's still a victory.
/ [[Couple leaves, walking closely together]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061122 |
| Thursday, November 23, 2006 | [[Tamara proudly carries the main course to a full dinner table]]
/ Tamara: Tofurkey's ready!
/ Buddy: Alas, poor Tom, I knew him well.
/ Collen: I think that's a vegetable.
/ Mel: Legume.
/ Doreen [[perched on the end of the table, calls over her shoulder]]: Mom, can I play games with Dewey?
/ Cathy [[to Dewey]] Why don't you put that down and have some vegetables?
/ Dewey [[concentrating on a video game]]: So you can seize the good controller? Never! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061123 |
| Friday, November 24, 2006 | Dewey: Before I can give you your new library card I'll need a piece of picture I.D. / Man [[taking paperwork out of a briefcase]]: Unemployment insurance stub. Divorce decree. Eviction notice. Bankruptcy filing. Lab test results... / Tamara: None of those had pictures.
/ Dewey: Who'd pretend to be him? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061124 |
| Saturday, November 25, 2006 | [[A child is stuck in a bookcase]]
/ Mother: My son is stuck!
/ Dewey: I recognize him. / Mother: Can you get him out?
/ Dewey: I told him to, and I quote, "Quit playing around on the bookshelf." / Mother: Are you going for help?
/ Dewey: Camera. Your son just made our weekly newsletter. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061125 |
| Sunday, November 26, 2006, Unshelved Book Club | The Unshelved Book Club Presents "What We Believe But Cannot Prove: Today's Leading Thinkers on Science in the Age of Uncertainty" edited by John Brockman / "What do you believe is true, even though you cannot prove it?" / Ian McEwan, Author "Enduring Love", "Amsterdam", "Atonement": No part of my consciousness will survive my death. / Bruce Sterling, Novelist, Journalist, and futurist: We're in for climactic mayhem. / Daniel Goleman, Author "Emotional Intelligence": Today's children are unintended victims of economic and technological progress. / Stephen Petranek, Editor-in-Chief, "Discover" Magazine: Life is common throughout the universe and we will find another Earthlike planet within the decade. / Elsie, cataloger: Dewey Decimal pwns Library of Congress. / Mell, branch manager: Sexual orientation is not a choice. / Doreen, preschooler: My birth parents love me very much. / Merv, high schooler: I'm going to be rich. And famous. And tall. / Buddy, Library Page: Great taste, no, less filling. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061126 |
| Monday, November 27, 2006 | [[Mel hands a piece of paper to a dismayed-looking patron.]]
/ Mel: Here's your bill. / [[The patron peers at the paper while Mel points down to it indicating something.]]
/ Patron: That can't be the right figure!
/ Mel: Cover price plus processing fee. / [[Separated by the service desk, Mel and the patron face each other. The patron has her right hand on her hip in a defiant pose.]]
/ Patron: But the book I lost was tattered and torn!
/ Mel: Next time I suggest misplacing a newer copy. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061127 |
| Tuesday, November 28, 2006 | [[Woman hands Mel a book at the desk.]]
/ Woman: I bought a copy of the book I lost.
/ Mel: You'll still need to pay the processing fee. / Woman [[hands on hips]]: For what?
/ Mel: All our books must be labeled and cataloged. / Woman [[pointing at Mel]]: You're making things up.
/ Mel [[arms crossed]]: No, we have a specialist for that.
/ Dewey: I need to miss work tomorrow. Grandma's having her sicsempertyrannis removed. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061128 |
| Wednesday, November 29, 2006 | [[Angry Lady stands next to Mel while Mel scans a book.]]
/ Mel: You found it! That wasn't so hard, was it?
/ Book scanner: < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061129 |
| Thursday, November 30, 2006 | Mohawk-haired man: What day of the week is the second Thursday of the month? / Dewey: It's going to be one of those days.
/ Colleen: I'll get the riot gear. / Mohawk-haired man: One of what days?
/ Dewey: If you have to ask, you're part of the problem.
/ [[Colleen is now in riot helmet and holding a riot shield.]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061130 |
| Friday, December 01, 2006 | Angry Lady: The book I wanted was shelved in the children's area.
/ Dewey: Okay. / Angry Lady: But I'm not a child!
/ Dewey: Okay. / Angry Lady: Are you saying I'm childish?
/ Dewey: Not yet, but you're off to a good start. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061201 |
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 | [[Mel is talking to Colleen as Dewey works on a computer nearby]]
/ Mel: ...but she was putting the cards into the card catalog UPSIDE-DOWN!
/ Colleen: Those were the good old days.
/ Dewey: When, the bibliolithic era? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061202 |
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club oresents "Rain Fall" by Barry Eisler / [[A line of Japanese salarymen are standing in the subway; the last one keels over]]
/ Dewey: John Rain is an assassin whose targets seem to die in accidents. After killing a Japanese bureaucrat on a crowded train during rush hour, Rain is hired to take out the man's daughter, a beautiful jazz singer. But he can't, and Rain finds himself risking his life to keep her safe. On the run, Rain has to find out why he was hired and defuse the situation. He has to hide the truth about her father's death. And he has to decide who to trust. / Woman: Makes death seem like an accident, huh? That would be perfect for my husband. THIS. THIS would be perfect for my husband.
/ [[Dewey looks unhappy]] http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061203 |
| Monday, December 04, 2006 | [[Computer victim and Dewey speak at the reference desk]]
/ Computer victim: The computer asked if I've been saved!
/ Dewey: The computer was prompting you to save your work. / Computer victim: It sensed the emptiness of my soul.
/ Dewey: It sensed your time was up. / Computer victim: You mean I'm going to die?!
/ [[Dewey gestures to the line behind the Computer victim]] Dewey: Next! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061204 |
| Tuesday, December 05, 2006 | [[Dewey is trying to walk away from the Computer Victim who follows after him talking]]
/ Computer Victim: An Angel manifested on the computer!
/ Dewey: Uh huh / Computer Victim: Right there! on the screen!
/ Dewey [[still walking away]]: you visited a religious website. / Computer Victim [[clasping his hands]]: IT'S A MIRACLE!
/ [[Mel walks by, pointing to Dewey]] Mel: Time for your lunch break
/ Dewey [[walking out of view]]: It's a miracle! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061205 |
| Wednesday, December 06, 2006 | [[Dewey on the phone.]]
/ Dewey: No, there are no apparitions on our computers. / Dewey: Yes, I'm sure God isn't speaking through that machine.//Because our Internet connection is too slow for a link to heaven. / Dewey: No, I'm not the devil.//No, you're not the first to suggest it. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061206 |
| Thursday, December 07, 2006 | Merv: Excuse me. I have a computer reservation.
/ Male Bystander: Behold! A child!
/ Male Bystander: He shall give us a sign!
/ Female Bystander: What's the religious significance of the double-barreled shotgun?
/ Computer: BLAM! AAAARGH! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061207 |
| Friday, December 08, 2006 | Fred: I'm here for my session with THE MACHINE.
/ Dewey: I'm afraid it gave up the ghost. / Fred: You mean ... the spirit has left it?
/ Dewey: The screen went blue. Sparks shot out of the floppy drive. It sounded like a blender. / Fred: I was hoping for another experience.
/ Dewey: The only experience in store for you was a second degree burn. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061208 |
| Saturday, December 09, 2006 | Buddy: I miss Dewey.
/ Mel: It's just his day off. / Buddy: I know, but the library's not as fun without him.
/ Mel: I'll have you know, I'm every bit as fun as Dewey. / [[Mel stands on top of a tall shelf adjusting a bungie cord that's attached to her ankles]]
/ Mel: Are you sure this is the right length?
/ Buddy: Dewey never asks that. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061209 |
| Sunday, December 10, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents Joel On Software by Joel Spolsky / Patron: I want to be a sofware millionaire.
/ Dewey: Read "Joel on Sofware".
/ Joel Spolsky has worked at a lot of sofware companies, big and small, good and bad.
/ Now he has his own and he blogs about sofware and the sofware business.
/ Joel was an Israeli paratrooper.
/ He doesn't suffer fools - or folishness - gladly.
/ He's smart, funny, and has uncommon amounts of common sense. / Guy: I don't want to program computers.
/ Dewey: No problem.
/ It's about more than programming.
/ Like why everyone should have their own office.
/ How to interview.
/ Why you shouldn't offer incentives for good work.
/ And why he'd rather work at Ben & Jerry's than Amazon.com / Guy: I don't want to have to learn anything or do any work.
/ I just want to be rich.
/ Dewey: You can buy lottery tickets at the corner news stand. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061210 |
| Monday, December 11, 2006 | [[Dewey is at a Staff Training meeting with the Coach.]]
/ Coach: First let's talk about difficult coworkers.
/ Dewey: Define "difficult." / Coach: Unmotivated, subversive, undermining, disruptive.
/ Dewey: How might this hypothetical staff member go about being disruptive? / Coach: Well, he might...Why are you taking notes?
/ Dewey: Always looking for new ideas. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061211 |
| Tuesday, December 12, 2006 | Coach: ...and you can save time by pressing Ctrl-A.
/ Dewey: You mean Ctrl-D. / Coach: I'm pretty sure it's...
/ Dewey: Anyway, you can automate all this with a macro. / Coach: I'm lost.
/ Dewey: Let's take it one step at a time. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061212 |
| Wednesday, December 13, 2006 | Coach: Always give people what they want.
/ Dewey: Last week a guy asked me for my lunch. / Coach: Obviously I'm just referring to library materials.
/ Dewey: His girlfriend wanted to make slacks out of "CATCHER IN THE RYE". / Coach: She was pulling your leg.
/ Dewey: You should have seen her "SILAS MARNER" hoodie. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061213 |
| Thursday, December 14, 2006 | [[at a staff training seminar]] / Coach: Next, a trust exercise. Please find a partner. / Dewey: Dewey.
/ Beatrice: Beatrice.
/ Dewey: Coffee?
/ Beatrice: Dying for it / Trainer: Where are you two going?
/ Dewey and Beatrice [[leaving the room together]]: Trust us. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061214 |
| Friday, December 15, 2006 | Mel: Is the training over?
/ Dewey [[carrying a stack of books]]: It is for me. / Mel: What did you learn?
/ Dewey [[shelving books]]: When the student is ready, the teacher will come. / Mel [[walking]]: What did you really learn?
/ Dewey [[walking]]: Sometimes public service beats an all-day training.
/ Patron [[holding up and pointing to a book]]: What's the tensile strength of this board book? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061215 |
| Saturday, December 16, 2006 | [[Dewey takes a phone call at the reference desk.]]
/ Dewey: Reference Desk. You're out of what? / [[Dewey enters the men's restroom with a box of Kleenex as Mel walks behind him, finger raised.]]
/ Mel: Why did you take that tissue from my office?
/ Dewey: I'm answering an urgent reference question. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061216 |
| Sunday, December 17, 2006 | The Unshelved Book Club presents "KAMPUNG BOY" by Lat. / [[Illustration of Lat diving off a tree into the water]]
/ Dewey: Malaysian cartoonist Lat grew up in a small town (kampung) in the picturesque Kinta Valley - a tin mining district. Lat spends his days with his family, and loves fishing, swimming, and misbehaving with his friends. But his days aren't always carefree. He studies the Koran with a stern tutor who keeps a cane at the ready. Later he tests for a prestigious boarding school. / Dewey: If he passes he's inherit the family's rubber plantation - if the tin mining industry doesn't destroy their traditional way of life.
/ Merv: Is this one of those eat-your-peas-children-are-starving-in-Malaysia things?
/ Dewey: Just the opposite. He had an idyllic childhood.
/ Merv: But he became a cartoonist.
/ Dewey: You're right, there must have been some trauma. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061217 |
| Monday, December 18, 2006 | [[An envelope with Dewey's name in script]] / Dewey: [[reading aloud]] "Dewey my gooey friend is no chewy like caramel but inside he's so sweet/he's neat." / Dewey: [[reading aloud, joined by Colleen]] "Happy Holidays, Tamara"
/ Colleen: [[pointing at her own poem]] She rhymed "Colleen" with "spleen" http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061218 |
| Tuesday, December 19, 2006 | [[Tamara, Colleen and Dewey are standing around. Colleen and Dewey are holding sheets of paper.]]
/ Tamara: I wanted to let you know how I feel about you.
/ Colleen: How about saying it with cash?
/ Dewey: or donuts? / [[Tamara, Colleen and Dewey in the background. Mel and Buddy are reading from their papers.]]
/ Tamara: I express myself through poetry. This is my first foray into internal rhyme. / Mel: [[reading]] Mel out of her sheel looks like clear well water.
/ Mel: Should I be offended?
/ Buddy: At least you're not a "muddy fuddy duddy." http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061219 |
| Wednesday, December 20, 2006 | [[Tamara faces Dewey with her arms crossed]]
/ Tamara: You like bad movies. Why don't you like bad poetry?
/ Dewey: Because I've never read a poem starring Rutger Hauer. / [[They look at each other]] / [[Tamara scribbles on paper]]
/ Tamara: Power... Flower... Tower...
/ Dewey: It's got to have explosions too. And a little nudity. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061220 |
| Thursday, December 21, 2006 | Dewey [[reading a poem]]: Ha!
/ Tamara: Hi, Cathy! Can I...
/ Cathy: Help me? Yes. / Cathy: Start by not writing Dewey any more poetry. I don't need the competition from a female friend who "gets" him. / Tamara: Have you tried meditation?
/ Cathy: You think I'll catch him by holding still? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061221 |
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