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| Friday, November 06, 2009 | Woman: [[Clutching the no-longer-soapy cat in her left arm]] But there wasn't a sign!
/ Mel: Dewey, put a no cat bathing sign in the restroom. / Dewey: Before or after I charge her for these ruined books?
/ Woman: I didn't check those out! I'm leaving! / Dewey: Good riddance.
/ Mel: I need to invite her to return without her cat! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091106 |
| Saturday, November 07, 2009 | [[A woman is talking on her cell phone while standing right in front of the no cell phones sign]] / Dewey: I'm now going to hold this woman responsible for her obnoxious behavior. / Dewey: My doing so will probably make as many of you happy as it makes me. / Dewey: But please, hold your applause until the end of the conversation. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091107 |
| Sunday, November 08, 2009 | {{Booktalk on *Far Arden* by Kevin Cannon}}
/ Dewey: Army Shanks, A Former RCAN (Royal Canadian Arctic Navy) Officer, lives in an abandoned whaling station. He's promised his mentor he'd find Far Arden an island paradise that may not be real.
/ [Panels from Far Arden. Shanks: You don't want to fight me, Anger! I just got beat up by a bunch of ORPHANS and I'm not too happy! / Dewey: His former girlfriend and her current beau out to steal a secret map. An orphan who wants to destroy his father's murderer. A reporter with a secret message to deliver. Jealousy, Love, Secrets, quests, crime, Polar bear fights, Anger the Man-Beast, Swearing, Violence...) / [Panels from Far Arden -- Shanks:"Excellent. Hafley, you know... if we screw this up it will be... The GREATEST DISASTER in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!" Three-person fight with barstool: < http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091108 |
| Monday, November 09, 2009 | Man: I want you to put that in writing.
/ Dewey: No need to kill a tree. / Man: Speak into this recorder.
/ Dewey: I'm feeling a little hoarse. / Man: Insult me in front of witnesses.
/ I dare you. [[Merv and computer victim stand in the background]]
/ Dewey: I prefer to maintain plausible deniability. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091109 |
| Monday, November 09, 2009 | Man: I want you to put that in writing.
/ Dewey: No need to kill a tree. / Man: Speak into this recorder.
/ Dewey: I'm feeling a little hoarse. / Man: Insult me in front of witnesses.
/ I dare you. [[Merv and computer victim stand in the background]]
/ Dewey: I prefer to maintain plausible deniability. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091109 |
| Tuesday, November 10, 2009 | [[Angry man stands behind Mel, and they are facing Dewey, who is behind the desk.]] / Mel: This man says you told him where to go.
/ Dewey: To be fair, he asked for directions. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091110 |
| Wednesday, November 11, 2009 | Mel: Instead of escalating the situation try finding a way to calm things down.
/ Dewey: Before I ask you to leave again here's a delicious lollypop.
/ Angry Patron: I don't like green! I want red! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091111 |
| Thursday, November 12, 2009 | Mel: Haven't you ever heard of the golden rule?
/ Dewey: I live it every day. / Mel: How can you say that? You're so RUDE!
/ Dewey: I'm direct. And I enjoy directness in others. / Mel: But you're not NICE!
/ Dewey: That's a different rule. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091112 |
| Friday, November 13, 2009 | Woman: How come no one showed me this part of the library before?
/ Dewey: You weren't qualified. / Dewey: But after a careful analysis of borrowing patterns, cross-referenced with demographic data and your long-running streak of returning books before their due dates, we decided you'd earned the privilege. / Woman: Really?
/ Dewey: No. You just never asked. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091113 |
| Saturday, November 14, 2009 | Mel: There's a rumor that our library keeps all of its good books hidden in a secret room. / Mel: Specifically, they keep asking for a "Shangri La Room." / Mel: [[To Dewey]] What ELSE have you been telling them?
/ Man: [[Wearing a book flopped open on his head, also to Dewey]] I'm wearing the sacred head covering! Am I worthy NOW? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091114 |
| Sunday, November 15, 2009 | Boy #1: Darth Vader?
/ Dewey: Too scared to come out from behind his helmet.
/ Girl #1: James Bond?
/ Dewey: Government employee.
/ Boy #2: Rambo?
/ Dewey: A man who needed love and a shower. No my friends, the toughest guys are not fiction at all. / [[Giant hand presenting a large, blood-covered sword]]
/ Overlay: BADASS A Relentless Onslaught of the Toughest Warlords, Vikings, Samurai, Pirates, Gunfighters, and Military Commanders to Ever Live by Ben Thompson
/ Dewey: Real men like: Miyamoto Musashi, who pioneered two-sword fighting when he wasn't just smashing brains in with a big piece of wood. Khalid Bin Walid, the "Sword of Allah", who slashed the face off anybody who crossed him. Harold Hardrada, who once faked his own death, had his body smuggled into a Sicilian stronghold, punched through the coffin, slaughtered everyone, and took their money. / Girl #1: Women?
/ Dewey: Of course! Anne Bonny, one of the most dangerous pirates who ever lived. Irina Sebrova, leader of the "Night Wiches", who flew daring raids over German airspace.
/ Boy #2: I'm inspired!
/ Boy #1: Me too!
/ Mel [[peeking into the room]]: How's your teen leadership program going? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091115 |
| Monday, November 16, 2009 | [[Dewey stands to one side of a classroom, holding a prepared book talk. A curly-haired teacher with glasses. in a horizontally-striped shirt addresses her class.]]
/ Teacher: Students, please put away your WEAPONS and pay attention.
/ We've got a very special guest today.
/ A LIBRARIAN!
/ I know many of you don't like books, but you're going to pay attention.
/ Or ELSE.
/ This Particular librarian is considered quite a DISH by women of my years, so some of you DUMPIER girls might want to pay attention.
/ As for the rest of you, if you fail to turn from a life of CRIME to a life of LETTERS, he may just be the pied piper that leads you towards the LANDFILL you so richly deserve! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091116 |
| Monday, November 16, 2009 | [[Dewey stands to one side of a classroom, holding a prepared book talk. A curly-haired teacher with glasses. in a horizontally-striped shirt addresses her class.]]
/ Teacher: Students, please put away your WEAPONS and pay attention.
/ We've got a very special guest today.
/ A LIBRARIAN!
/ I know many of you don't like books, but you're going to pay attention.
/ Or ELSE.
/ This Particular librarian is considered quite a DISH by women of my years, so some of you DUMPIER girls might want to pay attention.
/ As for the rest of you, if you fail to turn from a life of CRIME to a life of LETTERS, he may just be the pied piper that leads you towards the LANDFILL you so richly deserve! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091116 |
| Tuesday, November 17, 2009 | Mel: You don't usually prepare your book talks so far ahead! or at all!
/ Dewey: I'm working on my intro. / Mel: Can't they just say "Here's Dewey"?
/ Dewey: Based on results? No. No, they can't. / Dewey: I've been called "Sweetie", "Honeycake", and, in one horrifying instance, "Lamb Chop". So I'll be working here, at my desk, until it's finished. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091117 |
| Wednesday, November 18, 2009 | How would you like to be introduced?
/ Tamara: Our next speaker is guaranteed to mention rainbows and utilize confetti / Colleen: At least she's here. No one else is coming to talk to your sorry -- / Randy: Ladies, hold on to your lacy undergarments! / Buddy: Ta da! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091118 |
| Thursday, November 19, 2009 | [[Dewey handing a piece of paper to a teacher]]
/ Dewey: Please read this introduction exactly as written. / Dewey: If you add or subtract a word, I will leave your class, never to return. / [[Teacher reading from paper]]
/ Teacher: "The librarian has arrived."
/ Dewey: If you hate books, put your heads on your desks and take a nap.
/ Dewey: I'm here to talk to the two and a half of you who still have your eyes open. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091119 |
| Friday, November 20, 2009 | "Should I go to library school?" / Mel: Absolutely, if you feel a calling to help make information accessible to everyone. / Colleen: These days, they should just call it "internet school." / Tamara: Yes! / Dewey: Why not?
/ Library Patron: I asked for volume one.
/ Dewey: Let's agree to disagree. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091120 |
| Saturday, November 21, 2009 | [[Dewey is using a bar-code scanner on a book]]
/ Patron: Does your scanner work because of the wave nature of light or the particle nature of light?
/ Dewey: Not a clue! / Patron: Don't you understand the technology you use?
/ Dewey: It goes "Beep"! / Patron: How does it feel to be ignorant?
/ Dewey: Surprisingly blissful! http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091121 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091122">http://unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091122 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Monday, November 23, 2009 | [[Dewey standing and looking at patron]]
/ Patron: Your photocopier ate my change. / [[Dewey reaches down behind counter, while patron waits]] / [[Dewey hands patron a dollar bill]]
/ Patron: But it only ate a dime.
/ Dewey: Then we're good for the next nine times. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091123 |
| Tuesday, November 24, 2009 | [[The Mallville Public Library]]
/ Mel: You can't refund every dime lost in the photocopier!
/ Dewey: True. I'd never get anything else done. / Mel: There are forms!
/ Dewey: I'm sure there are even forms to request the forms. / Mel: Of course.
/ Dewey: Multiple carbons?
/ Mel: Do you even work here? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091124 |
| Wednesday, November 25, 2009 | Mel: We have to track how we use taxpayer funds.
/ Dewey: I hardly think this will break the bank. / Mel: It's a question of HONESTY.
/ Dewey: I SAW the photocopier eat his dime. / Mel: Not HIS honesty! YOURS!
/ Dewey: You've foiled my dastardly plan to get rich 10 cents at a time. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091125 |
| Thursday, November 26, 2009 | Dewey: [[Walking with Mel]] I paid him out of my own pocket.
/ I needed a dollar's worth of piece and quiet. / Dewey: You tell us to do anything that de-escalates angry patrons. / Mel: I never expected CASH to be involved.
/ Dewey: Then I won't tell you about the foot massages. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091126 |
| Friday, November 27, 2009 | Merv: I hear if we make trouble, we might make some cash!
/ Dewey: Not true. / Sanjay: Should I start behaving badly now?
/ Dewey: Only if you want to leave the building. / Merv: I still smell an opportunity here.
/ Dewey: That's not an opportunity. That's a problem. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091127 |
| Saturday, November 28, 2009 | [[Dewey tears off a corner of a piece of paper, hands it to patron]]
/ Patron: Got a piece of paper? / [[Patron putting piece of paper into a book]]
/ Dewey: I like simple bookmarks too.
/ Patron: I misplaced the toenail clipping I normally use. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091128 |
| Sunday, November 29, 2009 | {{Book Club for "Essex County" by Jeff Lemire}} / [Snippets of the graphic novel in question are interlaced throughout Dewey's speech.] / Dewey: Interwoven stories in rural Ontario where men are men and hockey is VERY important.
/ Lester dresses like a superhero.
/ He needs to kill the alien scouts before they can report back to the fleet.
/ His uncle Ken tries to understand, but usually nags him about feeding the chickens.
/ (Jimmy Lebeuf at the gas station is willing to help save the Earth.)
/ Lou Lebeuf can't take care of himself or the family farm any longer.
/ He drifts between loneliness and his memories.
/ His nurse isn't sure if she makes a difference in people's lives.
/ (She does.)
/ Her son mopes and drinks, her grandma is the oldest woman in Essex County, and the only person she can confide in is her dead husband.
/ I STARTED it for the alien invasion, but I FINISHED to find out what happened to Lester, Lou, and everyone else. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091129 |
| Monday, November 30, 2009 | Woman: I found this in my book.
/ Dewey: It looks like a fortune. / Woman: It is!
/ Dewey: "Your day is about to get better." / Woman: Isn't it mysterious?
/ Dewey: I hope it's meant for me. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091130 |
| Tuesday, December 01, 2009 | [[Dewey is talking to a patron in the library. He is reading a fortune from a fortune cookie.]] / Dewey: "You will take an unexpected journey."
/ Patron: I'm taking a trip later today! / Dewey: Then it's not "unexpected."
/ Patron: I just found out! I came by to get a guide book, and found that! / Dewey: I'm underwhelmed by the coincidence.
/ Patron: What lottery number should I pick? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091201 |
| Wednesday, December 02, 2009 | [[Dewey looking at fortune]]
/ Dewey: "You will meet a young man with great promise."
/ Patron: I think it's talking about YOU! / [[Dewey handing the fortune to the patron. Patron smiling]]
/ Dewey: My promises are more like THREATS.
/ Patron: Edgy! I Like that! / [[Dewey exiting, strip left. Patron pointing at him.]]
/ Dewey: I'm off.
/ Patron: To face DANGER? Battle INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS? http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091202 |
| Thursday, December 03, 2009 | Computer victim: [[Reading his fortune]] "Share your wealth with those in need."
/ Dewey: I think I can guess who it means. / Merv: Excuse me, does anyone have a few dollars I can borrow?
/ Dewey: Right on cue. / Computer victim: [[Handing Merv money]] Yes! Yes! You are my destiny!
/ Dewey: No! No! He's not!
/ Merv: [[taking money]] Far be it from me to get between a man and his Karma. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091203 |
| Friday, December 04, 2009 | [[Library patron partially behind shelves, reading a fortune]]
/ Merv's friend: I told you we should have continued with vague platitudes.
/ Merv: We weren't GETTING anywhere!
/ Patron: "You will be beset by a giant Gila monster unless you comply with the wire transfer instructions below." http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091204 |
| Saturday, December 05, 2009 | Man: Who's in charge?
/ Dewey: Right now? Me. / Man: I demand -
/ Dewey: Just to be clear, that doesn't mean much. / Man: For whom should I save my energy?
/ Dewey: [[holds up a picture of Mel]] My manager. She's slightly less powerless. http://www.unshelved.com/archive.aspx?strip=20091205 |
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