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Thirty Seven [[Jeffrey is sitting in a small red car, while Baby holds her pink smartphone]] / Baby: I'm sorry I forgot about your birthday, Jeffrey. / Jeffrey: That's cool, Baby. I kinda didn't want anybody to notice it anyway. / Jeffrey: After a certain point, birthdays feel more like counting down to something...
I Am The Bee Jeffrey: Greetings, Weedmaster P! Have you seen any crimes today? / Weedmaster P: Man I pretty much am a crime. What are you a super hero now / Jeffrey: I am The Bee! I have come here to remind you that the best way to fight crime is to pay your taces... tax money pays for police officers, and they're...
Brown Recluse Spiders and Tornadoes FRIG! Half the reason I moved outta Oklahoma was to get away from brown recluse spiders and tornadoes and now we got 'em both up here! / What's the other half? / Oh, right. / Hmm... don't you think it's kinda funny that we didn't have brown recluse spiders and tornadoes up here before Wolfman Green...
The Revenge of The Bee Narrator: MEANWHILE AT THE BEE'S SECRET HIVE... / Jeffrey: Ugh! I don't understand why every newspaper in the valley isn't "buzzing" about my new superhero identity, "The Bee"! / Tallahassee: Uh maybe that's because instead of writing wrongs using a gimmicky ability you're just running around bothering...
Better Than This [[Jeffrey sits on the ground outside with Weedmaster P standing behind him.]] / Jeffrey: Man I feel like a chump / Weedmaster P: Is that maybe because you're a gigantic chump / Jeffrey: I feel like I'm just wastin' everybody's tome be getting them to read shit I make up, when there's hundreds of years...
 
New Cryptids on the Block Jeffrey: Ugh! I'm tired of there not being any new cryptozoological creatures! / Baby: I'm TIRED OF EVERYTHING! / Jeffrey: I think the last decent cryptid they came out with was the Mongolian Death Worm and how dumb was that thing? / Weedmaster P: Can't even ride that thing on account of it being so tiny / Tallahassee:...
Are They Sad [[Joanna sits on the floor]] / [[Jeffrey scratches his head and addresses Tallahassee]] / Jeffrey: Do you ever think it looks like they're sad because they can't talk? / Joanna: SHUT UP / {{caption: Sometimes I wonder if cats aren't basically vegetables}} / {{mouse-over: What if your cat could talk...
Scary Yet Believable [[Jeffrey sits at a desk, drawing]] / Jeffrey: Coming up with new cryptids is hard! It's a delicate balance between scary and weird. / Weedmaster P: Whaaaaat / [[Jeffrey's drawing is a three-eyed, winged monster, sorounded by hearts, named Bieber]] / Jeffrey: You want it to be not so weird that it isn't...
Cryptid Search 2011 [[In the TopatoCo warehouse; Jeffrey is holding a meeting with Lucid John, KC Green and Paperklip]] / Jeffrey: Ugh, all my cryptid ideas stink. What do you guys got? Turn in your sheets. / [[Jeffrey reads from a sheet]] / Jeffrey: Banana Bear... The Forest Snake, Long-Necked Mike? Count Chuckles? ...
The Carnival in the Mall Parking Lot Weedmaster P: Oh man have you been to that carnival down at the mall parking lot. / Jeffrey: What?! No. Ugh. / Weedmaster P: There was this contest where you go into a dark chamber full of corn and you had to grab as much of it as you can in 45 minutes. And I won. / Trophy: CORNGRABULATIONS
 
A New Compound Jeffrey: All right, I think we're finally almost done finished moving in to this new secret compound. / Weedmaster P: EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN WHY WE NEED A SECRET COMPOUND / Jeffery: I just explained it to you yesterday! Every day I have to explain to you what's happened in the last week! / Weedmaster P:...
Step One: Put in a Bid {It all started with an observation...}[Scene Description] / / Jeffrey: I'm tired of not being clear on where exactly we all live. We need / to grow up and buy a compound. / Tallahassee: But.... No... / / Jeffrey: I'm sorry Tallahassee but it's time to grow up and buy a sprawling, / ...
Fourth of July 2011: National Treasure Boy 1: Did you get it, Weedmaster P? Did you get all 50 State quarters in that special holder? / Boy 2: GOT IT / Boy1: Excellent. Now we just have to get to the Washington Monument... / Boy1: BEFORE SUNDOWN. / {{HUNDREDS OF MINUTES LATER...}} / Girl: Nick of time! / Boy 1: That sun is sittin' like a...
Step Two: Obfuscation Jeffery: Weedmaster P, call up Google and see about gettin' our new secret compound all pixeled-out on the satellite view. / Weedmaster P: How the hell do you call Google? / Jeffery: I . . . don't . . . know . . . / The Disembodied, Vibrating Head of Clango Cyclotron: Just say it. They'll hear you. / Jeffery:...
Step Three: Be Gone, Wretched Spirits [[ Underwear-clad Jeffrey is hugging Joanna while a small white ghost haunts the background ]] / Narrator: NOW THAT YOU'VE TRICKED THE BANK INTO LOANING YOU THE MONEY FOR YOUR SECRET / COMPOUND AND YOU MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO LOCATE ONLINE IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT STEP: REMOVAL OF / INDIGNANT SPIRITS....
 
Back on Track Look, with all this moving business we got off track from our cryptids project. / We leave for San Diego Comic-con in one week. / Oh god oh god okay let's focus on the big picture though... / Did you ever notice how when you watch an H.D. show on a huge H.D. TV everyone looks like a freshly reanimated...
Weed Ape [[Jeffrey is sitting at his desk, looking frustrated. Weedmaster P leans over.]] / Jeffrey: Cats don't lay eggs, Weedmaster P. You're just dumb from being high all the time. / Weedmaster P: NO I'M SERIOUS COME LOOK / [[Weedmaster P is gone, Lucid John comes up to the desk]] / Jeffrey: No! I'm tired of...
Weed Ape vs. Moth Mummy [[Jeffrey stands up from his desk, does scare quotes]] / Jeffrey: It's settled, then. Weed Ape is the new cryptid. Now let's go ceck out this "egg" that my "cat" "laid." / [[Poopmonster sticks his head out of a garbage can, holding a piece of paper, as Jeffrey and Lucid John walk by]] / Poopmonster: Weed...
She Laid an Egg [[Jeffrey pokes at the large egg while Weedmaster P looks on. Joanna sits next to it.]] / Jeffrey: You're sure this egg came out of Joanna? / Weedmaster P: I SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES WHEN I WAS STARIN' AT HER / SHE GOT ALL PLUMP AND IT JUST SLID OUT / [[Jeffrey squats down by the egg, Tallahassee holds...
Airplane Comic [[Hand-drawn, on an airplane. Jeffrey anxiously clutches armrests.]] / [[Outer view of airplane.]] / [[Tallahassee smiles reassuringly.]] / [[Jeffrey sheds a tear in fear]] / [[Out the window, an amorous dragon is seen.]] / [[The dragon is seen flying beside the plane.]] / [[The dragon smiles seductively.]] / [[The...
 
Wolfman Green and Lucid John Go To San Diego [[KC Green stands with arms folded, talking to Lucid John]] / KC Green: Everyone's in Sandy Egg-Oh having all the fun! / Lucid John: We can't afford the plane tickets. / KC Green [[pointing in "Aha!" gesture]]: Which is why I have a solution! / [[KC and John on hill in makeshift airplane]] / KC Green:...
The Door to the Bathroom [[The Ministry of Confusion...]] / Weedmaster P: Basically it's a door with a wall inside of it that you can't see around and people get all confused and bump into each other. / Jeffrey: How will this work? Doesn't everyone know that in most countries in the western hemisphere you keep to the right? / Weedmaster...
Ten Days Ten Days / Jeffrey: Joanna, we're home! We been gone for 10 days! That's like 10 months in cat time, I bet you thought we was never comin' back! / Jeffrey: They been bringin' you food? Where's all your food at? Why's there a tanker truck parked out front with a hose runnin' to the basement? / [[Vermont...
Point/Counterpoint {{Drawn by Jeffrey Rowland}} / [[LAKE HAUS BOAT DOCK]] / Jeff [[drinking scotch, Lucid John in background with arms crossed]]: ...and that, gentlemen, is what happens after you die. Any questions? / [[KC Green shoves Jeff]] / <> / Jeff: Whoa WHOA!! / [[Jeff falls into lake]] / <> / <> / Lucid...
Kabooom [[Joanna is sitting on top of her egg]] / Narrator: A FEW HOURS LATER... / <> / <> / <> / [[Jeffrey is sitting on a cushion reading "EMAILS TODAY" newspaper; he and Baby look up in horror. Weedmaster P is looking offscreen, bored.]] / <> / Baby: AAAAAAAAAAAH! / Jeffrey: What...
 
The Secret of the Sound [[Jeffrey at the computer.]] / Jeffrey (thinking): Okay! Now that all these distractions are over, I can get back to thinkin' about crypto-critters! Let's see... Weed Ape... Hat Jackal... Moth Mummy... Ham Rat... / Weedmaster P: Hey remember that noise - that was Joanna's EGG hatching / [[Weedmaster P's...
Escape from New Compound Weedmaster P: Man I'm tellin ya Joanna's egg hatched and whatever was in it is now holed up in sub-basement Oscar / Jeffrey: Fine, I'll go look but just so it'll make you shut up. / Jeffrey: What is it, a baby cat? An evil baby cat? / Weedmaster P: Man you're the one that found the god-damned cat in the...
Smells Like Teen Baby Food [[Jeffrey reads from a sheet of paper on the back of which is "MAN WALKS ON COTTON GIN".]] / Jeffrey: According to this 50-year old story written by an illiterate teenager, there are only three types of smells: Hungry smells, sexytime smells, and smells that weirdly smell good but only so you don't want...
Extreme Shorts [[Jeffrey leaps through the air in the manner of some practitioner of extreme sports.]] / Jeffrey: Woooo! WOOOO! / <> / Jeffrey: Ugh! God dangit. / Baby: What's wrong, Jeffrey? / Jeffrey: I just blew out the crotch of my shorts from being too extreme. Again. / Tallahassee: Here, try these shorts....
Dog Atoms Weedmaster P: Pop quiz butt dong how many atoms are in the average dog / Jeffrey: What?! What am I, Neil deGrasse Tyson? / [[Weedmaster P's t-shirt: "Bug dog"]] / Jeffrey: I don't know how many atoms are in anything! I only went to college for a year and a half! / Giant Neil deGrasse Tyson: The most...
 

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