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Black Water Weedmaster P: Man I wish I had me a job where I could just kill anybody I wanted to without consequence / Jeffrey: I've got just the thing! / [[A sign for Blackwater USA]] / Sign: Shoot. Shoot. Shoot shoot shoot. Asking questions is for sissies. / Sign: BLACKWATER / Sign: Like the army except you make...
False Starts [[Comic is overlaid on a rough sketch]] / Jeffrey: I'm turnin' into a dang old hermit, Joanna! I'm like the Unabomber except I enjoy computers and I'm too scared to make a bomb. / [[Jeffrey and Tallahassee are at a desk next to sacks labeled "BILLS"]] / Jeffery: Man, bein' a cartoonin' cowboy-poet business...
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Lay N' Spray Jeffrey: Hey! You guys are just in time. My new Lay-N-Spray Waterboarding Fun Kit has just arrived! Who wants to try it first? / Weedmaster P: Me Me Me Me / Chris Hastings: Um / Jeph Jacques: Hey / Jeffrey: We have company, Weedmaster P. / Jeffrey: See, Mr. Hastings? Deathmole Jack only feels like...
Everything Sucks Weedmaster P: You know everything sucks when the U.S. dollar is cheaper than the Canadian dollar and all the news talks about is a bounty hunter with a mullet that said the N-word / Jeffrey: That's not true! / Jeffrey: Everything doesn't truly suck until you're asleep with your mouth open and a dang...
 
OVERCOMPENSATING: The Journal Comic With a Seething Disdain for Reality. Giant Black box: WHEN YOU STARE INTO ME, I STARE BACK.
The Morning Anxiety [[Jeffrey, lying in bed and holding a small clock]] / Jeffrey: Oh my goodness, Joanna, it's 6:15... Shouldn't the sun be up by now? / [[Jeffrey is looking out the window wearing underwear that reads, "SASSY" on the back]] / Jeffrey: Did the sun burn out? Did an asteroid hit the moon and push it closer to...
The Weed Kicks In Weedmaster P: I want to make a webcomic Jeffrey / Jeffrey: You don't have what it takes, Weedmaster P! / Jeffrey: It takes hard work, dedication, and a complete lack of judgment! / Jeffrey: Or you could just make a bunch of dumb references to pop culture and mention Cory Doctorow. That guy links to...
Demonic Invader I woke up at one o' clock in the afternoon but I went to bed at noon. / When you have huge muscles like me, it's hard to get to sleep sometimes because your muscles just want to keep kicking ass. / Suddenly I noticed someone else in the room. / It was Usama Bin Laden, all seven foot of him. / Or was it? / For...
Shout at the Devil Shout at the Devil / Weedmaster P: THIS WAS NO ORDINARY DEMON THOUGH / SEWED-UP EYES / GENGIS KHAN'S SWORD / MOHAMMED'S WATCH / THIS WAS THE MAIN DOGG / BEELZEBUB THE DARK LORD OF THE DARK / FORTUNATELY I KNEW HIS SECRET WEAKNESS / JUST SCREAM HIS OLD NAME BACKWARDS AS LOUD AS YOU CAN / SUDDENLY HE TURNED...
 
Where Are They Now Where Are They Now / Narration: Fans of popular music bands in 1984 and what they are doing now / [["Mötley Crüe" written in background]] / Mötley Crüe fan: Building 7 was a controlled demolition! 9-11 was an inside job!! / [["Van Halen" and logo in background, a stereotypical older white guy is in...
Ninjas Have Feelings Also Dr. Hastings: This sandwich is remarkable, Jeffrey! Truly a breakthrough in sandwich technology. / Jeffrey: How do you eat a sandwich with that dang old ninja helmet on your head, Dr. Hastings? / Dr. Hastings: *sigh* / Dr. Hastings: *sniff* / Dr. Hastings: Just take me home. I'm not hungry anymore. / Narrator:...
Gas Station Ghost [[Jeffrey stands in a gas station in only his underwear holding a petrol pump. A dead body is nearby.]] / Jeffrey: G-Gas Station Ghost? Wh-what are you doing in my incredibly realistic lucid dream? / Ghost: THIIIS IS NOT A DREEAM JEFFREY / Jeffrey: Are you sure because I'm pretty sure I'm just really good...
Dennis Kuninich's Safari Planet [[Jeff is lying in gutter with alcohol]] / Jeff: Man, there ain't nobody gonna vote for me for pres'dent. I'm just gonna drink myself to death in this gutter. / [[Dennis Kucinich approaches]] / Dennis Kucinich: Don't give up hope. Nobody's gonna vote for me because they don't have the guts. Name's...
Thanksgiving 2007 Jeffrey: Wow, a gigantic electric horse! At long last Lord Xenu has answered my demands! / Great Spirit of Native America: No Jeffrey, it is I, The Great Spirit of Native America. / Great Spirit of Native America: Today is Thanksgiving and as a Native Person it is your duty to run around making white...
 
Chupacabra Week Part 1 Chupacabra Week Part 1 / [[Weepmaster P is dressed as a priest and holding a Bible upside-down]] / Weedmaster P: JEFFREY DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A PART OF THE BIBLE THAT IS ABOUT CHUPACABRAS / Jeffrey: No there's not, Weedmaster P. You just believe that on account of you just smoked a joint laced with aqua-dots. / Weedmaster...
Chupacabra Week Part 2 Jeffrey: I noticed you've been pretty obsessed with el Chupacabra lately, Weedmaster P. How come? / Weedmaster P: Oh you know / Weedmaster P: I caught me one / Jeffrey: WHAT?! / Weedmaster P: Follow me / Weedmaster P: I'll show you it / Narrator: Much time passes / Jeffrey: We've been walkin' for HOURS...
Chupacabra Week Part 3 Chupacabra Week Part 3 / Jeffrey: Wow! You got a real live Chupacabra! / Weedmaster P: I KNOW IT'S PRETTY WILD HUH / Jeffrey: Did you call Loren Coleman? / Weedmaster P: WHO / [[Jeffrey reaches out to the Chupacabra under glass]] / Jeffrey: Aw but it looks all sad and I suddenly decided to have a strong...
Chupacabra Week Part 4 [[Jeffrey and Joanna are in front of a Chupacabra inside a glass jar. Joanna has a bite taken out of her]] / Jeffrey: Lookit what that mean ol' Chupacabra did to you, Joanna! Now we're gonna have to build a little indestructible tank for you to ride around on! / Joanna (thinks): ! / [[Baby is holding a...
OVERCOMPENSATING: The Journal Comic With a Seething Disdain for Reality. [[ A sleek grey sports car speeds along a desert road with a chupacabra wrapped like a burrito and strapped to the roof. ]] / Jeffrey: I got an illegal chupacabra strapped to the top of my car and I'm takin' it back to Olde Mexico... / [[ Jeffrey hunched at the wheel of the car. He wears a yellow sombrero....
 
Tank Cat Tank Cat / Narrator(?): Jeffrey what are you doing, man? / Jeffrey: Joanna's bottom half ain't growin' back like they said so I'm buildin' 'er a little robotic tank. / [[Joanna is armpit deep in what looks like a tiny pink convertible with tank treads instead of wheels and some joysticks poking out...
Horrible Things [[Jeffrey and Tallahassee standing around in an office type room. Tallahassee has a gun]] / Jeffrey: Tallahassee, I'm worried something horrible is gonna happen to me! / Tallahassee: Don't worry, Jeffrey. If something is horrible enough your brain won't remember it happened. / [[Jeffrey and Tallahassee...
Internets Weedmaster P: Man this is bullshit - I just heard a old lady say "Internets" on purpose / Jeffrey: Yeah, calling the internet weird little variations of "internet" is the new calling something "the new hotness." / Weedmaster P: Well what the hell are we supposed to do now / Jeffrey: I guess we'll have...
Service Snakes Service Snakes / [[A gun shop has sign reading "GUN HUT" is in the background. Jeffrey has entered with a snake on a leash. A smaller sign taped to the counter reads "Bullets 50¢ each."]] / Gun Hut employee: Hey kid, you can't bring a snake into a gun shop! It's too dangerous! / Jeffrey: I can too!...
65 Million BC Truth Weedmaster P: HEY YOU KNOW HOW ANIMALS LIKE KNOW THAT SOME SHIT IS GONNA GO DOWN BEFORE IT HAPPENS LIKE EARTHQUAKES AND TSUNAMIS / Jeffrey: Yeah because animals have psychic abilities. / [[Asteroids are about to clobber a landscape filled with dinosaurs. One of the dinosaurs has a malevolent smirk.]] / Weedmaster...
 
ChickenBird Baby: Open up THAT one, Jeffrey! It says you won eleventy hundred kajillion euros! / Jeffrey: It ain't real, Baby. It's a fake e-mail / Jeffrey: I get fifteen hundred million of these every eight months! ChickenBird E-mail automagically purges each one from the computer's Bios subpartition. / Baby:...
Pot Stream [[Weedmaster P is dressed up in flight gear and Jeffrey is nude and sitting on an office chair.]] / Weedmaster P: I'LL SHOW THOSE CRUMMY BALL HOLES IT'S OKAY TO STARE AT A PIGEON FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF / Jeffrey: What are you angrily muttering about in curious attire, Weedmaster P? / Weedmaster P: I FIGGER'D...
The Safest Emcee Jeffrey: Hey MC Frontalot, what's the "M.C." stand for? / Jeffrey: "Mister . . . COOL?" / MC Frontalot: M . . . Momma Cakes. / Jeffrey: I too believe I have what it takes to be a nerdcore rap star! / Jeffrey: Hello everyone I'm here to rap about fairness / my name is M.C. Safety Awareness / ...
Presidential Debate One Americans will vote for me because of my belief that Earth was shat fully-formed from the anus of a giant Space Eagle exactly 500 years tonight. / Fat chance! / Who's got two thumbs and is gonna be the next president based on his belief that the whole of history was just God practicing to make America?...
Crime Time for Mimes [[Weedmaster P stands with his back to a door, looking frightened. Jeffrey sits shirtless on a rock reading a purple book entitled Pieces of Me, a knife resting inexplicably beside his right foot.]] / Weedmaster P: OH GOD I FINALLY DID IT I KILLED A DANG MIME / Jeffrey: Were you sneaky about it? / Weedmaster...
 

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