You're browsing the archives of Overcompensating.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

Now At Last I Know Jeffrey Rowland: (thought bubble) How much douche... / Jeffrey Rowland: (thought bubble) Could a douchebag bag... / Jeffrey Rowland: (thought bubble) If a douchebag could bag douche? / Guido douchebag w/ popped collar: SIXTY NINE! / Guido douchebag w/ popped collar: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Spring Break 2008 Jeffrey: Guess what everybody, it's Spring Break again! / Baby: Spring Break woooo! [[flashes boobs]] / Jeffrey: Unfortunately this year we can't go to Mexico on account of tryin' to keep the world's largest webcomics merchandising company from crumbling so we're just gonna get drunk and naked here at work. / Tallahassee: Jeffrey what makes this different than every other Friday? / Jeffrey: The half dozen, sketchy middle-aged man videotaping us. / {{title text: In Iceland Spring Break last the entire month of March.}}
Strangers on a Train Jeffrey: Hey YHWH! How was your Easter? / YHWH: Crummy, Jeffrey. Real crummy. / YHWH: How many sons does an omnipotent deity have to magically father and then gruesomely sacrifice to get some respect around here? / Jeffrey: Aw, you don't get no respect for doing the most passive-aggressive thing ever. / YHWH: That's what I keep whispering in the ears of filthy street people!
Hang in There Jeff: Hey Joanna, we're goin' out for hot dog meat and tequila worms. Be a good zombie kitty! / [[Joanna picks up Die Hard DVD]] / [[Joanna turns the volume up all the way]] / [[Joanna walks away from the TV]] / [[Joanna picks up a phone]] / Phone screen: CALLING 911... ARE YOU SERIOUS / [[Joanna walks away with a bottle of liquor and the phone on the ground next to the TV, leaving the caring 911 operator to futilely give instructions to no one at all]] / 911 Operator: HANG IN THERE / {{This only works because my address is in Nakatomi Plaza.}}
Little Green Bag Joanna: keeba keeba / Weed Master P: GO AWAY GOD-DAMN DEVIL CAT CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY / Winson: meep
Little Green Bag Joanna: keeba keeba / Weed Master P: GO AWAY GOD-DAMN DEVIL CAT CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY / Winson: meep
 
Escape! [[arrow bubble points to Nakatomi Tower, this is apparently where Jeffrey lives at]] / Police Officer #1: Hey it's us, the polices! / Police Officer #2: Somebody called nine-one-one? / Police Officer #1: Aw it's a kitty. / Police Officer #2: Aw hello. / Winston: MEEEEEP!!! / Winston: Augh! / Police Officer #2: Auugh! / Police Officer #1: Officer down, send for backup! / Machine Elf: SSCRREEeeEEeEeEEeEE. / Police Officer #1: Oh my gorilla heart. / [[Car starts]] / Car: chk chk chk VROOM / [[Car takes off]] / Car: SCREEE / [[Note attached to Police Officer #1]] / Note: We have 2 stop large hadron collider.
Maka Scraw Cheega TITLE: {{Maka Scraw Cheega}} / [[A stolen police car speeds down the wrong side of the highway, causing other vehicles to swerve and (in the case of a school bus) roll over. Two inhuman voices are heard emanating from the vehicle, one voice balloon colored green, the other yellow. Color-coded translations appear at the bottom of each panel, and are indicated in {{brackets}}]] / Swerving red car: <> / Machine Elf: Mak mak scraw bak. {{Thanks for helpin' me out, Joanna.}} / Joanna: Meep maw mee chee ... {{Anything to get out of the house, friend.}} / [[Inside the police car, Joanna the zombie cat is driving, while Machine Elf is riding shotgun. The pink head of Winston the aye-aye can be barely seen in the back seat beyond the safety glass panel.]] / Joanna: Chee bak meep deek mee ... {{Although I admit I only have a crude understanding of our goal.}} / Machine Elf: Dawwk spee scree meeka chaw. {{We have to go to the Large Hadron Collider so's we can stop them scientists from being able to observe the Higgs Boson particle. / Joanna: Keeka? (translated in next panel) / [[The police car is riding on the shoulder, tearing up the grass embankment and headed for a small sign. From our overhead view, we can see the three diminutive fugitives inside.]] / Joanna: {{Whatever for, chum?}} / Machine Elf: Dakka chee bak scree bak. {{Us Machine Elves use those kinds of particles to weave the fabric of reality! Only one other critter was smart enough to figure out such teensy particles ... the Boskop man. / [[Joanna is unbuckling her seatbelt while listening to Machine Elf passionately exposit on the stakes of their quest.]] / Machine Elf: Maka scraw cheega bok scrawka ... bik bak. {{If human beings figure out how to work reality, they'll start to steal all the Machine Elf jobs and I'll have to go back to work in the flavor crystal mines of the Clown Universe.}} / [[The police car roars at full speed out onto a dock over a body of water.]] / Police car: <> / [[The police car does a total "Dukes of Hazzard" leap off the end of the dock, as Joanna speaks.]]Joanna: Meep chee beeka bip! {{Also my word attempting to contemplate a human-created reality is utterly horrifying.}} / [[The police car has landed nose-down amongst the cargo containers of a large container ship, heading out to sea.]] / Machine Elf: Scraw bika beek baw cheega scree beega baw! {{There'd be Wal Marts with little'r Wal Marts inside em that you could drive dune buggies in!}} / Text beneath the comic: {{All of the dune buggies also have a McDonald's and Starbucks inside of them}} / Alt text: {{The Boskop people completely flipped out.}}
May 2008 [[Jeffrey is sitting in his underwear on the couch with Tallahassee. Weedmaster P is on a beanbag chair with a laptop, and Baby is standing in the background]] / Narrator: SIX WEEKS LATER / Jeffrey: Our pet animals have been missing for six weeks! Everything is permanently terrible. / Weedmaster P: The news-man said that tonight they are turning on the Large Hardon Collider / [[Jeffrey leaps off the couch]] / Jeffrey: Man! I bet ya'll twenty dollars that's where the animals are at! They're tryin' to stop the Large Hadron Collider because of the one in a quadrillion chance of it destroying the Earth! / Tallahassee: What? / Jeffrey: This is the best shot we've ever had of instantaneous painless annihilation. We have the potential to erase any evidence the human race ever existed. / Tallahassee: But Jeffrey "one in a quadrillion" is just a nice way to say "this isn't going to happen you stupid, stupid idiot." / Jeffrey: Sometimes all you can do is hold onto hope. / Jeffrey: Fire up th' jumbo jet, Weedy! We're goin' to the border of France an' Sweden! / Weedmaster P: I'm pretty drunk though / Jeffrey: Good. You'll be less scared. / {{title text: And when you can't hold onto Hope, you can hold onto Carl.}} / {{footnote: According to Scientology the universe is 4.59 quadrillion years old}}
Stephen Hawking Eyes Meanwhile at the Large Hadron Collider Complex / Joanna: Here we are but I see no enormous supercollider... / Self-Transforming Machine Elf: It's underground, you dork! / Joanna: How are we going to get in? / CERN Security Officer: Oh hello little kitty! Welcome to CERN. Are you on the list? / Self-Transforming Machine Elf: Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! / CERN Security Officer: Augh! / [[The Security Officer clutches his chest in pain]] / [[Inside the Large Hadron Collider Complex, Joanna is standing on the two elves, wrapped in a shirt]] / CERN Female Scientist: Hey, you don't work here! / Joanna: Indeed I do not for I am Dr. Stephen Hawking. It is beneath me to have a job. / [[The female scientist doffs her yellow hardhat in reverence]] / CERN Female Scientist: Wow, what an honor! You sure look different in real life, Dr. Hawking! / Joanna: Dr. Hawking takes on whatever form he decides each day at breakfast. / CERN Female Scientist: Dr. Hawking would you like to turn on the L.H.C.? / Joanna: Yes. Yes I would. / {{Comment: The April Fool's joke for this comic is that it is secretly excellent.}}
Get Your Higgs Boson Narrator: THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER MAIN CONTROL ROOM - MAY 2008 / Scientist: And now a man who needs no introduction, Dr. Stephen Hawking! / <> / Audience: Woo! / Audience: Accelerate my particles! / Joanna (as "Stephen Hawking"): AW HALLO HALLO / Scientist: Dr. Hawking has come to turn on our Large Hadron Collider. What do you say Doc? Are you ready to get your Higgs-Bos-On? / <> / Audience: Woo! / Audience: Yeah! / Audience: Crank that fucker up to eleven! / Joanna: Er um... / [[Machine Elf, gnawing on bundle of wires, signals to Joanna to stall]] / Joanna: UM IF I MAY I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS FIRST... / <> / Audience: Speech! / Audience: Woo! / Audience: Apply my mathematics Dr Hawking / Narrator: MEANWHILE IN THE SKY / [[plane flying]] / Weedmaster P (?): HEY / I THINK WE'RE OVER THE LARGE HARDON KAJIGGER / [[inside cockpit]] / Jeffrey: Guys I was thinking about yellin' 'Geronimo' when I jump out but is that racist? / Weedmaster P: MAN YOU CAN'T COOK A CAT IN A KOREAN JOINT WITHOUT SOMEBODY CALLIN' YOU A RACIST / [[Jeffrey skydiving, net in hand; plane flies away]] / Jeffrey: Cussssterrrrrrr!! / {{title text: Or alternately 'ANDREW JACKSOOOOOOOOON'}}
 
The Exploding Vents of CERN Jeffrey: Where is it?... / Sign: LARGE HADRON COLLIDER EXHAUST VENT DO NOT SHOOT / Jeffrey: There it is! / <> / [[Jeffrey shoots the exhaust vent off]] / [[Jeffrey attaches a grapples down the exhaut vent]] / <> / Jeffrey: What's up science bitches! I'm here to make sure nobody stops your insane plan to blow up the world! / Joanna: MEEP / Jeffrey: Joanna? / Jeffrey: Hurry Joanna flip that dang switch! There is a one in a quadrillion chance it'll destroy Earth! / [[A lightbulb appears over Joanna's head]] / [[Machine Elf with his teeth bared over wires]] / [[A CERN employee looks concerned]] / [[A CERN employee picks his nose]] / [[Joanna stands above the switch]] / [[An aerial view of the LHC]] / <>
Wee Hole Scientist #1: / Scientist #2: / Jeffrey: Joanna! I'm so glad you're not more dead! / Scientist #2: / Scientist #2: / Large hadron collider: Uh oh. / Scientist #1: / [[black hole!]] / Black hole: Thonk. / [[Photoshop Joke]] / Jeffrey: Woah, what happened? / Scientist #1: / Jeffrey: What's the bad news? / Scientist #1: This universe is exactly like ours except people are 15% more irresponsible and tacky.> / Jeffrey: I have no idea what you are saying and that's okay.
Brawl Weedmaster P: POP QUIZ DICK BUTT / Weedmaster P: WHO WOULD WIN A BRAWL BETWEEN 100 YOUTUBE COMMENTERS THAT WEIGH 200 POUNDS EACH... / Weedmaster P: ...AND 200 TMZ COMMENTORS THAT WEIGH 100 POUNDS EACH / Jeffrey: Do any of them die? / Weedmaster P: OBVIOUSLY BOTH SIDES SUFFER MASSIVE CASUALTIES / Jeffrey: Then the winner is our collective dignity. / Weedmaster P: WRONG / Weedmaster P: IT'S A TRICK QUESTION / Weedmaster P: THE WORLD'S SMALLEST YOUTUBE COMMENTER IS 241 POUNDS / {{title text: This brawl, would it perchance be in a backstreet}}
The Crying Game Off panel infant: WAAH WAAAH / Jeffrey: Gah! Shut up, crying baby! / Jeffrey: Do you hear that crying baby! I'm so tired of hearing that crying baby! / Weedy: THERE IS A NEW PRODUCT THAT IS 95% EFFECTIVE IN ELIMINATING THE SOUND OF CRYING BABIES / Jeffrey: What is it? / Weedy: It's called... / Weedy: CRACK
You Down Wit CPP Jeffrey: Hey Tallahassee what are you eatin'? / Tallahassee: chicken pot pie. / Jeffrey: What? / Tallahassee: Chicken pot pie! / Jeffrey: There's nothing about that sentence I don't like!
 
Wave-Particle Theology Jeffrey: Dangit I can't figure out what happened before the big bang! / Jesus: Why don't you ask my dad, brah? / [[Pearly gates trailer park]] / YHWH: I admit it, I made the big bang using my magicks. / Jeffrey: But where did you come from? / YHWH: Jeffrey, it is totally impossible for your wee mind to comprehend it. / Jeffrey: That's a cop-out! You don't even know, do you?! / YHWH: Your simple brain cannot even exactly understand what light is! / Jeffrey: You know it don't make no sense for somethin' to be both a particle and a wave you son of a bitch! / YHWH: Don't you talk about my mums like that. / Jeffrey: I'm sorry. / / Jeffrey: Hey!
No Title DICK CHENEY:Where's my money, Jeffrey? It's time to give me my money! / JEFFREY: Hang on, it's too goddamn hard to figure out how much I'm s'posed to give you! / DICK CHENEY: Hurry! Some of that money goes to pay my salary at my job where I decide how to spend the rest of the money and scoff whenever you complain about how terribly I'm spending it! / JEFFREY: Hang on! / DICK CHENEY: Hurry up, I'm goin' on vacation! I only get three vacations a month. / JEFFREY: Here you go but wait a couple of days so it won't bounce. / DICK CHENEY: Is there a check cashin' place around ? / JEFFREY: Between the Wal-Mart and Liquor Hut.
Win Ben Stein's Intelligence. Jeffrey: Man I need to do some computerin' but Microsoft office is just so logical and secular... / Baby: I've got just the thing! / [[Ben Stein's Office 2008, design intelligently]] / Ben Stein: It looks like you're part of an extremely complex natural process that in itself is evidence of the existence of an unprovable intelligent creator. Would you like to: - Replace all the science books with Bibles. - Unfairly discriminate against intelligent design proponents like a Nazi.
Battles [[Jeffrey and Weedmaster P are on the sidewalk of a street at night. Weedmaster P is holding a pair of night vision goggles.]] / Weedmaster P: Hey hot dog nuts check it out if you look at the night sky with night vision goggles you can see alien spacecrafts having awesome battles / Jeffrey: Bullcrap! You're just tryin' to sell night vision goggles! / Weedmaster P: No I'm serious you don't need to trick people into buyin night vision goggles they're already called "night vision goggles" / Jeffrey: That's true! Night vision goggles, like shoulder-mounted rocket launchers, are in that category of objects that are so bitchin' that they don't need no advertisings! / Weedmaster P: The stealth bomber don't even actually work the government just spent a trillion dollars on it 'cause it seems so bitchin' / Alt text: MAN THAT SHIT SELLS ITSELF
Comic Con Carne Tallahassee: Jeffrey get up it's time to go to New York Comic-Con! / Jeffrey: Man I ain't got no dang business bein' at New York Comic-Con... / Jeffrey: Did you know that sometimes I make up stories in my "journal" comic? All the other cybercartoonists are gonna run me off Internet. I'm a phoney. / Tallahassee: Jeffrey I wasn't gonna tell you this, but... the Pope is also gonna be in New York this weekend... / Jeffrey: Is he gonna be at the Comic-Con? / Tallahassee: Well he used to be a Nazi youth and he's the Pope and he's gonna be in New York City during Passover so I don't see why not. / Jeffrey: Fetch my Pope-Meetin' shirt. / {{My Pope-Meetin' shirt is like my Dalai-Lama-Meetin' shirt but it has twice as many sequins}}
 
Team Force Assemble Jeffrey: Oh man I have to call all my old Dumbrella friends and see if they want to go to New York Comic-Con! / Jeffrey: Wizard Man, it's Jeffrey Row- / Wizard-Man: You're a phoney Rowland you lie about your journal comics. / Jeffrey: Poop-Monster! Gran-u-lac! Are y'all goin' to New York Comic-con? / Poop-Monster: Yes, but we're going to the secret area for syndicated cartoonists. / Jeffrey: Angelman and Mr. Jon Rosenberg, are you dudes going to New York Comic-Con? The Pope is gonna be there! / Angelman: Steve Holt? / Mr. Jon Rosenberg] No, man, the Pope!... Who's the Pope? / Angelman: He's that guy we saw on TV, man. / Mr. Jon Rosenberg: He's gonna be at New York Comic-Con? / Angelman: Oh remember man we're supposed to go to that. / Mr.Jon Rosenber: Oh yeah! / Jeffrey: Kid Gopher are you goin' to this New York Comic-Con? / Kid Gopher: Yes Jeffrey... / Kid Gopher: Wait did you say New York Comic-Con?
Joanna VS Lou Ferrigno and The Pope [[New York Comic Con 2008]] / [[Jeffrey Rowland is half asleep on the table, his tongue hanging out]] / Woman in Bounty Hunter Helmet and Bikini: The Pope is signing autographs in the autograph area! / [[The autograph area; there is Lou Ferrigno and the Pope sitting next to each other. A tiny cherub hovers over the pope, who glows]] / Jeffrey: I need to see the Pope. / Bodyguard: You catholic? / Jeffrey: No I just feel guilty all the time naturally. / Bodyguard: Go ahead. / Pope: Internet cartoonist Jeffrey Rowland! How can The Pope be of service to ya? / Jeffrey: It's my kitty, your honor. I believe her to be possessed by a Hell Demon and I hear you're the best at exorcisin' the divinely-challenged. / Pope: Let Daddy Pope have a look-see... / <> / Pope: Augh it burns my special Pope skin! / Pope: That beast is the Anti-Christ! After then, Lou Ferrigno! I command you! / [[Jeffery grabs Joanna and starts to run]] / Jeffery: Yoink! / {{Comment: Special vomit-proof pope skin}}
Destined for Consequences Two Days Later / Nepal / [[Jeffrey is dragging Joanna across the snow]] / [[He reaches a dark imposing temple]] / [[Red eyes shine out in the darkness]] / Demon: Who dares disturb me on Tuesday afternoon? / Jeffrey: It is I, Jeffrey Rowland! The Pope believes my zombie kitty is the Anti-Christ. / Demon: This creatue is not of this earth, is she a deadle? / Jeffrey: Man I don't know about all that but aside from the drinking she's deader than rap-rock... / Demon: Well we wouldn't want anyone to think the Pope was fallible... / {{Comment: Fortunately it only takes a day and a half to get from JFK to rural Nepal}}
Destined for Consequences 2 Demon: Tell me Jeffrey, what is your kitty's name? / Jeffrey: Her name is Joanna, sir. / Demon: Okay hold on I have to figure out something... / Hours pass... / Demon: All right if you break JOANNA down to numbers it's 10-15-1-14-14-1... multiply 10 and 15 and you get 150... 14 plus 14 is 28, subtract that from 150 and you get 122... that leaves two ones left so subtract 11 and that gives you 111... "Joanna" has six letters so multiply that times six and you get... / [[Jeffrey throws Joanna to the demon and makes the sign of the beast]] / Jeffrey: Six six six!! / Demon: I also made one for 616 but it uses fractions.
Destined for Consequences 3 Demon: Now for the final test of Anti-Christ. / Demon: Fight / Demon: Test!! / / Jeffrey: Oh God oh God oh God / Jeffrey: This is so terrible!! / Demon: The Training is complete / Demon: All that remains is for Christ to signal Armageddon'z Genesis / [Pearlly Gates Trailer Par] / [grand theft auto iv]
 
Misery Loves Attention Jeffrey: God dangit Jeph Jacques why are you tryin' to make me be even more miserable? / Jeph: man if you ain't mis'rable then you ain't payin' attention. / Jeffrey: Well what's so dang great about payin' attention? / Jeph: Payin' attention makes you be smart, and you gotta be smart if you're gonna know about supermassive black holes... which makes you miserable... / Jeffrey: But if we got destroyed by a supermassive black hole, people might stop sayin' "show me the money."
ROFLCon {{ROFLCon}} / Jay Maynard the Tron Guy: Jeffrey, how do you feel about internet culture memes and how they impact real-life gender roles? / Jeffrey: Excuse me one moment. / Jeffrey: COCK PUNCH!! / [[Jeffrey punches a man in the crotch.]] / Drew Curtis: OH GOD. / Jeffrey: Sorry about that. I hope you understand. Sorry. / Drew Curtis: Urk. / Jeffrey: I'm sorry you had to see me punch fark.com creator Drew Curtis in the ding dong, Jay Maynard the Tron Guy. / Jay Maynard the Tron Guy: Why did you do that? / Jeffrey: It's the law of synergistically-driven user-created content. / {{NEXT ROFLCON I'M GONNA WEAR GLOVES}}
Truck Nutz: The Reckoning {{Truck Nutz: The Reckoning}} / Weedmaster P: HEY BUTT-ASS THEY'RE FINALLY OUTLAWIN' THEM RUBBER CAR BOLLOCKS LIKE YOU WANTED / Jeffrey: No! I never wanted the government to get involved in the vehicular genitalia adornment industry! / Weedmaster P: WHAT / Jeffrey: People stickin' fake nuts on their car is dumb as hell but it's their American freedom -- to be able to! / Weedmaster P: WHAT EVER / Jeffrey: I may not agree with it but I will fight to the death for some shit-kickin' jerk-off to attach a fake nutsack to the back of his or her redneck gas-guzzler. / [[A red truck with nuts on the back has a license plate reading "TURD".]] / Weedmaster P: YOU'RE JUST SAYIN' THAT CUZ YOU'RE SELLIN' FAKE PLASTIC STICK-ON TRUCK LABIA ON YOUR WEBSITE NOW / Jeffrey: I just got a big shipment of the desert-camo yellow-ribbon ones in from China. / {{I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF COWS HAVE LABIA.}}
Dignity in Peeing Jeffrey: That's it, Tallahassee. I'm tired of peein' all the time! It's undignified! / Tallahassee: Jeffrey there's nothing undignified about urinating... it's part of the great human experience! / Jeffrey: Well you can keep on squirtin' pee out of your genitals into dirty bowls of water! / Jeffrey: By midnight tonight, I'm gonna invent a better way to pee! / [[One minute before midnight...]] / Tallahassee: Hurry up Jeffrey, everybody has to use the bathroom! / <> / Jeffrey: Hey do you know if it matters which kidney goes on which side of your guts-hole?
Ode to a Star [[Jeffrey stares into the sun, reciting a poem. Joanna is at his side.]] / Jeffrey: Sol. / Jeffrey: Gender-neutral yellow dwarf. Your embrace makes all that is. Your eyes have seen all blossom. / / Jeffrey: Can the life you grew care for you when age harshes your awesome? / [[The sun is now hovering mere feet above the ground, scorching the earth. It is the Raisin Bran mascot.]] / The sun: DO YOU WANT SOME FUCKING RAISINS OR NOT? / Jeffrey: Yes, sir! / {{title: Ode to a star}} / {{tagline: The sun is a registered trademark of the Kellogg company.}} / {{alt-text: Two scoops of raisins, no more no less. No flakes, no granola, but only raisins.}}
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 >>