You're browsing the archives of Overcompensating.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Sex, Lies, and Portable Digital Recording Devices | Weedmaster P: What the shit are you watching
/ Jeffrey: I'm goin' through all my old sex tapes!
/ Weedmaster P: You can't watch that
/ < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091116.html |
| Sex, Lies, and Portable Digital Recording Devices | Weedmaster P: What the shit are you watching
/ Jeffrey: I'm goin' through all my old sex tapes!
/ Weedmaster P: You can't watch that
/ < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091116.html |
| Distracted Design | Baby: Jeffrey I got some questions 'bout Intelligent Design!
/ Jeffrey: Oh, bother. / Baby: So I'm s'posed t' believe that all the ol' worms an' fish an' th' monkeys just get smarter for no good reason? Or on accident? Seems t' me everythin's evolvin' t'ward a higher purpose. Seems t'me _God's_ makin' it happen. / Jeffrey: Well we have evolved to the point where a half-dozen assholes can press a few buttons and blow up the world so maybe there _is_ somethin' to it...
/ Baby: What I'm axskin' is, how long do I gotta wait 'fore I turn into an angel? / {{tagline: YHWH sometimes lets babies be born with their hearts on the outside of their bodies to "test our faith"}}
/ {{roll-over text: It's like like designing an ant farm but you make all the ants have uncontrollable, impulsive suicidal thoughts -OR- Baby's accent is because she grew up in Rural Lyra's Oxford but was accidentally sent to high school in Mongolia.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091118.html |
| The Sting | Jeffrey: Doctor Monkey I got a problem... / Jeffrey: It stings when I pee. / [[Doctor Monkey whips out his Tricorder and scans Jeffrey]] / [[Doctor Monkey writes a diagnosis:]] / [[From the desk of Doctor Monkey: Bees in your urine :( ]] / {{tagline: "But how did the bees get there?" she asked unconvincingly}}
/ {{roll-over text: "It stings when I pee and it aches when I poo / I shouldn't have ate something inside the loo}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091119.html |
| Blowing Rogue | [[Bookstore clerk behind counter stares at Jeffrey]] / [[Jeffrey holds a copy of "Going Rogue"]]
/ Jeffrey: Can you, like, mark down that I'm buying it ironically? / [[Clerk makes a tally in the "Ironic" column, which leads "For Real" by an enormous margin]]
/ Clerk: Sure / [[Ice Queen Palin, sitting on her Moose Throne, with lots of blingy lens flare]]
/ Palin: I don't give a _fuck_. / {{tagline: Actually the terms of her contract state that she gets an extra 10% for ironic purchases}}
/ {{roll-over text: Cross out 'In God We Trust' all you want, you can still trade it for the exact same amount of snowmobile wipes.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091123.html |
| Arguing About Israel on Internet | Weedmaster P: Well if anybody needs me I'll be arguing about Israel on the Internet
/ Tallahassee (horrified): No, wait! / Jeffrey: He ain't literally gonna argue abut Israel on Internet. It's an euphemism.
/ Tallahassee: A euphemism for what? / [[Weedmaster P is punching himself in the face]]
/ Jeffrey (voice-over): For things that are more pointless... / [[Weedmaster Peeing on that f'ing Geico "pile of watching money"]]
/ Jeffrey (voice-over): frustrating, and futile... / [[Weedmaster P watching "Glee" with the sound muted]]
/ Jeffrey (voice-over): than actually arguing about Israel on the Internet. / {{tagline: It's kinda like taking a shower without wondering if you have to poop before you get in the shower}}
/ {{roll-over text: It's like walking up an escalator or not being high and watching 'The Wall'}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091124.html |
| Thanksgiving 2009 | [[Weedmaster P. and Jeffrey are in a basement. Joanna the cat is between them. Jeffrey is frowning and wearing a vest with no shirt and war paint.]] / Weedmaster P.: IT'S THANKSGIVING TIME AGAIN SINCE YOU'RE HALF CHEROKEE ARE YOU GONNA BITCH ABOUT HOW THE WHITE MAN KILLED YOUR ANCESTORS WHILE IGNORING THE FACT THAT IF EUROPEANS HADN'T HOOKED UP WITH NATIVE AMERICANS YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE ALIVE
/ Weedmaster P.: YOU SON OF A BITCH / [[Jeffrey is waving a Canadian flag.]] / Jeffrey: Naw man we're gonna switch it up this year!
/ Weedmaster P.: WHAT-EVER DO YOU MEAN
/ Jeffrey: Instead of being in America this year we're gonna go to Canadia! / Weedmaster P.: UH DIDN'T CANADIA ALSO DO GENOCIDE TO NATIVE AMERICANS
/ Jeffrey: Yeah but they ain't all patronizing about it like how America is. / {{title text: HOLY CRAP next year will be Thanksgiving 2010 and we'll all have surgically-implanted jetpacks and be able to breathe underwater.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091125.html |
| CFAT | Jeffrey: Ryan North! We have come from the strange south to celebrate American Thanksgiving up here in Canadia! / Emily: Do they... do they not know of the Canadian Folly of the Americans [sic] Thanksgiving Protocol?
/ Ryan: It's one of our country's most obscure traditions... Maybe we shouldn't...
/ Kate: You guys are we CANadians or are we CAN'Tadians? / [[Jeffrey and Tallahassee, pants about their ankles, attempt to hide their nakedness.]]
/ Jeffrey: How'd they do that? How did they de-pants us so easily?!
/ Tallahassee: You said it was safe to wear our pants extra-loose in Canadia because they have MANNERS!
/ Jeffrey: I was WRONG. / {{Caption: An obscure stipulation written upside down on the bottom left corner of the Treaty of Ghent.}}
/ {{Alt text: It turns out it is not safe to wear your pants extra-loose ANYwhere.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091129.html |
| Cyber Monday | Jeffrey: Guys, it's... it's Cyber Monday again.
/ PaperKlip: You gotta be shitting me!
/ Tallahassee: Are you serious?
/ Jeffrey: Everybody log on to your computer terminals.
/ PaperKlip: God damnit! / [[Tallahassee, Weedmaster P, PaperKlip and Baby all look unhappily at their screens]] / [[Jeffrey Cyber Mondays with each of them via the "Pesterchum 6.0" messaging client:]] / [[Baby: put your buttocks inside of me]]
/ [[Jeffrey: what]] / [[PaperKlip: Is there any way to get around this?]]
/ [[Jeffrey: I don't think so I think it's a law]] / [[Jeffrey: I'm like touching your face with my butt]]
/ [[Tallahassee: What is this I don't even]] / [[Joanna: and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions.]] / [[Weedmaster P: I WISH I HAD MORE TESTICALS
/ [[Jeffrey: Me too]]
/ [[Weedmaster P: LIKE FIFTY OF THEM]] / {{tagline: If we ever figure out what Cyber Monday actually means we'll save so much money by not suing each other}}
/ {{roll-over text: I would have shown you what we do for Black Friday but some people find it 'incredibly offensive'.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091130.html |
| Cyber Monday | [[Jeffrey stands with a look of concern and despair on his face. Paperklip and Tallahassee sit, looking enraged]]
/ Jeffrey: Guys, it's...it's Cyber Monday again.
/ Paperklip: You gotta be shitting me!
/ Tallahassee: Are you serious?
/ Jeffrey: Everybody log on to your computer terminals.
/ Paperklip: God damnit. / [[Close up of Tallahassee gazing at screen, distressed]] / [[Close up of Weedmaster P gazing at screen, distressed]] / [[Close up of Paperklip gazing at screen, distressed]] / [[Close up of Baby gazing at screen, distressed]] / [[Close up of Jeffrey gazing at screen, distressed]] / [[Shot of multiple chat windows]]
/ Chat Window 1 - Baby: put your buttocks inside of me
/ Jeffrey: what
/ Chat Window 2 - Paperklip: Is there any way to get around this?
/ Jeffrey: I don't think so I think it's a law
/ Chat Window 3 - Jeffrey: I'm like touching your face with my butt
/ Tallahassee: What is this I don't even
/ Chat Window 4 - Joanna: and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of do keys, and whose emission was like that of stallions.
/ Chat Window 5 - Weedmaster P: I WISH I HAD MORE TESTICALS
/ Jeffrey: Me too
/ Weedmaster P: LIKE FIFTY OF THEM / {{Alt-text: I would have shown you what we do for Black Friday but some people find it 'incredibly offensive'.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091130.html?repost=yes |
| The Naming of Things | {{The Naming of Things}}
/ Barrack Obama [[On phone]]: Inside President Kerry Edwards, do you have any new ideas this week? / Kerry Edwards [[on headband phone]]: As a matter of fact I do! I figured out a way to make it easier to remember the names of stuff!
/ Obama: What / Kerry: We call it based on the sound it makes. Cats will be called "Meowleys" and dogs are "Woofers".
/ Obama: What about low-frequency speakers, what do we call them?
/ Kerry: Boomeys. / Obama: Pigs?
/ Kerry: Oinkenators.
/ Obama: Chickens?
/ Kerry: Bok-boks.
/ Obama: Frogs?
/ Kerry: Depends on the frog. Bullfrogs are "Grrrks" and toads are "Chik-chirks".
/ Obama: Geese?
/ Kerry: Honkies. / {{Only three animals will keep their names -- Can you guess what they are???}} / {{Crows are 'kaa-kaas', chainsaws are 'ween-weens', motorcycles are 'rawwn-raawns', and people are 'bitches'.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091201.html |
| A Cautionary Tale | [[At the "BUS NURSERY"]]
/ Blue Bus: What are you gonna be when you grow up, Kyle? I'm gonna be a city bus!
/ Kyle the Pink Bus: I'm gonna be a tour bus for a famous rock n' roll band! / [[BUT THEN...]]
/ [[Kyle the Pink Bus is surrounded by reminders of a life lived poorly, including: Debt, Addiction, Mistakes, Problems, Secularism and Bad Decisions]] / [[Kyle looks at a job-hunting sign: "Former drug users need not apply"]] / [[Kyle now sadly wears a sign for his new profession: Bang Bus]] / {{tagline: I know that the Bang Bus is actually a passenger van and I hope you also feel terrible that you know that}}
/ {{roll-over text: If it makes you feel better the blue bus went on to become a rock n' roll tour bus. In the fall of 2006 it crashed, killing everyone on board, along with 14 baby ducks and a puppy.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091202.html |
| What Is It Good For | [[Tallahassee and Jeffrey are dressed in paramilitary camo outfits]]
/ Tallahassee (gesturing at interwebs machine): According to this thing, more Americans die in car accidents than from terrorism and drugs combined!
/ Jeffrey: WAR ON CAR ACCIDENTS! / [[THREE YEARS LATER]]
/ Jeffrey: It is my pleasure to announce that major combat operations in the war against car accidents are over. America is victorious... again! / Jeffrey: Now about that War Against Diabetes... we're gonna need a bunch more troops. A bunch.
/ Reporter: General Relativity, pardon my rude interruption but how many Americans are still alive?
/ Jeffrey: Almost all of 'em! / {{tagline: For those of you keeping score, America kicks ass; everybody else doesn't kick ass}}
/ {{roll-over text: We lost a lot of good people in the War on Car Accidents but hey, they don't have to pay taxes anymore. Also, all the Americans who aren't dead are technically still alive! And Free.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091203.html |
| Meeting With Corporate | Sheriff Topato: Human unit Jeffrey Rowland! How goes our company's relentless assault against the holiday anti-consumerism movement?
/ Jeffrey: Topato, I'd be lyin' if I said I didn't think about takin' all the money, buyin' a new nose, shavin' my head and pointin' a stolen motorcycle at the horizon about eleven times a minute. / Sheriff Topato: You fear... consequences? From cartoonists? Pathetic.
/ Jeffrey: Two things cartoonists are real good at is not updatin' on time and holdin' grudges. They'd probably cut my junk off if they ever caught me!
/ Sheriff Topato: What is... junk? / Jeffrey: You know, my _junk_! What I fiddle around with when I don't think anyone's _lookin'_! / Sheriff Topato: Is that consequence sufficient to save me from needing to threaten you with rectal strangulation with your own optic nerve should you ever choose to abandon this company?
/ Jeffrey: God dang, how much does it cost just to go to prison? / {{tagline: It doesn't cost hardly anything to go to prison}}
/ {{roll-over text: It's always nice when Corporate is an eight-day old Warrior Space Potato Lawyer who is made out of poison and lives in another dimension.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091207.html |
| Going To Die | [[Jeffrey is lying in bed, looking relaxed. Caption: ALMOST ASLEEP]] / [[Jeffrey bolt upright in a panic]]
/ Jeffrey: oh shit I'm gonna DIE someday! / [[Weedmaster P is in the background]]
/ Weedmaster P: So is Natalie Portman / [[Jeffrey ponders this]] / [[Jeffrey lies back down]] / [[Jeffrey relaxes again... back to sleep, under the watchful eye of Weedmaster P]] / {{tagline: Natalie Portman has days where she feels ugly and stupid}}
/ {{roll-over text: We're all in this alone, but at least everybody else is too.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091208.html |
| Goblin Strips | Jeffrey: AUGH! Where are all the battery compartment covers for everything?
/ Vermont Pete: Sounds like you got goblins, bro. / Jeffrey: Goblins?! How do you get rid of goblins?
/ Vermont Pete: I got these goblin strips. You just hang 'em up. Normally go for $200 but I'll sell 'em to you for $50.
/ Jeffrey: Sold. / < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091209.html |
| Pac-Man Comix | Jeffrey: I disagree. I think Pac-man is about the battle between modern man's want to consume bullshit and the reality that everything modern man wants to consume _is_ bullshit. / Tallahassee: I disagree. I think Pac-man is a mechanism that promotes eating disorders by encouraging the player to consume as much "junk food" as possible while regarding "fruit" as a dangerous and often disregarded "bonus item." The "Ghosts" only serve to represent guilt that can be overcome by eating larger amounts of junk. / Weedmaster P: No way man Pac-man is about a disfigured lemon that is addicted to meth.
/ (Jeffrey or Tallahassee -- offscreen): what do the ghosts represent?
/ Weedmaster P: They're GHOSTS Ghosts are _Scary._ / {{tagline: Pac-man is like that show "How I Met Your Mother" except it is about a yellow ball that has to eat dots and avoid ghosts}}
/ {{roll-over text: If they had dressed Pac-Man up like a plumber we'd all be playin' Pac Man Galaxy now and it would be really lame.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091211.html |
| THE BETTER BUSINESS BURRO Part One | MEANWHILE IN BUTTER DIMENSION 360?
/ Topato: Sheriff Pony, within me there dwells a faint fear.
/ Sheriff Pony: But -- but you fear nothing Topato!
/ Topato: This is true. However I am also never wrong.
/ Sheriff Pony: I fear we are bound by duty to now unmake all of reality. / Topato: -Sigh-
/ Topato: Record-o-bots, please delete the past several moments. / Sheriff Pony: What is your... concern Topato?
/ Topato: If Jeffrey Rowland fails to deliver all TopatoCo orders in time for Christ's birthday, it will significantly damage my company's reputation.
/ Sheriff Pony: And everyone would hate him!
/ Topato: "Hate" is a staggering understatement. / Sheriff Pony: Perhaps we should help him!
/ Topato: And perhaps we should always brush our teeth before bed-time, yet we do not. If you claim otherwise I challenge you to a game of Liar Torture.
/ Sheriff Pony: What do you suggest? / Topato: Send the Burro.
/ Sheriff Pony: You -- You can't be serious!
/ Topato: SEND IN THE BETTER BUSINESS BURRO AT ONCE.
/ Sheriff Pony: Oh my. / Sheriff Pony: Oh deary me... http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091223.html |
| THE BETTER BUSINESS BURRO Part One | MEANWHILE IN BUTTER DIMENSION 360?
/ Topato: Sheriff Pony, within me there dwells a faint fear.
/ Sheriff Pony: But -- but you fear nothing Topato!
/ Topato: This is true. However I am also never wrong.
/ Sheriff Pony: I fear we are bound by duty to now unmake all of reality. / Topato: -Sigh-
/ Topato: Record-o-bots, please delete the past several moments. / Sheriff Pony: What is your... concern Topato?
/ Topato: If Jeffrey Rowland fails to deliver all TopatoCo orders in time for Christ's birthday, it will significantly damage my company's reputation.
/ Sheriff Pony: And everyone would hate him!
/ Topato: "Hate" is a staggering understatement. / Sheriff Pony: Perhaps we should help him!
/ Topato: And perhaps we should always brush our teeth before bed-time, yet we do not. If you claim otherwise I challenge you to a game of Liar Torture.
/ Sheriff Pony: What do you suggest? / Topato: Send the Burro.
/ Sheriff Pony: You -- You can't be serious!
/ Topato: SEND IN THE BETTER BUSINESS BURRO AT ONCE.
/ Sheriff Pony: Oh my. / Sheriff Pony: Oh deary me... http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091223.html |
| OVERCOMPENSATING: The Journal Comic With a Seething Disdain for Reality. | Paperklip: Jeffrey there's no way on earth we're gonna be able to ship out all these orders in time for Christmas, it's just too impossible!
/ Jeffrey: Do what you have to! Work 20 hours a day or you're fired! Guards! / Jeffrey: [[Thought balloon]] That oughta buy me enough time to take all the money and grow me a beard and move to a cabin in the woods and become a libertarian! / [[Jeffrey sneaks away with a fake nose and glasses, carrying a briefcase full of money]]
/ Jeffrey: Heh heh!
/ [[Jeffrey runs into the Better Business Burro]]
/ Jeffrey: Huh?! / Jeffrey: Get out of my way! / Jeffrey: Wait... Who-- Who are you? / [[Better Business Burro points to his badge, reading "Better Business Burro"]] / Jeffrey: Aw shit. / {{meta comment: BETTER BUSINESS BURRO AGREES WITH LIBERTARIAN IDEALS BUT HAS TO MAKE COMPROMISES BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE REALLY IRRESPONSIBLE}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091224.html |
| OVERCOMPENSATING: The Journal Comic With a Seething Disdain for Reality. | Jeffrey, the Fire Marshall made everybody go home because they were crying too loud. Also, what's that giant moose behind you?
/ It ain't a moose, Tallahassee. It's a donkey.... a burro... the Better Bussiness Burro. / But-- but I thought the Better Business Burro was only a legend! / Fairy tales are bullcrap, Tallahassee. The Better Business Burro is real, and if I don't make good business decisions he'll follow me around and stare at me, right out of the corner of my eye. If I try to look at him he'll move real quick. This will go on until I die, and then for 200 years past that. And then the Ants will come. / If I were you I would make as many superb business decisions as I could, as quickly as possible.
/ I got a list and a garbage bag full of Pro-vigil. http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091225.html |
| THE BETTER BUSINESS BURRO Part Four | [[Better Business Burro stands behind Jeffrey Rowland, looking over JR's shoulder as he reads a list]] / [[List title: Checklist]]
/ [[List items: 1. Don't do anything illegal, 2. Retrieve rare "Amulet of Wealth" from Ancient Fortress, Submit to United States Treasury each and every month]] / [[View of JR from behind and to the left with his desk visible. Sticking out of top left drawer is an arm holding a gun with a pentagram on the hand in red. From the drawer below sticks out cash a hand holding the severed head of a leprechaun]]
/ JR: Hey I think I might have this first one under control maybe. / JR: Or maybe not. Better Business Burro, is it okay if I do things that are kinda illegal, as long as I give a bunch of money to NPR or something? / [[Burro winks]] / < http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091228.html |
| THE BETTER BUSINESS BURRO Part Five | [[Jeffrey looks at the list.]] / CHECKLIST:
/ 1. DON'T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL
/ 2. RETRIEVE RARE "AMULET OF WORTH" FROM ANCIENT FOREST. SUBMIT TO IRS EACH AND EVERY MONTH
/ 3. DON'T MAKE FUNNY FACES IN YOUR PASSPORT PHOTO
/ 4. THOSE AIG ASSHOLES ARE GETTIN' PAID CRAZY LARGE. WHY AREN'T YOU?
/ 5. DON'T HAVE MORE THAN 11 MISTRESSES
/ 6. ARTIFACT AND MAINTAIN A VERITABLE LIBRARY OF RECEIPTS AND OTHER PAPERWORK BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVE COMPUTERS NOW OR ANYTHING
/ 7. WEAVE INTO AND OUT OF TRAFFIC AT BREAKNECK SPEED
/ 8. I KNOW THE BARTENDER AT SLOUCHY'S AND HE HAS SOME. HE SAID YOU CAN HAVE SOME IF YOU GIVE HIM A BETTER BUSINESSMAN. / Jeffrey: So...all I gotta do just follow this checklist and I'll be a better businessman? / [[Better Business Burro looks at list]]
/ Burro: ... / [[Close-up of Burro blushing]] / [[Burro holds up a sign]]
/ Sign: wrong list. / [[Burro puts a new list in front of Jeffrey]] / BETTER BUSINESS BURRO'S BETTER BUSINESSMAN CHECKLIST
/ 1. DON'T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL
/ 2. BE SUPER LAME AND ACT "PROFESSIONAL" ALL THE TIME
/ 3. WEAR A NECKTIE, SHOWER EVERY DAY
/ 4. HAVE STUPID MEETINGS ALL THE TIME FOR NO REASON
/ 5. TAKE ALL KINDS OF CRAP FROM EVERYONE ALL THE TIME
/ 6. MONETIZE WORKFLOW SYMMETRY
/ 7. LEGALLY EXPLOIT LABOR LAWS USING "LOOPHOLES"
/ 8. BE A COMPLETE TOOL / Jeffrey: What the crap?! I didn't accidentally become a businessman so that I could act like this! / Jeffrey: Topatoco is going to screw up sometimes and we're gonna do weird stuff that don't make any sense 'cause we are human beans.
/ Jeffrey: And we're Americans*. / ONE WEEK LATER...
/ [[Jeffrey in a brown hoodie and jeans, beard grown out, curled up next to a sign under a graffiti-covered overpass.]]
/ Sign: WILL TAKE OFF PANTS AND DANCE FOR RAMEN / {{next to copyright information: * A MINIMUM OF 50% OF TOPATOCO EMPLOYEES CURRENTLY ARE OR HAVE BEEN LEGALLY CONSIDERED AMERICAN CITIZENS}} / {{title text: MISSING SCENE: Jeffrey at US/Canada border, blood-spattered passport in foreground in which Jeffrey is making a goofy face. Armed border guards, firearms still smoking, are openly weeping. -OR- Wait, THIS was my Christmas story this year? Man.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20091230.html |
| Eighteen Ten Plus Two Hundred | SUDDENLY...
/ Jeffrey: Aw crap what year is it?
/ Tallahassee: I have no idea. I've been going by the Mon Calimari Calendar, but it ended six buttcats ago. I'm honestly surprised anything still exists. Do you know what year it is, Weedmaster P?
/ Weedmaster P: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS / Jeffrey: What about you, J.C.?
/ J.C.: Uhh uhh I don't know!
/ Jeffrey: Well what year were you born? Let's just go by that?
/ J.C.: Uh it's hard to say because the Earth's orbit was slightly different back then. Also, I was kinda born twice. / Jeffrey: JUST SAY A NUMBER!
/ J.C.: Two thousand and ten!
/ Jeffrey: can we say "twenty ten" instead?
/ J.C.: Sure!
/ Jeffrey: Okay, then. http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100104.html |
| Future Bigot | [[Jeffery with Joanna in a baby harness and Tallahassee Econolodge are walking down a street.]]
/ Jeffery: I guess we're just gonna have to wait for all those bigoted assholes to die off before the gays can have equal rights, Tallahassee... / Jeffery: I wonder what weird moral hangups we'll have when we're super-old that future youngin's will have to wait for us to die to make fair?
/ Tallahassee: None. We won't make the same mistakes. / {{THE FUTURE}}
/ [[ An aged Tallahassee and Jeffery are protesting in front of what appears to be a cat with an antenna coming out of it's head and a cape.]] {{Jeffery's Sign: Get a Neurolode Moran}}
/ {{Tallahassee's Sign: GoDSEED and Kyle not GoDSEED and Sparky}}
/ Jeffery: Intelliboost animals shouldn't be allowed to Ghostlink with the G.O.D.S.E.E.D.!
/ Tallahassee: Go back to New Carolina, flea-bagger!
/ Cat with an Antenna Coming out of it's Head and a Cape: BIGOTS! http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100105.html |
| Computer Simulation | Weedmaster P: [[holding up a newspaper which says "Universe Is A Computer Simulation Says Scientists"]] OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD / Jeffrey: What are you freakin' out about? That's like the best news ever! / Weedmaster P: WHAT HOW
/ Jeffrey: It's like "The Sims". Ain't nothin' real; Everything's fake!
/ Weedmaster P: So I can do whatever I want to without consequences
/ Jeffrey: Well there's still consequences, they just don't matter. Plus if you die you'll probably just start over. / Weedmaster P: OH HELL YEAH
/ Jeffrey: Of course it's also likely that whomever is playin' will get bored and shut it off unless shit starts gettin' real interestin'. / Weedmaster P: You mean like throwin' everybody into a swimmin' pool and takin' the ladder out
/ Jeffrey: More like puttin' everybody on a floating ball without a way to escape if it catches on fire. / {{Mouseover text: Put 'em all in a room with each other and make them be different races and have different gods. And give them nuclear weapons.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100106.html |
| What Joanna Does | Baby: "Jeffrey what are you doin'?"
/ Jeffrey: "I'm settin' up a little video camera in Joanna's room so we can see what she does we're at work." / [[11:30 AM]]
/ [[Joanna sits in the room]] / [[11:45 AM]]
/ [[Joanna sits facing the camera]] / [[12:00 PM]]
/ [[The room grows dark]] / [[12:15 PM]]
/ [[Joanna stands facing away from the camera as the lighting returns to normal]] / [[12:30 PM]]
/ [[Joanna dangles dead from a noose fashioned from her collar]] / [[12:45 PM]]
/ [[The room is empty]] / [[1:00 PM]]
/ [[Joanna, alive, stares at the camera up close]] / [[1:15 PM]]
/ [[A dead pigs lies in front of the camera]] / [[1:30 PM]]
/ [[The room is empty save for a bloodstain on the floor]] / [[1:45 PM]]
/ [[The room is empty and the bloodstain is gone]] / [[2:00 PM]]
/ [[A gun lies on the floor in the room]] / [[2:15 PM]]
/ [[The room is pitch black]] / [[2:30 PM]]
/ [[Joanna sits in front of the camera, the lighting again normal]] / [[2:45 PM]]
/ [[Joanna's severed head, bearing her normal face, sits in front of the camera]] / [[3:00 PM]]
/ [[The room grows much darker]] / [[3:15 PM]]
/ [[Joanna's head peeks in from the top border of the camera's view]] / [[3:30 PM]]
/ [[Joanna stands far away from the camera]] / [[3:45 PM]]
/ [[The room is empty]] / [[4:00 PM]]
/ [[Joanna is standing far away, facing away from the camera]] / [[4:15 PM]]
/ [[The room is empty]] / [[4:30 PM]]
/ [[Joanna has become LONGCAT, and only the bottommost portion of her is visible]] / [[4:45 PM]]
/ [[Joanna is seen floating in the air]] / [[5:00 PM]]
/ [[A leprechaun stomps across the camera's view. He is angry.]] / [[5:15 PM]]
/ [[A man with an obscured face is seen sitting in a tiny patch of grass, staring off towards a lone cloud]] / [[5:30 PM]]
/ [[A terrifying grayscale face with no pupils in its eyes screams at the camera]] / [[5:30 PM - Again]]
/ [[Joanna stares at the camera with a look of shock. She is covered in blood.]] / [[5:45 PM]]
/ [[Jeffrey is seen taking the camera]] / Baby: "Jeffery where are you goin'?"
/ Jeffrey: "To South America to have a witch doctor throw this video camera into a live volcano." / Title - What Joanna Does
/ (Before this we figured she just drank a half handle of Maker's Mark and shit in a tuxedo jacket pocket)
/ Alt Text: I called the Witch Doctor and he was all like 'Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla bing bang, Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla bing bang'. http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100107.html |
| Breakfast of Small Business Owners | Jeffrey: As a small business owner, I'm constantly anxious, disappointed, and paranoid. That's why I drink whatever I can find in the Liquor Cabinet (R). / Jeffrey: Just ten shots of whatever I can find in the Liquor Cabinet (R) gives me up to six hours of angry, fitful sleep. And unlike other beverages, I won't be able to remember any of my horrifying, sexual nightmares. / Off-screen voice over: Whatever I find in the Liquor Cabinet (R)
/ [[Some of the bottles in the Liquor Cabinet(R): "Malibu Spice Vodka-Flavored Rum", "Gentleman Kyle's No Cares Cure-All Fightin' Wine", "Party Slut Licorice Mint Carbonated Brandy" and "Standing-Up Dog Legal Cleaning Whiskey"]]
/ Off-screen voice over: "Falling Asleep" or "Passing Out." Whatever, it's still "Unconscious." / [[tagline: Misdemeanor Tom's 500-Proof Fortified Pickup Truck Jerky Infused Country Champagne]]
/ [[roll-over text: Colonel Cousin's Fortified After-Shave-Infused Gulf War Scotch]] http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100108.html |
| The Finger | [[Weedmaster P's eyes are even redder than usual]]
/ Jeffrey: What's wrong, Weedmaster P? Why are you crying?
/ Weedmaster P: Some dude just flipped me off super-hard
/ Jeffrey: You're not supposed to _cry_ when somebody flips you off! / Weedmaster P: Well what's the point of it then What's it supposed to do
/ Jeffrey: Flippin' a person off is supposed to be like tellin' somebody "fuck you" but with their finger. What do you do when somebody says "fuck you" to you? / Weedmaster P: I stab and I stab and I just keep stabbing and stabbing and stabbing until the buzzing stops
/ Jeffrey: It takes a big man to cry. / {{tagline: It takes a big man to cry but a bigger man to fall on top of the crying man and crush him to death}}
/ {{Whenever I get flipped off for some reason I go straight to thinking about hot tubs, and the infection I once got from a hot tub.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100111.html |
| Pony Honey Money | Jeffrey: Baby why are you all covered in hay and hair and pony manure?
/ Baby: Do you remember my pony "Se?or Smiles"?
/ Jeffrey: ...no.
/ Baby: Neither did I. I forgot I had a pony. / Lucid John: Ah, ponies. "Lobsters of the Prairie" we used to call 'em back home.
/ Jeffrey: Hey! I thought you said you was from Connecticut!
/ Lucid John. I am! From the secret part.
/ Jeffrey: Well, what do y'all call "lobsters"?
/ Lucid John: "Ocean rascals." / Baby: If I walk to Connecticut do you think they'd trade some Ocean Rascals for a used Prairie Lobster?
/ Lucid John: Ha ha ha.
/ Jeffrey: What do you call "frogs"?
/ Lucid John: "Swamp jerky." / {{tagline: In Connecticut "Mr. T" is called "Junkyard Lobster"}}
/ {{roll-over text: Lucid John is from the part of Connecticut that used to 'connect' it to Long Island. Most of that part was destroyed in the Oregon-Rhode Island war of 1947 in which Rhode Island was seismically attached to New England using a complex system of pulleys and horrible accents.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100113.html |
| The Yay God! Power Hour | Grey-haired News Anchor: Welcome back to the Yay God! Power Hour! Isn't the president terrible? Can you believe this loon thinks we shouldn't torture criminal suspects?
/ Woman News Anchor: I believe the Constitution says "Innocent until proven Islamic"
/ Grey-haired News Anchor: What is with this guy? / Grey-haired News Anchor: That's what my copy says! Right after the part about acceptin' Jesus as your personal savior!
/ Woman News Anchor: And before the part about how God designed Americans to be genetically superior to other races / Grey-haired News Anchor: Later on we'll tell you how the liberals are trying to literally sodomize the Lord by allowing homosexuals to hold hands in public
/ Woman News Anchor: But first -- I hear there's a new celebrity sex tape out!
/ Grey-haired News Anchor: And we'll show you almost all of it with the naughty bits lazily fuzzed out right here on the Yay God! Power Hour! http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100114.html |
| Catbank Bonuses | [[Meanwhile, at the catbank board of director's meeting]]
/ Cat 1: My fellow banking cats, we've been getting a lot of heat for these enormous bonuses we've been giving ourselves while all the other cats in Americat are having such a rough time. / [[Cats staring at their feet or out the window, looking uneasy]] /
/ Cat 2: So ? / [[Cat 1 throws plastic bags around in the room]]
/ Cat 1: My point, exactly.
/ Cat 1: Plastic bags for everycat ! / {{alt text: I... I don't really know how banks work.}}
/ {{sub text: Extra-noisy bags imported from Safeway}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100115.html |
| DrMLKJr Day 2010 | Weedmaster P: Wait what are we doing again
/ Jeffrey: We're celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Day by non-violently protesting racism. / Baby: But didn't Martin Luther King Jr. destroy racism with his wonderful machines?
/ Jeffrey: He did a pretty good job but there's still racism out there if you look real hard. / Jeffrey: *GASP* I spy a racism! / [[They are looking at a McDonald's billboard with a black man and the legend: "M M M M M Hamma-buggas"]]
/ Weedmaster P: I'm not sure if that's technically racism
/ Jeffrey: Look, do you wanna throw eggs at shit or not?
/ Weedmaster P: Wait... yep it's racism / {{tagline: Martin Luther King Jr's patented civil rights ray got over 100 Arkansans to stop hitting Puerto Ricans}}
/ {{roll-over text: Other Martin Luther King Jr. inventions include the Jesus Gun, the Guilt Splitter, Drifter Chow, and the Million Man March.}} http://overcompensating.com/posts/20100118.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 >>