You're browsing the archives of Sore Thumbs.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Harmony: Star Trek: The Experience has brought Star Trek to vivid life! Thank you, Las Vegas! / Fairbanks: Yeah, it looks all spacey! Heeey... is Star Trek the same thing as Stargate? Or is it a different thing? / [Harmony yanks on Fairbanks's tie] / Harmony: STOP SPEAKING! Don't you dare embarrass me in front of the Star Trek universe! / Fairbanks: <> Which one has MacGyver? / Harmony: Lookit! Lookit! It's an Andorian! Keep quiet, Fairbanks! Hello there! What's your name? / Andorian: Yo yo, girl. Name's Jason. How you livin', girl? You's lookin' goood. / Harmony: Andorians don't talk like that. And they are never ever named Jason. / Andorian: Yo, cut me some slack, girl. I just fillin' in for my boy. He's home sick with the, uh... the Endorian Flu. Yep yep. / [[Harmony, with tears of rage in her eyes, punches the Andorian in the face]] / Harmony: YOU UNSUSPENT MY DISBELIEF! / Fairbanks: WOO HOO! Beat that blue-skinned bastard!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20061218.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Harmony: [[pointing]] Oh boy, there's Buckingham Palace! / Cecania: I could live there someday... / As queen. It would take like five seconds to seduce those inbred princes. / I'll probably do it today by accident. / Harmony: Oh boy, there's one of those non-moving dudes with the furry black hats! / They're famous for not moving! Nobody can get 'em to move! / If you can get them to move, you're like a GOD. / Fairbanks: Oh, really? Well, I bet I can get this guy to mo-- / <> / [[Fairbanks gets punched in the face and his glasses fly off.]] / Fairbanks: AAUUCK! Whut th'-- / <> / <> / [[Fairbanks lies on the ground with X.X eyes while getting punched]] / Harmony: Fairbanks did it! / WHOOOO HOOOO! / <> / <> / Cecania: Uhhh...
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20070115.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Senator's aide: Gamers are still upset that you told them to put down their Gameboys, Senator. / Barack Obama: Very well, I shall convert my own body into electrons and then speechify to the gamers inside the computer box! / Senator's aide: You mean you want to make a virtual appearance in Second Life, that 3D online world? / Barack Obama: Do I stutter? / Senator's aide: No sir. / [[In Second Life]] / Virtual Barack Obama: I am running because I believe in hope and dreams! I will now answer your electron and transistor-based questions! You there! Question Barack Obama! / Fox: Do you support a man's God-given right to marry a fox? / Virtual Barack Obama: Of course! My wife is a total fox and we have been happily married for fifteen blissful years. / Fox: You got my vote! / Virtual Barack Obama: You there, the giant sausage. / Blurred-out penis shape: hey im a f***ing c*** u f***tard... u suprt teh flat taxxx?? / Virtual Barack Obama: No. / Muscular virtual Fairbanks: Don't you agree that pectoral implant surgery should be covered universally by all HMO plans? I don't need them, obviously. My friend does. His name is... Flairbonks Redworthington. / Virtual Barack Obama: Hoo boy... these are some great questions. / Muscular virtual Fairbanks: Is it true you're a magic negro? If I vote for you, how many wishes will you grant me? / Virtual Barack Obama: Three.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20070402.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby [[Fairbanks and Cecania are behind the counter of Sore Thumbs.]] / [[Same scene repeated in four more panels.]] / [[Two text boxes almost fully cover the same scene that was in the previous five panels.]] / Narrator: In respect to this week's two horrible tragedies (the Virginia Tech massacre and Sanjaya's elimination from American Idol), Sore Thumbs is taking the day off from being retarded. / Narrator: Standard mind-numbing stupidity resumes next week. Thank you for understanding. (And also for not mentioning that today's comic actually is retarded... and lazy.)
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20070420.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby {{* = bolded text}} / [[Sawyer pats Coleman on the head from behind. Coleman looks very unhappy]] / Sawyer: Buck up, little bear. I hate ta see ya lookin' so blue... you know, the *sad* kinda blue. Give yer ol' buddy a *big ol' smile*, wouldja? / [[Coleman has turned around and gives Sawyer a forced, weak smile]] / Sawyer: Here's some money. Go on down to *Mickey D's* and pick us up some *Happy Meals.* / Sawyer: Them little toys *always* cheer you up. / [[Coleman stands in a fast food line, money in paws.]] / [[Coleman suddenly notices Fairbanks sitting at a table. Fairbanks is still painted black, suffering from amnesia, and thinks he's a black man named Melvin. He's talking to Wiley Shlub, Melvins best friend and occasional customer at Sore Thumbs.]] / Coleman: Frrrair...? / [[Coleman has jumped up on Fairbanks head with an excited expression on his face.]] / Coleman: / *FRRRAAAIR BRRRANKS! / FRRRAAAIR BRRRANKS!* / [[Fairbanks is screaming with a horrid look on his face.]] / Fairbanks: / *GET IT OFF! / GET IT OFF! / GET IT OFF!* / [[Wiley looks at them, surprised]] / Wiley: Is that a... *tiny polar bear?*
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20070618.html
 
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Coleman: FRRRAIRBRRRANKS IS ARRRIVVVE! / Harmony: Oh my. / Cecania: What's your bear talking about? / Sawyer: I have no earthly idea. / Coleman: I SRRRAW FRRRRAIRBRRRANKS! / Sawyer: That's impossible, Coleman. He's... He's passed on. / Harmony: Coleman doesn't know what death means!We should show him that episode of Sesame Street where Mr. Hooper's sudden death is patiently explained to Big Bird. / Coleman: I'M NRRRO BRRRIG BIRRRD! I KNOW DRRREATH! I KRRRILLED PRRREOPLE! / Harmony: Hooray! I found that Sesame Street clip on YouTube! Watch and learn, small bear! / Adults [[From laptop]]: Big Bird, when... when people die, they don't come back. / Big Bird [[From laptop]]: Ever? / Coleman: <>
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20070622.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby [[Melvin (the real Melvin) is on one knee, surrounded by smoke.]] / <> / Cecania: You did it. You brough someone back to life with your mind. / Harmony: Can you do the same thing with Kurt Cobain?! / Jimmy: What is your name? / Melvin: Ughhh... my name? / Melvin... Melvin Jackson Jr. / [[Cecania holds out a cell phone.]] / Cecania: And what's your phone number? / [[Fairbanks/Melvin stands outside with Curtis, while the phone rings inside.]] / <>
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20070706.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Fairbanks: Oh my. / Fairbanks: Have you two heard the news?! Polar bears are going EXTINCT! / Sawyer: Yep, real sad story. Times like this's when l hug the little bear extra tight. Ummm... Why exactly do you care so much? Never known you to be much of a tree-hugger. / Fairbanks: If Coleman is the last polar bear on the planet... he will be a priceless treasure. And an attraction that will bring millions to Sore Thumbs! / Sawyer: Hold up! Coleman already is a priceless treasure! Last polar bear. . . what're you sayin'? / Sawyer: Aw heck no, Fairbanks! You ain't gonna kill polar bears to speed up the extinction! / Sawyer: DON'T KILL NO POLAR BEARS!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20080516.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Fairbanks: Oh my. / Fairbanks: Have you two heard the news?! Polar bears are going EXTINCT! / Sawyer: Yep, real sad story. Times like this's when l hug the little bear extra tight. Ummm... Why exactly do you care so much? Never known you to be much of a tree-hugger. / Fairbanks: If Coleman is the last polar bear on the planet... he will be a priceless treasure. And an attraction that will bring millions to Sore Thumbs! / Sawyer: Hold up! Coleman already is a priceless treasure! Last polar bear. . . what're you sayin'? / Sawyer: Aw heck no, Fairbanks! You ain't gonna kill polar bears to speed up the extinction! / Sawyer: DON'T KILL NO POLAR BEARS!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20080516.html
SORE THUMBS Archive: 20081031 [[Fairbanks dressed up as Barack Obama standing in front of Jeff ]] / Fairbanks: Don't fear Hallow's Eve, my flock! Your savior has arrived! It is I, Barack H. Obama! I'm actually a secret Muslim -- oops, ignore that! / Jeff: I'm my favorite graphic novel character, Scott Pilgrim. Boo! Fear my precious little life. / [[Cecania dressed up as Sarah Palin standing in front of Harmony]] / Cecania: Happy Halloween, ya'll! It's me, past and future porn star Sarah Palin! If I don't win this election, I'ma gettin' Alaska to secede so I can serve as Queen! You betcha! / Harmony: I'm Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and I approve that message. / [[Fairbanks pointing at Cecania, both of them yelling]] / Fairbanks: LIAR! Sarah Palin never did porn! / Cecania: Um, you're just going to ignore the secessionist thing? / Fairbanks: Sarah Palin may be a secessionist, but she never did porn! I'm 100% sure of it! Retract that! / Cecania: Prove it! Show me the Sarah Palin porn tape that doesn't exist! Until I don't see that non-existent tape with my own eyes, I will continue to believe she is a hardcore porn star! / Fairbanks: WHAT?! YOU'RE MAKING EVEN LESS SENSE THAN USUAL! / Cecania: F***! YOU'RE RIGHT! I JUST WANT THIS ELECTION TO BE OVER ALREADY! / [[Harmony and Jeff in costume]] / Harmony: Me too. / Jeff: My life is like a video game. Only more Canadian. / [[Coleman in costume waving in front of Jack-o-lanterns]] / HAPPY THANKSGIVING! / VOTE McCAIN/PALIN ON NOV 5TH
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20081031.html

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 >>