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SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Notice anything different about your boss, Ceciana? Something that makes me look even more distinguished? Like a certain alien-killing scientist hero? That's right, I look exactly like the star of Half-Life 2! Gordon Freeman! / Glasses and facial hair don't give you the right! The right to compare yourself to a true hero like him! / You look like a pervert! / Your much smarter friend disagrees with that assessment 100%, I'm sure! / Whu-huh? / What hero do I remind you of, my dear? / Um... are child molesters considered heroes now?
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041117.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Cecania: Thanks for popping Fairbanks' Half-Life bubble back there. I was worried you'd start taking his side now that you're his "Lady Love." / Harmony: No, I-- / Harmony: Wait...what? / Harmony: Did Fairbanks call me that? / Harmony: That sounds so very regal! Like I'm a Disney Princess! Kind of. / Cecania: Yeah, he referred to you as that in our new cable TV ad. / Cecania: And the only reason I'm not trembling with disturbization from that is because Sawyer and me are in love! / Harmony: Really? In love? Wow! You fall in love almost as unrealistically fast as I do! / Harmony: And I mean that as a compliment, really! / Harmony: So...have you made love yet? / Cecania: Um, no. / Cecania: We've decided to wait. / Cecania: Let's just say we're waiting in the same way that Christopher Reeve was waiting to walk. / Cecania: It may never happen. / Cecania: But it just might be depicted in cliche, sketchily-drawn editorial cartoons after Sawyer's death. / Harmony: Ha ha ha! / Harmony: Wait...what?
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041119.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby {{This is a guest comic for RealLife Comics created by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby}} / Greg Dean: Awesome, a new game shop to frequent! And with such a creative name like Sore Thumbs, they're sure to stock a wide variety of exciting titles that have been unduly ignored by the big chains! Let's see what they got! / [[Greg Dean picks up two games. The first: Ernest Goes to Africa: The Video Game (You asked for it! Finally, a video game based on the 1997 made-for-video film classic! The second: The Pacifist (Work out your differences without resorting to violence TO THE EXTREME!) for the Peacestation 2]] / Earnest: Hey, Vern! This country is chock-full of black folks! / Greg Dean: Hmm. Maybe some games deserve to be unduly ignored by the big chains. / [[Enter Fairbanks, pouncing on Greg Dean]] / Fairbanks: Customer! / Greg Dean: AAAAA! / [[Exit Greg Dean, out the front door]] / Fairbanks: Where are you going?! Consume my products, I tell you! Consuuume! / Fairbanks: What a wierdo! Why do you think he ran away? / Harmony: I think that's generally the reaction when someone literally pounces on you. / Fairbanks: Really? I wish someone had told me that twenty years earlier!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041122.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Ceciana: Kawaii! / Sawyer: Coleman's all decked out as Snake from Metal Gear Solid 3! There's been alot o' dress-up happenin' 'round these parts of late. / Cecania: I hope it never ends! / Sawyer: The Little Bear can relate to ol' Snake, I think. When Coleman an' me were in Iraq, he was sent on a lotta missions. He hunted down a lotta Republican Guard soldiers fer us. An' killed a few himself. / Coleman: KRRILL! / Cecania: I normally feel very sad when I hear news about Iraqis being killed. But I believe every single Republican Guard solider deserves a painful death. Except for the one on the TV show Lost, of course. / Sawyer: Yep, Sayid's been through too much already. But I've been thinkin... / Sawyer: Coleman's surely a kind-hearted tiny bear, but I'm worried he's gonna have trouble giving up the instincts he learned during the war. Can he resist hunting prey? / Cecania: What kind of prey? / [[Coleman pounces on Fairbanks]] / Coleman: KRRILL! / Fairbanks: Uh oh. I shouldn't have eaten food.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041123.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Fairbanks: Tell me something. / Sawyer: Uh... something. / Fairbanks: No, really... / Fairbanks: What did you do in the war, Sawyer? / Sawyer: Uh... lotsa stuff. / Fairbanks: Did that "stuff" involve... ...killing people? Bad people, of course. The kind it's A-OK to kill. / Sawyer: I had to take some human lives in self-defense, yeah. It was unavoidable. / Fairbanks: Of course! / Fairbanks: Self-defense! It's the perfect alibi for a murder! With my brains and your brawn... We will murder Rondel Mayflower IV, and get away with it! / Sawyer: Fer the last time... I'm not helping you kill Mayflower, or anybody. So stop asking me already. / Fairbanks: I thought you were just afraid of getting caught! You've killed so many people already... what's one more? I'd do it myself but I'm afraid it'd give me nightmares.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041124.html
 
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Fairbanks: How's business, Harmony? / Harmony: [[thinking]] I can't let Fair know that I gave our crate of Nintendo DSes to a homeless man! / And I really can't let him know that he sold them on the street and used the money to buy crack cocaine instead of food or even alcohol! / He'll kill me! / Fairbanks: Hello? Harmony? / Harmony: Goooo... / ...ood! / Harmony: Business is good! We're rakin' it in! / Fairbanks: Good! How are those Nintendo DS things selling through for us? / I had to go through a lot to get them in stock. / Harmony: Good! We're all out! But that's 'cause a crackhead bum burst into the shop and took them all by force and also didn't pay for them! / Isn't that good?! / Fairbanks: [[large dreamy smile]] Good? That's great! / We've been robbed! That means I have a right to murder that bum and never be arrested! / I'll go find 'im! This'll be perfect practice! / Harmony: I just knew there was a reason I adore you! / Your knowledge of U.S. law regardless!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041126.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Salesman: Can I help you, sir? / [[Fuji video cassette t-shirt]]Kid: I sure do hope so, Mister. I'm looking for Salvation. / Salesman: Oh boy! This may not be a church, but you've come to the right place, my son! By the time you leave here, I will hand you salvation gift-wrapped with a pretty bow on top! / Salesman: I'll do such a good job that at death, you won't float up to Heaven. You'll rocket there at thrice the speed of sound! / Kid: Uhhhh...I don't know what you're talking about, Mister. I don't want to go to Heaven, I want a copy of that new video game. The one called Salvation. / Salesman: What?! You can't waltz into my store and lead me on like that! I'm an aspiring preacher man! You got me excited about delivering you from evil! And what do you mean you don't want to go to Heaven?! / Kid: Huzzah! You passed my test! I need to make sure that you weren't an agent of Satan. / Salesman: Aha! Good thinking, my son. Now let us talk about Jesus. / Kid[[thinks]]: Dear Jesus, please let me leave this store with my life. Amen.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041129.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Cecania: Sawyer! Sawyer! I've got wonderful news! My life's ambition may soon be fulfilled! / Sawyer: Did you finally convince McDonald's to stop using meat in their food? Or Burger King, even? / Cecania: No, but remind me to continue harassing them about that! This is even better! Drum-roll... / Cecania: I may soon be a professional TV Horror Show Host! I sent in an audition tape to that new cable horror channel, and they liked it! They want me to audition again in person! / Sawyer: That's great! / Cecania: I could be the Elvira of this millennium! Or at least this century! Can you believe it?! / Sawyer: That's great Ces, Real, real great. I'm proud of ya. / Cecania: Thank you. / Sawyer: {{thinking - I have very little idea what she just said. But I'm going to pray it has nothing to do with Satanism. Or Paganism.}}
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041201.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Cecania: Happy holidays from the cast of Sore Thumbs! / -Sorry to break into this exciting storyline, but the actors who play some of your fave characters must wish you a season's greetings! / -I'm Tyfinni Gwynn, the actress who plays Cecania. / -People always ask me how to pronounce her name. / -Why am I dressed like this? / -'Cause we're currently filming our first holiday TV special! / -Look for it on G4TechTV the next holidays! / Harmony: Happy holidays, Thumbers! / -Sarah Jane here! / -It's been a blase playing Harmony all through 2004, and I hope to continue into the new year! / -If I don't reprise my role in the '05 season for whatever mysterious reason, please know that I love you very much and will miss you all. / -You can continue to follow my life and career at sarahjaneharper.com. / -Check out the daily "blog" and the super fun message boards! / -I even post there sometimes. / -Bye! / Fairbanks: Yes I know that Fairbanks isn't what conservative Christans are really like. / -I know. / -Stop E-Mailing me that. / -As one of the few conservative Christians in Hollyweird, I was absolutely thrilled when my agent told me I booked this job. / -"The Chance to positively portray someone like myself, in the mass medium that is webcomics? / -Where do I sign on that beautiful dotted line?" / -Of course, you know the rest of the story. / -The character turned into a bafoonish cartoon almost immediately. / -I was absolutely horrified. / -The writer calls it "satire." / -And the writer will burn in the fires of Hell. / Sawyer: Yo yo yo! / -What up, Sore Fans? / -This is international rap star Blingy talkin' at ya. / -When I got offered dis role late last year, yo, I never woulda thoughten this'd be my life's best work. / -Tyfinni an' I got mad chemistry, yo. / -On an' off the set, if you know what I sayin'. / -An' I is nuthin' like my man Sawyer, if you know whut I sayin'. / -Tyf gonna have my babies, yo. / Coleman: Ten hours in the make-up chair every morning is worth it because I am entertaining may people.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041224.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Fairbanks: Didn't I tell you to get that stupid blue bear out of here? / Sawyer: You look even more ornery than normal, Fairbanks. What's the matter? / Coleman: ORRRN'RY / Fairbanks: I'll have you know I'm exactly the same amount of ornery that I have always been and will always be! Unlike my wild liberal sister, I can control my emotions! / Sawyer: That's it! You miss her, doncha? You actually miss Cecania! Under all that well-controlled rage, you're a big old softie! You don't want her ta move to New Jersey, do ya? / Fairbanks: That's crazy! She's been a thorn in my side since she got out of college! I despise her! / Sawyer: Yeah, right. You don't want her to get that NJ job, an' neither do I. That don't make us bad people, right? / Fairbanks: [Thinks] Could he be right? Could I really care for my sister, in a human sort of way? All I care about is money, isn't it? I'm Republican, for God's sake! Could Sawyer be some sort of idiot savant, like Dr. Phil, who can peer into my very soul and tell me things even I don't know about my own self? / Sawyer: [Thinks] No, we're not bad people. Horribly selfish people who would rather see their friend's life-long dream not come true are the GOOD folks, huh? Don't answer that, God.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041227.html
 
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Cecania: [[On the Phone]] Hiya, Sawyer! Guess what? I booked the gig! Because I was the least insane person in the room! What are the odds of that?! I'm a professional TV horror show host! My life-long dream has come true! Are you happy for me? / Sawyer: [[On the Phone]] That's real great, Ces! Of course i'm happy fer ya! Coleman is, too! So...I reckon you're movin' to New Jersey now. You're gonna be a Jersey Girl. Oop! I shouldn't have said that! I know the Kevin Smith movie with that title still gives you night terrors. / Harmony: [[On the Phone]] Bad news for us, Fairbanks. She just got the job. She's in another room right now calling Sawyer about it. Fairbanks? Hello? / Fairbanks: [[On the Phone]] Must...control...rage.....Must...control...rage.....Must...control...rage.....Must...control...rage.....Must...control...rage.....
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041229.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Cecania: Isn't this the greatest thing to ever happen in the whole of history of humani-- / -Harm? / -You look...sad! / -What's the wrong-one-one? / -You know, like 411 but it gives information on what's wrong, instead of a phone #. / Harmony: Everything is wrong! / -Your're moving to New Jersey! / -Away from everyone you love! / -And Fairbanks, too! / -I just broke the news to him and he couldn't stop rage-mumbling. / Harmony: What if we never ever see you again? / Cecania: That's plain craze, Harm! / -My contract is only for 52 weeks. / -And I'll be home for the next holidays. / -You guys won't even miss me. / -And Sore Thumbs won't, either. / -People don't come to Sore Thumbs just to see me, you know. / Cecania: There's phones. / -An' E-Mail. / -An' ICQ. / -You've always like emoticons much better than real human facial expressions, right? / -I'm right, aren't I? / Harmony: On September 19, 1982, Scott Fahiman gave a perfect gift to mankind. / -A smile that put the Mona Lisa's to shame. / - :-)
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20041231.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Fairbanks: Ugh. / Sawyer: Hail the conquerin' heroes! / -How was yer trip? / Cecania: It was like I died and went to heaven! / -God was a gay man with a pretty flower on his shirt! / -Harmony: My lead pipe was stolen! / Cecania: I've had this expression on my face for 6 hours straight! / -Wah! / -Help! / -Say something sad! / Sawyer: Ah, okay! / -There's over 150,000+ dead from a Tsunami in Asia! / -More Die with every passin' day! / -And nobody cares! / -Tom hanks gets more per film than President Bush gave Asia in initial relief funds! / Sawyer: After Tom gets his gross points, I mean. / Cecania: It's working, thanks! / -That is a sad story. / -Thank God it's not true! / Fairbanks: I OBJECT! / -God is not a gay man with a flower on his chest! / -He's a straight cleanshaven old man in suit and tie! / Cecania: So God looks exactly like an older version of you? / Fairbanks: He made me in his image! / Harmony: Did God punish Asia for not looking like him? / -If so, he sure took his sweet time.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050103.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Hey there, Fairbanks! / Hmmm. I could've sworn someone was talking to me. Someone who sounds like my sister. / But that cannot be. / Because I have no sister. Only a traitor to blood! / Blood traitor! / Don't strain yourself, Fairbanks. / I worry about you. / All right, all right, I'll bite. Tell me what you want. You're being way too nice to me to not want something from me. / Unless... am I dying? No, I was just at the doctor's and he said I probably wasn't dying at all. / I find it unsettling that he used the word "probably", but--- / I was just worried that... / Me leaving Sore Thumbs might hurt sales, and that would ruin your life... / If only there was something that could be done to help you stay aloat... / If only you could share in my TV hosting success... / I know! You could invest money in me! / Did you just seriously suggest that I buy stock in my dumb sister? / I'm rated top in investor satisfaction! / By whom? / Umm... Coleman? I think that's what he meant when he said "TRROP!" to me.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050105.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby See ya, Saw! My moving funds arrived in the form of a man with a head that looks scarily similar to Pac-Man, so I'll be off! / That's--wait! / Are you...are you sure you wanna do this? / What? Surely! I'd have to be the dumbest jerk ever to pass this up! Do you know how many TV horrow show hosts are being paid to be one? / Um...no. How many? / I can't name one! I'm pretty sure it'll be just me! I'm literally guaranteed the cover of TVHorrorShowHostPedia.com when my show's debut is announced! The friggin' cover! / Wow. / Yeah. Wow.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050110.html
 
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Do you have to leave already? / In the morning. / That's when my train leaves. / Damn Trains / Always ... leaving. / Did they ship you off to Iraq on a train? / You're not going to have an Iraq war flashback, are you? / I think they sent me to Iraq on an airplane. / Good guess. / You guys make me feel lke I'm going off to fight in a completely wrong and very evil war. / I'm just going to New Jersey. / And not until tomorrow, also. / So how about tonight... / ... we get so wasted you won't even remember who I am?! / Yay! A low-tech Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050112.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby I guess this is goodbye, Fairbanks. / Sure, because there's a mess to be cleaned up. / That's right, keep on masking your pain by acting all angry and uppity. It works for you. / Just know that I will miss that... and I will miss you. / Also, cleaning is for suckers. / I'd like to say goodbye to the rest of the gang, but I don't want to wake them up. They look like little angels. / Little angels on the verge of alcohol poisoning. / I'll just leave them this note. / Catch ya on the flipside, Fairbanks. I'm off to become a basic cable superstar. / Good luck. / W-What did you just say? / God bless! I meant God bless! / There is no such thing as luck! Believing so is a sin against God! / You defied the Lord so you could wish me luck. / I think I'm gonna cry.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050124.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Wake up, soldier! It's time to get to work! / KICK! / W-What? / Where am I? / Who am I? / Lordy, no! You've got amnesia! / It must've been caused by all that heavy drinking you did last night! / Don't breathe on me! It may be contagious! / I love my memories and aim to keep them! / Calm down, Fairbanks. I don't have no amnesia. / I'm jus' a little out of it 'cause I got a hangover, and some screamin' guy was kickin' me in the head while I was sleepin'. / That screaming guy was me! / I know. / Hmmm... / If only a good kick to the head did result in amnesia. / Imagine if Rondel Mayflower IV had no memories at all. / I could trick him into being my best friend... and it would be that much easier to murder him. / Sigh... Fairbanks, that kinda talk is gettin' old. / As is Rondel. / But not for long! / Sigh...
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050126.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby As you can see from the resume you hold in your hot little hands-- / Don't talk about my hands that way. / Haw haw! Of course, sir. As I was about to say, you'll notice I went to both Harvard and Yale, just like President Bush. But unlike our dumbo President, I'm not a stumbling, bumbling fool of an idiot-man! / Because I'm trying to be a more "mellow" person, I might try to pretend I didn't hear you say that. Tell me, Mr. Plopleman. If you're so much better George W. Bush, why is he President of the USA, while you're applying for the position of clerk at a video game store? / Oh, I don't know. His family name, maybe? My family's dirt poor but I was able to get a good education through hard work. He was handed everything. Which colleges did you attend, sir? / Zero! I couldn't trust those liberal professors giving unbiased information to guide me through life! If I had, I might be a brainwashed gay man today! / You think college turns you gay? That's wacko. I'm gay, but-- / Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. / I am out, sir! Byeeee!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050204.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Hallo, miss! / After interviewing a gaggle of ugly applicants for this job, you sure are a sight for soare eyes! / May I ask you your name? It appears to be missing from your application. / My name? It is Fefania! Fefania Redsworthington! I love video games and politics, I do! / Master Chief in '08! Holler! / I would go brings in a lotsa peoples into this place! / Some people say my breasts is too larged and cartoonish, but they's just jealous! / Holler! / I agree with everything you just said! You passed this test with flying colors! You are so very hired, Fefania! / Oh joy of joys! Thank you, sir! You remind me of my beloved older brother Fairfanks! He is almost as sexy as you! / You remind me of no one at all! / FRRAKE! / Damn thee, furball! / OH MY GOD! / Rondel Mayflower IV, leave and never ever return or I will make good on my death threats! / You have just tripled my nightmare material! / Jeez, calm down! All I was trying to do was get you to commit virtual incest and have homosexual sex with your worst enemy at the same time! / Hmm. That is a tiny tad distrubing when heard aloud.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050216.html
 
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Creatures of the night, bow down before your now and future mistress of the darkness and of video game retail! I am Jasmine, here to attract customers to shop like no other! Like zombies are attracted to brains! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haa! / Jasmine is Cecania's mortal enemy! I would rather die than work alongside her! And I don't mean a fun horror movie-style death, either! / Oooh! Catfight! Rowl! You are not going anywhere, Harmony. You signed a five-year contract with us. Sore Thumbs is your home until March 2009 at the earliest. We own every character you create while you're here, also. Why haven't you created any yet? / I've got a new character, sir! Her name is Dumbany, and she's in love with her best friend! They're lesbians! And she's stupid and dumb and her arms are crossed currently! / That's genius! I love how Dumbany's arms are crossed! / Dumbania and I are not lesbians! Not since college, anyway. I'm gonna find another lead pipe someday. / I bet she'd love it if I hit her with my big lead pipe, huh, sir? Isnt that right? / Ha ha ha ha! Write all this down before we forget it! Her arms are crossed...heh heh...that's gold.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050221.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby I am proud and honored to be awarded this position despite the many qualified candidates who interviewed before me and also my long record of violent crime. I will make Sore Thumbs the #1 video gaming thing in the world, and anyone who stands in my way will be a victim of violent crime. / Who cares about criminal records?! In American, everybody gets a second chance. If that wasn't the case, George W. Bush could not be President today! / Our President strangled a baby, too? / That's all in the past now! Shhh! / Who're you, hot stuff? You're a tall drink of warm water, boy! / The name's Sawyer Kaden! I work here. I'm a co-owner, too. / Oh really? This job will be less horribly unbearable than I once was sure of! / This's a great job! It's the greatest job I've ever had! 'Course, the only job I had before this one resulted in the loss... ...of something very special to me. / Lord Satan, great praise to you for dropping this hunk of yum-yum man-meat upon my devilish doorstep! May the rivers of Hell one day flow with the blood of my eternal nemesis, Cecania! Also, may CES soon rebroadcast the One Dat at a Time Reunion Special! I missed it! / Why do so many people pray to the Devil out loud in front of me?
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050223.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby [[Cecania Greensworthington is holding the Nip-Slip 3000 on a rack]] / Cecania: Why can you talk? / Nip-Slip 3000: Why can you talk, bitch? / Cecania: 'Cause I am a person, not clothing! / Nip-Slip 3000: Girl, if you think I'm just a piece of clothing, you dumber than you look. / Nip-Slip 3000: I am the Nip-Slip 3000, a dress embedded with nanotechnology that allows me to move, think, and insult my wearer. Tara Reid paid a pretty penny for my sister, the Nip-Slip 4000. / Cecania: Why would I wear a dress that insults me?! / Nip-Slip 3000: Like my lovely sibling, I am programmed to expose a breast whenever my sensors detect paparazzi nearby. / Nip-Slip 3000: My sensors are slower than my sister because I'm a budget model, but still quite effective. / Cecania: But why do you have to insult me?! / Nip-Slip 3000: Because you abandoned the people you love, you selfish, stupid girl! / Nip-Slip 3000: Sawyer has probably taken his own life by now, and you don't even care! / Nip-Slip 3000: That's why I have to insult you! / Cecania: I'm being drugged by Flower, aren't I? / Nip-Slip 3000: That, or you're holding a mind-reading dress right now. / Nip-Slip 3000: You make the call. / Nip-Slip 3000: Moron.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050309.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Darth Vader: The Dark Side of fashion is a pathway to many abilities, some considered to be unnatural. / Cecania: So it *is* possible that a *dress* can talk and insult me and read my mind? / Darth Vader: Whatever. Do what must be done. / Cecania [[off panel]]: Huh? / Darth Vader: I have appointed you to personally represent me to the council, so you must wear that sexy dress. / Cecania: Alright, but only because I *hate* Star Wars spoofs. Excluding Space Balls. Space Balls was a modern-day classic. / Cecenia [[peeking out from the walk-in closet]]: Okay, I'm wearing it. I feel so helpless. There aren't *cameras* in the room, are there? The sensors in the dress might activate the...you know. / Dress: Nip slip 3000 activating now. / Cecania: Shit. / Phantom Ball Baseball Cap Dude: It works! I've finally invented something that works! / Cecania: You bet my chilly right breast it works. If this is how Tara Reid feels all the time, she should be put to sleep. / Phantom Ball Baseball Cap Dude: Hah Hah Hah Hah Haah!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050311.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby Did Sony have to bundle their PSPs with Spider-Man 2 discs? / That Peter Parker jerk is clearly a God-hater! Why else would he study science? Science is an enemy of the God-Lord! / He might as well be building statues of Nietzsche out of his horrible webbing! / FAIRBANKS! / Calm down, I was kidding! Spider-Man's a real class act, he is! / Turn on the TV! Turn on the TV! I think something terrible just happened to Cecania! / HURRY! / WATCH! / The news? This better be 9-11: Part Deux. After Fox News turned liberal and took hours to call the 2004 election for Bush, I vowed to never watch any TV news, ever again! / That's right. / The Horror Network turned out to be a real horror... one programmed for terror. / By terrorists. / An Al-Qaeda operative codenamed "Gooner Craven" was killed in the SWAT raid. Two suspects, both U.S.-born, were captured alive and are now in holding cells awaiting interrogation by the FBI, the CIA, and Homeland Security. / One suspect is an unnamed, extremely homosexual man... / ... the other, 24 year-old aspiring talk show host Cecania Greensworthington, who in 2004 was arrested for protesting the humane actions of our beloved President. / My friends, not a one of us in this wonderful country of ours asked for a female John Walker Lind. But today, we got one. Wrapped in a pretty pink bow. / Jane Jihad is here.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050328.html
 
SORE THUMBS "Betrayal!" FAIRBANKS: Thanks a heap for your support, Jasmine! If even Cecania's WORST ENEMY is on the side of breaking her out of that heck-hole, our mission cannot fail! JASMINE: So, you're not at ALL comcerned that I'm just PLAYING ALONE so that I can BETRAY YOU in the end? FAIRBANKS: Um... no. Not PARTICULARLY. Uh... SHOULD I be? JASMINE: OF COURSE NOT, honey. I'm just keeping you on your toes. JASMINE THOUGHT: Holy SHIT, this is TOO damn easy. JASMINE (to Rondel): Rondel Mayflower IV, I presume. RONDEL: Indeed! You must be the lovely Jasmine. Pray tell, what's YOUR betrayal plan? Maybe ours can MERGE! JASMINE: If you show me yours, I'll show you mine. RONDEL: Are we still talking about betrayal plans? I HOPE NOT!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050420.html
SORE THUMBS HARMONY: Heya, Fairbanks! Did you hear? They just elected an all-new, all-different POPE! He's CONSERVATIVE, surprisingly enough. And he's also GERMAN! FAIRBANKS: That's GREAT! Germans are COMPLETELY INFALLIBLE, just like the Pope! Gee, I wonder what he'll be like... HITLER POPE (translated from German): The reign of terror of the liberals are over! I have murdered the man known as John Kerry and taken his head! I hold this head in my hands as I scream! God bless America, yo! FAIRBANKS: That CINCHES it! I'm joining the CATHOLIC CHURCH! HARMONY: I have no idea what you were just imagining, but ME TOO!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050422.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby FAIRBANKS: We're almost ready to execute my fabulous break-out plan! As soon as I gather exactly eleven people together, it will be the TIME of GO! Where will I get these extra people, you ask? The answer to that may surprise you! Remember when I was interviewing people to replace Cecania? The best of that bunch will join Fairbanks' Eleven! HARMONY: THOSE FREAKS? Couldn't we just pick people randomly off the street? Or from a mental hospit-- FAIRBANKS: NO! I spent HOURS talking to those freaks! I'm going to get some USE out of them or else! ROLL CALL! CAPTION: HARRY GUY, esq. "The Strong Man" HARRY: This's NUTS, but my wife's preggers again an' I need the cash! CAPTION: ROH-OHB "Tech Head" ROB: My name is ROB! I have got the NINTENDO REVOLUTION prototype... will that help us? CAPTION: OLD MAN SEEMBERG "Demolitions Dude" OLD MAN: I'm in, 'cause I've always DESPISED this country! You know the two-dollar bill? I INVENTED that! Dumb bastards in marketing FUBAR'd it! DEATH TO AMERICA! CAPTION: PIERCE NUDENGFEDER "Pain Expert/Least Popular" PIERCE: I'm just happy to be included here! What is it we're doing? CAPTION: REGINALD O. COUSINS "Director of Sexual Torture" COUSINS: I don't WANT this to turn into another ABU GHRAIB. That said, it is DOES, I am ALL FOR THAT. FAIRBANKS: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WITH A LINE-UP OF ACTION HEROES LIKE THESE FIGHTING BY MY SIDE, THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT DOESN'T HAVE A CHANCE! HARMONY: I wish we could all LIVE inside FAIRBANKS'S MIND. It must be like constantly skipping through daisies... daisies made of CHOCOLATE!
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050425.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby DEAD NARRATOR: It was such a beautiful day. The skies were sunny and cloudless... but that wasn't what made the day. Our mission. Our team. That was the beauty. Our leader. A man unlike any other. His courage alone could choke an injured elephant. He was in fine form that day. If we weren't ready to die for him before, his rousing speech put an end to that. He isn't an emotional man, but I could tell. He loved us. The next thing I knew... we were all running. Running to glory. Running to history. Running to a pick-up truck. Our chariot. We knew not all of us would be coming back in it. Or at all. I didn't come back. I'm dead now. But God is letting me narrate this story from Heaven. So that's cool. Wanna guess who I am? Okay. Send all your guesses to: deadnarrator at gmail dot com. The winner gets a Heaven T-Shirt. Okay, see ya.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050427.html
SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby DEAD NARRATOR (caption): Uhh... then this happened. SOUND EFFECT: RING RING CLICK. ANSWERING MACHINE: You've reached SORE THUMBS! We've embarked on a suicidal mission from God for justice and/or vengeance and have therefore closed early for the day. Please leave your message after the beep. CAPTION: BEEP. ANSWERING MACHINE: Hello? This's Cecania! What's this about a suicidal mission? ANSWER! CECANIA: If this has something to do with me, forget it! I'm being treated great! NO, a word 3,000 TIMES BETTER than great! GREATABULOUS 3000! You were right all along, Fairbanks! Homeland Security is a wonderland where dreams come true! HS AGENT: Don't get all worked up, Ces. FLOWER: YES, let's hit the SPA. H.S. AGENT: That answering machine message you heard was probably a JOKE message. I've got one just like it on my machine. I had KURT RUSSELL record it for me. Did the voice sound like a CARTOON? Or KURT RUSSELL? If so, it's a joke. CECANIA: Heh heh, yeah... you're probably right. Umm... you use a lot of NON-LETHAL WEAPONS here, right? Like, guns that shoot out sticky stuff at people and things like that? H.S. AGENT: No, that's fiction. CECANIA: CRAP.
http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20050429.html
 

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