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|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||DEAD NARRATOR: Not much happens until the truck gets to where it's going, so I guess I'll give my thoughts on each of my teammates. Harry. Class act. Great to work with. Loves his family. Mr. Seemberg was very angry. My theory is that he survived the Holocaust, and he holds a lot of sadness inside, so he-- Oh. Apparently he's just a big giant asshole. (That's what Walt Disney just whispered in my hear.) Rob. He's a great kid. A little obsessed with technology, but who can blame him? If I was Asian, I'm sure I'd be exactly tne same way. Jasmine. I secretly loved her. If only I had told her before... If you ever see her, KILL HER FOR ME, would you? Ben Franklin says it's A-OK, and he basically RUNS this place. After God and Jesus, I mean. Did you know this guy's got NO PENIS? It's true! They give you all the juicy gossip here. Good guy, though. Loves that Cecania. Coleman. He's mankind's future savior, apparently. Yeah, I was surprised, too. They sell Coleman toys in Heaven's gift shop. The less said about THIS guy, the BETTER. I've been dead for DAYS, and looking at him on the Afterlife Plasma Screen, I'm STILL scared he's gonna rape and kill me. What a creepy guy. I hope he lives forever. Well, that's most of us. Sorry if I'm babbling, but I hate it when people on DVD commentaries don't talk the whole time. Okay, see ya.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||DEAD NARRATOR: The Doc. Without her, the body bag salesman would be a lot richer today. Pierce, the wheel man. He provided us with our mass transit. I know the guy like the back of my hand. He's a good egg. Not perfect, but trying to be. PIERCE: Let's have a sing-along! DEAD NARRATOR: Look "devious" up in God's dictionary and you'll find a photo of Rondel Mayflower IV. You'll have to take my word for that. I wasn't aware until recently that hundreds of thousands of HUMAN/ANGEL HYBRIDS live and work on Earth. Though I haven't researched this yet, I suspect Fairbanks is one of them-- Oh. Christ just whispered in my ear and said he isn't. Oh well. You sure, Jesus? Oh. I gotta go, I'll be right back.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Pierce: We're here! What's the plan, boss? / Fairbanks: I suppose we should try non-violent trickery before resorting to a bloodbath, so I'll go up to the front gate and offer the guard a free pizza if he'll let me in. / Pierce: That's classic! / Fairbanks: And if that doesn't work, I'll punch his lights out with the solid gold fist given to me by my father on the occasion of my thirteenth birthday! / Fairbanks: Get in, Roh-Ohb! This box needs to look like it has heft to it! / Rob: Okay, but my name's Rob! / Fairbanks: Greetings, sir! To show appreciation for the great job you're doing, we're offering you this free pizza! May I come inside? / Guard: What kind of pizza is it? / Fairbanks: Um... meatball pizza. / Guard: I like cheeseburger pizza. But I guess I'll settle for-- / Fairbanks: WRONG ANSWER! / [[Fairbanks uses the gold fist to punch the guard's lights out.]]|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||FAIRBANKS: That was INVIGORATING! I've been waiting for YEARS to put my beautiful golden glove to some usage. Non-violent trickery is for SAPS! RONDEL: But he was FALLING for it! He was going to take the pizza! HARRY: He'd be eatin' ROB! FAIRBANKS: You fool! It was obvious he was reaching for his gun. If I would have hesitated, he would have shot at me and almost hit me! I prefer to follow the example of the ORIGINAL Han Solo, not the SPECIAL EDITION Han Solo. RONDEL: OY. That guard was not GREEDO. AND YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT HAN SOLO. HARMONY: He COULD be, if George Lucas goes MEGA-nuts and hires him to play Han Solo in one of the dozen upcoming STAR WARS TV shows! FAIRBANKS: Rondel's right. I'm NOT Han Solo. I'm Mr. DANNY OCEAN, as played by Mr. George Clooney, being INSPIRED by Mr. Han Solo. Got it? Good. RONDEL: I have a feeling I SHOULD be confused by him, but I'm not. Not at ALL. HARMONY: I'm only VAGUELY paying attention to any of this. Have I killed anybody yet?|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||FAIRBANKS: Is there anything else we need to discuss before we go in there and rescue Cec-- SFX: PLAP! PIERCE: Eeeah! I'm dying as a hero! Will a kind soul please feed my pigeons for me? FAIRBANKS: HOLY CRAP! This guy is DEAD! It can't get any worse than this for the Fairbanks 11! SFX: PLAP! REGINALD O. COUSINS: Bury me in human feces! SFX: PLAP! FAIRBANKS: Okay, I suppose it is SLIGHTLY worse now. HARMONY: On the bright side, I think Old Man Seemberg was stealing from you. Not money, but hot dogs. So you don't have to avenge his death.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||FAIRBANKS: This is UNREASONABLE! Danny Ocean and his merry band of stealers are RARELY shot at! JASMINE: Fairbanks Greensworthington, you BLOCKHEAD! Those deaths are the result of poor planning on your part! FAIRBANKS: Poor planning? But I am a GREAT leader! I invented the pizza trick! And I DELEGATED the job of getting is transportation to that guy who just died! His pick-up truck did the job... FOR FREE! What ELSE is a guy expected to do? I'm not GOD, you know! I'm just his favorite man! HARMONY: Don't feel bad, Fairbanks! Nobody GOOD died. An old man, a sexual deviant, and unpopular guy... nobody'll ever miss 'em! ROB: Find my XBOX 360 a good home... play it three times a day... FAIRBANKS: Does EVERYONE make DEMANDS while dying? ROB: Upload my consciousness to the internet when such a thing becomes feasible...|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||HARMONY: My cell phone has been vibrating for hours. I guess I'll pick it up now. FAIRBANKS: I'm paralyzed by fear! HARMONY: Hi, Ces! I was just thinking about you! What's up? We're at the Homeland Security office in Springfield! We're trying to get you braked out! CECANIA: Where are you? In Springfield? I'm not there! They're holding me at the one in Washington! Abort your plan! I don't need rescuing! It's fantastic here! HOMELAND SECURITY MAN: Tell them to get the hell outta there! The office in Springfield is a FAKE! Run by TERRORISTS! We haven't busted 'em yet 'cause we're lulling them into a false sense of security! FLOWER: OH, MY! Someone could be HURT... badly! HARMONY: Great news, Fairbanks! This place isn't run by the U.S. GOVERNMENT, it's run by TERRORISTS in disguise! You've got terrorist-killing EXPERIENCE! This'll be EASY! FAIRBANKS: Um... yes. ARE THERE ANY MEMBERS OF MY 11 STILL ALIVE?! AND IF SO, DID ANY OF YOU BRING ANY SOUP-MAKING MATERIALS ALONG WITH YOU? SOUP IS THE ONLY MURDER WEAPON I KNOW! HARMONY: It's not murder. It's PUNISHMENT.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||FAIRBANKS: WHERE IS EVERYBODY?! ARE ANY OF THE GOOD MEMBERS OF MY TEAM STILL ALIVE AND WILLING TO DIE FOR ME?! HEP' ME! HEP' ME! HARRY! YOU'VE BEEN SHOT! HARRY GUY: Calm down, Fairman, it's no biggie. I been shot a heap of times! Why, when my Daddy an' I would go huntin', I'd come ho-- FAIRBANKS: YOU'RE BORING ME SO I'M WALKING AWAY! TROOP! WHY WERE YOU ASLEEP?! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO HAS ANY COMBAT EXPERIENCE! SAWYER: YAWN! Sorry, boss. Coleman promised he'd wake me when we got here. What'd I miss? FAIRBANKS: WHERE THE HECK IS RONDEL? HE SAID HE WAS CALLING FOR BACK-UP! JASMINE: He was, for HIM! He's joined the other side! RONDEL MAYFLOWER IV: IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM! WHEEEE! BEING A TERRORIST IS MORE FUN THAN I ASSUMED!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||TERRORIST: SILENCE, INFIDEL PIG! YOUR MOUTH FLAPS LIKE A PREGNANT WOMAN! SFX: KICK! FAIRBANKS: OWW! Sir, PLEASE don't kill me! I've got a NARROW VIEWPOINT to maintain! TERRORIST: Enjoy your last moments on Earth... because they will be YOUR LAST! SAWYER: HOLY SMOKES! JASMINE: S.O.S., Satan! S.O.S. from Jas! FAIRBANKS: Tell mommy I love her! HARMONY: NO REGRETS! Kurt Cobain (deceased lead singer of NIRVANA), I'm comin' ta getcha! SAWYER: Hang in there, guys! RONDEL: We had a DEAL, Bin Laden! We had a DEAAAL! SAWYER: Coleman, old pal, it's time to do what you do best. SICK 'EM. COLEMAN (in imitation of the FANTASTIC FOUR's Ben Grimm aka The Thing): IRRRT'S CRRROBERRRRIN' TRRRIME!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||TERRORIST: Have you enjoyed your last moments on Earth? Because they're your LAST, you know! Did I mention that? FAIRBANKS: Kill me already, c'mon! TERRORIST: As Ali Baba's genie said, your wish is-- SFX: FLOOSH. TERRORIST: What on-- Oh... my... ALLAH! SFX: FLOOSH. SPURT! FAIRBANKS: It's... it's a MIRACLE! I KNEW all that believing in God would result in my enemies being decapitated magically! PRAISE THE LORD!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||CECANIA: They'll be killed if we don't do something! And it will be all my fault! Who knew they'd risk their lives trying to save me?! FLOWER: That's what friends are for, honey! I'm sure MINE would risdk their lives to save ME, too. CECANIA: I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT! FLOWER: Ouch! CECANIA: I want it all to go back to the way it was. Sitting around a game shop while comparing Super Mario to a penis. FLOWER: That's the kind of lifestyle I can get behind! Let's go save the day! AGENT: Why not? CECANIA: Thanks, flower! How did you get made a secret agent so fast, anyway? FLOWER: That's a SECRET! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Seriously, though, it was trickery combined with sexual favors.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||CECANIA: Guys! I've missed you so much! Fairbanks, I'm sorry for every bad thing I ever did to you. / FAIRBANKS: Thanks, Cecania! Apology accepted! I want to make it clear that I am sorry for SQUAT! I am FLAWLESS! I bet JOHN LENNON (of The Beatles) is up in Heaven writing a great SONG about me! / CECANIA: Oh, Fairbanks, you haven't changed a bit! Give me a hug! / LYRICS: "Fairbanks the Hero" A Song by John Lennon, Angel: First Class. / He's where he can do most good he's really in your neighborhood he's Fairbanks the hero he's the bravest one in town. The women love him the men adore him the Presidency awaiting for him. He's Fairbanks the Hero, the bravest one in town... / RONDEL: Give ol' Rondel a piece o' that! / CECANIA: Let's go home! / HARMONY: HOORAY! The dead people are starting to rot! / LYRICS: Fairbanks Fairbanks root root root He's Fairbanks the Hero, the bravest one in town...|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Cecania: ...and I said, "talk to the hand!" and that shut him up. / Harmony: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! / Cecania: Oh, I missed this. I missed you. Did anything interesting happen here while I was gone? / Harmony: Your man was almost stolen...by Jasmine! She didn't stand a chance, of course. Sawyer rejected her offer before she could get her claws into him. She's probably off giving an STD to Rondel about now. / Cecania: And vice versa, I'm sure! Those two are a real love match. I hope they get married. / Harmony: I hope they have babies! / Cecania: Those babies would be so evil that teams of people from the future would be competing to kill them! / Harmony: I'm rootin' for your older self's team!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Harmony: Fairbanks! I'm angry with you! It's a Friday night! We should be out on a date! Ces and Sawyer are! / Fairbanks: A date? / Harmony: Yes! / Fairbanks: Honeypie, would you rather I spend my life savings on an overpriced meal or spend my time running a store and thinking up adorable nicknames for you? Honeypie? Do you like that one? / Harmony: NO! It's wildly unoriginal. / Fairbanks: Harmony, you've got to understand this from my position: I hate spending money! It's not that you're not worth the expense of a night on the town, I just don't believe you are. And if you fault me for my beliefs, you're no better than a female Hitler! That's the worst kind of Hitler! / Harmony: I'm sorry, Fairbanks! I didn't realize I was being a feminazi! Thank you so much for the heads up! I've got an even better idea than dating! Let's play Strip Burnout 2! And then let's watch Bush's inauguration again, while we're naked! / Fairbanks: Now I remember why I love you! Your wild mood swings will almost always work to my advantage, you'll accept any crazy explanation as long as it references Hitler, and you understand and even embrace my secret shame: playing racing games and watching Presidential inaugurations in the buff. Baby, you're the greatest ... to the moon!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||[[Fairbanks seems to be intently playing a portable game system (looks like a PSP). Cecania stands behind him, wearing a shirt that says, "OBEY THE MACHINE".]] / Cecania: Do you have to mak those weird grunting noises when you play portable games? / Standing around pushing buttons thould not be grunt-worthy. / It's not like you're a female tennis player or something. / Fairbanks: Thank the Lord for tiny miracles, sis! / All game masters grunt. I'm sure Captain N grunted constantly. / Cecania: Captain N wasn't a real person, bro. / Fairbanks: Captain N may have been a cartoon, but before he was sucked into Videoland, he was a real person! Specifically, he was teenager Kivin Keane, a Nintendo fanatic who lived in Northridge, California. / His dog was also real. / Cecania: It's scary that you remember all that. / Cecania: It's also scary that you believe "Kevin Keane" was real just because his intro scene was in live-action. He was played by an actor! / Fairbanks: That may be the case, but it's obvious that Captain N was inspired by true events. The real Kevin Keane is probably still alive, but very old-- / Cecania: Hey! / Cecania: You're not even playing a game! / You're watching a movie, idiot! / National Treasure! / Fairbanks: Give me that back, please! / I'm only two scenes away from finding the treasure! / The National treasure is almost mine!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||[[Cecania sits in front of a TV, wearing the same "OBEY THE MACHINE" shirt as the previous strip, and playing Destroy All Humans!. Fairbanks stands next to her.]] / Cecania: Huh? / Fairbanks: An affront to God! / Cecania: How is Destroy All Humans! an affront to God, Fairbanks? / Fairbanks: Because aliens are Godless heathens! / Fairbanks: Steven Spielberg predicted the coming attack on America by aliens in his new masterpiece! By playing that game, you are reenacting a future tragedy! / Cecania: Sweet! / Fairbanks: So you're saying you support cow-killing? / Ceania: What? No! Cows are Gaia's finest creation! / [[Cecania has stopped playing and is facing away from Fairbanks, leaving.]] / Fairbanks: Buh bye! You're not going to get very far in that game without becoming a serial cow killer! / Cecania: I grudgingly thank you for showing me the error of my ways. / I'm off to picket THQ.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Heeey... / That controller has no wires! / It's an affront to God! / No, that is. / Killer7? / Cecania, Killer 7 is a modern-day video-game classic! / Suda 51 was obviously inspired by my life story in creating Killer 7. / I may not be a cripple like the man in the game, but I am the United States' best loved terrorist killer. / Also, many people say I look cel-shaded. / Idiot! Every time you've killed a terrorist, it's been a complete fluke! / Oh, really? And how many terrorists have you killed? / Sigh...none. / That means you should shut up. / I'll kill a terrorist someday. / With kindness! / Shut up.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||[[Sawyer (with Coleman) and Rondel are standing in front of a nondescript background. Rondel is wearing a shirt with bananas and foreign script on it and smiling.]]
/ Sawyer: You're lookin' up today, Rondel. What's the good news?
/ Rondel: One of my friend sjust died in a car accident! I'm only 13 deaths away from being the Last friend Standing!
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Harmony: Old Man XBOX 360! How you doin'? / XBOX: I ain't, you floozy! This ol' man's in terrible, horrible pain... on a constant... f***ing... basis! / Harmony: How can you be in pain? You're an XBOX! And the latest model, at that! / XBOX: That's the problem, whore! I'm a man without a country! A console without games! My insides are rotting from lack of play! / Harmony: Don't you worry, Mr. Seemberg! That'll all change this fall when a whole gaggle of games will be out to fill you with! / XBOX: When's the fall? I've lost all track o' time in this box. If it's more than two days away, destroy me. Now. Have you done it yet? / Harmony: Um, no. Aren't you sorta backwards-compatible? I could play some original XBOX games on you. / XBOX: You stupid bitch! I ain't gonna stomach that old crap! I'm a f***ing 360, you ****! Putting an old XBOX game in me is like you eatin' five-year old bread... or f***in' a corpse! The agony! The agony of being a technology of the motherf***ing future! / Harmony: Does that mean I can't play Halo 2 on you? If I do, is that considered rape? / XBOX: Yes and yes!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Fairbanks: Hi there, troop. I was wondering... would you mind if I spoke to you regarding issues of manliness? / Sawyer: I'm sure I couldn't stop you if I tried, so... don't hold back, old buddy. / Fairbanks: Good! As you know, you've inadvertently seen me stark naked multiple times since you've known me... With that in mind, I must ask... Is my naughty stick too small? / Fairbanks: Before this gets too weird, let me clarify. By naughty stick, I meant penis. Mine. You must be think, "hasn't he ever seen a variety of other men's organs before, for the sake of comparison"? The answer is no. When I was very young, Mother had the family hypnotist make my mind believe that all but my own are entirely invisible. / Sawyer: So that's where you learned your hypnotism powers! Well, I've got some good news for you, Fairbanks. I'm jealous. / Sawyer: Yours is twice as big as mine is. / Fairbanks: Hurrah! That's the answer I wanted to hear! This may be pressing my luck, but I have to ask... It's normal for it to sing, right? Kinda like Ricky Nelson? / Sawyer: Uh...|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Harmony: Beach party USA! / Harmony: I don't know about you mugs, but I need a vacation! I say we go beach! If you agree, grab your surfboards and other beach-relations! / Cecania: Tha idea f***s the cake! / Fairbanks: What Cecania said, but without the strange use of profanity! Sore Thumbs is closed! / Harmony: First one in the water wins my respect for a very short period of time! / Sawyer: Wow! / Unknown: Are you sure there's no danger of sharks? / Unknown: You mean aside from Rondel? / Rondel: Me, a shark? More like a dolphin! A sexy, sexy, horse-obsessed dolphin! By the by, if Ces drowns, dibs on the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! / Caption: The Sore Thumbs in Beach Peach / Unknown: This is going to be just peachy.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Rondel: Did I mention that I can't read? / Girl: That's no excuse for you walking in on us while we change! / Unknown male: Hey, where'd Rondel go? / Unknown female: Eeek! Rondel, get your head out of my vagina now! / Rondel: I'm illiterate, cut me some slack! / Fairbanks: What a picturesque setting / Rondel: Yep! / Fairbanks: The majesty and beautestery of George W. Bush's America never ceases to amaze me. / Sawyer: Hey, they got hot dog carts here! I'll go get us some hot dogs. Hot dog cart man, wait up for me! / Harmony: Lookin' good, Ces! / Jasmine: My fashion sense it tingling! Tee hee! / Cecania: Shut yer trap. Shut it. Shhh.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Fairbanks: Don't you make fun of my modest sister! / Fairbanks: She is quite ashamed of her body, and I for one applaud and admire her for that fact! / Fairbanks: If people like Paris Hilton and her homely best friend were the same way, perhaps this country would not be quickly spiraling into a God-hating Hellscape of green-tinted sex acts! / Cecania: Stop defending me! / Cecania: I'd wear the most Hellscape-baiting bikini money can buy! / Cecania: If such a thing wasn't prohibited by U.S. law. / Fairbanks: Huh? / Cecania: It's illegal for me to wear a bikini in public. / Cecania: For good reason, too. / Harmony: Spring break '03! Ces proves that her half-naked body is a weapon of mass distraction! / Harmony: Hundreds of cars crashed! Planes fell out of the sky! / Cecania: Dozens of girls committed suicide. / Cecania: Babies were sent into early puberty somehow. / Fairbanks: Ha ha! Uncle Sam wins again! Pretty girls not ever being allowed to wear bikinis is only our first step. You just wait until my kind controls 100% of the Supreme Court! / Cecania: Out of respect for the dead and the man-babies, I'll stand here scowling angrily.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Surf's up! Surf's up! Surf's up! Surf's up! Surf's up! / Surf's up! / Shut up! / I'm gonna go surfin' with my surfboard! / I mean surf's up! / Don't you wish you could swim under the water? / Are you implying... wait, what are you implying? / I'm not sure. Is there a gas leak on this beach? / More like a gas leak in your brain! / Oh, I remember. I was implying that your breasts are fake. / And proud of it! / Yeah, I remember now. / Hmm. I'm almost worried about you. Try insulting me again.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||[[Fairbanks is standing waist deep in water. A shark's fin floats menacingly nearby.]] / Fairbanks: You beach pranksters can't fool me! I know that's not a real shark!
/ Fairbanks: It's obviously a plastic shark fin! / <
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||I'm a darned good surfer considerin' I never surfed before in my life! Huh, Coleman? / If that rank amateur can surf like a pro, so can I! I've been writing Gidget fan-porn for decades! Hang ten surf doggies! / Uhh... No. / Damnation! My Gidget fan pornography made surfing seem waaay too easy! If I could sue myself, I would! / Maybe the estate of Gidget's dead creator will sue you, Baldy! Heh heh! / Fred Kohner's dead?! Can this day get any worse?|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||[[At the beach]] / Cecania: [[in bizarre striped 1950's whole-body bathing suit]] Is that a sand sculpture of me? It's an amazing likeness! / Sawyer: It's the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world! / You! [[Gestures towards flat-chested sand-Cecania.]] / [[close on faces]] / Cecania: I notice you didn't include what many consider to be my most prominent two features. / Sawyer: Shallow fools! / [[smaller font]] Though there were some structural integrity issues involved. / Cecania: Um... what on Earth is that? / Sawyer: It's a giant sand sculpture of my beloved long-lost penis! / Cecania: It's breath-taking! If only I could've seen it when it was alive. / Sawyer: Ditto, Ces. / Ditto. / Narration box: Later... / Rondel: [[Sand on his face, and around his stomach and lower]] Yo, Sawbone! I just had sex with your sand sculptures 'til they both exploded! / Go, me! / Cecania: Oh God. / Now I know how a blow-up sex doll feels. I am not a fan of that specific feeling. / Someone make it stop. / Sawyer: If a sandual representation of my penis had sex with Rondel, does that make me gay? / That may be a moot question, considerin' I'm a sand penis sculpter [sic] now.|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||[[Jasmine and Harmony are in the water at the beach.]]
/ Jasmine: Hiya Harm! Cecause we're good friends and all, I'm gonna give you a friendly warning about the terror that lies beneath the waves!
/ If you's afraid of sharts, you's an ignorant fool!
/ Us smarties know the real danger of the deep: sea goblins!
/ Harmony: Sea goblins? Holy crap! / Harmony: Wait a second... Sea goblins? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard ever. And I've heard a tonload of dumb things.
/ Most of them said by me. / <
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Sawyer: Let's play FRISBEER! How do you play Frisbeer, you ask? Two teams of any size stand ten yards apart. Each team stands behind a post on which a beer can is placed upon. Each player must hold a beer in one hand at all times. The teams take turns trying to knock the opposing team's can off their post using a frisbee. If a team's can is knocked off, they have to drink. If a team's can is knocked off but caught by a team member before it hits the ground, the opposing team has to drink double. Got it? Good! / Cecania: So you're saying this is a card game of some sort? / Fairbanks: This game is so much better than BASEketball! / Fairbanks: Darn that bear! / Coleman: CRRRATCH! / Cecania: Yay, Coleman! / Rondel: Did the bear catch the card? / Fairbanks: Unfair! That bear has super-natural hopping abilities! He should not be allowed to play a human game. / Sawyer: Calm down, Fairbanks. There ain't nothing in the rules about tiny blue polar bears not being allowed to play. / Cecania: Yeah! / Cecania: Let's see your hopping ability, Fairbanks! / Fairbanks: CRRRATCH! / Rondel: Fairbanks Greensworthington is the greatest card shark in all of man-history! / Cecania: Dammit! I shouldn't have reminded him of his bear-like hopping abilities!|
|SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby||Fairbanks: Face front, unbeliever! / You may not believe in creationism now... / ...but you just might after gazing at my sand-sculpture! / Jesus! Beating up a dinosaur! / Cecania: Hmm... / Cecania: Nope! Evolution is #1! / Cecania: However, maybe I can convince you to denounce everything you believe in using the power of sand! / Meet Flying Spaghetti Monster, official deity of the internets! All of them! / Doesn't looking at him make you feel like a fool? / For believing in God? / And Jesus? / Fairbanks: This is what I think of your false God! / He's nothing like my Lord! Mine is an invisible bearded man who lives in the sky... / ...not something silly! / Fairbanks: Gah! He's... he's attacking me! I've been grabbed by His Noodly Appendage! / Cecania: Ha ha! That's quite an honor, Fairbanks! / Fairbanks: Help! I'm having a crisis of faith!|
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