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| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Don't you worry, sport. Mommy an' I may have had words with each other, but we're not gettin' a divorce.
/ A divorce? You were married? I'm not a bastard? / Oh God. NO! WE WERE NOT! The fates cheated me out of the fancy wedding ceremony that every man has wet dreams about. DAMN THEE, FATES! / This is perfect, Fairbanks! We could get married right alongside your parents! Double Wedding!
/ GULP! / And at the same time as my little Pumpin and her dashing suitor! Triple Wedding!
/ GULP!
/ GULP! / And at the same time as Coleman and Mother's poodle Lovey Doughlady! QUADRUPLE WEDDING!
/ GRRRULP!
/ RRROWL. / OUTRAGE! INTERSPECIES WEDLOCK IS AN AFFRONT TO THE GOD AND I REFUSE TO ALLOW IT!
/ WHRRREW! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20051219.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Ahhh... this is the life. Hangin' out with my son and daughter in their place of business.
/ Uh... / Um, Daddy? Don't you have somewhere else to go? You can't just lay around on our store's counter all day long. / Yer Mother won't allow in the house, I dunno why. I guess old age has made her senile, like the chick in that movie! you know the one. / This is a place of business, Father! If you're going to hang around, you'll have to work.
/ Work? No way no how! Do you want me to move back to Canada forever? / Idea! I'll be the official dog of Sore Thumbs! Every store needs a dog, right? alovable, huggable dog that sleeps right by the door all day and greets each customer with a friendly bark!
/ But you're not a dog--
/ RUB MY BELLY!
/ WHAT?
/ RUB MY BELLY! / AH THAT'S THE STUFF.
/ This is wrong. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20051221.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Lookit all this dough!Our New Year's sale really cleaned up!
/ HOORAY FOR CAPITALISM! / Take that, Vladimir Lenin! / By the way, Fairbanks, we should probably take that giant portrait of Lenin off the wall.
/ It's confusing some people.
/ One person asked if he could sig nup for the communist party here. / FOOLS!
/ Don't they know it's specifically intended to be scowled at?
/ How obvious can it be? / Maybe if it had a "No" symbol over it, like that queer white ghost in the Ghostbusters logo has over him.
/ I guess, if you want to dumb it down.
/ It was revealed that the white ghost in the logo was gay, right? Or did I only dream that?
/ ... / Who ya gonna call?!
/ THE REAL LENINBUSTERS http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060102.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: Good for you, Fairbanks! I'm impressed you managed to screw up your courage enough to actually show your face in public today. / Fairbanks: At why is that, my easily impressed sister? / Cecania: Your boy Bill O'Reilly was shat upon by David Letterman last night but good!
/ Fairbanks: WHAT?! / Cecania: Yep! Fox'll be canceling "The O'Reilly Factor" out of shame any minute now, I'm sure of it!
/ Fairbanks: Lord no, what happened? Did Letterman call him a dick?
/ Cecania: Dunno, haven't seen it yet. It just downloaded, let's watch it! / Letterman: I'm not smart enough to debate your point on this, but I have the feeling about 60% of what you say is crap. / Fairbanks: That's it?
/ Cecania: Dammit! The way the blog comments described that, Letterman shot O'Reilly's ear of and then ripped his balls off with his bare hands! Someday. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060104.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | {{Old Man 360 explodes}} / [[Cecania stands reading the magazine PC Gamer, her shirts reads WELL DONE, JADE]]
/ Cecania: Hey, those XBOX 360 glitches can cause them to overheat and catch fire.
/ Cecania: Is Old Man Seemburg okay?
/ Cecania: He's one of the originals, you know. / [[Cecania's head blocks part of the view, past which Fairbanks stands]]
/ Fairbanks: First of all, who cares?
/ Fairbanks: Second of all, I wouldn't know! He was annoying me so much with his incoherent babbling that I covered him in newspapers and oily rags and locked him in the safe!
/ Fairbanks: Third of all, what's up with airplane food? Why is it so bad? / [[Cecania and Fairbanks stand facing each other, aggressive stances]]
/ Cecania: Fairbanks, you horrible monster! He may be an evil old man trapped in the body of an XBOX 360...
/ Cecania: But that doesn't mean you can treat him like one!
/ Fairbanks: Yes it does. / [[An open safe, Old Man 360 and some papers and rags sit atop a bench, Fairbanks and Cecania stand close by]]
/ Cecania: Old Man 360 is all right!
/ Old Man 360: The ****er who locked me in that box won't be when I'm done with him!
/ Old Man 360: Do you know what it's like to be a box trapped inside another box?
/ Old Man 360: Not pleasant, I can tell you-- / [[Fairbanks and Cecania cringe back from a huge burst of flame]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060106.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Cecania and Harmony are standing next to a chocolate statue of Martin Luther King Jr.]]
/ Cecania: Happy Martin Luther King Day!
/ Harmony: Happy Martin Luther King Day! / [[Fairbanks shouting]]
/ Fairbanks: How dare you! I specifically forbaded you from displaying a life-size chocolate statue of Martin Luther King Jr! Not in my store, dagnabbit! / Cecania: Lighten the hell up, Fairbanks. Just because you're a racist bastard doesn't mean the rest of us can't enjoy MLK day. Don't be hatin', yo! / [[Harmony is holding an arm of the statue with obvious bite marks]]
/ Harmony:Yeah, Fairbanks! This is a national holiday! If there's a better way to celebrate MLK Day than eating alife-sized chocolate replica of Martin Luther King Jr, I'd like to do it! / Fairbanks: I'm not a racist! I fully suppost all of LMK's views on civil rights. My only problem with the guy was his opposition to the Vietnam war! I think we can all agree that Vietnam was awesome-- < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060116.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Excuse me, Miss, could you direct me to the nearest voodoo supply warehouse?
/ Sure, it's-- wait a second, voodoo supply? / PROFESSOR IDOL! / Great Blazes! It's Cecania Greensworthington, my star pupil!
/ The girl who inspired me to follow my dream. / Professor, what... what are you doing here?
/ Now now, Cecania...
/ I'm your horror hosting teaching no longer. Now you can call plain old Threat Idol.
/ It's even my legal name now, by the way.
/ YEEEEEEEEE! / The question is, why is my best student working as a counter jockey instead of sucking at the supple teat of the horror hosting industry?
/ Hey!
/ I work here too, Prof! / Now this does not surprise me.
/ HEY!
/ I'll have you know that my horror hosting podcast was #99 on PodcastZone.net's Top 100 Podcasts for the week of October 31, 2005!
/ Is that supposed to mean something? http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060118.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[meanwhile in the remote country of Canada]] / Cykreti: Oh, Fairplay, I'm so happy! The Canadian Jesus has truly blessed us with Prime Minister Stephen Harper! He's going to give us giant tax cuts, and he's going to look so very handsome doing it! / Fairplay: I hate you so very much, Cyrkreti. Stephen Harper's a sickly-lipped, shifty-eyed, neo-con bastard who'll do the same for Canada that dumb asshole chimp idiot did for the states... JUMP START THE FECKING RAPTURE, EH! / Cykreti: That's silly, Fairplay. The rapture would be a very good thing for all of us. All of us who belive in Jesus of Canada, I mean. All else will be left behind. / Fairplay: I told you a million times, there's no such thing as a Canadian Jesus! He was an arab, or something! He was not a Canadian. / Cykerti: That's not what Father said! Father, come settle this debate for us! Father?
/ Fairplay: Hmm, now that I think about it, I haven't seen him since before the last American Thanksgiving. Father! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060125.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Cecania is dressed up, and enters a fancy resturant.]]
/ Cecania: Such fanciness!
/ This place seems truly worth of Her Darkness. / [[Back of Cecania's head, hair done up. Threat is at a table with a shadowy figure.]]
/ Threat: Over here, Ces! Hello! / [[Threat's face]]
/ Threat: Good evening, Ces. We had to order already, I apologize. Halloween's board of directors just called an emergency Meeting... and their Chairwoman has to be there.
/ They need her well-fed and clear-thinking. Halloween is under constant threat of attack. / [[Large plate with a tiny cup with food in it, forks and knives laid out on the sides, and wine, and the woman's cleavage off the edge of the table. No dialogue]] / [[Cecania's eager face, Threat looking cool.]]
/ Cecania: No problemo, Mr. Idol! I'm honored just to be in Her presence. What's that she's eating? I'll have what she's having!
/ Threat: Not a good idea, Ces. That colorless flavorless goo is specifically formulated for the unique soul-chemistry of a famous person. It's the kind of meal these fancy resturants specialize in.
/ If a non-famous person consumed that food, it would likely kill them. / [[Close-up of Cecania in awe.]]
/ Cecania: Wow.
/ I want to take that risk. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060203.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Cecania and Threat are walking down the street]]
/ Cecania: I should tell you... I'm kinda in a... relationship... with somebody right now. / Threat: "Kinda"? Either you're in a relationship or you're not. For example, I am not. / Cecania: It's... it's kind of a... unique... situation.
/ Threat: And uncomfortably draped in... ellilpticals, I see.
/ Cecania: Wha-huh? / Threat: Lemme guess... your man's a circus clown, isn't he?
/ Cecania: No. Why would you think that? / Threat: My "unique" relationships...
/ [[Thought bubble: Threat handing a large clown some flowers]]
/ Threat: ...have always been with circus clowns. / Cecania: How... how many circus clowns have you dated?
/ Threat: I lost count at 33. Lucky number 33. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060210.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Troop: Hey Fairbanks... Whatever's buggin' Ces... We should try to *help* her.
/ You know, help take her mind off her troubles, an' all.
/ Fairbanks: Ugh. If you insist, Troop. I'll do the honors. / Fairbanks: [[yelling at Cecania]] THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH AN ARAB COUNTRY OPERATING SIX OF AMERICA'S LARGEST PORTS!
/ EVEN IF THEY SUPPORT TERRORISM!
/ BUSH RULES!
/ VETO!
/ [[Cecania looks shocked]] / [[Cecania's face]]
/ Cecania: YOU'RE CRAZY! BUSH IS SELLING OUT OUR HOMELAND SECURITY TO HIS ROYAL FAMILY OIL BUDDIES! THIS IS JUST LIKE MICHAEL MOORE HAS BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS!
/ I'M NOT BEING RACIST!
/ LOU DOBBS RULES ALL! / [[Fairbanks hugs Arab]]
/ Fairbanks: Cecania, just because the Democrats and Republicans and the many other parties say that doesn't make it so!
/ Trusting an Arab with everything that you old dear is perfectly safe. To prove my point, this man is now in charge of Sore Thumbs.
/ I'm sure that nothing will ever go wrong. / Narrator: NINE MINUTES LATER
/ [[Sore Thumbs store in flames]] / [[All three outside in blankets, fire engines putting out store]]
/ Fairbanks: You were right, Cecania.
/ I accept your apology.
/ Cecania: MY APOLOGY?! WHAT THE F***?!
/ Troop: I reckon angry is better than sad. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060222.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Fairbanks: They all laughed at me when I decided to have an identical back-up copy of Sore Thumbs built at an undisclosed location in case the need arose...
/ Who's laughing now? / [[office buildings in background, Fairbanks in light jacket, Harmony in hat and coat]]
/ Harmony: No one is laughing, Fairbanks. We all just survived a horrible act of terror by fire-bombing.
/ Fairbanks: Ah, yes. / [[Fairbanks holds up finger to make a point. Coleman grins.]]
/ Fairbanks: The important thing is, Sore Thumbs will live on... 4-EVAR.
/ It will take a day or two to move it over and install it, though.
/ Meanwhile, let's go party at the mansion. / [[Rondel in scarf and earmuffs, grinning.]]
/ Rondel: Can even I come with? I so get off on survivor sob stories.
/ Also, I'm so alone.
/ Fairbanks: NO!
/ Rondel: Aw. / [[Father puts hand on Rondel's shoulder]]
/ Father: C'mon, Sport. Rondel's a good boy.
/ Fairbanks: WHAT?! Are you saying... RONDEL IS MORE LIKE A SON TO YOU THAN I AM?!
/ Father: Yes. / [[Fairbanks reading Yellow Pages, in a dark room, with an evil look on his face]]
/ Fairbanks: THEN I MUST HIRE A BULL TO KILL HIM. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060224.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Fairbanks, Cecania, Harmony, and two shadowy figures -- Sawyer and Rondel? -- burst through the front door of Mother's mansion.]]
/ Fairbanks: PARTY HARDY! [sic] / [[Mother is standing, martini in one hand, her other arm linked through the arm of a mustachioed man.]]
/ Mother: Hello, children.
/ Man: Hello, children. / Mother: Hello, Horus.
/ Horus: Hiya, darlin'. What's with the stiff? / Mother: Oh, this is my new boyfriend. He's also a butler. Didn't catch his name.
/ Man: It'sa whatava you wanna it to be, Baby Cakies. / Mother: Jealous?
/ Horus: YES!
/ Mother: And what are you gonna do about it? / [[Horus stabs the man with a sword.]]
/ Horus: ERRRG!
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060227.html |
| SORE THUMBS | How could you, Horus?! That was simply one step too far!
/ Pffft! C'mon, it was just a flesh wound. / Flesh wound? It went straight through his belly and right out his back! Just because you survive that sort of thing doesn't mean everyone will! / That guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that? / Wow, that guy is so delirious he's quoting obscure lines of obscure dialogue from the obscure Joss Whedon movie Serenity.
/ I cannot imagine a worse way for life to end. / Shouldn't you be jumping off a cliff to Canada or something right now? You're surely going to be arrested for this crime.
/ Arrested? For that? / Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Yeah, Right.
/ Father does have a point. A Joss Whedon fan only counts as three-fifths of a man in this state.
/ That much? Hmm. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060301.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Fairbanks, Cecania, Harmony, Sawyer and Coleman are watching television.]]
/ Fairbanks: What's this singing nonsense?
/ Cecania: QUIET! AMERICAN IDOL IS ON!
/ Coleman: SRRRIMON. / Harmony: I love this show! Especially this year! GUESS WHY! / Sawyer: Because Ryan Seacrest has stopped sayin' "Seacrest Out"?
/ Harmony: No, THAT! / [[Close-up of television, showing American Idol contestant Kevin Covais, who Fairbanks to an eerie degree.]]
/ Kevin Covais: Oh, I heard it through the graaaape-viinne... Oh, and I'm just about to loooose my mind... Honey, honey, yeah. I know that a maaaaaan ain't supposed to cry, but-- / Fairbanks: HOLY GOD! That angel-voiced lad is the spitting image of... me!
/ Sawyer: Looks more like Chicken Little to me. / Fairbanks: IMPOSTER! This is blatant copyright infringement! I must immediately add him to my secret list of people I plan to kill!
/ Sawyer: Fairbanks, a list can't be secret when you're always screamin' about it.
/ Fairbanks: How do you spell "Sawyer"?!
/ Sawyer: S-A-W... HEY! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060303.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Sitting on Cecania's couch]]
/ Sawyer: The Oscars are good this year. June Carter Cash gave a real nice speech, huh?
/ Cecania: Yeah, but I'm still pissed off that Philip Seymour Hoffman didn't bark his speech. As a drunken teenager, he promised that he would! Promised!
/ I'll never trust him again. / [[Flower appears]]
/ Flower: Hi hi hi hiiiiii, mens and womens!
/ Cecania: Flower! Where the hell did you come from?
/ Flower: I'm a gay man on Oscar night, silly! / Flower: Let me explain.
/ Every Oscar night, all gay men are granted the power to instantly teleport from one Oscar party to another. There's a reason that Alan Cumming played Nightcrawler, deary!
/ Cecania: Oh. Of course. / [[Flower standing in front of TV]]
/ Flower: And because it's The Year of the Queer, my powers have never been stronger!
/ Thanks to Brokeback, Capote, and Trans-America, I've been to 1,400 fabulous Oscar parties tonight! And I'm about to get even more powerful when Best Picture goes to Broke--
/ TV announcer: And the Oscar goes to... Crash! / [[Flower spitting mad]]
/ Flower: WHAT THE BUTT F***?!
/ CRASH?!
/ THAT FLAMING GOLDEN BODYBUILDER WAS OURS! NOT THAT RACE RELATIONS FILM'S! THAT RACE CRAP IS SO '90'S! GRRRAH! MUST STRANGLE RANDOM BLACK MAN AT JAMIE FOXX'S OSCAR PARTY!
/ GRRRAH! / [[Flower disappears in a puff of smoke, Sawyer and Cecania still on the couch]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060306.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Rondel: Fairbanks, man. You're way too uptight, dog. You're lucky. Ol' Rondel has just the thing to calm you down.
/ Fairbanks: A new tort reform bill? / Rondel: No. DRUGS. [[Rondel holds up a baggie labelled with a tape reading "DRUGS" and a skull-and-crossbones]] / Fairbanks: TAKE IT AWAY, TAKE IT AWAY! THAT FILTH FUNDS TERRORISM AND DROWNS BABIES IN BATHTUBS!
/ Rondel: All that and much much more! / Rondel: Consider this: George W. Bush was a cokehead in his youth... and you're young now. So--
/ Fairbanks: Okay, you've convinced me! For once you're right! Gimme those drugs, you ugly bastard! / [[Fairbanks empties the baggie into his mouth]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060308.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Fairbanks is lying on his back in a drug-induced haze]]
/ Fairbanks: HOLY HOLY! I can see God! He looks just as I and I alone always imagined The Lord would look! But... how does he taste? / [[In his hallucination, Fairbanks licks the side of God's face]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060310.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Fairbanks's drug-induced euphoria is wearing off]]
/ Fairbanks: But if God isn't real... ...that means The Devil isn't real... ...and if The Devil isn't real.. IT MEANS SNAKES AREN'T REAL!
/ Cecania: What are you talking about? Snakes are real. / Fairbanks: They cannot be! Satan appeared to Adam and Eve as a snake! It all CONNECTS! / Cecania: That part of The Bible was totally non-canonical. Even moreso than the rest of The Bible, I mean.
/ Fairbanks: How could I have been such a fool? / Cecania: The snake that bit you years ago was not an extremely thin prankster in a snake costume. / Fairbanks: GET AWAY FROM ME, SNAKE! I'VE DECIDED THAT YOU DON'T EXIST ANYMORE!
/ Cecania: I'm not a snake! / [[Fairbanks hallucinates that a snake holding a pistol in its tail is standing where Cecania is]]
/ Fairbanks: SNAKES AREN'T REAL! SNAKES AREN'T REAL!
/ Snake: Snakes are real and they will kill you. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060313.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Cecania is reading a newspaper]] / Cecania: What the f***?! John McCain urged the Southern Republican Leadership Conference to write-in George W. Bush on their straw poll for the '08 Presidential elections! Why would he do that? McCain is supposed to be the good Republican! / Fairbanks: Isn't it obvious, sis? Bush is secretly running for a third term!
/ Cecania: He can't! / Cecania: He's only allowed to serve two terms. Right? Right? / Fairbanks: As the law clearly states, a President may only be voted in by the people twice. Since Bush lost the popular vote in 2000, that one doesn't count! He can be elected again, in 2008! And it's all your fault! You constantly reminded him that he lost!
/ Cecania: NO! NO NO NO! / Narrator: NOV. 2008
/ Fox News anchorwoman: Despite leading us into a nuclear war with Iran after selling them 80% of our nuclear weapons, and renting the White House to a terrorist corporation called TerrorCo, Bush has once again been elected President, beating retarded lesbian madwoman Hillary Clinton in a landslide. May God have mercy on our souls. / [[Cecania and Fairbanks are lying on their backs experiencing drug-induced hallucinations]]
/ Cecania: How come you get to lick God and i get that?
/ Fairbanks: Because God hates you. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060315.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Would-be rapist: Don't struggle, girl! We're just going to rape you!
/ Cecania: Don't you even have the decency to get me blind drunk first? / E: It's E time, baby! / Cecania: You saved me from unwanted sex, masked man! How can I repay you? How about some sex?
/ E: Would you help me blow up big buildings?
/ Cecania: Would I?! Yes, I would! / Cecania: Why do you wear that strange facemask and call yourself E instead of a normal name like Caleb or Roderick?
/ E: This mask is molded after Ernie Kovacs, the greatest revolutionary in American history. His first name starts with E so that explains why I call myself E instead of Caleb or Roderick.
/ Cecania: Understood.
/ E: Plus I don't want anyone to know I'm really Ryan Seacrest in disguise. / E: After I cut off all of your hair we'll go blow up the White House.
/ Cecania: 'Kay. / E and Cecania: E! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060317.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | TV: With conservatives producing nearly twice as many children as liberals these days, it won't be long before the Air America crowd goes the way of the dodo. Liberals not long for this earth.
/ Cecania: WHAT? / [[Extreme closeup of Cecania's face.]]
/ Liberals are an endangered species! / [[A man with a jester's hat, beard and Weed t-shirt sits on a park bench with his girlfriend while Cecania, wearing a tight t-shirt that reads Qu, berates them.]]
/ Cecania: STOP USING PROTECTION! LIBERALS NEED TO BREEEEEED!
/ Cecania: SAVE THE LIBERALS! / [[Cecania is being interviewed on TV by someone who might be Letterman, she continues to wear the Qu t-shirt.]]
/ Cecania: YOU'RE NOT HAVING BABIES FAST ENOUGH! BREED LIKE THE WIND!
/ Cecania: BREED LIKE THE WIND! / [[Cecania berates Stephen Colbert seated at a round table. She is still wearing the Qu shirt]]
/ Cecania: If your loudmouth conservative persona isn't a hiliarious act like we all suspect, NEVER HAVE BABIES! / [[Cecania, presumably still wearing the Qu shirt, although since she has be back to the reader, it is impossible to verify, leaps into Sawyer's arms.]]
/ Cecania: BREED! WE MUST BREED! WE MUST--
/ Sawyer: I'm willin' to adopt a liberal baby.
/ Cecania: Oh. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060320.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: I don't think it's possible to adopt a liberal baby. / Sawyer: Why not? / Cecania: Babies aren't born liberal. They're made liberal. Usually by Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon. / Sawyer: Well, either way, I'll treat 'em like my own. No matter how they react to Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon. / Cecania: You are impossible good-natured! How can you be so impossibly good-natured? / Sawyer: What do you mean? / Cecania: Anyone else in your position would be a monster! A chair-throwing, wall-breaking, everything-hating monster! There would be no love in their heart... and no forgiveness. / Sawyer: What are you tryin' to say? / Cecania: Harmony is cheating on Fairbanks! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060322.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: Heads up! I told Sawyer you were cheating on Fairbanks! If he talks to you about it, you have to play along!
/ Harmony: I'm in a relationship with Fairbanks? Still? / Cecania: I thought so! Aren't you?
/ Harmony: If you say so. I'll take your word for it!
/ Faibanks: GAAAH! / Fairbanks: HARMONY'S CHEATING ON ME?!
/ Cecania: NO! I just told Sawyer that to see how he'd react, because I cheated on him! / Fairbanks: You cheated on the troop? With who?
/ Cecania: Threat Idol.
/ Fairbanks: The big black voodoo man?
/ Cecania: That's the guy. / Fairbanks: Are you telling me you slept with a negro?
/ Cecania: I did a HELL of a lot more than sleep with him. / Fairbanks: YOU'VE TAINTED OUR BLOOD-STOCK! OUR RACIALITY IS NO LONGER PURE! CALL LARRY THE CABLE GUY! HE'LL EXORCISE THE NEGRO-NESS FROM YOUR BLOOD!
/ Cecania: I only had sex with him, you idiot! He didn't give me a blood-transfusion! Do you even know what sex is?
/ Harmony: Larry The Cable Guy is a... Blood-Exorcist? http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060324.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Fairbanks: Cecania, you really must tell Sawyer of the horrible, horrible betrayal of his trust and love that you have committed. / Cecania: Why? What he doesn't know can't hurt him. / Fairbanks: Don't be a foolish fool, my foolhardy sister. You know he's bound to find out eventually, in this day and age. / Cecania: And how would he do that? / Fairbanks: Sawyer may or may not hang out in voodoo circles, where you manstress has by this point obviously spread the word of his sexual conquering of the white race. / Cecania: Nothing you just said is in any way attached to reality. / Fairbanks: There's also the possibility that the truth might accidentally fall out of my mouth while I'm talking to the troop about everyday matters. / Cecania: How could that happen? / Fairbanks: I might say something like, "Hey, Sawyer, do you have a copy of the packing slip for that 360 shipm-- CECANIA SEXED UP A NEGRO!" / Cecania: I can see how that would happen. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060327.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: All right, all right. I'll tell him... alone.
/ Fairbanks: Fair enough! Harmony and I have plans to stand in front of the local TV station and scream "SORE THUMBS!" If we scream loud enough, it'll be free advertising! The name of our shop will be faintly heard in the background of the local news broadcast being taped in the studio. See ya! / Cecania: Sawyer, I've got something horrible to tell you.
/ Sawyer: Oh no. What is it? It's okay, you can tell me. / Cecania: Coleman's dead. He was murdered.
/ Sawyer: W-WHAT?! / Sawyer: WHEN?! HOW?! WHO?!
/ Cecania: I'm just kidding! It's a hoax! Coleman's alive and well! / Sawyer: WHAT?! WHY WOULD YOU JOKE ABOUT SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT?!
/ Cecania: So that what I really have to tell you will seem much less horrible by comparison. / Sawyer: Oh God. Harmony's been killed. Farbanks murdered Harmony for cheatin' on him, didn't he? / Cecania: NO! WHY WOULD YOU THINK SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
/ Sawyer: 'Cause Fairbanks kills people at the drop of a hat. With soup, sometimes.
/ Cecania: Oh. Yes. / Cecania: I'm so happy that you're nothing like Fairbanks.
/ Sawyer: Who isn't? http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060329.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | OWENBOT DRAWMACHINE: We have received hundreds of thousands of calls, letters, E-Mails, and telegrams asking us to visually confirm the non-deadness of Coleman the Bear.
/ OWENBOT DRAWMACHINE: Because you demanded it, here's a "Coleman is alive and well" special!
/ Dude: Buy the toy!
/ {{Title : COLEMAN skateboardin'!}}
/ {{Title : COLEMAN givin' an ice cream cone to a kitty!!}}
/ {{Title : COLEMAN skateboardin'!}}
/ {{Title : COLEMAN Ridin' a large doggy like a horsey!}}
/ {{Title : COLEMAN givin' an ice cream cone to ants!}}
/ {{Title : COLEMAN ridin' a large doggy who is ridin' on a horsey!}} http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060331.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Sawyer: You... you're trying to break up with me, aren't you?
/ Cecania: NO! NO NO NO! / Cecania: I'm trying to get you to not break up with me.
/ Sawyer: Why would I break up with you? / Cecania: Because I cheated on you. / [[Cecania stares anxiously at Sawyer while he stares sadly into space]] / [[Sawyer's eyes harden]]
/ Sawyer: With who? / Threat: ME! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060403.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: Threat! What... what are you doing here? / Threat: Was doing press for the movie down at the local TV station and ran into your brother. He said I should stop by and say hello. HELLO. / Cecania: That tears it! From this moment forward, I HAVE NO BROTHER. / Sawyer: This's yer fault! You used some... some VOO-DOO, to get her inta yer bed!
/ Threat: I have no need for supernatural help when it comes to sexual relations with the feminine kind, friend. Ha!
/ Sawyer: I AIN'T YER FRIEND! / Cecania: He's telling the truth, Sawyer. I did what I did out of my own free will. And I regret it more than anything I've ever done, EVER. / Cecania: No offense, Threat.
/ Threat: None taken! After all the freaky shit you let me do to you, you can say whatever the hell you want. WHOO WHOO!
/ [[Threat slaps his thigh]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060405.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Sawyer: YOU'RE A REAL ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW THAT?!
/ Threat: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That reminds me of a sex act I sexed with Cecania: / Threat: There's nothing like licking a clump of feces out of a woman's asshole, spitting it all over her gigantic breasts in a decorative pattern, and... ...licking it off and vomiting all the shit back into her sweet behind! I INVENTED THAT! / Sawyer: Holy Mother of Go-- OOF!
/ [[Threat sucker-punches Sawyer]]
/ Threat: And that's a punch I invented, sucker! / [[Threat slaps Sawyer's face]]
/ Threat: An' I'm naming this slap after you, Bitch! / [[Blood trickles from the corner of Sawyer's mouth]]
/ Sawyer: That's enough. / [[Sawyer kicks Threat in the face]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060407.html |
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