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| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: Sawyer, wait--
/ Sawyer: Leave me alone. / Threat: Ugghh... Man, that boy there's got a heckuva face-kicking ability. I'm almost sorry I ruined your relationship with him, Ces. / Cecania: It's not your fault, Threat. It's mine. All mine.
/ Threat: I know, I was just kidding. I've never been even slightly sorry about anything I've done. Especially not that. / Rondel: Excuse me... Mr. Idol? I'm Rondel Mayflower IV. I was hiding in a big box. Could I get your autograph?
/ Threat: Sure, kid. / Rondel: Gee, thanks! I thought I was a sexual deviant, but I have learned today that I'm just getting started. You are the GOD OF FREAKY SEX.
/ Threat: Got a pen, kid? / Rondel: I was hoping you could sign it using my penis. It's covered in Grade-A horse blood. Guess why!
/ [[Threat looks horrified]]
/ Threat: Holy Mother of God! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060410.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Father: Ahhh... this is the life. You couldn't drag me away. F*** CANADA. / Cop #1: Horus Hinkley, you're under arrest for the murder of Pepe Lopez.
/ Father: Who? / Cop #1: You have the right to remain silent, blah blah, blah blah...
/ Father: Get yer paws offa me! Is this about that butler dude I stabbed?
/ Cop #2: Damn right it is! / Father: But he can't press charges! He was surely an illegal alien with no rights in this country! He was doing a job that no American would ever, ever do!
/ Cop #2: Pepe Lopez was a pillar of this community! And he was pregnant, you baby-killer!
/ Father: Wha? / Cop #1: He was a hero! He was artificially-inseminated with the Governor's sperm! He would've been the first man in the history of man to give birth!
/ Father: Eeeeewwwwwww! / [[Fairbanks yells at the back of the paddywagon Father is being put into]]
/ Fairbanks: DON'T TAKE MY DADDY AWAY! He's... uh.... innocent?
/ Father: AVENGE ME, SON! YOU MUST ASSASSINATE JOSS WHEDON! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060412.html |
| Holy Hot-Dogs | (Easter:Fairbanks is trying to sell is hot-dog in the Sore thumbs store when suddenly two mysterious men in whites robes appears) / Faibanks:Hi mister do you want some of my delicious hot-dogs?
/ White-bearded man in white robe:Why not Fairbanks my son? / (Fairbanks look at the mysterious man closely) / Fairbanks:GOD is that you?
/ God:Yeah my son!Give me two of your delicious looking hot-dogs please!one for me and the other for Jesus your brother!You see i'm celebrating is ressurection like each year and we needed very special hot-dogs! / Jesus: yeah!I'll take mine with Holy mustard only!
/ Fairbanks:YES your holyness! / (Harmony wake up Fairbanks) / Harmony:Hey wake up Fair! / Fairbanks:Hey what do you want?i was having a totally cool dream where i was selling Hot-Dogs to God and Jesus? / Harmony:Well you fell asleep right after selling hot-dogs to two mysterious men in whites robes.
/ Fairbanks:WHAT!? http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060414.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Fairbanks and Cecania are visiting Father in jail]]
/ Fairbanks: Don't worry, Father! I'm going to get you out of this mess! / Father: I don't know if that's possible, Sport. It's sure as hell easy to blame the pregnant dude and unborn freak-baby that I murdered... ...but when I think about it, I realize... I might've actually brought this on myself. Sigh... / Fairbanks: DON'T YOU DARE TALK LIKE THAT! YOU ARE A WHITE-SKINNED MAN IN AMERICA WHO IS VAGUELY CONNECTED TO WEALTH! You don't just have rights, you have SUPER-RIGHTS! With a cherry on top! / Father: You are the voice of reason in a reasonless world, son.
/ Fairbanks: Darn tootin! Besides, the guy took so darn long to die, you could hardly call it murder. And by that reasoning, you're 110% innocent! / Father: THEY'VEV LOCKED UP AN INNOCENT MAN! THIS IS A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE! / Cecania: Wrong. It's not a travesty of justice until they sentence you to death.
/ Father: Here's hopin'! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060417.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Harmony: Hey now, this'll cheer Ces up!
/ Harmony: They're finally doing an American Idol for Elvis! / Harmony: "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, is looking for a possible heir to her throne, and she is hoping to find one via a new reality project."
/ Jasmine: I can't let Ces find out about this! / Jasmine: DON'T YOU DARE TEL HER ABOUT THIS! ONLY I CAN BE CROWNED ELVIRA! THAT THRONE IS MINE!
/ Jasmine: MIIINNE! / Jasmine: MINE!
/ Harmony: What are you doing with my computer, Jasmine? / Jasmine: HAHAHAHAHA! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060419.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: That'll be $129.99, ma'am.
/ [[Customer speaks into her cell phone]
/ Customer: WHAT? / Customer: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T WORK TONIGHT?!
/ Customer: MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO KENNY CHESNEY TONIGHT! ONE NIGHT ONLY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!
/ Customer: IT MEANS ONE NIGHT ONLY! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! SO VERY, VERY, VERY UNACCEPTABLE! / Customer: YOU TWO!
/ Customer: BABY-SIT MY CHILDREN TONIGHT!
/ Cecania: What?
/ Harmony: Sounds like fun! / Customer: BABYSIT MY CHILDREN... OR ELSE!
/ Harmony: Okey-dokey, crazy lady!
/ Cecania: Uhhh... / Cecania: Ehhhh... all right.
/ Harmony: YIPPIE! This is gonna be just like The Baby-Sitters Club! Or maybe even The Baby-Sitters Club Mysteries... if we're lucky! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060421.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Cecania listening to children]]
/ Boy: On May 1st we are skipping grade school in order to march in the streets with fellow Unicornimalites.
/ Girl: We demand amnesty for the wonderful illegal immigrants who produce our beloved Unicornimals merchandise products.
/ Mommy bought us Mexican flags to wave. / [[Ominous shot of girl's face from below]]
/ Girl: For your sake, Ms. Greensworthington, I hope you join our cause.
/ Do you know why?
/ Because what's at stake is YOUR ETERNAL SOUL.
/ ... / [[Cecania only]]
/ Cecania: These are the wierdest kids I've ever met in my life. / [[Fairbanks enters, wearing a high school jacket, talks to Harmony]]
/ Fairbanks: Heeey there, honey-cakes!
/ Harmony: Fairbanks! What're you doing here? / [[close-up Fairbanks face]]
/ Fairbanks: I heard you were baby-sitting, and I understand it's the boyfriend's solemn obligation to visit you during a babysit, so here I am. / [[zoom out, Harmony, smiling]]
/ Harmony: Oh. Oookay. / [[Fairbanks and Harmony]]
/ Fairbanks: So... you need help changing a dirty diaper?
/ Or spanking a troublemaker? I'm wearing a big leather belt. / Harmony: No, let's make out!
/ Fairbanks: YIPE! [[looks scared]] http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060428.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: Where are you going?
/ Cecenia: Are you actually going to participate in that silly march?
/ [[Sign held by Harmony: NO UNICORNIMAL FACTORY WORKER IS ILLEGAL]] / Harmony: Silly? You lose protests! Like a fat kid loves simple human decency!
/ Harmony: How can you not be in favor of pro-Unicornimal rights? / Cecania: Correction: I love protesting against George W. Bush! But Bush is for this thing! He supports exploiting illegal aliens!
/ Cecania: He wants to keep his rich buddies ass-deep in conveniently-located slave labor. I can't march in support of that! / Harmony: But it's just not a march without you!
/ Harmony: Hmm. Maybe you could protest something else. Something that everybody can get behind / Narrator: AND SO... / [[At the protest: Harmony holds a sign that says "NO UNICORNIMAL FACTORY WORKER IS ILLEGAL", Fairbanks holds a sign that says "BE OUR GUEST! (WORKER)", a little boy holds a sign that says "FIRE-BOMB LOU DOBBS!", a little girl holds a sign that says "No cheap Unicornimal toys, No Peace!", and Cecania holds a sign that says "Wii IS NOT FOR Mii!"]] http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060501.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Customer: Can you believe Nintendo is calling the new console "Wii"?
/ Customer: What kind of faggoty name is that? What were those crazy bastards thinkin'? / Sawyer: Yer guess is as good as mine, kid. But somehow... it feels right to me.
/ Customer: You weird. / [[Kyoto, Japan. April 2006. Nintendo headquarters]] / Nintendo Employee: Miyamoto-san! The flesh Super Mario statue from Iraq is moaning! I believe that it wishes to communicate... with you!
/ Miyamoto: I'm on my way. / Miyamoto: Command me, flesh Mario! Your word is our destiny!
/ Miyamoto: What do you wish us to name our newest console? / Flesh Mario: Wii. / Miyamoto: ALERT THE MEDIA! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060503.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Harmony: Your wildest dream is about to come true, Fairbanks! George Lucas has chosen to reward us for our loyalty by finally releasing the original, original non-special trilogy on DVD!
/ Harmony: Han Solo will shoot first once again for the very first time!
/ Harmony: On DVD! / Fairbanks: I don't even like Star Wars anymore.
/ Jasmine: My favorite Star Wars movie is Ewoks: The Battle For Endor starring Wilford Brimley. / [[Skywalker Ranch]]
/ George Lucas: I just don't get it, lackey!
/ George Lucas: I'm giving in to what the dirty peasents have been begging for, yet they don't even seem to care!
/ George Lucas: Why aren't they praising my name again? / Lackey: I don't know, King George.
/ Lackey: Mayhaps you waited too long to give in to their demands.
/ Lackey: So they lost interest. / George Lucas: NO! They want more! They always want more! So I'll give it to them!
/ George Lucas: I know!
/ George Lucas: We'll release the Holiday Special on DVD!
/ George Lucas: With four audio commentary tracks by Bea Arthur and Art Carney! / Lackey: The more you tighten your grip, King George, the more fans will slip through your fingers.
/ George Lucas: UGGGH! SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M SO SICK OF THAT STAR WARS SHIT! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060505.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Stone: Yowdy, Fairbanks. How's tricks, my favorite narc?
/ Fairbanks: Stone, you know I'm not a narc anymore. I can't be! I succumbed, temporarily, to the devil's candy myself. That's our little secret. / Stone: That secret's safe with me, Daddy-o. I'll believe it when you celebrate April 20 like me.
/ Fairbanks: Don't you know the meaning of the word temporarily, Stone? I'm off Satan's Sugar! Just like Rush Limbaugh. One of my many heroes. / Stone: I know, I know, I read your MySpace page. Did you score me those E3 passes like we rapped about?
/ Fairbanks: NO! / Fairbanks: I'm not going to comply with your every whim just because you were privy to my gasp-inducing secret shame, Stone! Watch E3 on G4, like everyone else!
/ Stone: If that's how you wanna play it, son.
/ Fairbanks: ! / Fairbanks: MySpace Friend Bulletins are for friends only, Stone! If you enjoy being in my Top 8, you'll abide by that! ABIDE! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060508.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[The gang intrepidly scour the video game news sites for every E3 announcement...]]
/ Harmony: What wonders avait us from the magical realm known as Electronic Entertainment Expo? / Cecania, Fairbanks, and Harmony: HALO 3! / Fairbanks: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! A new HALO game! And they've already got a trailer for it!
/ Harmony: This is the best-kept secret in the history of man! It makes The DaVinci Code look like pure shit!
/ Fairbanks: Indeed! / Presenter: I declare this the best-kept secret ever.
/ Harmony: I concur! / Sawyer: C'mon, guys! it's not that surprising. It's cool they kept it secret this long, but it's no shock to know that they're producing another Halo game. It's obvious. They'd be crazy not to. The first two made a kajillion bucks. It's a franchise. / Fairbanks: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! A new Sonic the Hedgehod game! And a new Super Mario game!
/ Harmony: Those are the 2nd and 3rd best-kept secrets in the history of man!
/ Sawyer: Sigh... http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060510.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Kid: Hell-- *cough* Hello, sire! Has Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess been released yet?
/ Fairbanks: Hey! You're that kid.
/ Kid: Excuse me? / Fairbanks: You're the dying kid with that rare bone disease who's freakily obsessed with Zelda! And you're still alive! Good going. / Kid: Apologies, sire, that boy died in February. I'm his younger brother, who has the same rare bone disease and who has take on the mantle of his Zelda obsession. / Fairbanks: Great. That's plausible.
/ Kid: Please, please tell me Twilight Princess has finally been released so I can play it in my brother's memory before I myself die. / Fairbanks: Sorry, kid. If you and your crazy dead brother weren't so obsessed with avoiding all non-Hyrulian technology, you would already know that its debut was delayed again to no sooner than Q4 2006.
/ Kid: GAH! I'm scheduled to die no later than Q3 2006! / Fairbanks: Cecania, have SEX with him RIGHT NOW.
/ Cecania: !
/ Kid: I"M GAY!
/ Fairbanks: I DON'T CARE! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060512.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Harmony: SPORE is gonna be the best game ever! It lets you create your own universe!
/ Fairbanks: OUTRAGE! That's an affront to God! Only God can create a universe! / Fairbanks: God... and Gene Roddenberry.
/ [[Fairbanks imagines God and Gene Roddenberry holding up a fish they caught]] / Harmony: Think of the possibilities, Fairbanks! You could create a universe fill of people exactly like you! It would be a conservative's paradise!
/ Fairbanks: Oh, really? A conservative's paradise, you say? I will imagine the f*** out of this. / Narrator: And so, Fairbanks imagines the possibilites...
/ Fairbanks: Good day to you, black mailman!
/ Mailman: Thank yuh kindly, sir! Feel free to use the N-word around me! Why would i get upset? It's just a word, after all! / Fairbanks: Good day, Mexican cleaning lady!
/ Maid: Good day, sir! I speak perfect English and work for free! / President on television: The richest 1% of the population will now pay no taxes! Instead, the government will pay them taxes! We'll double their income! I'm gonna be a trillionaire! Woo!
/ Fairbanks: Great idea! That will create more jobs!
/ President: I agree!
/ Fairbanks: Of course you do, President Me! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060515.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Harmony: Taylor Hicks is the cure for the common Idol! Have A Good Time Funky Taylor must advance to the American Idol finals. He has the voice of a prematurely-gray angel!
/ TV: SOUL PATROL! WOO! / Kid: I kinda like Elliott. I think I'll vote for him. / [[Harmony stares]] / [[Harmony hits Kid with an XBOX 360]]
/ Harmony: SOUL PATROL!
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060517.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Fairbanks stands in the foreground, wearing an ill-advised skintight suit, as well as a VR visor and gloves. He wears the resolute, smug expression of someone Doing What The President Says. Cecania stands in the background, hands on her hips, wearing the irritable expression of one who has to share genes with Fairbanks.]]
/ Cecania: What the hell are you doing now?
/ Fairbanks: Protecting our border!
/ Cecania: What? / [[Close-up of Fairbanks, with one eyebrow raised, even smugger, indicating his belonging to a certain group by pointing at himself with his thumb.]]
/ Fairbanks: I am a proud member of the National Guard Reserve Reserve Reserve For Rich Kids Only Club! I shall guard the Virtual Fence that President Bush built to keep out Mexicans. / [[Cecania's point of view (more or less), watching Fairbanks grin wildly in a faintly unhinged manner.]]
/ Cecania: I guess that explains the VR helmet you're wearing. What is this, 1995?
/ Fairbanks: It's the 1995 of the FUTURE! / [[Close-up of Fairbanks, slamming down the visor of his VR helmet. Prepare to enter the world of Virtuality!]]
/ Fairbanks: Quiet, citizen! I have to report for duty or I'm FUBAR. {{FUBAR: Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition if you didn't know}} OOH! OOH! I SEE ONE! I SEE A MEXICAN! CROSSING THE BORDER! HE LOOKS ORNERY, HE DOES! / [[Pixellated and blurry view of a virtual Mexican, complete with dungarees, Zapata moustache and sombrero. He assumes an oddly stilted posture, hands reaching for pistols that aren't there. A cactus is in the background, and the border between the USA and Mexico extends before him. One foot is before the other. Look out, Fairbanks! He's advancing!]] / [[Cecania looks rather dubiously at Fairbanks, who continues to look insufferably smug, his arms folded and nose held high in the air. Coleman pops up in the background.]]
/ Cecania: So? What can you do about it, Virtual Boy? {{ The ill-fated Nintendo VR console that gives you headaches. 'member that? Huh? }}
/ Fairbanks: Virtually nothing!
/ Coleman: Brrra-daa brrump! {{ Rimshot }} http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060519.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[COLEMAN FUNNIES presented by Kodak TODAY'S LAFF: Belly Full of Nuthin'!]] / [[Coleman's belly rumbles]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060522.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Harmony and Cecania are sitting in front of a computer]]
/ Harmony: Hey, another scene from the Brett Ratner masterwork X3 just got leaked onto YouTube! From the last-minute reshoots, I think. Let's watch it!
/ Cecania: All righty, it's loading. I hope this is the scene that finally proves Brett Ratner to be a real human man instead of a pile of fecal matter and vomit sculpted to look vaguely man-like and given life by one of Chris Tucker's teardrops. / Wolverine: That Magneto ain't so tough, Professor! I can take him! With my claws!
/ Storm: Yeah! / Professor Xavier: No, No, Logan. Magneto has become too powerful for any of us. He ripped the f***ing Golden Gate Bridge to pieces with his f***ing mind! But-- / Beast: But? But what, Professor?! You must tell us! We cannot stand the suspense!
/ Storm: Yeah! / Professor Xavier: Not what, my dear Beast... but who. There is one X-Man who could take on Magneto. A secret X-Man. An X-Woman, to be exact! I will now reveal the best-kept secret in X-Mankind history. I present to you now... FIRE-CROTCH! Lindsay? That's your cue, honey. / [[Lindsay's suit says X-AUSTION ADDICT across the chest]]
/ Lindsay Lohan: Firecrotch is fully loaded, biaches! It's just my luck I gotsta be savin' alla ya'll asses! / [[Harmony and Cecania stare sadly, in shock]] http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060524.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Harmony, with Taylor Hick's face inside hearts]]
/ Harmony: I love the feeling of seeing the most deserving American Idol win! It feels like...eating tapioca pudding. / Harmony: I love tapioca pudding!
/ Sawyer: Gotcha. / Cecania: Almost better than seeing Taylor win was seeing that darn Kat McPhee get what she deserves...nothing!
/ Sawyer: But she got a new car, a record deal, and worldwide acclaim.
/ Cecania: What a loser. / Cecania: Maybee this'll teach all the stupid, umpressionable young girls out there that you can't rely on your stunning beauty and gigantic breasts to compensate for you many short-comings. / Sawyer: Ain't that the truth. / Fairbanks: I don't know about all that, but Clay Aiken brought the house down with his suprise cameo! His macho new haircut made it clear that he has turned his back on the sinful ambiguously gay lifestyle. Good for him! And good for me. Now I can carry around a Trapper Keeper with Clay's smiling face on it everywhere I go...with pride. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060526.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Sawyer stands touching the Vietnam Veterans Memorial while holding Coleman in his other hand. The Washington monument is in the distance. Cecania, Fairbanks, and Harmony are in the front.]]
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060529.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Fairbanks: The Nintendo Wii will only cost $250! That means everyone in America will be able to buy two...for every single room in their mansion! / Sawyer: $250 is a lot of money. If'n it's a choice between feedin' my tiny bear an' buyin' a Nintendo Wii, I'm feedin' my tiny bear. / Coleman: WHRRREW!
/ Fairbanks: $250 is a lot of money? That's an outrage! If that Bill Gates were any sort of real man, he would buy a Wii for every man, woman, and child in America! Just to show how confident he is in the XBOX 360! / Cecania: That's stupid. I'd rather he keep giving billions of dollars to charity.
/ Fairbanks: What's more charitable that buying everyone a Wii? / Cecania: Buying sick people medicine that they need to stay alive.
/ Fairbanks: ... I still like my Wii idea. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060531.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Fairbanks: Good news, Stone! Your most beloved console, the Dreamcast, is coming back from the dead! An independent studio is releasing a bunch of new Dreamcast games!
/ Stone: NO F***ING WAY! / Fairbanks: It's the truth, Stone! You're not experienceing Reefer Madness again. Soon you will be able to play all-new, all-excitement games on your Dreamcast! Games like Maqiupai, Cool Herders, and even Boll! / Stone: Wow, man! If something like the Dreamcast can make a comeback... ...maybe everything else my heart longs for will miraculously return to my life! / [[Stone hallucinates holding a burger]]
/ Stone: Maybe McDonald's will start serving the Arch Deluxe again! / [[Stone hallucinates a movie poster for "Jay and Silent Bob Smoke Pot With a Super-Monkey (And Meet Harold & Kumar Also)"]]
/ Stone: Maybe Kevin Smith will make another Jay and Silent Bob movie! And stop making that high-brow shit like Clerks II. / [[Stone hallucinates a zombie police officer]]
/ Stone: Maybe that cop I accidentally shot when I was 13 will come back to life! / Stone: Maybe... Maybe... Maybe... http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060602.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Father, in his jail cell as the guard opens the door]]
/ Father: Gasp! Did my lawyer prove that free will is a myth?
/ Guard: No, stupid. You're not being released. You got a visitor. / [[Fairbanks enters]]
/ Father: Oh. You again. Hey, Sport.
/ Fairbanks: Hello, Father! / [[Fairbanks holds a heart-shaped box labeled Delicious Chocolates]]
/ Fairbanks: I brought you this box of chocolates. They're delicious. / [[Father smacks the chocolates out of Fairbanks' hands]]
/ Father: I'm sick of chocolates!
/ <> / Fairbanks: WHA?! How can you be sick of chocolates? You've been stuck in jail for months! / [[Father points to a sign that reads: THIS JAIL CELL IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY DELICIOUS CANDY, INC. ENJOY YOUR UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF FREE DELICIOUS CHOCOLATES!]]
/ Father: NO MORE CHOCOLATES! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060605.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Fairbanks: I'm worried about Pop, Sis. Life in jail is not being very kind to him.
/ Cecania: So he's getting man-raped a lot, then? / Fairbanks: Man-raped? No, no...it's worse. Much, much worse. They're...providing him with... ...too many chocolates. / Cecania: CHOCOLATES?! Why are they even giving a murderer any chocolates? And how can that be a problem for him? Chocolates are awesome! / Fairbanks: Not so awesome when you're addicted to them... ...like Father is. Our Father is addicted to chocolates. It's his curse. / Cecania: Father? Addicted? Oh...oh my. I'm so sorry, Fairbanks. So, so sorry. I... I didn't think-- / Fairbanks: THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DIDN'T THINK! I thought you were supposed to be the liberal one!
/ Cecania: < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060607.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: Warden, I demand that you cease serving my father unlimited chocolates in his jail cell!
/ Warden: Whuh? / Warden: T-That can't be done! Delicious Candies, Inc. pays good money to sponsor each jail cell.
/ Warden: If we don't supply each prisoner with a never-ending amount of their mouth-wateringly rad chocolates, we would be in breach of contract! / Cecania: But that's totally inhumane!
/ Warden: Inhumane's what pays my salary, missy. / Cecania: My Father is addicted to those chocolates!
/ Cecania: You're a pusher, serving him up a diet of despair! / Warden: Don't worry, lady. Your daddy'll go cold turkey on chocolates... after his time in the gas chamber. And there ain't nuthin' you can do about it.
/ Cecania: That's where you're wrong! / [[Cecania holding a sign reading "SAVE OUR CRIMINALS FROM CHOCOLATES"]]
/ Cecania: I can peacefully protest!
/ Fairbanks: Oh SNAP! You just got SERVED! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060609.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: And that's why it's our duty as American citizens to protest the corporate take-over of our jail cells by the evil forces I like to call Big Choco. Are you with me?
/ Harmony: Aw, you ain't foolin' me. / Cecania: What?
/ Harmony: You don't care about Big Choco. Or your Father. He's a smelly old bastard who kills on a whim. He's, like... Fairbanks gone wrong. If such a thing is possible, I mean. / Harmony: The whole chocolates thing... is just retarded. This is just another distraction for you. An escape from the one thing that's been eating at your soul for many weeks now. Sawyer Kaden. / Cecania: W-What? No... It's over between Sawyer an I. I've accepted that. He'll never forgive me for what I did. And he never should. / Harmony: You're being too hard on yourself, Ces! It was just a mistake! People make mistakes constantly in these modern times. Nobody's perfect. That's why many modern pens have erasers! Ink that can be erased? it's like magic. But it's not! It's just a special type of ink! / Cecania: Do they still make those pens? I think that special type of ink was so faint and non-functional that people stopped using them years ago.
/ Harmony: It doesn't even matter! All that does matter is that we're going to put our heads together to figure out a way... ...TO GET SAWYER TO TAKE YOU BACK! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060612.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Harmony: Ooooooh, let's go see The Lake House this weekend!
/ Fairbanks: Isn't that a "chick flick"? I'm no chick! I'm a maaan, honey-cakes! / Harmony: The Lake House, a chick flick? Ha ha ha! No way, silly! It's a science-fiction thriller!
/ Fairbanks: Oh, really? What's it about, then? / [[Sandra Bullock in futuristic clothing, holding a lightsaber with a letter attached to it, in front of an open mailbox with a time vortex in it]]
/ Harmony: Quantum physicist Kate Foster (Sandra Bullock) leads a secret government agency codenamed Operation Lake House. With her time-traveling mailbox, she sends letters back to the far-flung past of 2004! / [[Keanu Reeves stands in front of a house on a lake, holding a letter]]
/ Harmony: Loose cannon secret ops agent Alex Burnham (Keanu Reeves) receives one of the letters, warning of a disaster! One that kills the President, all of Congress, and his own wife and son... ...and he only has 24 hours to prevent it! / Alex Burnham (Keanu Reeves): Whoa. / Harmony: Keanu's body fuses with the mailbox's Flux-Mode Core, granting him special mailbox powers that he uses to fly the nuke-deathplane down to safety and preventing the people of 2004 from losing their innocense forever. And that's just the end of Act 1! / Fairbanks: That sounds like the best movie ever! I've gotta go buy all the Lake House action figures to prepare me for all the fun I'll have watching it!
/ Harmony: Be sure to get Alex Burnham with Mailbox-Enhanced Karate Chop! http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060614.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Cecania: GLOBAL WARMING IS TURNING POLAR BEARS INTO BLOOD-THIRSTY CANNIBALS!
/ Fairbanks: Whuh-huh? / Cecania: THE MELTING ICE CAPS ARE PREVENTING POLAR BEARS FROM HUNTING FOR THEIR NATURAL PREY! THOSE POOR BEARS ARE EATING EACH OTHER TO SURVIVE! CANNIBAL POLAR BEARS! / Fairbanks: That's simply impossible. Everybody knows global warming is just a big scam designed to turn Al Gore into a movie star! Ann Coulter says so! I assume. / Cecania: Okay, let's assume that is actually true. Now assume that it's not! / Fairbanks: Oh God. WHAT HAVE I DONE? / [[Coleman surrounded by large polar bears]]
/ Coleman: HRRRELP. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060616.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | Okay, this is what you gotta do to win ol' Sawyer back--
/ Cheese it, Sawyer's walking this way. / Bye.
/ I'm leaving. / What?! Why?! Where are you going? / My aunt called... she said my favorite cousin Woody got in some kinda tractor accident. They airlifted him to some big fancy hospital in Los Angeles.
/ They don't know if he's gonna make it or not.
/ I gotta go see him. Just in case. / That's horrible, Sawyer. I'm so sorry...I'll come with you!
/ Naw. You don't have to.
/ I want to. / I don't want you.
/ ...
/ Oh. http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060619.html |
| SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby | [[Sawyer with Coleman in a bag on his back, hitchhiking]] / Cecania: Sawyer... what are you doing?
/ Sawyer: What's it look like? We're tryin' to hitch a ride. / Cecania: You can't hitchhike all the way to LA!
/ Sawyer: HA! My daddy once hitched his way to Paris, France. Then he showed em' what's what. / Cecania: I don't know what that means.
/ Sawyer: Apparently you don't get the meanin' of LEAVE ME ALONE, neither. That's--
/ < http://sorethumbsonline.com/d/20060621.html |
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