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Roomies #1 Chapter 1: Moving In / Jim (reading mail): Oooh, Mail...let's see...bill...bill...bill...I could win a million dollars...and another bill / Jim: Dude we got a problem, owning a house is expensive / Mike: Don't worry bud, we got room for two more, I'll just post our house online / Jim: But what if attracts weird people? / Mike: Don't worry man, not everyone online is crazy / Martoff: Martoff the Destroyer find great deal on room Martoff ready to move out of creator's house. Martoff happy!
Roomies #2 Martoff: Greetings human, I am Martoff the Destroyer, here for open room / Mike: Cool, I'm Mike, I'll show you around / Mike: This'll be your room / Martoff: Martoff very happy / Jim: Dude...who, or what the hell is THAT? / Mike: Oh, that's Martoff, he's gonna rent this room! / Martoff: Martoff really like wallpaper / Jim: But...he's a frickin' ROBOT! / Mike: So? He's got a job and will be able to pay rent easily / Martoff: Plenty of shelf space too Martoff move in tomorrow / Jim: But...But...But...But... He's a ROBOT! A RO-BOT!
Roomies #3 Mike: Look Jim, just 'cause he's a robot doesn't mean he can't live with us / Jim: But his name, Martoff the DESTROYER! He's probably built to kill stuff! / Mike: Hey, he's payin' a lot for the room, so we pay less for our share. Just give him a chance, he seems cool / Jim: Alright, fine. But if he goes on a bloody rampage of death and destruction, it's your fault! / Mike: Trust me! There's nothing to worry about, and someone should be over soon to look at the next room / Jim: Hope it's somebody normal this time / *DING DONG!* (a ninja at the door)
Roomies #4 (Jim looks out door) / Jim: Hello? Anyone there? Stupid kids, prank door bell ringing *grumble* / Chitake: HA! (jumps through door behind Jim) / Jim: That was weird... / Chitake: Chitake Tinaka, here about room! / Jim: What the...WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM? / Chitake: Chitake thank you for warm welcome! / Jim: ni...ninja....a nin...a ninja...wha...can't...a...ninja....nin... / Mike: Glad you could make it Chitake. I'll show you around while Jim comes out of shock.
Roomies #5 Jim: No way, I'm not allowing this. First a robot, now a ninja? / Chitake: Chitake think room is most excellent / Mike: This'll be your room... / Jim: No way, I say he's not movin' in! / Chitake: Plenty of room to exercise in / Mike: Oh, hey Martoff, this is Chitake. He wants to move in, what do you think of him? / Martoff: Greetings humans, who is this new subject? / Jim: WHAT!?!? The robot doesn't get a vote! / Chitake (upside-down): Chitake really enjoy ceiling fan / Mike: Yes he does, he already paid his deposit and rent for the month. / Martoff: Martoff gives new human his vote, he seems "cool" / Jim: Damnit! I...Bu..Ga...Grr....BAH! I'm going to my room. / Chitake: Ha Ha Ha, living with you will be great fun! / Mike: 2-1 in favor of Chitake, Majority rules / Martoff: Martoff's truck be here soon, ready to help Martoff move in?
 
Roomies #6 Martoff: Hey bros glad you could make it to help me move / Brother 1: Ah, stuff it Mar we're only here 'cause dad wants your pansy art ass out of the house / Martoff: Why do you guys have to be so mean to me? / Brother 3: Hehe, I got a joke: Knock Knock! / Brother 2: Who's there? / Brother 3: Martoff the Destroyer / Brother 2: Martoff the Destroyer who? / Martoff: *uhg* / Brother 3: Martoff the Destroyer: of nothing! / Brother 2: L.O.L.!!! / Brother 1: Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! / Martoff: *sigh* Why do you guys always have to pick on me? *sob*
Roomies #7 Martoff: *whew* All done. Thanks for the help guys, even if you were rude / Brother 1: Whatcha wanna do now guys? / Brother 3: I know! Let's kill somethin! / Brother 2: Oooooh! Sounds like fun! / Martoff: Wha!?!?!? No!! / Martoff's brothers: Kill bots!! Transform!! / (sequence of robots' arms turning into guns) / Brother 1: Nice special effects! / Brother 2: Woot! That totally r0xx0red! / Brother 3: Let's kill the first thing we find! / (Chitake waiting outside door)
Roomies #8 Brother #1: Sensors picked up something moving out here. / Brother #2: Hehe, couldn't have gotten far. / Brother #3: Mmm can't wait to kill something. / (Chitake jumps down between robots) / *SHHHINK* / Brother #1: Holy crap, what was that? / Brother #3 (head sliced off): Damnit! We were just messin around and then you go and cut my head off?!?!?! / Brother #2: Damn, Jeeze it was just a game.
Roomies #9 Brother #1: Oooooooh, he's gonna pay for that one! / Brother #2: After him! / Brother #3: umm... a little help here... guys? / Brother #1: Oooh, fresh meat! / Jim: Ummmm... CRAP! / Brother #2: Open fire! / Jim: *Pant* *pant* / Mike: Yesssss??? / Jim: Robots... Guns... bloody rampage... shooting... help... / Mike: Can you hold on a sec? I'm in the middle of a game of Battlefield. / *Wirrrr PAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPA* / Jim: Think... maybe... you can pull yourself away? / Mike: Hold on man... just one more kill...
Roomies #10 (bot's scope) / Unit ID 00000010 / Hull 100% / Internal 100% / Weapons 100% / Ammunition 999900 / Status Good / Mood Bloodthirsty / Target ID: Fatty- structural integrity 25% / Target ID: unknown / Room entering protocol initiated / objective: destroy door / Jim: We're gonna die... we're gonna die... I'm too young to die / Mike: Pull yourself together Jim! And stand back while I close the blast doors (*beep beep* closing blast doors) / Jim: What the hell... / Mike: Johny! Show him what's behind door number 2! / (pressing more buttons *beep boop*) / Jim (offscreen): I don't know if I should be scared or relieved my best friend has a weapons cache behind his entertainment system. / Mike (offscreen): Considering there's killer robots outside I'm hoping you're relieved.
 
Roomies #11 Mike: (tossing weapons) Here, take this... this... and this... / Mike (offscreen): Okay, okay, I have a confession I'm not a freelance web designer. / Jim: Mike! You got some 'splanin to do! / Mike: I'm really an inventor...these I kinda made as a hobby...I'll explain later / Jim: Okay, I understand the helmet, but... / Jim: Why, of all those cool looking guns over there, did you give me a board with a hole in it, and a bag of batteries? / Mike: Well um...
Roomies #12 Mike (offscreen): I took a board, drilled out the inside, and then I lined it with very powerful magnets; they create a field right down the middle that accelerates any metal object inside up to 300 km/h / Mike: I figure they have armor plating, the other guns would either not do any damage, or blow up the whole house / Jim: I see, this is just a cheap looking rail gun. / Jim: So, what's the plan? / Mike: You go out my window, and circle around the house and hit them from behind, while I stay here and monitor your progress / Jim: For some reason, I don't like the idea of me going out while you stay here behind a nice big blast door. / Mike: But you'll have me here guiding you along! / Jim: Crap...
Roomies #13 Mike: I was able to jam their radar so they won't be able to track you. That should give you the element of surprise. / Jim: Well... that's a good start. How many are there anyway? / Mike: It looks like two... and it looks like there were three, I think Chitake took one out already. / Jim: What are they doing right now? / Bot 1: I pumped half my ammo into that door! Why is it still standing? / Bot 2: Sensors indicate... *gasp* It's been reinforced with a titanium blast shield! / Bot 1: What!?!? I thought only dad had those! / Mike (behind door): *snicker* They're trying to figure out why they haven't busted down my door. / Jim: Okay, I'm going in! / Mike: Don't get yourself killed Jim / Jim: (under his breath) Ya know, I really should be taking this opportunity to get in my car and drive away really fast... / Mike: I heard that!
Roomies #14 (Jim aims gun) / Bot 1: Ow! / Bot 2: What was that? / Bot 1: I think it scuffed my paint! Oooooh... now it's on buddy! / Jim: Mike... I don't think it did anything to him! / Mike (offscreen): Try shooting more at once... somewhere around ten or twenty might be enough... I think / Jim: This better work or your ass is so haunted after I die! / Bot 1: You're so gonna... eep! / Bot 2: Dude! Did you just say "eep"?
Roomies #15 Bot 1: I've fallen and I can't get up! / Bot 2: Suck death you pig! / Jim: I have a bad feeling about this... / Mike (offscreen): Jim he's firing! Take cover, NOW! / Jim: Thanks for stating the obvious Mike! / (Bot's screen) / Unit ID: 00000100 / Hull: 100% / Internal: 100% / Weapons: 100% / Ammunition: 495875 / Status: Bad / Mood: revenge mode / Revenge mode initiated / Seek and destroy! / Seek and destroy! / Bot 1: Yeah you best be ducking for cover! / Martoff: That's it! I've had enough of you guys pushing me around! / Bot 1: Wait...huh? / Bot 2: Excuse me! I'm in need of mechanical attention!
 
Roomies #16 Bot 1 (shooting Martoff): I'll teach you to grow a backbone! / Martoff: Offensive mode engaged! / Bot 1: Offensive mode? You don't have a... / (Martoff's cannon comes out) / Bot 1: Son of a... / Jim: What was that? OH SH....... / *KABOOOOOO-------*
Roomies #17 Martoff: Now it's time to take out the trash! Hmm *computing* Memo: Find better victory line / Jim: oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god...oh my god... I'm alive! THAT WAS FRICKIN SWEET! / Martoff: I'm going to ship you three back to dad, don't come back! / Bot: Owe! Owe! No need to throw so hard! / Mike: *whistling* Can't wait to get you in the lab, I'm gonna have so much fun with you! / Bot head: What do you think you're doing! Owe! Don't kick me! As soon as I get my body I'm so gonna...
Roomies #18 Jim: That was sweet! I didn't know you could do that! Too bad you blew out the front door in the process... / Martoff: Both you and me, and Chitake got a "frag" we should celebrate! / Jim: Speaking of Chitake, I wonder where he ran off to / *black blur flies by "WHOOOOSH"* / Jim: What the hell is he doing... / Martoff: Subject appears to be unpacking / Jim: Well he sure didn't waste any time moving in... / Chitake: Chitake not waste time with weak robots, Chitake get himself all moved in instead!
Roomies #19 Police officer: Hmm..... / Officer: Miss Shefield across the street reported a disturbance of the peace. / Jim: Er... hi officer, what seems to be the problem? / Chitake: HAIYAH! / Martoff: Kill! Kill! Destroy! Destroy! Kill! Kill! / Jim: Er...Um... / Officer: Look, just keep it down, okay? We get enough complaints about your neighbor as is... / Mike: HEY! GUYS! WAIT UP FOR THE CAMERA MAN! / Officer: ...looks like a cool party tho, take it easy kid / Jim: EHEHEH WILL DO *WHEW*
Roomies #20 Jim: Dear Diary: Well today, the day I was dreading is over, my new roommates are here and one at least is done unpacking. / Somehow, I knew leaving this in the hands of Mike was a bad idea, but I managed to survive the day. Not sure if it was luck or an act of God, but I survived. I also found out some rather disturbing things about Mike... / But as I said, I survived the day, and all is well... for now. But something tells me I should keep my helmet close by tonight / *CRASH!* / Mike(offscreen): Chitake! My window is not a door! / (Chitake watching sunset)
 
Roomies #21 Kip: Heya Jim / Jim: Mornin' Kip / Jim: Don't you usually knock first before you come in and steal my food? / Kip: I would have, but since your door was blown out last night, I figured I'd just let myself in, by the way that explosion was totally WICKED! / Jim: You can thank my new roommate for that... Damnit, Kip did you use the last of my milk? / Kip: Yeah so, cool explosion last night, who did that again?
Roomies #22 Jim: Thank goodness for microwaveable frozen breakfast sandwiches / Kip: So what happened last night, and more importantly why didn't you invite me? / Jim: Well my new roommate Martoff, he had some brothers help him, and after they were done moving they decided to cause some trouble... / Kip: Martoff? That's a weird name. / Martoff: Did I just hear what I thought I heard? / Martoff: Greetings humans! Who was that sweet siren singing in binary? / Jim: Speak of the devil... wait what's this about binary? Just us two and the microwave before / Microwave- *BEEP! BEEP! BEEP* / Martoff: Why, that box, she sings like a bird! / Kip: WOAH! SWEET! A ROBOT! THAT'S FRICKIN AWESOME!
Roomies #23 Jim: Martoff, have you seen a microwave before? / Martoff: No record of a microwave on file / Jim: Look, it's a simple kitchen appliance; it cooks food, very fast. / Martoff: She can cook too! I'm in love! / Jim: *SIGH* It's not a she, it's a machine, just a machine that beeps... / Martoff: Perhaps you should try speaking to her in her own language...BEEP BEEP BEEP / Martoff: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEOOP! BEEP! BEEP! / Microwave: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP BOOEEEP! BEEP? BEEP! BEEP! / Jim: Somehow, some way, I know this is Mike's fault.
Roomies #24 Kip: Jim, man, are you almost ready? We're gonna be late. / (Martoff and the microwave are speaking in "BEEP!"s in the background) / Jim: Yeah, I'm ready. Lemme grab my stuff real fast. / Kip: Woah, hold on a sec... You have a ninja living with you too? / (Martoff and the microwave continue beeping.) / Jim: Oh, hey Chitake. This is my friend Kip. / Chitake: HA! Chitake need coffee... ninja need caffeine for great power! / Jim: Great... a ninja addicted to coffee... what's this world coming to? / Kip: This coming from a man who can't go a day without Mt. Dew Code Red / Chitake: SLLLLLUUUUUURRRRRPPPP...... Mmmmm coffee... / Chitake moves away in a blur *WOOOOOOSH* / Kip: He sure moves fast... / Jim: He's kinda slow this morning actually... and I think he made his own "whoosh" noise...
Roomies #25 Mike: EErrruuuunnngghhhhh......... / Mike: EEhhhhuuuuuuaaaahheeeeeerrrr....... / Mike: MMMmmmmmmmm.... Brains..... / Kip: Mike, I really don't have time for this, get off me! / Mike: Brains..... / *BAM!* / Mike: Oooowwwwweeeeeee...... / Kip: You awake now Mike? / Mike: Yeah.... / Kip: Good. / Mike: Owe....
 
Roomies #26 Kip: Hurry up, I don't wanna be late / Jim: yeah... yeah... Crap! It's her! / Jim: QUICK! Take cover! / Kip: Wha? / Kip: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? / Jim: I look horrible today... I can't let her see me like this! / Kip: GET OFF ME! / Jim: Do you think she saw us? / Kip: If she didn't see us, she'll definitely hear me rip your arms off if you ever do that again.
Roomies #27 Kip: Okay man, seriously, we need to talk about you acting crazy around Emma. / Jim: I don't wanna talk about it, let's hurry up and get going. / Kip: I wouldn't butt in, but when you start causing me bodily harm with your avoidance tactics, it's time for me to intervene. / Jim: Look, I'm sorry about jumping on you, okay? Happy now? / Kip: Not really, no. dude, you're never gonna get any if all you do is hide from chicks. You hardly even know Emma's name, talk to her, stop hiding! / Jim: You know, not every guy out there just wants to get some with every chick he finds... / Kip: Yeah, well. We can only deal with one of your problems at a time. We'll discuss that one at a later time. / Jim: Uh-Huh.. / Kip: You know, I should start charging you advice. And charge extra when you don't take it.
Roomies #28 (Chitake drinking coffee) / (Clock ticking by) / (Chitake sees time and springs off, dropping coffee) / (Chitake runs across several houses then onto a bus stopped at a stop light) / Chitake (thinking): I really need to get my own vehicle.
Roomies #29 Mike: Hmmm... / (Martoff and the Microwave Beeping back and forth) / Mike: No, I don't think this one's my fault. / Martoff: Oh, hello Mike. How come you didn't tell me Miss Microwave lived here with you? / (Phone Rings) / Mike: I got it! / Mike: Hello? Oh hello Sir! What? Today. I thought you whern't going to see it until the firing range test next week. Of course it's on schedule, you've seen my weekly progress logs. / Mike: Okay, noon? Alright. Yes sir, no... I don't have anything that can blow up cats... at the moment anyway. You still want to come over? Okay. / Microwave: Beep! Beep! Beep! / Martoff: Err... I don't think I want to know either.
Roomies #30 Jim: *sigh* Another fun filled day of work. / Kip: Tell me about it, I still haven't set anything on fire today. / Jim: Ya know... Hypothetically speaking, if you decided to burn down the office one day, would you warn me first? / Kip: Well that depends... / Kip: would you tell anybody else? / Jim: Probably. / Kip: Then no, I wouldn't. You'd ruin my fun. / Jim: Well now that makes me feel so much safer.
 

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