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Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Image of the White House behind chicken wire with a large, fanged chicken in the foreground]] / TV Announcer: Strange news from Washington DC today: a group of vampire chickens appear to have staged a bloodless coop. / {{Reports of vampire pigeons remain unconfirmed.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close up of person holding coffee cup]] / Pink: Have you seen my coffee cup? / Blue: Isn't that it? / Pink: Yep. / Pink: I'm gonna look for it in the kitchen. / Blue: ... / Blue: Why? / Pink: Because I'm tired of things always being in the last place I look. / {{Sometimes Axiom Destruction Labs will offer grants to private researchers.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Illustration of a sphere with arrows indicating a wobbling axis and a path of rotation]] / Astronomers know that in addition to spinning like a top, the Earth wobbles and rocks on its axis. / Somehow, this irregular side-to-side motion is transformed into angular velocity, causing the Earth to rotate. / Astrophysicists disagree about exactly how this occurs. / The prevailing theory is that fat bottomed girls are what make the rocking world go 'round. / {{Brian May, the lead guitarist and backing vocalist of the iconic rock band Queen, was studying for his doctorate in astrophysics when his musical career took off. In October 2007 he completed his Ph.D. thesis and officially graduated this past May. / Seriously. / I'm not making this up. }}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Man in ruffed collar with leafy greens instead of a head]] / Illustration from an Elizabethan cookbook / "Collared Greens" / {{A friend of mine told me this fun fact about greens: "In the Southern US, they think that the leaves of the turnip are edible. In the Northern US, they think the turnip root is edible. Everywhere else, they know that no part of the turnip is edible."}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Building with sign]] / In the event of France... / Would you be prepared? / Would your family be provided for? / France directly affects over sixty five million people, and touches the lives of millions more. / We can help. / [[Building Sign: French Insurance]] / {{I'm working on some advertisements for a national French Awareness campaign. You can never be too careful or too prepared. }}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Partially melted and deformed bear-shaped bottle of honey]] / Squeezy: Hello kids... I'm Squeezy the Honey Bear. And I've got an important message about the danger of drugs. / {{It's always sad when an up-and-coming celebrity ends their career doing court ordered public service announcements.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Glowing purple plant viewed partially through sunglasses]] / My fuchsia is so bright... / ... I've gotta wear shades. / {{Luciferase is the substance that makes fireflies produce light. Molecular biologists splice it into a variety of other organisms to help with genetic analysis, but the fact that it glows is just kinda cool on its own.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Harmonica]] / I used to think there was nothing more annoying / than having a smoker plop themselves down upwind of me / and light up a cigarette / I think I've found something I can do in the smoking section / that is equally annoying / but non-carcinogenic / {{I credit the success of this discovery to my total lack of talent or training on the harmonica.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[TV screens showing a car wreck, an explosion, a sunset, a NASCAR race, and a mountain road]] / Blue: What do you think of the new entertainment center? / Pink: The picture is great, but why does it keep changing channels every few seconds? / Blue: Well... A regular HD-TV was expensive... / Pink: So? / Blue: So I got an ADHD-TV. / {{I've noticed it tends to stay longest on cartoons, action movies, and the Shiny Noisy Colorful Bouncing Object Channel (SNCBO-TV for short).}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Series of parts of people's faces, usually blinking, laughing, or oddly bug-eyed]] / Portrait photography is the art of capturing / the tiny moment when someone *actually* looks / the way that they *think* they look all the time. / {{If you were to film someone talking and print out every frame as a photograph, I'd bet that 99% of the pictures would be amazingly unflattering.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Bar graph of arms pointing at different heights on a silhouette. The graph is labeled "How 'Fed Up' Are We?" The vertical axis says "Have Had It Up To" and lists "Here" at each mark. The bar/arms are labeled "Pretty" "Totally" and "Completely" in ascending order.]] / The general frustration survey has produced some intriguing results... / {{Unfortunately, I can't show the results of adding the political frustration level to the graph of general frustration. I tried it and damn near broke my arm trying to reach that high.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Rolling pin with "Thug Baker 4 Life" on it]] / That's how we roll. / {{Heavy D would only have been "Slightly Pudgy D" without my cinnamon rolls. Thug Baker 4 Life, yo.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Detail of Paris and Hellen of Troy]] / According to the International Bureau of Weights and Measures, / one "Millihellen" is the amount of beauty / required to launch a single ship. / {{Hm. I may be confusing the bureau with my fortune file.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Desk lamp, alternately on and off]] / Pink: So, Idle hands are the Devil's playthings? / Blue: Right. And many hands make light work. / Pink: So what do many idle hands do? / Blue: Play with the Devil's lights, I guess... / {{This is not actually the Devil's desklamp. He does have one just like it though.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Fingers holding tiny blue pill]] / How you see a pill. / [[Fingers holding spiky blue burr]] / How your cat sees the same pill. / {{Pilling a cat is always fun, especially when the attempt is made in a moving vehicle}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Drill Sargent shouting at troop]] / Sgt: Awright maggots! Welcome to Yoga Boot Camp! Line up your Chakras and sound off! / Soldier: Ooooommmm...... / Sgt: You call that inner peace?!? SOUND OFF LIKE YOU'VE GOT AHIZMA! / Soldier: OOMMMMMMM!!! / {{I've seen kiosk posters advertising this sort of service around town. I can't quite reconcile a military style boot camp teaching a meditative stretching and breathing exercise program.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Old 1950's style TV.]] / Blue: I think we need to call it off. / TV: What are you talking about? / Blue: Look, it's not your fault. We've just grown apart. / TV: What do you mean? I've always been there for you! / Blue: Yeah, but when was the last time we just hung out together? Two months ago? Three? / TV: I'll change! Anything you want! Just the basic channels? All premium? Anything! / Blue: No, a clean break is best. Just... Just cancel my cable subscription. / {{Breaking off any kind of long-term relationship can be difficult.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Dentist's office with a laser-sword attachment on the drill arm]] / The other night, I dreamed / that Darth Vader and the Emperor / were training me in the Dark Side of the Force / so that I could be / their dentist. / {{I'm sure they're not the best people to have as patients. I mean, how does Vader floss with that mask on? And forget tobacco stains - Emperor Palpatine's yellow teeth are NOT going to clean up easily. Still, "Darth Dentist" does have a certain ring to it...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Maps of the US showing a driving route between Ann Arbor and Anaheim California]] / Tourist: Excuse please? But how to get to Disneyland? / Blue: Seriously? / Tourist: Yes, Disneyland. In California. / Blue: Ok. At that next intersection, turn left. / Blue: Take the exit onto I-94 west toward Chicago / Blue: Then... Keep going. It's about four days drive. / Tourist: Ok! Thank you! / Blue: Hm. / Blue: I should probably have told them to head east to the Detroit Airport and take a plane... / {{This is, pretty much verbatim, an actual conversation I had with a minivan full of foreign tourists last Tuesday night.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close-up bulges of some hideous semi-fuzzy cloth]] / Marketing: So what's your opinion on the new stuffed animal? / Blue: The colors are hideous. The proportions are grotesque. / Blue: And the fabric and stuffing seem to have been chosen for their ability to provoke allergic reactions. / Blue: Pretty much the only way it could be worse is if you were to discover, when you opened the box, that the toy was covered in live bees. / Marketing: Actually, that's one of our special order options. / {{Whatever toy factory inhabits my dreamland has been condemned by the Better Business Bureau, OSHA, the ASPCA and the Consumer Product Safety Commission.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Gradually emptying bowl of curried chickpeas with onions]] / Blue: Hoo! / Blue: This is some HOT curry! / Pink: Mmm... It's weapons-grade spicy. / Blue: I've think we've made a weapon of masala destruction. / {{The curry in this comic was made according to this recipe. For added antisocial effect, this particular bowl was served over top of a finely chopped half of an onion. This is very tasty, but will make you extremely unpopular with anyone who needs to breathe in your vicinity.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Two men watching firefighters extinguish ruined building]] / Bob: Five Alarm Chili, is that right, Earl? / Earl: Shut up Bob. / Bob: Gonna win the annual "Chili Cook-Off" with this Earl? / Earl: Bob, shut up. / Bob: This is because fo the spicy curry cartoon last week, isn't it Earl? / Earl: ... Maybe. / {{I appreciate spicy food as much as the next guy, but I don't think that pain should be a flavor.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Aretha Franklin's Inauguration Hat]] / Pink: Didja see the inauguration? / Blue: Oh yeah. The crowds, the people, the speech, the music... The HAT... / Pink: I LIKE the hat. / Blue: You didn't think it was a bit much? / Pink: She's Aretha Franklin! She could wear a propeller beanie and it'd be classy! / Blue: The bow was bigger than her head! / Pink: Hey! Respect the hat! / Blue: But.. / Pink: R-E-S-P-E-C-T. The. Hat. / {{Someone (I forget who) once told me, "Anyone can follow fashion. Following is easy. Taking the lead requires style, and that's something very few people actually have."}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[White shirt front, buttoned with bottom misaligned.]] / When the lab adopted a more casual dress code / Igor discovered that he'd never actually been a hunchback. / {{Misbuttoning a shirt and crossthreading a bolt are kind of similar. The further you get before noticing your mistake, the harder it is to undo the damage.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Hourglass with tiny pink cubes instead of sand.]] / Like Spam(tm) through the hourglass... ...So are the Days of our Lives. / {{I know, I know... But if I get my hearing fixed, I'll miss out on all of these ideas for comics...}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Horrible baby-faced teddy bear]] / No matter how horrible the toys in my dreams... / There are toys in reality that are much worse. / {{I'm not sure if I should find this realization comforting or terrifying.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Man in 18th century military uniform]] / George: I'm a little teapot, short and stout. This is my handle, this is my spout. / {{It's a little-known fact that George Washington was an accomplished composer of nursery rhymes.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[World of ZorkCraft logo above computer terminal interface]] / Pink: How's the raid going? / Blue: Terrible! We're trying the 25 player assault on the "Maze of Twisty Passages." About half of the party didn't even bring lights. / Pink: What?! / Blue: I know! Four of them have already been eaten by Grue. / {{A hollow voice rings out, "Fool!"}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Very angry, very old cat staring at camera]] / Blue: What? Stop looking at me like that. / Meow: Cut it out! / Blue: I'm just trying to clean your litterbox. / Meow: Quit STEALING my POOPS! / {{She just got it all together, and now I'm taking it away.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Movie poster showing Kyle MacLachlan embracing a horse]] / National Blue Velvet / A David Lynch Production starring Isabella Rossellini, Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, Kyle MacLachlan and Dennis Hopper / {{"I found a horse."}}
 

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