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Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close-up of a squirrel eating something]] / I heard something... That human made the tongue-clicking sound. / I am studying their language and I think I know what that sound means. / It means they have too much bread and they want me to take some from their fingers. / It is a poor substitute for...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Go carts racing around grasshopper]] / Quick, turn around! / Drive faster! / I think it spotted us! / {{If only one of those go-karts had Peter Graves on board...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Siamese cat relaxing and looking at camera]] / Cat: The Ancient Egyptians.. / Cat: They used to worship us as gods. / Cat: It worked out pretty well for everyone... / Cat: ..up until that whole damn "Stargate" incident. / {{This works for either the series or the movie. No prob.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Squirrel in partially snowy grass]] / Look at one of us, and what do you see? / You see the tail. / The big fluffy tail. / It's like a huge chunk of your primate brain just shuts right off. / Which is fine by us. / It keeps you from treating us like what we really are. / Rats. / Cute rats with fluffy...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close up of Darth Vader mask]] / By now, it's common knowledge that George Lucas came up with the names for his Star Wars villains by taking words starting with "in-" and knocking the first two letters off. / I'd like to introduce some of the lesser known knock-offs. / [[Darth Vader in a straight...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Foggy deep woods, early November]] / Purple: Forget guns and bows. You want a real sport? Try "Death from above knife hunting." / Blue: Nothin' says sportsmanship like the sight of a guy armed with a sharp knife dropping out of a tree onto the back of a deer. / Purple: Unless it's the look of...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[VW Bug]] / Blue: In most examples, haiku doesn't have a rhyme. Rhythm is the key. / Pink: And it tends to be very subtle. There are very few examples of western poetry where that's the case. / Blue: Yeah, we exaggerate. Like in the limerick: "There ONCE was a MAN from VerDUN." / Pink: Or military...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Old B&W photograph of a man undergoing eye exam.]] / Doctor: Do me a favor? / Attendant: Yes doctor? / Doctor: Look up "leeches" in the large book on the desk in my study. / Attendant: Researching a cure for his condition? / Doctor: No, it's a phone book. I think he could use a good lawyer. / {{Ah,...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Old B&W picture showing a group of students watching teacher point out areas of previous comic.]] / Teacher: If you look extremely carefully at the previous comic, you can see the tiny speck of original humor, right about here. / {{Fourth wall? What fourth wall?}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Green ice under dark blue sky]] / The whole "Fortress of Solitude" idea has some flaws. / Running out of toilet paper, for example. / Thought balloon: Well, &#!%. / {{I can't think of any way that any of his powers could help with this situation. In fact, most of them would make things worse.....
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Exterior of large boat]] / Pink: What's the difference between a "tizzy" and a "huff"? / Blue: You can leave in a huff. You have to work yourself into a tizzy. / Pink: But you can leave in a tizzy too, right? After you work yourself into it. / Blue: I suppose. / Pink: So a tizzy is sort of a...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Angry looking red-eyed pigeon on a railing]] / The pinnacle of stealth military hardware prepares for an attack run... / Pigeon: TARGET ACQUIRED! / ... An artificially intelligent airborne drone, completely indistinguishable from an actual pigeon. / Pigeon: PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF! / It would be the...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Small grey cat attacking a bit of pink ribbon]] / What is speed in fighting? / Is it the velocity of your hands, feet and body movement? / Or are there other, prevalent essentials in a good fighter? / What is a good fighter? / A good fighter is one who can hit his opponent - / - quicker, harder,...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Stove with steaming kettle on a burner]] / Pink: Hey, you know what would be cool? / Blue: A steam powered spaceship. / Pink: ... A tea powered what? / Blue: Spaceship! But not tea, just steam. I suppose tea could be an engine by-product... I just think a steam powered spaceship would be cool,...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Siamese cat lying on floor in front of dresser. A bottle of 1800 Tequila lies nearby.]] / Pink: Holy crap! Did you drink that whole bottle? / Cat: We were godsh... / Pink: Dude, this is my bedroom. Not ancient Egypt. And WHAT is that SMELL?!? / Cat: Itsh a gift for my loyal follwersh. Itsh...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Assorted breads and rolls]] / Music: ... Someone left a cake out in the rain... / Blue: Was that a major problem in macarthur park? Baked goods, abandoned to the mercy of the elements? / Pink: Yeah. The police were baffled. You only hear about the cake in the rain, but there were others. / Blue:...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Wooden state of a humanoid with an elephant head]] / Single Wooden Cursed Elephant Idol / Likes: Dancing, Big Band jazz, Devotion of blood cult / Seeking: Romance, Vengeance against those who defiled my temple / Non smokers preferred / {{I have no idea if there's a curse on this guy or not. He...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Translucent sculpture superimposed over map of Ann Arbor]] / In preparation for Detroit's Superbowl... / ...twelve football-shaped sculptures were set up all over Ann Arbor. / One of them was stolen. / Fortunately, the police were able to recover it / before it hatched. / {{The number 12 is so...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[People in white coats gathered around a doctor, watching him work.]] / Observer: I should probably have asked you this earlier... but... When you said, "I've been practicing medicine for years." did you mean "practicing" as in "Successfully performing surgery." or "Practicing" as in "Rehearsing...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[George W. Bush at podium]] / When I heard about the new initiative to ban human / animal hybrids... / my first concern wasn't about the setback to medical science. / It was sympathy for the soon-to-be unemployed mascots and spokesanimals. / [[McGruff]] / Like McGruff, the Crime Fighting Dog. / [[Woodsy...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Michigan Theatre marquee, showing double feature of "Get Rich Or Die" and "Brokeback Mountain"]] / Blue: What if, when gangsta rappers talked about their "posse" they actually did have a group of cowboys following them around? / Pink: Wearing really low slung chaps. / Blue: Cowboy hats on at bizarre...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Pastoral picnic scenes on the right, slowly zooming in on the grill, where someone is cooking a giant ant.]] / 15 second commercial spot / Cue Music: High Hopes / Voiceover: / A picnic... / Wouldn't be a picnic.... / Without Ants. / Them. / They're what's for dinner. / A message from the American...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Charts and graphs superimposed and broken up with odd lines]] / People who don't understand statistics frequently complain / that a researcher is "Pulling numbers out of their ass." / As if that were somehow an easy thing to do. / I mean, a "1" seems easy until you get it wedged sideways. / "2" and...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Aerial view of the University of Michigan Hospital]] / Pink: You know that plane crash in the andes? / Blue: Recently? / Pink: No, the one in the 70's with the rugby players. / Blue: Where they wound up eating their dead? / Pink: Yeah... I don't think I'd have a problem with that. / Blue: ......
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Rear angle view of someone wearing jeans]] / He tried to explain that it was like phrenology / just a slightly... different way of feeling someone's personality traits / But by then he'd usually already been slapped / or arrested / or both / {{Phrenology is from the Greek: phren - "mind" and...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Classic "Uncle Sam" poster]] / Stay Off My LAWN! / {{Ya little brats...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close-up picture of a white spider]] / In Greek myth / Sisyphys was condemned to push a boulder up a hill / only to see it roll down again / for all eternity / Prometheus gets his liver torn out by an eagle every morning / it grows back every night / now that I think about it, / this waterspout / isn't...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Orange traffic barrels on numerous streets]] / It's spring! And the migration has begun. / These magnificent beasts, as strange as they are ubiquitous, have returned to their ancient migratory paths. / Paths which humans, / perhaps foolishly, / have paved. / {{The ecology of the American Midwestern...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[50's style magazine art featuring a mixer]] / Having trouble coming up with the right words for your next speech or corporate newsletter? Try the new... / Metaphor Mixer! / Just pour some stock phrases and chopped cliches into the bowl, then activate the malapropellers! / It slices! It dices!...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Longish grass with violets]] / <> / Weeds tremble as they hear the sound of his two cycle mower engine. / He can taste their fear. It tastes good. / He may just be a lawn gunman now, but someday he'll get his landscaping degree. / Then he'll truly be... / The Lawn Arranger. / {{That's...
 

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