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Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Brown robe with black leather belt, utility pouch, and handle for something vaguely resembling a lightsaber]] / The Jedi Diet: / "These are not the snacks you are craving." / {{It's not as clumsy or random as liposuction.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Flames in the background]] / If at first / you don't succeed / destroy all evidence / of your failures. / {{Use caution when activating the exothermic shredder.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Stone Godzilla in the background]] / Have you suffered from a reptile dysfunction? Symptoms can include any giant lizard attack. Giant monsters, technically known as "Kaiju," can affect any large city anywhere in the world. Here you'll find important information about the myths, and the reality, behind...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Woodcut of man holding a green vial]] / Soilante Verde Hominum Est / {{Amazing archaeological discovery shows the fall of the Roman Empire in an entirely new light.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Two little monkey finger-puppets]] / It's as easy / and fun as / shooting fish in / a barrel / full of monkeys / {{This isn't usually what's meant when you say you're giving someone both barrels.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Narrow metal bars on a stone background]] / Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage; / But they're a really good start. / And you'd better get the basics right / or the guard towers, barbed wire and search lights will look pretty silly. / {{Also, all the prisoners would just be...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Computerized picture of a horse]] / NUOPRD: Network Utilities Office, Password Reset Division. How can I help you? / Pink: I'd like a pony. / NUOPRD: A pony? / Pink: Yes, that's right. / NUOPRD: Not a password reset? / Pink: Nope. Pony. / NUOPRD: Ok, you'll need to dial 555-0351. This is...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Picture of a nun with a scuba mask and rebreather.]] / Pink: Wimple is just a cool word. / Blue: So is scuba. / Pink: I'd wear a wimple. Just because it sounds cool. / Blue: You know... You _could_ wear both scuba gear and a wimple at the same time. / Pink: Now that I think about it, i probably...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Plain background with blue logo at bottom of image area]] / Pink: Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if the Mongol Horde had held on to their conquests? / Blue: Sometimes. I'm sure language would be different, for one thing. / TV: Hi! I'm Gehngis Vila. Welcome to "This Old Yurt." / {{"We...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Eerie sky with blurry trees]] / Rejected First Drafts: Robert Frost / Whose woods these are, I do not care; / His house is somewhere over there. / He will not see me standing here, / To watch his woods fill up with hair. / {{If I saw something like that happening, I'd stop and watch it too.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Cat in a cardboard box swatting at a tiny plastic zombie]] / The general who is skilled in defense hides in the most secret recesses of the Earth; he who is skilled in attack flashes forth from the topmost heights of Heaven. / Thus on the one hand we have the ability to protect ourselves; on the...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Fault map of California superimposed over a seismograph indicating a powerful earthquake]] / Attention, residents of Southern California! / Recent studies by the United States Geological Survey have revealed that we did, in fact, build several area cities on rock and roll. / Please contact your...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Sepia-toned photograph of Babylonian ziggurat.]] / Movies like "National Treasure" and the "Indiana Jones" series will ruin archaeology. / New students will be discouraged by the long hours spent studying history. / The careful and tedious excavations. / Long hours spent in dusty museums. / Especially...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Bright red bottle of detergent labeled: Ultra desecrated DAMN - brimstone scent]] / Gets grease way the hell out of your way. / {{Also available in "Burning Pitch" and new "Rotting Flesh" scents.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[A selection of appropriate glasswre]] / The Mason jar / The Illuminati flask / The Opus Dei decanter / The Skull-and-Bones sippy cup / {{I'm convinced that every secret society has an interesting means of serving and storing beverages. The Masons are the only ones that have lent their name to...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Two 1940's guys in ties working on some circuits and wires]] / Axiom Destruction Labs has determined that "Knowing" is actually only 47.835% of the battle. / Please recalibrate all battle plans accordingly. / {{Improperly callibrated equipment may be why G.I. Joe has never fully defeated the forces...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Circuit diagram over a phone junction box]] / I dreamed that I was so angry with somebody / that I somehow transported myself through the phone lines / just so I could punch them. / When I stepped out of their phone, they were very surprised. / Especially since my pants / had gotten lost in transit. / {{I...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Lots of blank white panels]] / Here's one of the inescapable laws of graphic design: / You will spend hours working on a design that you really like - / - and a few minutes on half a dozen other rough drafts to show the client. / WHen you show the client all the designs, / they will ALWAYS pick...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Eye in grey face, reflecting the Earth from space]] / First, the good news: / The anti-gravity formula works. / {{Oddly, this is also the bad news.]]
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close-up of screw top wine bottles]] / Blue: Ah, a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou... / Pink: Actually, we're out of bread. / Pink: We do have vegetarian min-corndogs. They're breaded! / Blue: And the wine / Pink: Individual serving-sized bottles / Blue: Poetry is dead. / {{It takes a...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Siamese cat with brightly glowing eyes]] / Cat: No time to stop and chat. / Cat: I've got places to go. / Cat: And heretics to incinerate. / {{By a strange coincidence, today is this cat's birthday. I'm sure the fact that he's turning 13 years old on a Friday the 13th is also merely a coincidence....
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [["Webcomic Police" badge with lipstick print]] / Madame Ruth Inc. has issued a voluntary recall of all love potion formulations numbered 1 through 8 inclusive. / Affected products are not dangerous, but have a loss of color and an "off" odor. / When mixed in the kitchen sink, they will smell like...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Eerily colored basketballs]] / Yellow: I need to come up with a new euphemism for someone who habitually does stupid things / Blue: "Witfree"? / Pink: How about "Clue Poor"? / Yellow: "Short Brained"? / Blue: I like that... / Pink: Yeah, if you're short handed you can always hire more help. ...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Two children illuminated by a giant atomic nucleus with a giant hand poking one of the neutrons out of it]] / The construction of the Superconducting Supercollider in Dallas was halted in 1993 / But it wasn't because of the cost overruns. / Early testing showed that the scientific results couldn't...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Medieval musicians singing]] / Fynde ye musics from yon shelf / I'll hearken to them bye mineself / Thyne modern musics haveth noght t'same soul / If "disco" goeth I e'er insyde / I shall noght ten minute byde / I wouldst have ouilder-fashioned rock and roll / {{Unfortunately, the square notation for...
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Odd crystal ball]] / Blue: Ok, I've got a question... / Pink: Go ahead. / Blue: If you're doing your job well, you're "on the ball." / Pink: Right. / Blue: If you mess up at work, you've "dropped the ball." / Pink: Correct. / Blue: So how can you drop something that you're standing on? / Pink:...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Library shelves full of books]] / Why don't people pay attention to the sign? / It's quite clear: / All Books Must Be Checked Out 15 Minutes Before Closing / Yet, here it is, ten minutes before closing... / ...and there are still HUNDREDS of books left on the shelves! / {{There's another sign outside...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Two brown eggs stamped with labels reading "Contents: 1 Chicken (Some assembly required)"]] / Truth-in-packaging laws / have recently become / much more strict / {{The labels on cans of tuna are quite similar. }}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Ice cream scoop superimposed over recipe and ice cream maker]] / We're making raspberry sorbet / The kind y ou'd find in a second-hand store. / {{I'd love to give appropriate credit to the person who wrote the recipe, but I can't find the Unicode character for the symbol that they used for their...
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Image of a VW Bug with a huge digital readout in the windshield]] / Sorry the comic is so late. / I've had this 24-hour bug... / {{Seriously, I feel like I should be checking the back seat for Keifer Sutherland.}}
 

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