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| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Close-up of a squirrel eating something]] / I heard something... That human made the tongue-clicking sound. / I am studying their language and I think I know what that sound means. / It means they have too much bread and they want me to take some from their fingers. / It is a poor substitute for the fingertip itself, but it will suffice.
/ For now. / {{University of Michigan Diag Squirrels have no fear and no scruples. They will eat anything with glee. Or ketchup.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-10-07 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Go carts racing around grasshopper]] / Quick, turn around! / Drive faster! / I think it spotted us! / {{If only one of those go-karts had Peter Graves on board...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-10-14 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Siamese cat relaxing and looking at camera]] / Cat: The Ancient Egyptians.. / Cat: They used to worship us as gods. / Cat: It worked out pretty well for everyone... / Cat: ..up until that whole damn "Stargate" incident. / {{This works for either the series or the movie. No prob.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-10-21 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Squirrel in partially snowy grass]] / Look at one of us, and what do you see? / You see the tail.
/ The big fluffy tail. / It's like a huge chunk of your primate brain just shuts right off.
/ Which is fine by us. / It keeps you from treating us like what we really are.
/ Rats.
/ Cute rats with fluffy tails. / {{So sayeth the bald chimp.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-10-28 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Close up of Darth Vader mask]] / By now, it's common knowledge that George Lucas came up with the names for his Star Wars villains by taking words starting with "in-" and knocking the first two letters off. / I'd like to introduce some of the lesser known knock-offs. / [[Darth Vader in a straight jacket]] / Darth Sane / [[Darth Vader having his mug shot taken]] / Darth Carcerated / [[Darth Vader in a sweaty sleeveless t-shirt]] / Darth Elegant / [[Darth Vader wearing a beer hat]] / Darth Ebriated / [[Darth Vader in chef's garb]] / Darth Edible / [[Darth Vader wearing surgical scrubs]] / Darth Tern / [[Darth Vader with an arm in a cast]] / Darth Jured / [[A tiny Darth Vader in the corner of the panel]] / Darth Conspicuous / [[A blurry Darth Vader]] / Darth Distinct / [[A baby wearing a Darth Vader helmet]] / Darth Fant / [[Photonegative of Darth Vader]] / Darth Verted / [[Darth Vader on fire]] / Darth Flammable / [[Darth Vader standing in front of a urinal]] / Darth Continent / [[Transparent knock-out shaped like Darth Vader]] / Darth Visible. / {{I think I've figured out why Obi Wan and Yoda decided to hide Luke back on Anakin's home planet. It was a trap. You've got whiny farmboy out there as bait, with Obi Wan just waiting to pounce on Vader and finish the job he started back on Lava World™. Trouble is, Vader never showed up. Probably Darth Tuition saw through the plan and tipped him off...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-11-04 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Foggy deep woods, early November]] / Purple: Forget guns and bows. You want a real sport? Try "Death from above knife hunting." / Blue: Nothin' says sportsmanship like the sight of a guy armed with a sharp knife dropping out of a tree onto the back of a deer. / Purple: Unless it's the look of panic on his face as he tries to cling to the back of an enraged and wounded beast as it gallops pell-mell through the forest, blood spraying everywhere. / Blue: Yep. Can't get much closer to nature than the realization that you're miles away from the hope of timely medical attention. / {{Firearm deer season in Michigan is two weeks long and starts on November 15th. I have no idea when DFA-Knife season starts.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-11-11 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[VW Bug]] / Blue: In most examples, haiku doesn't have a rhyme. Rhythm is the key. / Pink: And it tends to be very subtle. There are very few examples of western poetry where that's the case. / Blue: Yeah, we exaggerate. Like in the limerick: "There ONCE was a MAN from VerDUN." / Pink: Or military marching cadences. Rhyming couplets, seven syllables, strict rhythm. / Blue: People think it's kind of LAME! Our mom dresses us the SAME! / Pink: ... You do know they often carry guns, right? / {{Actually, it's not fair to blame the mom. Really, when you think about the whole "Uncle Sam" imagery, it's possible that mom and dad aren't around at all anymore. Their uncle is doing the best he can, raising this new family... It's all very Family Affair, except with no Mrs. Beasley. And with R. Lee Ermey as Mr. French.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-11-18 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Old B&W photograph of a man undergoing eye exam.]] / Doctor: Do me a favor? / Attendant: Yes doctor? / Doctor: Look up "leeches" in the large book on the desk in my study. / Attendant: Researching a cure for his condition? / Doctor: No, it's a phone book. I think he could use a good lawyer. / {{Ah, lawyer jokes. They never seem to get old.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-11-25 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Old B&W picture showing a group of students watching teacher point out areas of previous comic.]] / Teacher: If you look extremely carefully at the previous comic, you can see the tiny speck of original humor, right about here. / {{Fourth wall? What fourth wall?}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-12-02 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Green ice under dark blue sky]] / The whole "Fortress of Solitude" idea has some flaws. / Running out of toilet paper, for example. / Thought balloon: Well, &#!%. / {{I can't think of any way that any of his powers could help with this situation. In fact, most of them would make things worse...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-12-09 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Exterior of large boat]] / Pink: What's the difference between a "tizzy" and a "huff"? / Blue: You can leave in a huff. You have to work yourself into a tizzy. / Pink: But you can leave in a tizzy too, right? After you work yourself into it. / Blue: I suppose. / Pink: So a tizzy is sort of a sub-compact huff. / Blue: Or it's a huff that's been badly parked. / {{Tizzies are more versatile than huffs. Once you work yourself into a tizzy, you don't actually have to go anywhere. If you try to stay someplace in a huff, people just look at you funny.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-12-16 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Angry looking red-eyed pigeon on a railing]] / The pinnacle of stealth military hardware prepares for an attack run... / Pigeon: TARGET ACQUIRED! / ... An artificially intelligent airborne drone, completely indistinguishable from an actual pigeon. / Pigeon: PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF! / It would be the perfect robotic weapon. / Pigeon: BOMBARDIER READY! / Unfortunately, it only ever seems to attack freshly washed cars. / {{I kind of hope that this comic is the internet's sole source of flying robot poop humor. Honestly though, I'm just afraid to do the Google search to find out for sure.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-12-23 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Small grey cat attacking a bit of pink ribbon]] / What is speed in fighting? / Is it the velocity of your hands, feet and body movement? / Or are there other, prevalent essentials in a good fighter? / What is a good fighter? / A good fighter is one who can hit his opponent - / - quicker, harder, without much perceptible effort, - / - and yet avoid being hit. / He doesn't only possess a pair of fast hands and feet - / - and quick body movement - / - but he has other qualities - / - such as non-telegraphic moves, good coordination - / - perfect balance and keen awareness. / {{The text for ths strip is from "Bruce Lee's Speed Training," by Bruce Lee and M. Uyehara. The images are from the dangerous combination of a small cat and a bit of string.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2005-12-30 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Stove with steaming kettle on a burner]] / Pink: Hey, you know what would be cool? / Blue: A steam powered spaceship. / Pink: ... A tea powered what? / Blue: Spaceship! But not tea, just steam. I suppose tea could be an engine by-product... I just think a steam powered spaceship would be cool, anyway. / Blue: What were you thinking of? / Pink: I can't remember. It's been driven out of my head. / Blue: See! That's how cool my idea is! No other cool idea can stand being in the same head with it. / {{The "tea powered spaceship" is perilously close to something Douglas Adams has already done.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-01-06 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Siamese cat lying on floor in front of dresser. A bottle of 1800 Tequila lies nearby.]] / Pink: Holy crap! Did you drink that whole bottle? / Cat: We were godsh... / Pink: Dude, this is my bedroom. Not ancient Egypt. And WHAT is that SMELL?!? / Cat: Itsh a gift for my loyal follwersh. Itsh mummifying under your dresher.... / {{The ancient Egyptians knew plenty about beer and wine (they called them hqt and yrp). Archaeologists are a little vague on the subject of ancient Egyptian tequila.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-01-13 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Assorted breads and rolls]] / Music: ... Someone left a cake out in the rain... / Blue: Was that a major problem in macarthur park? Baked goods, abandoned to the mercy of the elements? / Pink: Yeah. The police were baffled. You only hear about the cake in the rain, but there were others. / Blue: The doughnuts in the deluge? / Pink: Macaroons in the monsoon. / Blue: Crisps in the mists. / Pink: Wheat in the sleet. / Blue: Hm... That one doesn't really follow. Everything else is baked, but that's a raw grain. / Pink: You're right. It's probably a copy-cat. Cereal offenders tend to stick to a pattern. / {{I bet you thought there was going to be a cops and doughnuts joke.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-01-20 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Wooden state of a humanoid with an elephant head]] / Single Wooden Cursed Elephant Idol / Likes: Dancing, Big Band jazz, Devotion of blood cult / Seeking: Romance, Vengeance against those who defiled my temple / Non smokers preferred / {{I have no idea if there's a curse on this guy or not. He sure looks like he ought to be carrying a curse. Or reading a newspaper.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-01-27 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Translucent sculpture superimposed over map of Ann Arbor]] / In preparation for Detroit's Superbowl... / ...twelve football-shaped sculptures were set up all over Ann Arbor. / One of them was stolen. / Fortunately, the police were able to recover it / before it hatched. / {{The number 12 is so laden with occult significance that there's practicaly no way that the football statues are not part of some mysterious Rosicrucian / Masonic plot to unleash chtonic terror on an unsuspecting stadium full of football fans. The true test will be seeing if the creatures can survive walking through some rather rough parts of Detroit on the way to the game.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-02-03 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[People in white coats gathered around a doctor, watching him work.]] / Observer: I should probably have asked you this earlier... but... When you said, "I've been practicing medicine for years." did you mean "practicing" as in "Successfully performing surgery." or "Practicing" as in "Rehearsing by poking knives into my sister's 'Make Me Pretty Barbie Head'?" / {{The "Make Me Pretty Barbie Head" has to be the creepiest of all kids toys. For those of you not in the know, it's basically a stand-alone head, with hair, that small children can use to practice their cosmetology skills. Sort of like a plastic John the Baptist for kids.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-02-10 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[George W. Bush at podium]] / When I heard about the new initiative to ban human / animal hybrids...
/ my first concern wasn't about the setback to medical science.
/ It was sympathy for the soon-to-be unemployed mascots and spokesanimals. / [[McGruff]] / Like McGruff, the Crime Fighting Dog. / [[Woodsy Owl]] / Woodsy Owl / [[Smokey Bear]] / And whoever it is who has to tell smokey the bear..
/ ...that he's been fired. / {{This is just my smart-assed take on a serious problem. If you're a diabetic, you may very well owe your life to insulin produced by bacteria that has been hybridized with human DNA. If you have cancer, the most promising treatments have been developed using lab animals that have been hybridized with human DNA. If you've got a chronic heart condition, your life may be saved by an operation to implant a heart valve made from animal tissue. / Those lives seem like a lot to give up just because the President is frightened of furries.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-02-17 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Michigan Theatre marquee, showing double feature of "Get Rich Or Die" and "Brokeback Mountain"]] / Blue: What if, when gangsta rappers talked about their "posse" they actually did have a group of cowboys following them around? / Pink: Wearing really low slung chaps. / Blue: Cowboy hats on at bizarre angles. / Pink: Huge diamond covered belt buckles. / Blue: Slouching around in cowboy boots with nike and converse logos. / Pink: Holding their six-guns sideways when they shoot. / Blue: And can you even get a low-rider horse? / Pink: Does a shetland pony count? / Blue: Yes. By tapping its tiny little hoof on the ground. / {{Has anyone asked Kid Rock about this?}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-02-24 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Pastoral picnic scenes on the right, slowly zooming in on the grill, where someone is cooking a giant ant.]] / 15 second commercial spot / Cue Music: High Hopes / Voiceover:
/ A picnic...
/ Wouldn't be a picnic....
/ Without Ants. / Them.
/ They're what's for dinner. / A message from the American Giant Ant Council / {{Giant Ant provides an essential vitamin that isn't found in any other food group. Tragically, few people get their USRDA of Giant Ant. It's a little known fact that when they re-vamped the Food Pyramid, they were going to add an entire slice just for Giant Ant based foods. Sadly, lobbyists managed to eliminate this revision while it was being debated in committee. As a result, Giant Ant supplements are forced to use the innocuous code name "Yellow #6". Look for it in the ingredient list of common foods you already enjoy, and rest secure in the knowledge that you're eating healthy, because you're eating Giant Ant.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-03-03 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Charts and graphs superimposed and broken up with odd lines]] / People who don't understand statistics frequently complain
/ that a researcher is "Pulling numbers out of their ass."
/ As if that were somehow an easy thing to do. / I mean, a "1" seems easy until you get it wedged sideways.
/ "2" and "5" are awkward, at best.
/ And don't even get me started on "7" or "4". / {{I was wondering if this comic was suitably family friendly. Then I remembered that I'd already set the bar fairly low with the flying robot poop comic.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-03-10 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Aerial view of the University of Michigan Hospital]] / Pink: You know that plane crash in the andes? / Blue: Recently? / Pink: No, the one in the 70's with the rugby players. / Blue: Where they wound up eating their dead? / Pink: Yeah... I don't think I'd have a problem with that. / Blue: ... So I should start stocking the first aid kit with barbecue sauce? Or do you think you'd be better with salsa? / {{For those of you who can't wait for a tragic plane crash, I'd recommend trying Hufu instead.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-03-17 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Rear angle view of someone wearing jeans]] / He tried to explain that it was like phrenology / just a slightly... different way of feeling someone's personality traits / But by then he'd usually already been slapped / or arrested / or both / {{Phrenology is from the Greek: phren - "mind" and logos - "study". I'm not sure what this would be, mostly because I can't find any quick references to what the ancient Greek word for "buttock" is.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-03-24 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Classic "Uncle Sam" poster]] / Stay Off My LAWN! / {{Ya little brats...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-03-31 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Close-up picture of a white spider]] / In Greek myth
/ Sisyphys was condemned to push a boulder up a hill / only to see it roll down again / for all eternity / Prometheus gets his liver torn out by an eagle every morning / it grows back every night / now that I think about it, / this waterspout
/ isn't so bad / {{Forget hypothetical half-full vs half-empty glasses. The true test of if someone is an optimist or a pessimist is how they perceive the story of the Itsy Bitsy Spider.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-04-07 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Orange traffic barrels on numerous streets]] / It's spring! And the migration has begun. / These magnificent beasts, as strange as they are ubiquitous, have returned to their ancient migratory paths. / Paths which humans, / perhaps foolishly, / have paved. / {{The ecology of the American Midwestern Striped Traffic Barrel is a sadly unrecognized field of academic study.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-04-14 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[50's style magazine art featuring a mixer]] / Having trouble coming up with the right words for your next speech or corporate newsletter? Try the new... / Metaphor Mixer! / Just pour some stock phrases and chopped cliches into the bowl, then activate the malapropellers! / It slices! It dices! It makes a hash out of the English language! / You'll be rolling out dough while envious co-workers tear down the path to your door! / Soon phrases will be springing to mind like water off the backs of all your ducks in a row! / You'll be just like the blind tiger with a stopwatch that he eats twice a day! / AS SEEN ON TV! / {{The hard part about deliberately writing mixed metaphors is stopping. I know for a while I'm going to have to run everything I write through a fine toothed comb before hanging it up high to dry.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-04-21 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Longish grass with violets]] / < http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2006-04-28 |