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| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Creepy old house with family on the porch and lawn]] / In some small towns people still leave their house doors unlocked all the time. / Mom: We've got _such_ a lovely spiked pit trap underneath the foyer carpet. It'd be a real shame if we didn't make use of it. / {{And the contact poison on the doorknobs is an effective backup plan. _Invited_ guests get a nice refreshing cup of antidote.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-07-08 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[500 mL bottle of intravenous saline solution with dozens of flies floating around in it]] / Intravenous Flytrap / {{A bottle full of nightmare fuel.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-07-15 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Letterhead from Axiom Destruction Labs in front of an odd four-colored fruit]] / Below is listed the executive summary of your commission, ?Comparing Apples to Oranges?. Be advised that the full and exhaustive seven volume study (in which we compare all available varieties of apples to all available varieties of orange) will be arriving by courier in two to ve business days. We thank you for your patronage. / Commonalities: Both apples and oranges are tree-borne fruit, roughly spherical in shape and approximately equal in size. An average example from each variety of fruit would provide 23g of sugars (92 kCal). Both have acidic juice and are generally considered to be ?tart? and ?sweet?. / Diff erences: / Apples
/ Color: broad spectrum, ranging from dark red to light green (~700 - 500 nm)
/ Exterior: thin, edible skin. Usually eaten, but sometimes peeled and discarded.
/ Interior: white or very light colored homogenous pulp surrounding a 'core' of tough, fibrous stem surrounded by compartmentalized seeds.
/ Juice: highly acidic PH of 2.9-3.3
/ Typical weight of a large Apple - ~223g
/ Calories, total: 116 / Oranges
/ Color: narrow spectrum, mostly orange with some red-orange or orange-yellow
/ varieties (~650 - 580 nm)
/ Exterior: thick, bitter skin. Usually peeled and discarded, but sometimes 'zested' and
/ used as a seasoning.
/ Interior: compartmentalized, juicy orange colored pulp surrounding a 'core' of
/ tougher, fi brous material. Seeds (when present) are near the center of the pulp
/ compartments.
/ Juice: moderately acidic PH of 3.3-4.2
/ Typical weight of a Navel Orange - ~270g
/ Calories, total: 132 / Mitch Quarrel
/ Axiom Destruction Laboratories
/ Botanical Di erentiation Division
/ (zz/mq) / {{Apples and oranges aren't that different. It's not like you're comparing, for example, "punctuality to hippopotamus".}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-07-22 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Exterior of a closed restaurant]] / Blue: Did you hear they shut down the "Pita Parade"? / Pink: Oh no! What for? / Blue: Health code violations. They found some itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie yellow polka-dots in the tahini. / {{I want to manage a 1950's style female vocal group called "Bobbi Ghannouj and the Tahinis."}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-07-29 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Three doctors gathered around a lab table]] / Dr. Green: What is the diagnosis, Doctor? / Dr. Rose: It seems that the patient has... Everything. / Dr. Green: What?! / Dr. Rose: The lab tested for every disease they could think of. Every test came back positive. / Dr. Blue: How are you planning on treating him? / Dr. Rose: I'm not sure yet. What do you get for the man who's got everything? / {{The folks in the lab have never seen anything like it. Well, _individually_ they have, they've just never seen it all at once in the same place.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-08-05 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Bat-winged dark figure plummeting out of clouds toward the Earth]] / Lucifer: I have Fallen! And I cannot get up! / {{"We're sending help immediately, Mr. Lucifer."}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-08-12 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Two men in an office]] / Caption: Meanwhile... the League of Moderate Malevolence is interviewing some new super-villain recruits! / Interviewer: Tell me about yourself. / Dr. E: I am the insidious Doctor Earworm! / Interviewer: Impressive name! So you employ some sort of brain-controlling parasite? / Dr. E: No. I simply hum a few notes from a popular song... and will continually repeat in your head! All day! / Interviewer: I see... I'm sorry, I don't think you're _quite_ what the League needs right now. / Dr. E: Well, what do you suggest I do with my amazing powers? / Interviewer: Perhaps a career as a "Classic Rock" DJ? / {{The League would later regret that decision after the Insidious Doctor Earworm held the New York Stock Exchange hostage by whistling a few notes of "It's a Small World" through the PA system just before the opening bell.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-08-19 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Very close view of Tess from just below her chin]] / The last thing
/ a Kibble
/ will ever see / {{To kibble, her hunger is a thing from legends. Kibble in the bag whisper tales of her to frighten themselves. And then there is - too brief - the light, the scoop, the bowl... And then nothing.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-08-26 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Pink penguins on fresh snow]] / The Institute of Advanced Mad Science utterly failed in their attempt to engineer the "Penguino" - an adorable flightless seabird with pink plumage. / [[Gangly black birds in a swamp]] / Instead, they found themselves with a flock of "Flemguins" - black-clad bottom feeders with a call like a wet, strangled cough. / {{If you want to imitate the call of a flemguin, try gargling with a cup of warm butterscotch pudding.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-09-02 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Red M?bius strip on a white background]] / You may think you know the truth about the Mobius Strip... / But you only ever hear about one side. / {{We've moved beyond topical humor to topological humor.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-09-09 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Medieval ink drawing of an archer in a green surcoat]] / Interviewer: So, Mr. Hood, tell us a bit about yourself. / Bob Hood: Please, call me Bob. / Bob Hood: Currently, I'm the chief fundraising officer for the Sherwood Charitable Trust. I supervise a highly motivated band of about thirty guys. / Bob Hood: My main strength is long-range planning. Once I've got a target, I can almost guarantee that I'll hit it. / {{Robin "Bob" Hood also excelled at resource management, reassigning materials and personel from overstaffed projects and allocating them where they were scarse.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-09-16 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Three panels of riots with burning cars, police wielding batons and protesters on the ground]] / The Connoisseur... / Panel 1: "A bold, colorful, sporting Mob. The rampant hooliganism is brash and powerful, but there's a mellow undercurrent of smashed beer bottle." / Panel 2: "This solid Urban riot has classic Californian roots, hearkening back to vintages such as Watts and the Rodney King Verdict." / Panel 3: "A young, exuberant Anarchist riot with strong overtones of tear gass and pepper spray, and just a hint of Patchouli." / {{And don't get him started on the relative merits of different vintages of tear gas.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-09-23 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Worried looking girl crouching in front of collage of location photos]] / Little Jenny has an irrational fear of a particular nationally franchised chain of restaurant-bakeries. / Her doctor calls it "Paneranoia". / {{I was thinking of making a horror movie set in a bakery called "Night of the Living Bread."}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-09-30 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Close-up of a werewolf creature wearing glasses with powerful magnifying lenses]] / A minor typographical error in the curse
/ transformed him into a terrifying creature
/ with an eye for fine, detailed work. / The Loupe Garou / {{This is why you never use auto-correct when casting spells.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-10-07 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Press conference]] / Speaker: As you know, when people think "October" they think "Halloween." / Speaker: However, October is also "National Breast Cancer Awareness Month." / Speaker: We think that there is an untapped synergy here. / Speaker: That's why I'm pleased to announce our new "Fangs for the Mammaries" campaign... / Caption: Never let the Council of Bad Ideas develop your public service campaign. / {{Even worse, the campaign logo is a bra with fangs.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-10-14 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Black cat in front of broomstick.]] / Cat: "How do I like flying?" / Cat: Let me put it this way... / Cat: You know the phrase, "If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes"? / Cat: Same thing. But the butt I'm staring at isn't even the right species. / {{The literal "Straw that Broke the Camel's Back" was attached to a witch's broom and was traveling in excess of 100 MPH at the time.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-10-21 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Zombies standing in front of giant map]] / Caption: The International Jamboree Organizing Committee is in session.. / Zom: Our next item of business is the location for the upcoming Jamboree. / Bob: Let's have it somewhere warm this year - like Puerto Rico or Hawaii. / Zom: The Pureto Rico convention vureau claims the whole island is booked solid. And Hawaii sent a court order banning us. / Bob: Typical. Are there any _positive_ responses? / Zom: Reykjavik, Helsinki, St. Petersberg... And New York sent in the traditional bid for Long Island Cemetary. / Bob: This is in _February!_ We'll freeze our bits off! / Zom: Face facts, Bob. The bits are gonna fall off anyway. / {{If your hotel or convention center is interested in hosting the Jamboree, it's probably a good idea to make sure that your pool, hot tub and sauna are 'closed for remodeling' at the time.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-10-28 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Two victorian gentlemen in an urban setting]] / Beige: Who is that dark-complexioned private agent who is considered quite a Rou?? / Plum: Why, you must mean Shaft! He's always willing to risk himself for the sake of his compatriots. / Beige: I take it that he's the sort of chap who would never flee in the face of adversity? / Plum: I should say not! You must understand that Shaft is a bad moth- / Beige (interrupting): I say! There's no call for that sort of language! / Plum: I am merely discoursing about Shaft. / Beige: Indeed, I quite understand. / {{He's an enigmatic fellow, and only his female companion comprehends him.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-04 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Two men in Victorian dress talking in the street]] / Mr. Rose: Who is that dark-complexioned private agent who is considered quite a Rou?? / Mr. Violet: Why, you must mean Shaft! / Mr. Violet: He's always willing to risk himself for the sake of his compatriots. / Mr. Rose: I take it that he's the sort of chap who would never flee in the face of adversty? / Mr. Violet: I should say not! You must understand that Shaft is a bad moth- / Mr. Rose (interrupting): I say! There's no call for that sort of language! / Mr. Violet: I am merely discoursing about Shaft. / Mr. Grey: Indeed. I quite understand. / {{He's an enigmatic fellow, and only his female companion comprehends him.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-05 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Head and shoulders of Ella Fitzgerald crashing ashore in heavy surf]] / November 10th was the 35th anniversary of the Great Lakes maritime disaster: the Wreck of the Ella Fitzgerald. / {{It's the ultimate in "Good News / Bad News". You're going to drown, but Gordon Lightfoot is going to write a popular song about you.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-11 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-12">http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-12 | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Large studio microphone labeled "WTMI"]] / Announcer: / Good evening everyone and welcome back to WTMI Radio!
/ Bringing you all the information you need, and a _whole lot more!_
/ And now the news:
/ There's very heavy traffic southbound on 23...
/ Internet rumor has pegged that video with the fish as a fake...
/ And according to the woman on her cellphone at the restaurant: the cream hasn't made the itching any better! / {{People on cellphones are willing to share all sorts of information with total strangers who just happen to be within earshot.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-18 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Radio microphone]] / Announcer: Good evening everyone and welcome back to WTMI radio! / Announcer: Bringing you all the information you need, and a _whole lot more!_ / Announcer: And now the news: / Announcer: There's very heavy traffic southbound on 23... / Announcer: Internet rumor has pegged that video with the fish as a fake... / Announcer: And according to the woman on her cellphone at the restaurant, the cream hasn't made the itching any better! / {{People on cellphones are willing to share all sorts of information with total strangers who just happen to be within earshot.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-19 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Still from Wizard of Oz showing the Munchkin Coroner]] / Coroner: As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. / Blue: Seriously? How did you manage to do that? The body is stuck under a house and her legs just withered away! Not exactly the best conditions for an autopsy! / Coroner: And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead. / Blue: Are you sure she's not faking it? Maybe she's just pretending not to have a pulse? Really. / {{Next up on "CSI: Munchkinland" - A culture of corruption is exposed as the coroner and his cronies fake an investigation into the death of the Wicked Witch of the East...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-11-25 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Man behind counter, surrounded with goats. On the back wall is a sign in gothic type reading "Coat check"]] / A basic truth about sign design:
/ the most interesting font
/ is not always the right one for the job. / {{Also: a good rule of thumb is that you should tip around $1 a goat.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-12-02 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Demonic figure in front of burnt out circuit board]] / Are you tired of high-quality tools that last a lifetime? / Hi, Gizmodeus here with the simple solution to your problem: cheap plastic crap. / Why buy a simple metal knife that can last for years when you could get a slicing tool surrounded by a plastic housing guaranteed to crack after a few months of use? / High quality tools can cost fifty dollars or more! My minions and I will sell you a single-purpose, non-biodegradable gadget for just $19.95 plus shipping. / For under twenty dollars, you can have a cheaply constructed, toxic, landfill-choking tool that cost us just pennies to make! / Order now and we'll include some cleaning products that are probably perfectly safe for use around pets or small children! / {{Call our toll-free number to talk to one of our sub-minimum wage sales representatives and use your credit card to buy our crap with a short-term, high-interest loan today!}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-12-09 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Dark chasm]] / "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you." / [[Mostly-empty coffee pot]] / "When you stare into the coffee pot, the coffee pot stares back into you." / [[Macaroni salad]] / "When you stare into the macaroni salad, the macaroni salad stares back into you." / [[Goldfish pond]] / "When you stare into the goldfish pond..." / Editor: Yes, thank you Mr. Neitzsche. I think perhaps the first one is sufficient for the book... / {{Behind every great philosopher is an even better editor.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-12-16 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Two notepads]] / Things you can do (lyrically)
/ Leave your hat on.
/ Dance, if you want to.
/ Call me "Al".
/ Drive my car.
/ Get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant.
/ Anything I can do, but not as well.
/ Get what you need, sometimes.
/ Check out anytime you'd like. / Things you can't do (lyrically)
/ Hurry love.
/ Live with (or without) women.
/ Touch this.
/ Talk about me when I'm gone.
/ Have one without the other.
/ Everything I can do, better than I can.
/ Always get what you want.
/ Leave. / {{This list is by no means exhaustive.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2011-12-23 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Racks of CDs in record store]] / Pink: Looks like they're having a sale on Classical music. Would you prefer a full orchestra, or a small chamber ensemble? / Blue: See if they have anything by the Canadian Brass. I'd like to avoid any unnecessary violins. / {{Violins never solved anything.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2012-01-06 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Close shot of Tycho]] / Tycho (rapidly):
/ You want
/ my picture?
/ You're lucky.
/ I only
/ hold still
/ long enough
/ to look
/ beautiful. / {{Tycho is our Bishonen-boy cat. He also seems to be locked in to turbo speed mode, and seldom slows down long enough for the camera to focus on him.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2012-01-13 |