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Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Antique photo of medical students examining a skeleton]] / Student in cap: Ok, we've got bone_Foot, bone_Shin, bone_Knee, bone_leg, and all the rest up to bone_Head concatenated, so all we need to do is call the walk_Around function from within the main program... / {{A lot of junior Necromancers run into problems compiling their reanimation programs. LISP is an excellent accursed-object oriented programming language, but it can be kind of baffling for the beginner.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Crowd of glow-in-the-dark zombies holding signs reading 'brains' and 'Mrh!']] / Shouting voice: What do we want?!? / Zombies: Braiins... / Shouting voice; When do we want them?!? / Zombies: Braiins... / {{Zombies don't often protest on their own, but unscrupulous necromancers have been known to summon up a couple extra bodies if a protest crowd is looking too sparse.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Hot air balloon above trees]] / Pink: You look kinda depressed. What's wrong? / Blue: I just ran the numbers for the personal blimp. The balloon needs to be about twenty feet in diameter. / Pink: That won't fit in the garage. / Blue: I know. The laws of physics won't let me have any fun. / {{There's just something cool about the idea of a personal, pedal-powered helium airship. I actually started sketching out how a recumbant bicycle could be modified to drive a propellor system. Unfortunately, some of the shine comes off the concept once you calculate just how much helium you need to lift everything.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Comupter screen showing web site statistics for comic server]] / Pink: Anything fun in the server logs? / Blue: Yeah. It looks like there's a link to the comic from Wikipedia. / Pink: Really? In what context? / Blue: It's a page on comics that link to or mention Wikipedia. / Pink: You're not going to do a comic about that, are you? / Blue: Of course! What could possibly go wrong? / [[Inset of a smaller version of the strip, with an even smaller version inset within it, repeating until it is too small to read.]] / {{The original comic linked to from Wikipedia is this early one from June, 2006. The Wikipedia page linking to it is this one about Wikipedia in Webcomics. Uttering the phrase "What could possibly go wrong" is universally recognized as a Bad Idea. Recursion without termination is far from the worst possible answer.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[search engine window labeled "Fønétyx". In the search field is the word "Yaweh", below that is returned "Phonetic Web Results: Yaoi" and "Did you mean: Yahweh". Below both of these are several flesh-toned images that have been blurred out.]] / The beta-testing of the phonetic search engine came to an abrupt halt once it was demonstrated at the divinity college. / {{If you don't get it, look it up yourself. Just don't blame me. This comic took a while, mostly because I wanted to make sure it just skirted the fringes of being a family-safe comic rather than leaping squarely over the line..}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Antique pictures of airships of various types]] / These days, personal blimps have been replaced by corporate jets, limousines and fleets of customized cars. / If airships were still around, they'd probably get heavily customized. / Neon lights. Fog generators. Leopard print sheathing for the helium envelope. / MTV would have a whole show dedicated to the most gaudy of custom airships. / It'd be called "Pimp my blimp." / {{I've been looking at the Zeppelin and Blimp gallery over at Shorpy.com. It seems as if the airship was a symbol of prestige back in the early 1900's. If you were a member of the nobility, or a high ranking government official, or even just a wealthy industrialist, you either had a blimp, or wanted one.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Antique adding machine]] / I dreamed that I was an accountant. / And that I was trying to show a client the flaw in his business plan. / It was sort of like a rental car company. / Except he was going to rent out time machines. / And his profit margin was based on late fees. / {{The really frustrating thing was that everything else in the plan was fine. There were provisions for start-up costs, maintenance fees, advertising, fuel, power, equipment depreciation... It was beautifully done, apart from that one glaring flaw, and the client just couldn't understand it.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Collection of old camera equipment]] / Remember the blackmailer's credo: / Accentuate the positives, duplicate the negatives. / {{Thanks to digital photography, this comic isn't going to make any sense at all in ten years.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close up picture of packaged bologna]] / A good sommelier knows which white wine goes best with the lobster / A great sommelier knows which boxed wine goes best with the bologna / {{Would Monsieur care to sniff the rubberized gasket?}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[X-Ray image of a spine]] / Caption: Looks like there's a riot over at the back pain ward in the prison hospital... / <> / {{If your doctor tells you that the lumbar region is "where all the trees are," then I suggest you get a second opinion.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Split image of two sinks, one very plain and white, the other a gothic carved pedestal in black]] / Pink: What're you reading that has you laughing like that? / Blue: Plumbing catalogs! / Pink: Ok... Why? / Blue: Everything is in one of two styles: There's the sterile, geometric Swedish techno-dream or the neo-Gothic stuff that looks like it was stolen out of the bathroom of Dracula's whorehouse. / Pink: So which are you getting? / Blue: I was thinking we could mix and match... / Pink: We're NOT getting a gothic toilet. I don't want to literally be on a throne when I'm "on the throne." / {{Actually, I'm trying to find a happy, mission-style midpoint between the clinical and the excessive...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Movie poster - Jackie Chan looking at a ship in a bottle sailing on a stormy ocean]] / Jackie Chan / Drunken Master and Commander / - / The Bottom of the Bottle / {{The tagline on this may have been mistranslated - I'm not sure if it should be "bottle" or "barrel."}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Tiny plastic zombies carrying a gigantic brain-shaped stress ball]] / Lead Zombie: Mrh! Bugh-muh grhhgh mrh...* / Tail Zombie: Guy mrh buh...** / * Come on, guys! This will feed us all for a week! / ** Or me for a month... / {{Of course tiny plastic glow-in-the-dark zombies eat squishy nerf stress-ball brains. What else would they eat?}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Shattered picture of flaming powerbook]] / WE ARE EXPERIENCING / PHILOSOPHICAL DIFFICULTIES / Pink: Isn't that a technical problem? / Blue: No, it's a state of mind. / Pink: How so? / Blue: I think it's a functional computer, it thinks it's an extremely expensive hand warmer. / PLEASE STAND BY / {{No actual powerbooks were incinerated in the making of this comic.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close up shot of a blue rose]] / Roses are Red, Violets are Blue... / Everythings Relative, Nothing is True. / {{I don't know if that's a poem that I made up myself or if it's one that I read somewhere long enough ago that I've forgotten the source. It sounds vaguely like it should be scrawled in the margin of the Principia Discorida.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Leather bandolier with baby bottles instead of bullets]] / Pink: It's got to be tough finding specialized maternity clothes. / Blue: You mean like maternity businesswear or formal clothing? / Pink: Yeah. And uniforms. Maternity lab coats, maternity scrubs... / Blue: Well, at least there's the maternity bandolier for moms in the military and law enforcement. / Pink: I understand it's selling well as a baby shower gift in Texas. / {{Actually a couple of designers (Ann Taylor and Isabella Oliver for example) have some really good looking maternity business fashions. More specialized clothing is, however, still tough to find.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Picture of a Russian saint with halo holding a large cheeseburger. Text is pseuo-cyrillic]] / Icon has cheeseburger? / {{Somehow, the "LOL-saint" meme isn't quite as popular as the original...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close-up of eye]] / "Here's looking at you, kid." / "Here's looking / extremely / unsettlingly / closely / at you." / {{Imagine "Casablanca" if it had been written by George Orwell...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Edge of a newspaper section]] / Pink: Is that the sports page? / Blue: Yep! They're covering the Supervillain Olympics. I'm just checking up on the "Dramatic Last Words" event. / Pink: What're the results? / Blue: Commander Carnage took Bronze with the classic: "You fools! Nothing can stop me! I'm ALL-POWERF..." / The Crimson Reaper won the Silver medal by croaking out, "From beyond... the grave... I'll... have... VENGEANCE!" and then activating a death trap. / Pink: And the Gold? / Blue: Doctor Diabolicus: "No! Impossible! My experiment! My BEAUTIFUL experiment! AAAAhhhhghh..." / Pink: Nice! Who took last place? / Blue: The Tinfoil Turkey went to a new villain called "Steelfist." When it was his turn he said: "Um... Hang on a second." and the judges counted it. / {{Last words are extremely important for supervillains, and should be practiced until saying them is almost a reflex action. You don't want to be stuck trying to come up with something appropriate while your secret headquarters collapses in flames around you. The "Last Words" event at the Supervillain Olympics is the perfect venue for villains to show the time and effort they've put into this without requiring them to actually die. Points are awarded for originality, delivery and how well your words match your particular style of villainy.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Background of CDs]] / You've got a muttering face! / Big disk brakes! / Coconut candy all over the place! / More signs you may have a bootleg karaoke machine... / {{The first sign was that the track was titled "Weevils Rock You."}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Leaf impaled on a stick]] / Leaf (thinking): Ouch. / {{Autumn can be pointy and unpleasant.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Background of comic sound effects]] / Villain: What's going on here?! I thought I was your _Nemesis_! / Hero: Hey now, that's a bit much, don't you think? / Villain: All I know is, I turn my back for one second and here you are _thwarting_ another villain! / Hero: But they're evil! And besides, I just don't think I'm ready to have a _Nemesis_. / Villain: Well, what does that make me then? Just another member of your "Rogue's Gallery"? / Hero: No! Not at all! You're something special... Arch-Enemy maybe? / Villain: "Arch-Enemy?" Is that how you think of me? / Hero: Aw, come on! Don't be like that! / Villain: All this time I thought you were vulnerable to some mineral from space, but what you're _really_ afraid of is _commitment_! / {{The relationship between Hero and Nemesis is more complicated than anything else in heroic history. It can also be one of the most intimate. Villains and enemies, even arch-enemies, can come and go, but a nemesis is forever - even beyond the grave. There's many recorded cases of one member of a Hero / Nemesis pair returning from the grave to interfere with the plans of the other. Basically, once you've got a relationship like that, the only solution is mutual annihilation, aka the "Reichenbach Divorce."}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Orc warrior in battle armor]] / Orc: When I bite in to an Orc Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation... of seeing my enemies flee before me... And crushing them beneath the claws of my steel-grey Arctic wolf! / [[Wrapped candy with label reading "Orc Peppermint Pattie - Get the sensation!"]] / {{...And when he comes down off of the sugar high, he remembers that he's allergic to wolf dandruff, and that he's an insurance adjuster with an SUV.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Thermometer in ice reading around 14 degrees F]] / We're testing a new "Axiom Destruction Labs" refrigeration unit. / The axiom they were experimenting on was: "A Watched Pot Never Boils." / As it turns out, that's completely accurate. / We have no idea *why* this works. The current theory is that it's a practical application of the "Observer Paradox". / Nevertheless, one person watching one pot reduces the temperature enough to prevent it from boiling. / The freezer unit is a cabinet with thousands of real-time video feeds, constantly monitored. / This is also why they use such hot lights in TV studios. / Without them, a news anchor would freeze solid in a matter of seconds. / {{This is also why live cooking shows almost always end by showing you a fully cooked dish that they've prepared in advance.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Close-up of shiny brass clockwork]] / Blue: Hey cool! Today is "Pretend to be a Time Traveller" day! / Pink: I don't think I've heard of that one. / Blue: It's an internet holiday. Just like September 19th is "Talk like a Pirate Day", December 8th is "Pretend to be a Time Traveller" day. / Pink: But today's the 14th... OK, now you're just being silly. / {{"Pretend to Be a Time Traveller Day" is a concept coined by the creator of the beautifully surreal webcomic Dresden Codak.}}
 
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Bottle of beer]] / Oddly, the brewery's interstate distribution problem was due to the local boards of education, and not the ATF or the state Beverage Control Boards / [[Label reads: Darwin's Organic Ale, "The Natural Selection." (may not be available in AL, Ar, GA, KS, KY, MS, OH, SC, TX or WI.)]] / {{Yet another advertising budget approved by the Council of Bad Ideas.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Venetian clown mask on white background]] / All the world loves a clown. [[Big red "X"]] / Laugh, and the world laughs with you. [[Big red "X"]] / Let a smile be your umbrella. [[Big red "X"]] / Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. [[Big green checkmark]] / {{Masks like this one should only be used as nursery decorations if you are attempting to raise a future serial killer.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Movie Poster]] / With Burt and Ariel this much fun just couldn't be legal! / The Best Little Mermaid in Texas / {{Yet another mixed movie title...}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Immense pipe organ with pictures of various members of the Bach family. Logo in corner reads: Organ Hero III, Legends of Bach]] / {{This game comes with the revolutionary "simplified organ" controller - it has only two rows of 26 keys each, 13 foot pedals and 8 stops.}}
Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic [[Angry green parrot striking down from the upper right corner of the page.]] / Polly want... / ... a FINGER. / {{Sometimes, the bird flips you back.}}
 

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