You're browsing the archives of Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Dejected looking man in a lab coat, seated at a table]] / I'm not a MAD scientist. / I'm just a very, VERY DISAPPOINTED scientist. / {{I guess I was just expecting too much from you fools at the academy. }} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-03-20 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[A dark room]] / Haunting: Day 92 / < http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-03-27 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[A pair of pants]] / Blue: Did you upgrade to Pants 2.2 yet? / Pink: I'm still running Pants 2.0. / Blue: That's not good. Older versions have some serious security holes. You don't want your pants to be too easy to get in to. / Pink: Good point... Does it take a lot of time to install the upgrade? / Blue: Nah, it's just a couple of small patches. / {{Some people are still using Pants 1.x, but most people paid for the upgrade to Pants 2.0 because of the "Pockets" feature.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-04-03 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Cheerful man in red band uniform in a crowd of zombies]] / Harold Hill: Ya got zombies, folks! Right here in River City! / Harold Hill: With a capital "Z", and that rhymes with "G", and that stands for "Ghoul!" / {{I think I've found a fitting sequel to A Shoggoth On The Roof...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-04-10 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Four men examining some papers]] / Councilor 1: So! Tell us about this publishing venture you'd like us to finance. / Publisher: I'm planning on buying the publishing rights and reissuing A. A. Milne's "Pooh Bear" stories with new illustrations. / Councilor 2: Well... / Publisher: The new art will be done by H. R. Giger. / Councilor 3: You'll have your funding by Tuesday. / {{The Council of Bad Ideas never passes up an opportunity to warp young minds.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-04-17 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Slowly emptying glass of amber liquid]] / Drinking: The drinking game. / The rules are simple. / You must drink every time you take a drink. / You should also do this every time you drink. / {{The penalty for failing to follow these rules is that you have to take two drinks.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-04-24 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Antique photo of woman holding young boy's hand as they walk across the street]] / He always knew he'd grow up to be a pirate. / When he was only three years old, he would sneak into the back yard at night / Just to bury his little booties. / {{He was a tough kid, growing up on the mean streets of Penzance...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-05-01 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Crab apple with a hermit crab emerging from it]] / Hermit
/ Crab
/ Apple / {{From my nightmares to yours...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-05-08 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[House on a flatbed trailer in the middle of the road]] / Pink: Aha! I see why traffic has been so screwy. / Blue: Someone put their house / in the middle of their street. / Pink: Yeah. That's just madness. / {{Well, to be fair, it was where they used to sleep.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-05-15 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Letterhead for Axiom Destruction Laboratories]] / From: Axiom Destruction Laboratories
/ Theoretical Mathematics Division / To: Three Dog, Knight / Dear Sir Three / We are interested in conforming your defense of the "Nilsson Theory." As you know, this states that One and Two are, respectively, the loneliest and second loneliest numbers. We would be very interested in an in-depth discussion of your theoretical methodology and any experimental data you have generated. Please contact us at your earliest convenience. / Sincerely,
/ Mark Quomby
/ Axiom Destruction Laboratories
/ Theoretical Mathematics Division / {{Don't worry. I'm not going to get into a big discussion about natural numbers, integers, rational numbers and real numbers...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-05-22 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Man in gaudy hat.]] / Man: I win! I win at hats! / {{You try telling him that "hats" isn't a game. }} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-05-29 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Large purple jar labeled "Door"]] / Blue: So? What do you think? / Pink: Let me guess... "The door is ajar?" / Blue: I was thinking "Doorjamb." / {{Grandma Carpenter has the best recipe for home made doorjamb.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-06-05 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Two men in 1950's Army uniforms talking to a man in a breastplate and plumed helmet]] / Musketeer: The new uniforms look pretty snazzy! / Rifleman: I'm afraid I've got some bad news about that... / Dialog Box: Upgrade as many Musketeers to Riflemen as possible for 81 gold each? Treasury contains 76 gold. / {{I feel bad for obsolete units in Civ. It can't be much fun to be sitting in a city garrison with a bunch of forgotten pikemen and a phalanx or two when even the barbarian hordes are using gunpowder weapons.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-06-12 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Arty portrait of Chewbacca]] / Pink: Y'know, compared to the Star Trek franchise, there's not a lot of technobabble in Star Wars. / Blue: You're right. They don't have a Scotty or Geordie. The only person you see crawling around with an arc welder fixing the ship is Chewbacca. / Pink: So there might be technobabble, but it's all "GROONK SQURARGH WRRRGL!" / {{The other major candidate for providing Star Wars technobabble is R2-D2. So you've got your choice of "gwargl warghle wrrrowl" or "bleep whoop blip boop beep."}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-06-19 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Black motorcycle boots]] / If it turns out
/ that the "Hokey Pokey"
/ really is what it's all about
/ then I will be very put out. / And then put back in. / {{Personally, I'd be kind of shaken.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-06-26 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Product label]] / EVIL co. / C.C.B. 1000 / Concentrated Crying Baby / Try Our Other Products:
/ Noisy Neighbor
/ Party Upstairs
/ Construction Zone
/ and
/ Persistent Car Alarm / Order Code A P41N / For use in Hotels, Theatres, Planes, Restaurants, Buses & Trains / {{Industrial strength crying baby is available from most janitorial supply stores.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-07-03 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Chuck Norris dressed as a nun]] / The world's deadliest martial arts weapon: / The Nunchuck / {{This would really boost the ratings for the pay per view nun fights}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-07-10 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Man in a Mexican wrestler mask sitting at a table full of food]] / When a competitive eater uses a stage name... / does that become their "nom de nom nom?" / {{Competitive eating is a full of people with nicknames like "Deep Dish" and "Chowhound".}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-07-17 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Green spiky plant with tiny human hand sticking out of it]] / The cycle of nature is a beautiful and deeply spiritual thing. / Now stop screaming and hold still. / {{This is the "Circle of Life" that you don't see in the Disney movies.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-07-24 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Schematic of a race car with sponsor decals. Car is number 200]] / Pink: Doing anything fun for the 200th comic? / Blue: Yes! I'm taking up car racing. / Pink: Really. / Blue: Even the zombies signed on as sponsors. And you'll never guess who my biggest sponsor is! / Pink: The Council of Bad Ideas. / Blue: How'd you guess? / Pink: ... / Blue: Oh. / {{I think Axiom Destruction Labs sponsored me to test the phrase "The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong."}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-07-31 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Garden plot with tag for "Irish Moss" but no plant growing near tag.]] / Pink: That's strange. One of my plants is missing. / Blue: We should call a detective. / Pink: A moss detective? / Blue: Yeah, Sphagnum P.I. / {{HGTV shows reruns of Sphagnum P.I. just after their other crime show: Lawn Order.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-08-07 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Movie poster for "Breakfast Fight Club"]] / Mischief. Detention. Soap. / {{It's been a while since I did a mixed movie comic.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-08-14 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[P. T. Barnum writing on a chalkboard.]] / A = All people
/ f1 = Fooled Sometimes
/ f2 = Fooled Always / A = f1 > f2 / While studying set theory, the great mathematician P. T. Barnum developed his famous "Three Ring" Venn diagram. / {{In this rare photo, Prof. Barnum is partially obscuring a graph of a "credulity curve" showing the change in the number of people fooled over time. The area below this curve is known as the "Rube Gap".}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-08-21 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Five men in early Edwardian clothing. Three of them are smiling.]] / Man: Let the record show that the club has voted - narrowly - in favor of expressing jocularity. / All: Ha ha. / {{Eventually they'll amend the club bylaws to allow more spontaneous outbursts of hilarity.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-08-28 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[University of Michigan diag.]] / < http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-09-04 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Oddly dressed old man sitting on a bench]] / Bob (thinking): That's a fetching ensemble. Modern, but with a touch of retro-chic. Her eyeglasses and purse are the perfect accessories for that look. / Bob (aloud): Hey lady! That's a purty dress you gots on! / Bob (thinking): Oh, WELL done. That didn't sound creepy at ALL. / Text: Bob's career as a freelance fashion consultant was hampered by his inability to put his thoughts into words. / {{Eventually, Bob would find his calling doing stakeouts and working undercover for the fashion police.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-09-11 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Tonsured monk wearing a button on his robe. Button reads, "Ask me about my vow of silence"]] / {{...}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-09-18 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Computerized map with blotches and dots]] / Pink: What's with the funky map? / Blue: It's for the "Coffee Seeking Robot" project. I've based the search mechanism on cold-war era fallout templates. / Pink: So the red zones are where you can buy coffee? / Blue: Yep! And the yellow zones are "Coffee Fallout" areas / Pink: What are the little skulls and crossbones?" / Blue: Places where they proudly serve Starbucks coffee. / {{There are two types of drivers in Coffee Fallout Areas: sleepy, non-caffeinated drivers and agressive, over-caffeinated drivers. So far, the coffee seeking robot prototypes haven't been terribly successful at avoiding cars.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-09-25 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Alpine field. A crayfish-headed Maria Von Trapp is twirling and singing]] / Pink: I had a disturbing dream about the movie "The Sound of Music." / Blue: That IS disturbing. / Pink: All of the Von Trapp Singers were Lovecraftian horrors. / Blue: I remember 'ol H.P. saying that Cthulhu had a lovely baritone. / Von Trapp (singing): The hills are aliiiiivee... With the sound of MUCUS... / {{These are a few of my favorite Things From Beyond}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-10-02 |
| Quirk's Evil Little Webcomic | [[Strange manuscript with alchemical equipment and symbols]] / Caption: Halloween is rapidly approaching. If we are to survive the undead uprising, we mus tknow our enemy - both how they can be destroyed and how they can be created. It is to further this study that I have decided to share this recently translated alchemical manuscript: / How to make a Zombie / Fill shaker with ice
/ Add equal measures of:
/ White Rum
/ Golden Rum
/ Dark Rum
/ Apricot Brandy
/ Pineapple Juice
/ Papaya Juice
/ And a dash of Grenadine / Shake with ice
/ Pour into glass / Top with 1/2 measure of
/ 151 Rum / {{As with any occult undertaking there are important safety precautions. You can skip drawing the seals and sigils, but never use cheap rum. And always have a designated lab assistant to drive your escape vehicle in case the zombie gets loose.}} http://quirkspace.com/comic/index.php?date=2009-10-09 |