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uglyhill.com/d/20050523.html Eli: Hey Snug, you remember those "Vocation Tests" we had to take in school? / Snug: Pfft...Yeah. That Guidance Counselor had it in for me from the start. / Eli: Who, Mrs. Roberts? She was HOT. / Snug: Dude, she read my score out loud in class! / [[Eli is climbing over a chainlink fence]] / Snug: She...
Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth ELI: Hey Snug, you remember those "vocation tests" we had to take in school? / SNUG: Pfft...yeah. That guidance counselor had it in for me from the start. / ELI: Who, Ms. Roberts? She was HOT. / SNUG: DUDE, She read my score out loud in class. / SNUG: She said I'd end up either deep-frying breaded cheese...
Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, May 24, 2005 Snug: Come on, let's go to my house and eat an irresponsible amount of caramel popcorn. / Eli: Can't, I gotta look for a job. / Eli: Hastings is coming home soon, and if the classified section isn't wrinkled he'll assume I was out with you all day...which I was. / Eli: Okay, hold it, this is as far as you...
Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, May 25, 2005 Eli: Hm? Oh, hi Hastings. You're, like, eight hours late. / Hastings: Hello, Eli. I had a productive day at work. I completed many mindless tasks, and brought several of them home with me for no additional pay... / Hastings: Randall Johnson challenged my authority during a dispute over toner replenishment...
Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, May 26, 2005 Hastings: Eli, did I or did I not tell you I did not want that friend of yours in the apartment?! / Eli: I'm sorry Hastings, but he came over when I was half asleep. I wasn't paying attention... / Hastings: I highly doubt that I could ever be in a deep enough slumber to let someone bathe in my kitchen...
Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, May 27, 2005 Hastings: Eli, your vile friend broke the sprayer when he was washing his filthy body in my sink. What do you intend to do about it? / Eli: You know I don't have any money Hastings. I'm out of work! Cut me some slack. / Hastings: Slack?! I have been cutting you copious amounts of slack since you moved...
 
Ugly Hill Comic; Monday, May 30, 2005 Eli: Admit it, Hastings; on the outside you're a big scary manager, but on the inside you're still mommy's little abomination! / Hastings: Lies! I am my own man! I take cues from no woman, lifegiver or otherwise! / Eli: Whatever, man. I'm gonna go use the phone. / Hastings: What? Wait...stop it. Are you...
Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, May 31, 2005 Snug: So, your brother was pretty mad, huh? / Eli: Yeah, he said if he ever catches you bathing in his kitchen again he'll scrub you and the sink out with bleach. / Eli: He also said you're a bad influence on me and... / Snug: What?! No way! If anything, you're the bad influence on me! / Eli: How do you...
Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, June 1, 2005 <> / Eli: Snrk?... Wha? Ugh, it's not even light out yet... / Eli: I swear he slams that door just to wake me up. Ooh, a note... / {{Hastings' Note}} / Dear Eli, / Please look for a job today. If I have to see one more unemployment check stub on the counter, I will rip out my own toenails and blind...
Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, June 2, 2005 Mr. Ladwig: Hastings, can I talk to you? / Hastings: Of course, sir. I will count this conversation as my coffee break. / Mr. Ladwig: We've been getting a lot of employee gripes about you "abusing" power around here. / Hastings: I do not understand. / Mr. Ladwig: Well, Arthur Stewart claims you revoked his...
Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, June 3, 2005 Peter: H-Hello? Are you Mr. Hastings Kilgore? / Hastings: Place the donuts on the desk and leave me. / Peter: Oh, n-no Mr. Kilgore, I'm not the donut cart boy, my name is Peter. I'm a new intern starting today, and Mr. Ladwig told me to report to you. / Hastings: Intern?! Ladwig knows I have no use for...
 
Ugly Hill Comic; Monday, June 6, 2005 Hastings: So, how do you like being an intern? / Peter: It's okay, I guess. I get credit in some of my classes, but I'm not really interested in going into business. / Hastings: Oh, so you hope to be an unproductive drain on society, then? / Peter: No, I want to go to art school. / Hastings: That is what...
Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, June 7, 2005 Hastings: As manager, I have posted my policies regarding several workplace issues in every cubicle. Here is your copy. / Peter: Oh, okay, thanks. / Peter: But don't you mean the company's policies? / Hastings: No I do not. I find that the company's policies do not go far enough in restricting the personal...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, June 8, 2005 Eli: Gah! Snug, it's so humid down here! / Snug: I like to think of it less as a basement and more like a sauna with circuit breakers. / Eli: Okay, time to find me a job. Did you get the newspapers? / Snug: Uh, yeah, but Mom confiscated it to line the bird cage. / Eli: Oh. Well I'll just go online then....
Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, June 9, 2005 Eli: Are you using a dirty pie plate as a throw pillow? / Snug: I like how the blueberry filling sets off the ink stains on the futon. / Eli: This place smells worse than refried French roadkill! I'm not neat freak, but I recognize stuff down here from when we were kids... / Eli: Like this retainer...and...
Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, June 10, 2005 Eli: Ugh! Doesn't your mom get upset that you keep your room like this? / Snug: Not since the day I turned eighteen. / Snug: That was the day she let me move down here to the basement so she wouldn't have to look at my face anymore. / Snug: We even put in a complex system of pneumatic tubes so we could...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, June 13, 2005 Peter: I'm all done, Mr. Kilgore. I need something else to do. / Hastings: What?! Impossible! I gave you that task only moments ago! / Peter: Sorry, but if you would trust me with something more involved than rinsing out the coffee pot, maybe I wouldn't have to bug you. / Hastings: Hmmm. Point taken. / Hastings:...
Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, June 14, 2005 Co-Worker: So, how's life as Hastings' intern? How many stitches you up to? 100? 150? / Peter: None yet. I think he's just sticking to verbal abuse until he can make sure there are no witnesses. / Co-Worker: Aw, I'm just pullin' yer leg, Pete. Hastings wouldn't hurt a fly. / Peter: Actually, I saw him hurt...
Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, June 15, 2005 Hastings: Where did you get this recipe? "Better Homes and Dung Heaps"? / Eli: Hey, come on Hastings, that's cold. At least I tried. / Hastings: No, what is cold are these peas, which appear to be frozen, while at the same time the potatoes bubble like molten rock... / Hastings: In addition the steak...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, June 16, 2005 [[Hastings & Eli, eating sandwiches]] / Hastings: I have a new intern at work, and I dislike him intensely. / Eli: Why? Did he make fun of your stumpy little arms? / Hastings: *No*, he did not do anything, I just don't like him. Unlike *you* whom I dislike due to your continued mooching. / Eli: Yeah, yeah. / [[Hastings...
Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, June 17, 2005 Eli: So what's your intern's name, or did you not bother to memorize it? / Hastings: Ah... his name is Peter Wipp, I believe. / Eli: No way! I used to babysit that kid in high school! You remember his dad, right? / Hastings: Yes, of course, single father. That might explain his son's defective personality. / Eli:...
 
Ugly Hill Comic; Monday, June 20, 2005 Eli: Hey, remember that kid I used to babysit in high school? Peter Wipp? / Snug: Oh yeah!.. / Snug: I used to come over after he fell asleep and eat all of Mr. Wipp's mini-muffins. / Eli: Well, he's my brother's new intern at work. I hope Hastings goes easy on him. / Snug: Yeah, that kid was fragile... / Snug:...
Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, June 21, 2005 Hastings: So Peter, how was your first week as my intern? / Peter: It was okay, I guess. I'm kind of tired and unsatisfied. / Hastings: Yes, yes, that means you're doing it right are you going home now? / Peter: My dad was supposed to pick me up, but he can't can you give me a ride? / Hastings: Now?!...
Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, June 22, 2005 Hastings: Peter? Peter, wake up. Do you still need a ride home? / Peter: Snrk?... Wha? What time is it? Midnight?! I asked if you could give me a ride seven hours ago! / Hastings: Yes, I got caught up in some paperwork. Your cab should be here any minute.. / Peter: Cab?! You're still not going home?! / Hastings:...
Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, June 23, 2005 Eli: Hey, Peter! What are you doing here? / Hastings: Eli! I didn't know you lived with Hastings. / Eli: Yeah, I'm his brother. Dropping off some work stuff for Hastings? / Peter: No, I need him to sign this paper for school saying he fired me. / Eli: Aw, dude he fired you already? What'd you do? / Peter:...
Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, June 24, 2005 Eli: ...so I told Peter I'd try to convince Hastings to give him his job back. / Snug: Solid. / Peter: Thanks Eli, but seriously, you don't have to go to any trouble. I mean sure, I'll miss out on school credits, but... / Eli: Awww, isn't that cute? / Snug: It's okay, buddy. You're among friends. / Eli: My...
 
Ugly Hill Comic; Monday, June 27, 2005 Eli: Come on, give Peter a second chance. As a personal favor to me. Please? / Hastings: No! That child has no respect for the sacred drudgery of my workplace! / Eli: Just give him his job back, Hastings. I'll do anything you want... / Hastings: Anything? / Eli: Anything. / [[Later...]] / Hastings: Wherever...
Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, June 28, 2005 Snug: So? Did you get Peter his job back? / Eli: Yeah, but in exchange Hastings blindfolded me and made me pick a job at random from the classifieds. / Snug: Cripes! So no matter what, you had to take that job? What'd you pick? / Eli: Well, first I picked "doctor", but Hastings said I'd have to take some...
Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, June 29, 2005 Snug: So we've established you can't be a doctor, a speech therapist, or a surrogate mother. What kind of job did you end up with? / Eli: "Fry cook". / Snug: HA! HA! HA! / Eli: You do a lot of laughing for a guy whose mommy won't let him leave the house without his "emergency wig maintenance" beeper. / [[Awkward...
Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, June 30, 2005 Snug: Ha ha, hee he.. Oh man. That's funny.. / Eli: If you're quite through laughing like a buffoon, I'll have you know there's nothing funny about taking a job at a fast food joint. / Eli: It's honest work, and I'll finally be helping my brother pay the bills. / Eli: And I'll probably get a nametag......
Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, July 1, 2005 Peter: Hey, thanks for helping me get my job back, guys. / Eli: No problem! And now we can hang out all the time! / Peter: Wow! Wait until I tell my dad I'm friends with two college graduates! / Eli and Snug: Uhhh... / Peter: Well, high school graduates. Whatever. / Eli: Errr..... / [[Snug Whistles ...
 

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