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| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, November 20, 2006 | [[Eli holds a clove of garlic. Hastings wears an apron and holds a sauce pot.]]
/ Eli Kilgore: Hey, would it be okay if I brought Sheila to Mom's for Thanksgiving this year?
/ Hastings Kilgore: She'll be awfully disappointed when I throw her to the ground before she can enter the house. / Eli: Look, I... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061120.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, November 21, 2006 | Eli Kilgore: I'm gonna bring Mom some extra chairs for dinner tomorrow.
/ Hastings Kilgore: Better call first. She hates when you just drop by. / Eli: But you do it all the time.
/ Hastings: She hates when you do it. / [[Eli picks up phone receiver.]]
/ Eli: Fine. / Eli: She's not home. Where would she... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061121.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, November 22, 2006 | Eli Kilgore: Are you sure? How many times did you let it ring?
/ Hastings Kilgore: Seven hundred and fifty nine. Something is wrong. / Eli: Maybe she just went out for cigarettes or something.
/ Hastings: I take Mother to buy her cigarettes on Tuesdays and Fridays, and if she ran out, she would call me. / Eli:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061122.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, November 23, 2006 | [[Outside Mother Kilgore's house]]
/ Eli Kilgore: She doesn't answer. Just use your spare key.
/ Hastings Kilgore: I am only allowed to use it for emergencies. / Eli: What do you call this?
/ Hastings: Perhaps if there were a spreading pool of blood seeping under the door... / Hastings: Look, this happened... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061123.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, November 24, 2006 | [[Inside Mother Kilgore's House]]
/ Eli Kilgore: Mom? Are you home? We tried calling first, but you didn't answer!
/ Hastings Kilgore: Is it safe? / Eli: Well, she's not nude, but she's not here, either. So I guess she could be nude, wherever she is...
/ Hastings: Stop saying "nude"!
/ Hastings: Gasp! Mother! / [[Hastings... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061124.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, November 27, 2006 | [[Exterior, Saint Doug's Hospital.]]
/ MOTHER KILGORE: Where's your brother? He said he'd get me some iced tea.
/ ELI: He's having a shoving match with a candy striper. / [[MOTHER lies in a hospital bed.]]
/ MOTHER: His own mother breaks her leg and he can't even do a SIMPLE THING!
/ ELI: Right. So,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061127.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, November 28, 2006 | MOTHER: Why would you grown that UGLY HAIR all over the beautiful face I gave you?
/ ELI: I'm NOT having this conversation, Mom. / MOTHER: It just seems UNGRATEFUL, is all. Here I am, incapacitated, Thanksgiving is cancelled, and...AND...
/ ELI: Tell me you're crying about Thanksgiving and not about... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061128.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, November 29, 2006 | ELI: Hey, uh, are you going to see Mom in the hospital again this morning?
/ HASTINGS: Of course. It's Thanksgiving. / ELI: Yeah, yeah, sure. Listen, I think I might go ahead and see Dad first, okay? / HASTINGS: You're going to visit your no-good, slovenly, freeloading, jailbird father before you... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061129.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, November 30, 2006 | Eli Kilgore: Hey, Dad. Happy Thanksgiving!
/ Karl Kilgore: Eli! I'm so glad you came! How's everybody doing? / Eli: Well, Hastings asked me to spit on you, and I've got some bad news about Mom.
/ Karl: Oh? Nothing serious, I hope? / Eli: No, no! She just fell down the stairs and broke her leg.
/ Karl:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061130.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, December 1, 2006 | HASTINGS: Here's your iced tea, Mother. I'm going home to nail down the carpet you tripped over.
/ MOTHER: I didn't trip. I was pushed. / HASTINGS: WHAT?! BUT YOU LIVE ALONE!
/ MOTHER: They pushed me and ran out the back door. It was dark, I didn't see them. / MOTHER: They didn't even STEAL anything.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061201.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, December 4, 2006 | SHEILA: OH! Hi, Hastings. It's me, Sheila. How's your mother doing?
/ HASTINGS: She's, uh, FINE. What do you want? / SHEILA: Is Eli here? I'm volunteering at the hospital tonight, and I thought he'd want to take this opportunity to introduce me to his mom.
/ HASTINGS: I SEE. / HASTINGS: Well,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061204.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, December 5, 2006 | ELI: Dad, I can't believe you did this! You can't even pay your phone bill! How did you arrange a HIT from PRISON?!
/ KARL: SHH! Keep your voice down! / KARL: My cell mate, Vito Caramel, just made parole. I paid him to do it when he got out.
/ ELI: But...but WHY?! I know you and Mom had a bad... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061205.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, December 6, 2006 | SHEILA: Mrs. Kilgore! Hi, my name's Sheila. I'm your son's girlfriend.
/ MOTHER: Oh dear God! Another potential wife! WHERE'S MY WIFE-SWATTER?! / SHEILA: No no, not the one who's been married seven times! Your OTHER son! Eli!
/ MOTHER: Eli? A GIRLFRIEND?! Well, that's WONDERFUL! / [[MOTHER... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061206.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, December 7, 2006 | MOTHER: So, you and my son are dating? I'll bet he listens to YOU.
/ SHEILA: Well, he DOES cater to my every whim. / MOTHER: I'll bet. Maybe you can get him to shave off that hideous beard!
/ SHEILA: Oh, NEVER! That's how we met! I told him if he ever shaved it off, I'd break up with him. / MOTHER... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061207.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, December 8, 2006 | KARL: Look at me, Eli. Look at my life. It's ruined, and it's all her fault.
/ ELI: So you didn't try to kill Mom to save money on alimony? / KARL: Pfft, NO! Although it was an attractive side effect, I'll admit. Look at this picture.
/ ELI: It's you and Mom, when Hastings was born. / [[KARL... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061208.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, December 11, 2006 | ELI: I know what's different about this picture. You didn't have your mustache yet.
/ KARL: I HAD it since I was 16, but Mom made me SHAVE when we got married. / ELI: Sounds familiar. All she could talk about last night was me getting rid of my beard. She wouldn't let it go. / [[ELI's eyes go wide... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061211.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, December 12, 2006 | ELI: You have to find him! I think my Dad is going to KILL MY MOM!
/ GUARD: Kilgore? A MURDERER? That guy wouldn't hurt a fly. / ELI: I know, but he's not HIMSELF! For the first time in his life, he's motivated to complete a goal. / ELI: Honestly? I'm almost proud of him.
/ GUARD: Maybe he DOES... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061212.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, December 13, 2006 | HASTINGS: Mother! I DID IT! I found the SALTY CUR who pushed you down the stairs!
/ MOTHER: I KNEW you'd come through for Mommy! Send him in! / [[Red-eyed HASTINGS shoves in a bound, blindfolded, roughed-up ELLIOTT.]]
/ HASTINGS: ELLIOTT KRAUTHAMMER! First he steals my recordable CDs, then he tries... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061213.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, December 14, 2006 | MOTHER: Karl? YOU tried to kill me? Also, you got fat.
/ KARL: SHUT UP! Shut up, you devil-shrew! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! / KARL: The moment you forced me to shave my mustache was the moment my life SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL!
/ MOTHER: If your self-image depends on a dusting of FACIAL HAIR, maybe you have... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061214.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, December 15, 2006 | ELI: You can blame Mom all you want for your life, Dad, but it's pretty clear to me that, by never asserting yourself, you ALLOWED her to control you. / ELI: It's childish to blame 25 years of poor decisions on a shaved mustache, especially since you grew it back 23 years ago and nothing changed.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061215.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, December 18, 2006 | Eli: So what do you want for Christmas, Pete?
/ Peter: It doesn't matter. I'll never get it. / Peter: The stores have been sold out of the "Gel Cat" DVDs for months.
/ Eli: That old cartoon about the shape-shifting house cat? Snug loves that show. / Peter: Where has Snug been, anyway? Did you two have... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061218.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, December 19, 2006 | BIG-NOSED STORE GUY: I think we might have one copy of that "Gel Cat" DVD in the back. I'll check.
/ ELI: Really? That's great! Thanks! / [[HASTINGS enters.]]
/ HASTINGS: Eli? What are you doing here?
/ ELI: Trying to get Snug a good Christmas present. You? / HASTINGS: *SIGH*...Ladwig says I must... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061219.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, December 20, 2006 | HASTINGS: I need that DVD for my JOB, Eli. This is the last store on my list, and I intend to inquire within. STEP ASIDE.
/ ELI: Who do you work with that would want a cartoon DVD anyway? / HASTINGS: I drew Peter's name in the Secret Santa, and I overheard him talking about that CHILDISH PAP earlier... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061220.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, December 21, 2006 | ELI: Listen man, let me level with you; "Gel Cat" is totally lame.
/ HASTINGS: But Peter said it was the best show about a shape shifting house cat ever produced. / ELI: Dude. What do you think I do all day while you're at work?
/ HASTINGS: Screw with my color-coded rubber bands? / ELI: I also watch... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061221.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, December 22, 2006 | HASTINGS: Peter might enjoy this eco-friendly cartoon after all. He is always chiding me for throwing my soda cans at dogs.
/ ELI: Oh, uh...yeah. OOPS! / HASTINGS: Hold on, you dropped your copy of..."GEL CAT!?"
/ ELI (quavery voice): Look, I KNOW you needed that for Peter, but I need to give it to... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061222.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, December 25, 2006 | BIG-NOSED STORE GUY: Whoa, HEY! No fighting on the sales floor! Stay there, I'll be right back!
/ ELI (to HASTINGS): YOU HIT ME! / [[HASTINGS, red-eyed again, waves the "Gel Cat" DVD.]]
/ HASTINGS: Look, if I can prove that I can interact socially with my co-workers, my boss says I might be in line... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061225.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, December 26, 2006 | ELI: This store has a WRESTLING RING in the back room? What's going on?
/ BIG-NOSED STORE GUY: You nerds both want this DVD, right? / [[A Christmas wreath hangs on the fence near the ring.]]
/ {{How festive!}}
/ B-N STORE GUY: Every Christmas, whenever an argument breaks out over an item, we bring... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061226.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, December 27, 2006 | PETER: Come on, man. I brought you to the store to cheer you up. Look, overpriced video game systems!
/ SNUG: I don't WANNA cheer up. I hate THINGS. Things are STUPID. / PETER: You can't just sit around eating sour cream all day just because Eli betrayed you. He feels really bad about it.
/ SNUG:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061227.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, December 28, 2006 | GREEN STORE GUY: PSST! Hey, you guys wanna see a fight? Tickets only ten bucks.
/ SNUG: Fight, huh? Is it to the death? / GREEN STORE GUY: Brother against brother, man. ANYTHING could happen.
/ SNUG: DUDE! Wasn't that the official tag line of the Civil War? I'm there! / SNUG: Maybe a good fatality... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061228.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, December 29, 2006 | [[YELLOW STORE GUY has a microphone. Behind him is a Christmas wreath decorated with a big ribbon and a skull with X's for eyes.]]
/ YELLOW STORE GUY: Gather 'round, violence-lovers! If you came to see blind consumerism and dislodged molars, you will not be disappointed! / [[ELI wears a red do-rag,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20061229.html |
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