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| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, June 5, 2006 | [[Peter and Eli are at a therapist's office, panicking]]
/ Peter: Did Mr. Kilgore just JUMP out the WINDOW?!
/ Eli: He must have finally realized we were taking him to see a therapist. / [[Peter and Eli approach a broken window. Eli looks out]]
/ Peter: Well...we're on the 13th floor! Did he...
/ Eli: No,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060605.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, June 6, 2006 | [[Eli and Peter are at a therapist's office. Hastings has recently escaped from it by jumping out the window and onto the ledge.]]
/ Eli: I saw Hastings round the corner of the building on the ledge, so we should be able to intercept him through one of these offices.
/ Peter: What about this one? / [[Peter... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060606.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, June 7, 2006 | [[Eli and Hope Kilgore are talking at the therapist office she works in]]
/ Hope Kilgore: Eli, I was married to your brother for two years. You have to know me. You got drunk at our wedding and sang "Let's Get It On" to my mother.
/ Eli: Um, que? / Hope Kilgore: Which is also how I know you speak English.
/ Eli:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060607.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, June 8, 2006 | [[Eli and Hope Kilgore are speaking in the therapist office she works in]]
/ Hope Kilgore: Don't worry, Hastings did this exact thing when I tried to get him to go to marriage counseling.
/ Eli: He jumped out a 13th story window? / Hope Kilgore: 23rd, actually. And he stayed out there for a week. Don't... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060608.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, June 9, 2006 | [[Two firemen are talking outside the therapist office that Eli and Peter brought Hastings to. One is one-eyed, and the other is apparently human]]
/ Human: So, we got a jumper up there or what?
/ One-eyed monster: Naah, false alarm. They sent the guy's ex-wife out there to talk him down. / Human: EX-wife,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060609.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, June 12, 2006 | [[Eli and Hope Kilgore are at a hospital, speaking to a yellow Doctor monster]]
/ Doctor: Mr. Kilgore broke almost every bone in his body when he hit that car, but we think he'll pull through.
/ Hope Kilgore: Oh Eli, I feel TERRIBLE! I'm the reason he fell off that ledge! I STARTLED him! I don't know what... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060612.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | [[Hope Kilgore is speaking to Hastings, who is wrapped head to toe in bandages and in traction. He is still wearing his eyepatch.]]
/ Hope Kilgore: You know, I hoped maybe you had matured over the years, but I think you're worse than ever.
/ Hastings: Wrong, Hope. The WORLD is worse than ever. / Hope... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060613.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, June 14, 2006 | [[Eli is speaking to Hastings, who is wrapped in bandages from head to toe and in traction]]
/ Eli: You should be nicer to your ex-wife. She's only trying to help.
/ Hastings: She's a liar, Eli. You KNOW that. / Eli: She only hid her parents' mixed marriage from you for so long because she KNEW you would... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060614.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, June 15, 2006 | [[Hastings, in a full body cast and traction, as well as an eyepatch, is speaking to a doctor with bat wings]]
/ Doctor: Well, I don't have to tell you it will be quite some time before you're up and around again.
/ Hastings: GRUNT. / Doctor: But the good news is, even in the face of all this undue stress,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060615.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, June 16, 2006 | [[Hastings is walking past Mr. Ladwig on two crutches, in a full body cast]]
/ Mr. Ladwig: What are you doing here?!
/ Hastings: The doctor took my eyepatch off early, so I'm reporting for work. / Mr. Ladwig: Hastings, you fell 13 stories onto a PARKED CAR. I saw it on the news.
/ Hastings: True, but I'm... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060616.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, June 19, 2006 | [[the silhouette of Eli standing amung other silhouetted objects is seen against a grey sky with smoke rising]] / [[upclose, we see Eli all scraped up looking bewildered, with pieces of broken wall sections, various damaged office equipment and co-workers, a broken pipe spraying water into the air,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060619.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, June 20, 2006 | Car Salesman: How's your first week goin', new fish? Sell any cards yet?
/ Eli: No, and i'm starting to get nervous. I don't want to get in trouble already. / Car Salesman: Mr. Cthulhu is pretty cool with the new guys. Just do your best, that's all he asks.
/ Eli: Really? But, I heard him yelling on my... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060620.html |
| Busy Selling Cars! | Salesman: Hey, heads up new guy, Mr. Cthulhu's coming in to shoot a new commercial today, so look busy, okay?
/ Eli: What? Oh, okay. Um, Wait! How does a car salesman look busy?! / Salesman: Oh, well, you know, just hover around the customers, make them uncomfortable. Jingle your keys around to get their... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060621.html |
| Cthulhu Marketing Slogans | Mr. Cthulhu: Hey Chief, havin' a rough first week?
/ Eli: yeah, I totally thought that guy was gonna buy a car until he hit me. / Eli: Oh my god, Mr. Cthulhu! It's an honor to meet you sir, I've seen all your commercials, and I know all your catch phrases!
/ Mr. Cthulhu: Is that right? Which one is your... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060622.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, June 23, 2006 | Mr. Cthulhu: Most dealerships would fire a new salesman who hasn't made a single sale in his first week.
/ Eli: Yes, I know sir... / Mr. Cthulhu: But you're part of the Cthulhu family now, son, and around here we take care of family. / Mr. Cthulhu: I'm taking you on as a personal project, son. This... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060623.html |
| Customer Need | Mr. Cthulhu: The first thing any good car salesman must learn is how to gauge consumer need. How would you do that?
/ Eli: If he's in the store, doesn't that mean he needs a car? / Mr. Cthulhu: Absolutly not! 9 times out of 10, that guy is just coming in the get out of the rain, cough on the donuts,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060626.html |
| Supply and Demand | Customer [[From off Panel]]: Excuse me? I'd like to buy this car, please?
/ Mr. Cthulhu: Next lesson: Supply and demand. Take notes. / Mr. Cthulhu: I'm sorry, but that car is not for sale.
/ Customer: But... I want it even more now. / Mr. Cthulhu [[From off panel]]: I understand that, sir, and I sympathize.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060627.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, June 28, 2006 | Eli: Hastings, I want to quit this job! Say I can quit! Please?!
/ Hastings [[thru telephone]]: This is the longest you've ever kept a job. I was almost not ashamed of you. / Eli [[thru telephone]]: Really? But... my boss seems to have no interest in respecting basic laws, morality, or organic life of... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060628.html |
| Job Potential | Eli: Hastings, I'm sorry, but I have to quit this job. I'll get another one, I promise, but I...
/ Hastings [[thru telephone]]: Listen to me, you idiot. / Hastings: You're finally on the right track. Your future holds potential now, not just 50 more years of playing video games in my spare bedroom until... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060629.html |
| The Final Lesson in Car Sales | Eli: Wait, you... you want me to what?
/ Mr. Cthulhu: Your final lesson in selling cars is how to deal with the competition. / Mr. Cthulhu: Next door is a car dealership called "Hastur used cars". I want you to take the bomb, plant it somewhere inconspicuous, and demolish the building. / Eli: But...... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060630.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, July 3, 2006 | HASTUR: Excuse me. What are you doing in my showroom?
/ ELI: GAH! WHAT BOMB? I don't even know that word! / HASTUR: Did my half-brother put you up to this? That nut is always sending his minions to destroy me.
/ ELI: Joe Cthulhu is your BROTHER? / HASTUR: HALF-brother, chief. We've had a friendly... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060703.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, July 4, 2006 | HASTUR: Why don't you run along and tell my brother I've thwarted his little PLAN?
/ ELI: I can't do THAT! He'll fire me! / ELI: Everyone who works for Mr. Cthulhu says he's such a great guy, but I don't see it.
/ HASTUR: It takes about a month for the brainwashing drugs in the drinking fountain to... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060704.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, July 5, 2006 | CTHULHU: I tell you to explode something, and yet I hear no explosion. Do you need instructions?
/ ELI: I talked to your half-brother. I know everything. / CTHULHU: Oh really? Well, that's fine. I think you'll find my sales-minions have the place surrounded. There is no escape. / [[ELI smiles... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060705.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, July 6, 2006 | [[Smoke rises from the ruins of Cthulhu Motors.]]
/ VOICE (offpanel): YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! / [[Salesmen stand over CTHULHU.]]
/ SALESMAN 1: Is...is he dead?
/ SALESMAN 2: No, not dead. For now, he sleeps, but we will not rest until the great and terrible Cthulhu WAKES FROM HIS SLUMBER! / SALESMAN... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060706.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, July 7, 2006 | [[HASTUR is standing amid the ruins of Cthulhu Motors.]]
/ ELI: YOU?! Get away from me! Thanks to you and your half-brother's stupid feud I'm jobless again!
/ HASTUR: So what? You don't seem like the WORKIN' TYPE. / ELI: I'm not, but my brother is. He was really proud of me for once. I don't know... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060707.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, July 10, 2006 | Mr. Ladwig; GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT, HASTINGS. HERE, SIGN THE CARD.
/ HASTINGS; WHO DIED? / Mr. Ladwig; OH, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW. THIS IS PETER'S LAST DAY UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN, AND WE DECIDED TO HAVE A LITTLE CAKE FOR HIM. / HASTINGS; OH. / Mr. Ladwig; UH, HERE. MABYE YOU SHOULD OPEN IT OVER THE... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060710.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, July 11, 2006 | Peter: Woo! I'm Free for two whole months! I don;t think I've been this happy since I was six and I figured out how to switch the heads on my action figures!
/ Snug: I heard you're painting a mural this summer for some charity case. / Peter: Yeah, It'll give me a chance to practice my landscapes, plus... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060711.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, July 12, 2006 | Maggie Globule: Oh, hello! You must be Peter. Please come in.
/ Peter Wipp: Hello! Are you Mrs. Globule? / Mrs. Globule: Yes, my brother hired you to paint his mural. I was very impressed with your portfolio, young man. / Peter: Thanks. I wasn't sure what kind of landscape Mr. Globule would prefer,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060712.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, July 13, 2006 | PETER: Mr. Globule wants me to paint a mural of FOOD?!
/ MRS. GLOBULE: He'd like you to make the honey-baked ham the central focus of the piece, if possible. / PETER: I don't get it. Is he a CHEF or something? The ad said he was "severely disabled."
/ MRS. GLOBULE: Don't you watch the news? / PETER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060713.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, July 14, 2006 | [[SHAMUS GLOBULE lies on his stomach on a bare mattress. Flies buzz around his massive bulk. Food wrappers lie nearby.]]
/ MRS. GLOBULE: Peter, meet Shamus. Shamus, this is the boy who's going to paint your mural.
/ PETER: H-hi.
/ SHAMUS: HIM?! I've pulled bigger pieces of butterscotch omelette out... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060714.html |
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